| How to Stop Holding Grudges Posted: 23 Jul 2018 05:00 PM PDT Once you let go of a grudge, you will feel a weight lifted off your shoulders. Your mind will no longer be clouded by resentment, anger, or sadness. To stop holding onto a grudge, come to terms with the situation, reach a state of forgiveness, and move on. Take a deep breath, and let go of the past! EditComing to Terms with the Situation - Practice empathy. See the situation from the offender's perspective. Why would they behave that way? Maybe they had a really tough day at work. Maybe you would have reacted in a similar way if you were in their shoes. You can practice empathy by actively listening to others, opening up to others, withholding judgment, and volunteering. [1]
- Reflect on times where you hurt others. Remember when your brother forgave you for calling him mean names? Think of when others have forgiven you, and extend similar compassion to those who you think wronged you. [2]
- Write your thoughts and feelings in a journal. Write down your account of the situation. What happened, why were you upset, and who wronged you? This will help you recognize that the distress you feel is from hurt feelings you still have. Letting everything out onto the page helps you understand your feelings. [3]
- Writing everything down will empty your mind of any baggage associated with the grudge. Getting out all of those thoughts will offer you more room to fill the space with positive thoughts and help you let go. [4]
- Share how you feel about the situation with a loved one. Talk about your grudge and the feelings associated with a trusted family member or friend. They can offer perspective to consider, like that it is time to talk to the person who upset you or that it is time to let go of a past breakup. Sharing with others will also help you understand exactly how you feel.
EditReaching a State of Forgiveness - Identify what needs healing. Get to the root of the issue. Consider if the situation was a result of miscommunication or misunderstanding. Who is at fault, and who needs to be forgiven? Figure out how to solve the issue and who to forgive by first understanding the cause to begin with.[5]
- Think about the effects the grudge has had on you.
- Do you find yourself not trusting other people?
- Do you find yourself acting irritable and angry more often?
- Are you experiencing physical issues like stomach pains or headaches?
- Have you changed your routines as a result of the offense?
- After you consider the grudge's effects on you, ask yourself who it is helping for you to be experiencing all of that.
- Does it tell the offender anything?
- Is the offender bothered by it?
- Are you expecting to "get back" at the person somehow?
- How effective is the grudge? Is it just hurting you?
- Acknowledge what took place and how you feel. Recognize your emotions and the reality of the situation. Telling the truth about your feelings to yourself will help you to acknowledge the hurt you feel. Don't deny the event, and go over the facts of what occurred. Was the situation really a big deal? If not, try to let go of it. If so, you should talk about it with the offender.
- When you evaluate the situation, step back and consider if this grudge is worth your time to pursue or to continue dwelling on. Sometimes you can let go of the grudge without discussing the situation with the offender.
- Ask yourself if holding the grudge is about you or them.
- Extend compassion to whatever caused the wound, and let it go. After you understand exactly what took place and how you feel, find commonalities as to why your offender may have acted the way they did. Once you realize that you got in a fight with your friend because she just lost her job, it will be easier to let go of your hard feelings. [6]
- Remember that forgiveness is a process. Sometimes it takes multiple conversations to come to an understanding. Even small wounds may need to be looked over and forgiven again. Be patient with yourself and try to always think positively. [7]
EditMoving on and Letting Go - Seek reconciliation with the person, if you desire. Speak to the person who offended you. Ask them to talk about what happened, and share your feelings with your offender. Tell them exactly why their words or actions upset you.
- When your offender apologizes, you can either accept it or explain that you are not over the situation yet.
- You can say something like, "Hey, Joe, remember last week when you told me the blue dress I wore was ugly? That really hurt my feelings, and I've been upset about it since."
- Confront issues as they occur to prevent this from happening again. When someone does something that upsets you, talk about it right away. If you don't talk about the issue, you will hold in anger and anxiety, and this will further fuel your grudge. You must let out your emotions in order to move on.
- Don't wait for someone else to apologize to you. That creates a sense of entitlement, and they may have no idea you are upset with them. [8]
- Accept the apology and forgive the person or situation. When forgiving, you are looking to find peace about the situation and find understanding with both parties. This does not mean that you are condoning their actions, but rather it means that you are deciding to move on by releasing the offense and the effect it has on you.
- Forgiving others also urges them to change their behavior in order to prevent future conflicts.[9]
- Don't dwell on what happened. Let go your grudge so you will feel better. Don't dwell on the situation, and resist any temptation to dwell when it surfaces.
- If it comes to mind, immediately think about something else or distract yourself with an activity like watching a movie or reading a book.[10]
- Release the toxic emotions associated with the situation. By revisiting the grudge and feelings of resentment, you are traumatizing yourself over and over each time you bring it to mind. Avoid this by letting go of the grudge out of love and respect to yourself, because you deserve to be happy.
- Remind yourself that you only have control over your response to a situation, so you can't do anything about how the other person feels. Reinforce these boundaries in your mind so that you don't feel responsible for someone else's feelings.
- To give up your grudge, you have to commit to forgiving the other person, starting with letting go of the negative emotions you attached to the situation.
- You will feel lighter and happier after getting this off your chest.[11]
- Don't put expectations on people or situations. If you have an expectation, you are setting yourself up for disappointment unless your intended outcome becomes reality. Give up expecting things from others and from your life, and instead focus on being healthy and happy.
- When you do have expectations for a situation, tell the other person what they are so that they know what they need to do to satisfy those expectations. People who fail to tell the other person what they want are setting themselves up for disappointment because the other person cannot read their mind.
- When you don't have expectations, you are less likely to get upset if someone doesn't meet them, and therefore you are less likely to hold a grudge.[12]
- Care for your emotions and do what's right for you. After you acknowledge your feelings and talk it out, you will likely feel emotionally vulnerable or exhausted. Give yourself some self-care by doing something fun or find support from a loved one. Respect yourself in the decisions you make regarding the apology by recognizing what you need.
- If you can't date someone after they cheated on you, break up with them out of respect for yourself.
- Do something nice for yourself, like a relaxing bath or a walk in your favorite park. This will show yourself some love and rid your mind of lingering feelings regarding the grudge. [13]
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| How to Help Homeless Veterans Posted: 23 Jul 2018 09:00 AM PDT Helping homeless veterans is a great way to show your appreciation for their service. You can help homeless veterans whether you are an individual or an organization. If you are an individual, donate food, clothing, or your professional services to veterans. If you are an organization, partner with the VA to hire homeless veterans or provide them with affordable housing. EditDonating to Shelters - Find a homeless shelter near you. You can find local homeless shelters by visiting the National Coalition for Homeless Veterans' website at http://www.nchv.org, or the Department of Veterans Affairs website at https://www.va.gov. Enter your zip code in the search engine. A list of shelters located near you will appear.[1]
- You can also find shelters by calling 1-800-VET-HELP.
- Donate clothing and personal care items. Donate clean and intact shirts, pants, jackets, sweaters, scarves, and suits. Personal care items like toothpaste, toothbrushes, deodorant, shampoo, soap, and feminine hygiene products are always needed at homeless shelters as well.[2]
- Only donate new and unused personal care items, underwear, T-shirts, and socks.
- Because homeless veterans are in need of personal care items and clothing the most, these are great donations.
- Donate nonperishable food items. Nonperishable food items include canned goods and pre-packaged foods with a clear expiration date printed on them. Donate canned goods like vegetables, fruits, tuna, and soup. Donate pre-packaged foods like macaroni and cheese, ramen, and other boxed foods.[3]
- Because shelters need to restock their pantries on a daily basis, food donations are a great way to support your local homeless shelter.
- Donate money if you don't have food or clothes to give. Write a check or make a cash contribution to your local homeless shelter or charity. Money donations enable shelters and charities to provide homeless veterans with clothing, food, and personal items once they run out of these items.[4]
EditVolunteering Your Services - Offer a homeless shelter your services. Homeless shelters have a variety of volunteer positions. Help handout clothing, food, and personal items. You can also help prepare meals at shelters. Call a homeless shelter in your area and ask about their volunteer opportunities.[5]
- If you have a skill, like writing or drawing, see if you can offer activities or free instruction at the shelter.
- Promote your local homeless shelter. Help coordinate and raise funds for a drive by contacting schools, business groups, and churches for contributions. You can also help promote your local homeless shelter by creating and handing out fliers for their events.[6]
- Call and ask a shelter in your local area about ways that you can help promote them in your local community.
- Volunteer at Stand Down events. To find out about Stand Down events in your area, visit the National Coalition for Homeless Veterans' website. The website contains a list of Stand Downs that are currently operating in different states in the U.S. Call the contact person for that program to find out more information about an upcoming event.[7]
- Stand Down events are 2 to 3 day events that provide homeless veterans with food, clothing, healthcare services, personal hygiene services, housing and employment referrals, and benefits counseling.
- Become a mentor for homeless veterans. Many homeless veterans need help with learning basic social, life, and job skills. Contact a local homeless shelter or charity to see what kind of mentoring programs they have available.
- Provide mental health services if you are a counselor. If you are licensed mental health professional, you can offer homeless veterans your services. Volunteer at a local VA hospital or medical center. Visit the website of the National Coalition for Homeless Veterans to find VA medical centers and hospitals near you.
- Offer legal services if you are a lawyer. Many homeless veterans need help applying for benefits, housing programs, and other programs they qualify for. Volunteer your legal services for free or at a low cost at a local homeless shelter or charity in your area.[8]
EditPartnering with the VA - Hire a veteran if you are an employer. In order to transition out of homelessness, veterans need jobs. If you are an employer, you can provide homeless veterans with job training. You can also work with the VA's Community Employment Coordinators (CEC) to enlist, interview, and hire veterans for entry and mid-level jobs.[9]
- Provide affordable housing if you are a landlord. As a landlord, you can develop or set aside a percentage of housing units for low-income veterans. You can also partner with the VA by agreeing to accept Housing and Urban Development-Veterans Affairs Supportive Housing (HUD-VASH) vouchers as payment for rent.[10]
- Depending on your city or state, you may be able to receive tax benefits for providing homeless veterans with affordable housing.
- Conduct a company drive if you manage an organization. Contact a local homeless veterans shelter or charity. Let them know that your company would like to organize a drive to collect household goods, clothing, and food for homeless veterans. The shelter or charity will be able to provide you with resources such as contacts and promotional materials to facilitate the drive.[11]
- As an organization, hosting drives for homeless veterans is a great way to get positive media coverage as a socially responsible company.
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| How to Save Spaghetti Squash Seeds Posted: 23 Jul 2018 01:00 AM PDT Spaghetti squash is a popular variety of squash that, when cooked, naturally peels into pasta-like strands. Though the fruit is seasonal and can only develop during the colder months of the year, you can harvest and store the seeds to help them beat the heat. EditHarvesting the Seeds - Get a ripe spaghetti squash. For the best seeds possible, pick a spaghetti squash that is firm and fairly heavy. When fully ripe, the squash should have a rich, yellow color; if it's green, it's not ready. If possible, avoid harvesting seeds from squash that are cracked or soft, since they may have been exposed to bacteria.[1]
- Cut open the squash. Open up the squash using a sharp, clean kitchen knife. Then, separate your squash into 2 halves, revealing a soft, stringy interior.[2]
- Remove the seeds. With a spoon, scoop out every bit of the stringy substance from inside the squash, then set it aside for later use. The stringy substance is made up of the fruit's seeds and the pulp connecting them together. When you're finished, the inside of the spaghetti squash should look completely smooth and uniform.[3]
- If you plan on cooking your squash, make sure to harvest the seeds before doing so.
EditCleaning Your Seeds - Place your seeds in a bucket of water. Grab a bucket and fill it with a large amount of cool water. Set it in an area where it will not be disturbed, then drop your seed and pulp mixture inside. This will give your seeds a chance to both get clean and germinate.[4]
- Let everything ferment until the mixture separates. In addition to simply cleaning everything up, the water will help you determine which seeds are worth keeping. Good seeds, ones that are still alive and rich with nutrients, will sink to the bottom of the water. Dead seeds, along with pulp, will rise to the top. Let the seeds sit until they are fully separated, which normally takes about 1 day.[5]
- Discard the seeds and pulp on the surface of the water. Once they've had enough time to sit, carefully pour out the water so that the dead seeds and pulp escape while the healthy seeds remain in the bottom of the bucket.[6]
- Rinse the good seeds off with cool water. To make sure the healthy seeds are as clean as possible, fill the bucket up with new, fresh water. Let the seeds soak for a few seconds, then pour the water out. Repeat this 3 or 4 times. Rinsing the seeds thoroughly will remove dirt and grime, preventing them from sticking to the drying sheet.[7]
EditDrying the Seeds - Place your seeds on a drying sheet. Once you've rinsed off your seeds, move them to a glass tray, a ceramic plate, or a sheet of flat newspaper. Spread the seeds out so that they each have ample room and are not touching the other seeds.[8]
- Let your seeds sit in a dark place until they are completely dry. Put your seed tray in a dark area, like a basement or closet, and let them sit until fully dry. If you do not have access to a dark area large enough for your seeds, cover them with multiple sheets of newspaper. Your seeds should be completely dry after 2 or 3 days.[9]
- Check on your seeds twice a day. While checking your seeds, look out for any that may be rotting or decaying and remove them from the tray. Make sure to clean off any pooling water and, if necessary, remove wet and soiled newspaper.
- Remove excess pulp if necessary. Once your seeds are completely dry, you may find that there is still a small amount of pulp left on them. To get rid of it, simply peel they excess pulp off the seeds and dispose of it.
EditStoring Them Safely - Wrap your seeds in paper. To keep your seeds contained, place them inside a small paper envelope or wrap them in a dry paper towel. This is especially important if you plan to store different types of seeds in the same container. After placing your seeds inside, examine the paper to see if any moisture appeared. If some did, give the seeds another day to dry, that way you don't encourage mold or mildew growth.[10]
- Seal your seeds inside a jar. Get a solid glass container, like a mason jar, and wash it with antibacterial soap. Rinse out all the soap and dry the jar. Once the jar is completely dry, place your paper packet of seeds inside. Cover the container with a lid and make sure to close it tight, thereby keeping as much bacteria out as possible.[11]
- Label the jar. To avoid mixing the seeds up with other strains, and so you remember when the seeds were cultivated, label the jar in clear, legible handwriting. Include the seed type, when you harvested the seeds, and when you plan to place the seeds in storage.[12]
- Move your seeds to a refrigerator until you're ready to plant them. To keep your seeds happy and healthy, store them in a refrigerator or similarly cool place. Seeds need consistent temperatures, so choose a spot where you won't need to move them often.[13]
- Do not store your seeds for more than 6 years. While in storage, spaghetti squash seeds can last anywhere from 3 to 6 years, though they are best when used as soon as possible.[14]
- To test if your squash seeds are still good, check for rot or mildew. If you don't see anything, place the seeds in water; if they float, they've gone bad!
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