| How to Know when to End a Relationship Posted: 17 Jul 2018 05:00 PM PDT Being in a healthy relationship is fun, exciting, intimate, and comfortable. However, if these characteristics have faded from your relationship, it may need to be brought to an end. It's important to recognize the signs of a failing or failed relationship. Examine your interactions with your partner for signs of affection and trust. If you come up short, it may be time to end the relationship. EditRecognizing Signs of a Relationship in Decline - Ask yourself if you like the person you've become in the relationship. It's only natural for partners to experience small changes in their preferences and their personality while they're in a relationship together. However, if the majority of these changes have been negative, it may be time for the relationship to end. Ask yourself if you've experienced negative personality changes including:[1]
- Becoming more angry or unkind.
- Losing confidence or a sense of self-worth.
- Reverting back to unpleasant behaviors from an earlier time of your life.
- Weigh the sacrifices you're making in a relationship. Ideally, your relationship should not hold you back from pursuing your life goals, whether that's earning an advanced degree, working in a specific field, or living in a certain region. If you feel that your partner expects you to make sacrifices for the relationship that they're not willing to make, the relationship may not be worth keeping.[2]
- On the other hand, if you are unwilling to make sacrifices or compromises in the relationship, but expect your partner to make important sacrifices for you, it may be time to end things for your partner's sake.
- Keep in mind that compromise is a natural part of relationships. You won't always get your way in a relationship, but shouldn't be expected to make sacrifices that your partner won't reciprocate.
- Sacrifices made in a relationship don't have to be exactly reciprocated. In any given issue, one partner may need to make a sacrifice while the other does not. However, if you find yourself making one sacrifice after another while your partner makes none, take it as a sign that the relationship may not be worth keeping.
- Ask yourself if you're still in love. Feelings of superficial love (a racing heart and sweaty palms whenever you see your partner) will fade quickly. In healthy relationships, though, a deep sense of love and concern for your partner should remain. If you feel indifferent towards your partner's wellbeing or no longer feel a strong emotional connection, consider ending the relationship.[3]
- Also, think about whether or not your partner still seems to love you. Although it's a tough conversation to have, you may need to speak to your partner about their feelings for you.
- Try saying something like, "I feel like we've been emotionally distant lately. I realize this is a tough question, but I'd like to know if you still love me."
- If the relationship has been short-lived and you've never felt that you loved your partner, the conversation should go a little differently. Say something like this instead: "I know we've only been together 6 months, but do you anticipate that you're developing strong feelings for me, and may eventually fall in love? If not, I'm not sure where this relationship is heading."
EditEvaluating Your Partner's Behavior - End the relationship if your partner isn't supportive. Couples in a relationship lean on one another for emotional and moral support. If your partner isn't providing you with support and encouragement when you're going through a tough time, the relationship may not be worth maintaining. Your partner should be supportive regarding:[4]
- Your professional life and career.
- Your mental and physical health.
- Your relationships with family and friends.
- In many relationships, one partner is completely supportive while the other is reserved and unsupportive. This creates an imbalance, which both partners need to recognize as unhealthy.
- Watch to see if your partner shows you love and attention. Partners in a healthy relationship will show one another emotional and physical love. This can include verbal statements like "I love you," or "You're very special to me," as well as physical love. Signs of affection even include joking around and being silly together.[5] If you don't feel loved in your relationship, or if your partner ignores or overlooks you, it may be time to end the relationship.
- Of course, all relationships have rough patches, and the initial excitement wears off after a few months. But, in a healthy relationship, you and your partner should continue to behave affectionately towards one another.
- It's worth raising this issue in a conversation with your partner. This will give them a chance to alter their behavior and be more attentive to your needs. Let your partner know that they've seemed distant or disinterested lately, and explain that their actions have hurt you.
- Look for unpleasant behaviors that your partner didn't reveal to you at first. Relationships change over time, and you may find out that your partner has deliberately concealed an unhealthy aspect of their life from you. Consider breaking up if your partner has misled you or lied to you about areas that include:[6]
- Drug, alcohol, or gambling addiction.
- A child from a previous relationship that you didn't know about.
- A disease or illness that they concealed from you.
- A controlling or manipulative sibling or parent.
- If your partner has kept this kind of personal information from you, inquire about their reasoning. They may not have intended to be malicious but simply waited for trust to develop in the relationship before telling you about an illness or unpleasant past relationship.
- Leave your partner if they're abusive. If your partner is emotionally or physically abusive, end the relationship and leave them immediately.[7] Abusive partners will often try to convince you that their abuse is a sign of love, or that you'll never be loved by anyone else. Ignore these lies, and end your relationship with an abusive partner. Look for abusive behaviors in your relationship. These include:
- Physical abuse or threats of physical violence.
- Verbal criticism, shouting, or neglect.
- Emotional inconsistency. If your partner shifts between supportive behaviors and insulting, aggressive, or harmful behaviors, they're likely abusing you.
- Gaslighting (lying to you or convincing you that your thoughts and memories aren't reliable).
- Controlling behaviors, like not letting you see your friends or spend time away from the abusive partner.
EditThinking about the Future of the Relationship - End the relationship if you think that it will only improve in an imagined future. The relationship is in trouble if you're unhappy in the current circumstances and believe that only some hypothetical change will fix the relationship. Think back over conversations that you and your partner have had in the last few months. The relationship may be based only on hypothetical improvements if you've said things like:[8]
- "If we move in together, I think our problems will disappear."
- "Once we get married, I'm sure that we'll fight less and agree more."
- "Once we have a baby together, our relationship will be much stronger."
- This type of meritless talk about future improvements signals that a relationship is on its last legs. However, there are many instances in which you and your partner can discuss relationship problems and make substantial changes. For example, you could make the decision to attend couple's counseling together to improve communication problems in the relationship.
- Compare your and your partner's needs. As long-term relationships become more complex, people often find that they and their partner have incompatible long-term goals and needs. Individuals in a relationship need to grow and evolve together. If you and your partner have incompatible goals—that are too important to compromise on—you may need to end the relationship. Mutually exclusive needs and goals include:[9]
- Substantially different sexual appetites or desires.
- Incompatible career or family-raising expectations.
- How financial resources should be saved and spent.
- Ask yourself if you'll still find the relationship pleasant and viable in a few years. Of course, it's difficult to predict how you'll feel in the future. But, if you often feel bored with your partner, or feel like you're not growing and changing together as people, this may be a sign that the relationship is stagnant. As healthy relationships grow, initial feelings of excitement and infatuation evolve into abiding commitment and love. However, even after a few years, your relationship should still feel fun and engaging.[10]
- There's no shame in admitting that a healthy, fun relationship has run its course and is now stagnant or boring. However, the healthy step to take is to end the relationship, rather than persisting in a dead relationship.
- Ending a relationship is emotionally difficult for every party involved. If you're having trouble getting back on your feet after a relationship has ended, consider seeing a therapist or counselor. They'll help you deal with the emotional consequences of the breakup and get yourself back on your feet.[11]
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| How to Avoid Emotional Spending Posted: 17 Jul 2018 09:00 AM PDT Emotional spending is a way to deal with the highs and lows in life. You may buy things impulsively when feeling anger, disappointment, sadness, envy, insecurity, guilt, denial, fear, stress, or anticipation. This may make you feel better in the moment, but in the long run emotional spending can prevent you from paying bills or saving up for important purchases. Avoid emotional spending by acknowledging your spending triggers and the emotions that cause them. Distract yourself with other activities instead of shopping, and start a budget to keep track of your spending and savings. EditAvoiding Impulsive Purchases - Ask yourself if this purchase is necessary. Let the initial rush of excitement pass, take some time to breathe, and then reconsider your purchase. Do you need this item? If so, what purpose does it serve? If it is a needed item like toothpaste or dish soap, you can buy it knowing that this purchase is not based on emotions. If the purchase is not necessary, consider why you want it. Do you want that new shirt because you're mad about how your day at work went? If so, hold off on the purchase.
- Also ask yourself if this something you can afford today. If not, start saving for it.
- Use the "24-Hour Rule" for larger purchases. Think about your purchase for 24 hours before buying it. It is common to forget about the item all together after you think about it for awhile. If you still want the item the next day, buy it knowing that you thought it through.[1]
- Leave your credit card at home. It is easy to distance yourself from your money when you pay with a card, and your purchases can stack up quickly. Leave your card at home to reduce the temptation to make emotional purchases. Use cash instead of swiping your card. Seeing and holding the physical money in your hands will help you be more conscious of what you spend it on. With a limited amount of money, you are less likely to go on a shopping spree.[2]
- To make things easier, cancel your credit card(s) and commit to not using credit at all. This way, you won't be able to spend any money that you don't have readily available in cash form.
- Delete your credit card information from shopping websites. It is easy to pull the trigger impulsively on a purchase when you don't have to type in any information. By not saving your credit card information on your favorite websites, you give yourself a few more moments to consider how necessary the purchase is before you press "order." [3]
- Consider trying to stop making purchases online altogether. This forces you to travel to a store, making each purchase a little more time-consuming and difficult.
- Check in with an accountability friend before making each purchase. Ask a frugal close friend or family member if they'd be willing to help you decide when you should and shouldn't make a purchase. Call them every time you're about to buy something and let them decide if it's a reasonable purchase or not.
- Take stock of your belongings. Before you run off to check out the latest sale, take a look in your closet and see what you already have. You may find that you wanted a new black dress, when in reality you already have three black dresses with tags still on them. This will help you differentiate between purchases you need or just want in the moment.
- Consider donating unnecessary belongings to your local thrift store.
- Commit to giving away or selling a piece of your clothing each time you buy a new one. This may make the shopping experience feel more consequential and difficult.
- Commit to price shopping to avoid impulsive, emotional purchases. Make comparison shopping into a game so that when you find something that may be an emotional expenditure, you won't buy it right away. For each item you want to buy, do some research to try to find something similar for a cheaper price before you decide to buy it. This should help you to look at the purchase more logically.
EditBudgeting Your Income - Track your emotional spending totals. Save all of your receipts and write down your totals. Record them on paper, smartphone app, or spreadsheet on your computer--whatever works best for you, as long as you are writing it down. The act of writing down your spending totals shows you just where your money is being spent. Tracking your spending helps you stay conscious of your spending habits.
- Grab a notebook and write down the headings: date, purchase, amount, and necessity. Then take your receipts of recent purchases and fill out the corresponding headings with the information on your receipts. Write down the date you purchased it, what the item was, the amount you spent, and how necessary the purchase was. You can base this off of a "yes or no" system or numerically, such as "1-5," with "1" being the least needed and "5" being a necessity. [4]
- Create a budget. Write down how much money you earn each month, how much you spend on bills, and how much you need for expenses like groceries and gas. Make note of how much you have left over after taking care of your expenses. This will help guide your spending habits and keep you focused on your financial goals.
- Open a savings account. If you don't already have one, open a savings account to invest in yourself and your future. Commit to contributing a certain amount to the account each month. This should leave you with less extra money after paying for living expenses each month, which means less money for potential emotional spending.
- Set a spending limit. After budgeting, you will know how much extra money you have each month. Set aside some of this total for your savings and some for your spending. Only spend as much as you budget for. You may have to use some discipline to not overspend, but budgeting helps you resist emotionally spending money.
- If you blow through your spending for a given month but still want to shop, tell yourself, "It's not in the budget."[5]
EditFinding Alternative Mood Enhancers - Aim to exercise for 20 minutes a day to reduce stress levels. Instead of going to the mall when you are stressed out, go for a walk in the park instead. Grab a friend or two! Not only does exercise help relieve stress, it can also be a perfect substitution to your need to shop. Try a new sport, take a yoga class, or hop on a bike. [6]
- Read a book to distract you from feeling sad or angry. Reading is a great activity to get out of the shopaholic thought cycles. Giving your mind a break may be just what you need, rather than that $5 latte. Magazines and blogs work well, too!
- Start a new hobby to boost your confidence. Instead of spending time in shopping or strip malls, pick up an activity you've never tried before. What is something you've always wanted to do? Try knitting, woodworking, or karate, for example.
- Try DIY craft tutorials to get creative and express yourself. The act of creation will boost your mood. It will also give you the personal satisfaction of making something yourself, while distracting you from the need to go shopping. If you like fashion, experiment with making your own accessories or customizing your own clothing.
- Instead of buying someone a gift, make your own handmade present.
- Rather than buying a new pair of shoes, try painting them to bring them back to life.
- Cut up old jeans to repurpose them into shorts rather than buying a new pair.
- Spend time with friends for support. While going shopping can be social, you should find other activities to do with friends if you know spending is a problem. Find ways to celebrate like going out for a drink with your girlfriends rather than purchasing a new piece of jewelry. Coffee dates, museum visits, or trying new restaurants are other ideas of things to do other than shop.[7]
- Ask for help from your family and friends so you don't feel alone. Inform those close to you that you are having problems with emotional shopping, and they can help remind you when you are acting like a shopaholic. When you shop, have a friend or family member go with you to act as your voice of reason, telling you "no" when necessary.
- Seek professional help when all else fails. "Retail therapy" may seem harmless, but it can very quickly turn into a compulsive spending problem. After you have tried a combination of everything above, it is time to get help from a professional. Don't feel bad or guilty about admitting you need assistance. Emotional spending is a habit that can be overcome by working with others. Find shopping support groups like Shopaholic No More, or seek out a professional counselor who works with spending addictions.[8]
- Consider closing your credit card accounts if you have serious spending problems.
- Do not apply for additional credit cards. Immediately delete or throw away offers for new credit cards.
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| How to Use a Needle Threader Posted: 17 Jul 2018 01:00 AM PDT If you're over it with the frustration of attempting to thread a needle the old-fashioned way, try using a needle threader tool. Just insert the wire loop through the eye of the needle, then slip your thread through the larger threader hole and double it over. When you slide the needle off the loop, it will catch the thread effortlessly, and you can knot it and get right to stitching without a lot of unnecessary squinting and poking. EditLoading the Thread - Hold the threader in one hand and the needle in the other. For most people, it will probably be easiest to have the needle threader in your dominant hand. If you're right-handed, for instance, you'll hold the tool in your right hand, while left-handed sewers will use their left. You'll have much more coordination that way, which will allow you to focus on manipulating the small items you'll be working with.[1]
- Make sure you're gripping the needle so that the eye is pointing upwards.
- Those with unsteady hands may find it helpful to stabilize the needle using a pincushion or piece of cork. The larger object will hold the needle in place while you're threading so that you won't have to.[2]
- Insert the wire threader loop through the eye of the needle. It may take a few attempts to get the two pieces lined up correctly. Push the threader until the needle rests in the shallow groove next to the base. This will keep it from accidentally slipping out.[3]
- If you're having trouble getting the threader loop through, turn the needle slightly so you can see the opening a little better.
- You may need to push the threader gently to force it through the eye of a smaller-sized needle.
- Guide the end of the thread through the threader loop. The wire threader loop will give you a much larger target to aim at. Once you've got the thread inside, pull the loose end to continue feeding it through.[4]
- Needle threaders take the imprecision out of threading by working in reverse. Instead of guiding the thread straight through, the threader allows you to anchor it in place, then pull the needle around it.
- Double the thread over on itself. Pull the loose end back on itself so that it runs alongside the length of the thread. Gather up both ends between the thumb and forefinger of your free hand. Be sure to create enough length to keep a secure grip on the folded thread.[5]
- You'll load the threader the same way whether you want to work with single or double thread.
EditThreading the Needle - Slide the needle over the thread. Pull the needle out of the groove at the base of the wire loop and fit it over the double thread. Continue moving it along until it clears the folded end. At the same time, pinch the ends of the thread together tightly.[6]
- At this point, it may help to set the threader down on the tabletop or your lap so you can get a better grip on the needle.
- Be careful not to let the needle slip back off the thread.
- Pull the loose end of the thread free. Give the thread a gentle tug to work it out of the wire loop the same way it went in. Work the loose end out with your fingers if needed. The thread should now be running straight through the eye of the needle.[7]
- Once you've successfully threaded the needle, unwind the spool to make the thread as long as you need it.
- Knot the thread around the eye of the needle. If you're content with using single thread, simply tie off the loose end. You can then begin sewing as usual. That's all there is to it![8]
- Tie off the knot 2-3 times to make sure it's secure enough to hold.
- When you're done, snip the thread off the spool. This will get the excess material out of the way while you're stitching.
- Leave the thread folded for stronger stitches. If you'd prefer to work with double thread, keep pulling the loose end back on itself to add more length. You can then tie the thread off when you're finished making your stitches.[9]
- Using twice the amount of thread creates a more durable seam, which is good for reinforcing items like torn clothing, buttons, pillows, and stuffed animals that see a lot of hard wear.[10]
- Doubling up your thread is particularly useful when you're working with thread that's thin or old.
- Keep practicing until you get the hang of it. Needle threaders are handy little devices, but they can take a little while to get used to. Don't worry if your first couple attempts feel a little awkward. After a few passes, you'll be threading like a pro!
- By using a needle threader, even crafters who know their way around a needle and thread can cut down dramatically on overall project time.
- A basic wire needle threader can be purchased for as little as $2-3 at most craft supply stores.
- It may be a good idea to buy more than one needle threader in case any of the delicate metal parts break.
- The needle threader's slender wire loop is small enough to fit most sizes of sewing needles.
- Needle threaders can make the perfect aid for those who are just learning how to sew.
- Keep your fingers a safe distance away from the needle point. Getting pricked doesn't feel pleasant!
EditThings You'll Need - Sewing needle
- Thread
- Wire needle threader
- Pin cushion or cork (optional)
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