| How to Move Past an Abusive Relationship Posted: 21 Jun 2016 05:00 PM PDT You've made the decision to leave an abusive relationship, and you've actually accomplished that. Congratulations! Now you are ready to move forward. There are certain steps to take to ensure that you heal and grow stronger. Learn how to assure your safety, learn about yourself, take care of practical matters, and enter into new relationships. EditAssuring Your Safety - Get help if you feel at risk. When you are leaving an abusive relationship, you may be in danger. Safety might continue to be an issue even after you've left the relationship. If you feel in danger, get help immediately.
- Call 911. If your partner is threatening or stalking you, you can call 911 to get help. Calling 911 can ensure that you and your kids will be able to get to safety. The police might arrest your partner.
- Find a safe shelter. Get familiar with places that you can go to be safe. Make a list of all the places you can go. Think of friends or family who are not familiar to your partner. Find a local safehouse. Safehouses are usually maintained by nonprofit organizations. They have a secret location and are usually accessible 24 hours a day, so if you have to sneak away while your partner is sleeping, you can. They can help you coordinate with government social services to get benefits to get you started, they can help you with a court order of protection and with prosecution, and many offer counseling services.
- Cut off all contact with your abuser. Delete his phone number from your phone and unfriend him on social media. You may need to unfriend some mutual friends in order to eliminate unintentional contact.[1]
- You might want to change your phone number as well, so that he can't call you.
- Change your routines and everyday locations. Your abuser is familiar with your typical routines and the locations that you frequent. Change up your routines by taking different routes to work or going to new places to pursue your hobbies.
- You may decide that you need to move to a new house or new town if your abuser is too close.[2]
- If you feel that your children are at risk, consider moving them to a new school.
- Get a personal protection order if necessary. A personal protection order (PPO) is a legal way to protect yourself from your abuser. It protects you from being stalked, threatened or harassed. The PPO also restricts your abuser from entering your home or disturbing you at your workplace.[3] If you think your abuser might still try to contact you or harass you, you should use the legal system to ensure that he can't bother you.
- Carry your PPO with you at all times.
- Resist going back to your abuser. You may feel guilt, loneliness, depression, shame, and other feelings about your break-up. You may have been in a relationship with your abuser for a long time, and it can be difficult to move on from what is familiar. But resist returning to your abuser. Things are not going to get better. You need to put your own safety first. Be strong and patient, and give yourself time. As the saying goes, time does heal all wounds.
EditRecognizing the Abuse in Your Former Relationship - Admit to yourself that you experienced abuse. Some victims do not like to admit that they were in an abusive relationship. They might feel that they'll be judged or stigmatized. Many victims of emotional abuse are hesitant to recognize their relationships as abusive. When there is not clear-cut physical or sexual abuse happening in the relationship, some victims are more likely to minimize how much they were emotionally abused.[4]
- Allow yourself to feel emotions about the abuse. Even when your relationship was abusive, you most likely still loved your abuser. You may now be experiencing a range of emotions, including fear, guilt, sadness or numbness. These emotional responses to your relationship are normal. Allow yourself to work through these emotions. [5]
- You might also feel physical symptoms, including insomnia, nightmares, and fatigue.
- It may help to keep a journal to write about these emotions.
- Grieve for the relationship and for the possibilities that never came to be.
- Remind yourself why you left. As you move further from the relationship, you might remember many of the good things about your partner and the times you spent together. This is a key time to remind yourself about the negative things and why you left.[6]
- Writing in a journal about these reasons can help you remember them when you have second thoughts about leaving.
- Identify your triggers. When you were in an abusive relationship, you were trained to feel and behave in certain ways. You likely have a level of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It's important to understand if your behavior and emotions are reactions to the present or to the past. When you have PTSD, you may have underlying fear that crops up unexpectedly.[7]
- Keep track of your emotions in a journal. Write down your feelings, especially if you experience intense ones. Track what happened immediately before you felt that way, as well as how you reacted.
- Triggers can be anything from something said by a friend to a location you visit. When you are aware of your triggers, then you can address them.
EditBuilding a Network of Support - See a mental health professional. Therapy is a beneficial part of your recovery from an abusive relationship. This person can help you talk through your feelings and emotions. She can also help you develop tools for handling stress, relationships, and other challenges in life.[8]
- Find someone who specializes in dealing with abuse or trauma. This person will be skilled at helping you work through anxiety and other emotions.[9]
- You might also choose to visit regularly with your pastor or minister, social worker, or other person who can give you a listening ear and objective advice.
- Gather support from family and friends. You need support on which you can rely on a day-to-day basis. Spend time with people who are supportive and kind. Reconnect with friends or family, especially if you have been isolated during your abusive relationship. Don't be shy about asking them for what you need. This might be your friend keeping you from texting your ex to talking about your feelings.[10]
- Join a support group. There are many different support groups for domestic violence victims. Some meet in person, while others are online support groups. These are good places for you to connect with people who have gone through similar experiences as you.
- Get in touch with a domestic violence hotline for help. Domestic violence hotlines have numerous resources, including advocates who will help you navigate recovering from an abusive relationship. Hotlines also can give you lists of books and other publications with information on abuse, as well as directories of local organizations that can offer support.
- These hotlines usually have websites too, such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline's website, www.thehotline.org.
EditTaking Care of Practical Matters - File for custody of your children. Children in domestic violence homes are more likely to be abused themselves. Even when they are not abused, they may still suffer from emotional and behavioral problems. Abusive parents also are more likely to try to get custody as a way to further retaliate against and control their spouses.[11]
- The court will consider the child's best interests when awarding custody. The judge will take into account domestic violence, the home environment, and other factors.[12]
- Talk with your child's school or daycare to alert them to the situation. Let them know who is authorized to pick up your children from school.[13]
- File for divorce. If you are married to your abuser, you need to file for divorce. This will make sure that you are no longer tied legally to this person. File a petition for divorce with the Family Court in your county.[14]
- Be sure to follow the divorce guidelines for your own state. While most states are similar in procedure, there may be differences depending on your location.
- Keep copies of all important papers. This includes social security numbers, custody papers, birth certificates, bank statements, and so on. If you didn't already collect these before leaving, or it's not safe to return to your house, then you should be able to get most of these papers from the relevant agencies.
- For instance, visit the social security office in your area to get new copies of your social security card. Visit your local health department to get copies of birth certificates. Ask your bank for copies of bank statements.[15]
- Sever all financial ties. It's important to separate yourself entirely from your abuser, and this includes your bank account, credit cards, insurance, mortgage, and so on. This can be a time-consuming process but it will prevent further harassment and financial abuse.
- Close your bank account. Start a new account with a different bank. If you can safely do it, make sure to transfer your savings and other assets to this new account. If you have a joint bank account, withdraw half of the available money. This amount is legally yours. If you don't take the money now, then your abuser may drain the account and leave you with nothing.[16]
- Protect your social security number. Oftentimes, an abuser may try to ruin his partner's credit by opening a credit card in her name using her social security number. This is fraud, even when you are or were married to someone. Make sure that no one can misuse your personal information.[17]
- Talk with the fraud departments of major credit bureaus. Ask them to place a red flag on your account so that you'll be alerted any time someone tries to apply for credit with your social security number.
- Work on improving your credit score. Your abuser may have ruined your credit through financial abuse. He may have kept you from being able to develop your own credit rating. If you get a credit card now, then you can start working on improving your credit score.[18]
- Your abuser can use your credit card statements to track your movements, so you should cancel any cards you already have. Then you can get a new card with a different company.
EditReconnecting with Yourself - Identify relaxing activities. You may be experiencing a lot of stress and other types of emotions as you move past this relationship. Having an outlet to calm and relax yourself will improve your ability to recover.[19]
- Take warm baths.
- Take deep breaths.
- Try meditation or yoga.
- Read a book or watch a movie.
- Get a massage.
- Exercise.
- Make a list of your good qualities. Get to know yourself again by thinking about all the good qualities you have. Make a list of these and post them on your mirror. Include every compliment you've received so you can remember how other people think about you.[20]
- This will also help you feel worthy again when you start up new relationships.
- Take time for yourself. Spend time doing exactly what you enjoy. Think about the hobbies that you enjoy or used to enjoy.
- Be kind to yourself by giving yourself little gifts or treats.
- Believe in yourself. You are getting stronger and more confident every day.
EditEntering Into a New Relationship - Identify what you want in a relationship. Make a list of qualities that you think are important in a partner and in a relationship.[21] This will help you identify what's most important to you. It will also help you figure out what will make you feel safe and loved.
- Move slowly and cautiously. It's likely that you will be cautious in your new relationship. It can take a while to build trust with someone new in the best of circumstances, and when you have experienced abuse, this process can take a long time. But it's important that you don't dive into a relationship too quickly. You need to allow yourself to grow the relationship in a healthy way.
- Talk to your new partner about your triggers. You need to make sure you are communicating your needs to your partner. This involves talking to him or her about your triggers. Then you will be able to work together to build a relationship where you feel safe and loved.
- For example, shouting might trigger your anxiety. In this case, you might ask your partner not to yell when he watches basketball games on TV.
- Don't try to sabotage the relationship. When you are entering a new relationship after an abusive one, it can be hard to trust the other person. You may become overly critical and fabricate reasons to break up. [22]
- You may even feel like doing something that forces the other person to leave you, such as cheating on him. This action is your way of telling your partner that you're not worth being with. But this isn't true. You do have a lot to offer the relationship.
- Don't have any contact with your abuser. When you are building a new relationship, you are relearning ways of interacting. You may have found a kind, gentle person to date. But if you have any contact at all with your abuser, you are reminded of how intimate relationships can be.[23]
- Surround yourself with loving, healthy relationships. These will serve as good examples for building your own new intimate relationship.
- Leave the relationship if you see warning signs of abuse. If you think your new partner is heading down the path to abuse, you should leave the relationship immediately. It's better not to give him the benefit of the doubt, given what you've already been through.[24]
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| How to Care for a Dog After It Has Just Vomited Posted: 21 Jun 2016 09:00 AM PDT It's not unusual for dogs to vomit occasionally for any number of minor to significant reasons. For example, your dog may love to scavenge and vomit as a way of getting rid of spoilt food from his stomach. However, if your dog consistently vomits or regurgitates, it could be a sign of a serious condition, including infection, pancreatitis, toxin exposure, cancer or a gastrointestinal obstruction.[1] Care for your dog if he's vomited and know when to get proper medical attention. EditTaking Care of Immediate Needs - Check for shock. Your dog may need immediate medical treatment by the vet if he shows signs of shock. Signs include:[2][3]
- Pale skin and gums
- Abnormal behavior
- Collapse
- Weakness
- Difficulty getting up and walking
- Reluctance when lifting his head
- Depressed demeanor
- Keep your dog warm and comfortable. After your dog has vomited, reassure him that he's done nothing wrong. Try to get him to lie down and rest. If he seems cool or is shivering, put a blanket over him and give him plenty of attention and support.[4]
- Let your dog take it easy. Help him get comfortable on the floor, so that he doesn't have to try getting up and walking around.[5]
- Clean your dog's soiled fur with a warm, wet washcloth. Dried vomit can cause your dog's hair to get matted, so it is a good idea to clean him up. Only do this once your dog has rested for a bit and stop cleaning if your dog becomes stressed by the bath.
- You may want to place puppy pads or old towels under his chin and around him, so that if he's sick again he doesn't soil the carpet. Some dogs recognize puppy pads as appropriate places to toilet. This may relieve his anxiety about being unclean if knows he has somewhere to vomit.
- Watch for signs that your dog may vomit again. Keep a close eye on your dog after he has vomited since repeated vomiting needs medical attention. Signs that he may vomit again include retching, or a noise that sounds like he has something stuck in his throat; a stiff or rigid stance; and wandering around aimlessly.[6]
EditRecognizing Emergency Situations - Get immediate treatment for bloat. If your dog vomits, but nothing comes up your dog may have a serious and life-threatening condition called bloat. Symptoms include repeated attempts to vomit without actually producing vomit and drooling strings of saliva (because he can't swallow it).[7]
- Your dog needs emergency medical treatment for bloat, since this serious condition can kill within hours if it's not treated.
- Watch for dehydration. Once your dog vomits, he may feel nauseous which prevents him from wanting to drink. This, along with vomiting up fluid, can cause dehydration if the amount of fluid he loses is greater than the amount of fluid he's taking in.[8] If your dog is showing early signs of dehydration, give him an electrolyte drink mixed with water every few hours for a day. If the dehydration doesn't improve, get medical attention.[9] Early signs of dehydration include:
- Excessive panting
- Dry mouth, gums, or nose
- Visible lethargy (fatigue)
- Dry or sunken eyes
- Lack of skin elasticity (the skin won't fall back into place immediately if you pinch a little and release it)
- Weakness in the hind end (a later stage of dehydration)
- Unsteadiness when walking (a later stage of dehydration)
- Know when to contact the vet. If the vomiting is simple and straightforward, such as after scavenging garbage, then most times you can nurse the dog better at home by offering fluids, and withholding food. However, you should always watch for signs that your dog needs immediate medical attention. These include:[10]
- Retching with nothing coming up
- Vomiting once or twice with your dog still seeming dull and depressed
- Vomiting for more than 4 hours or not being able to keep water down
- Vomiting blood which could indicate a serious ulcer in the stomach wall
EditDetermining and Eliminating the Cause of Vomiting - Distinguish between vomiting and regurgitation to determine proper treatment. Dogs can often regurgitate, raise undigested food with no abdominal effort, without showing signs of other illnesses.[11] If your dog regurgitates, he may just need his food to be raised off the floor so that gravity helps pass the food down into his stomach. However, if your dog forcefully vomits (acute vomiting) the contents of his stomach, this means his muscles are contracting. You'll notice your dog hunched up and the vomit will probably smell foul.[12]
- Regurgitation is usually a sign of esophageal issues or other problems in the early stages of the digestive process. For example, often dogs eat too much too quickly. In this case, the food your dog expels will usually be undigested and tubular in shape.[13]
- If your dog regularly regurgitates food, he may have a long term medical condition so put his food up on a chair, but also let your vet assess him.[14]
- Consider the causes of vomiting. Think about your dog's recent diet, behaviour, emotions, and environmental conditions to determine what might be causing your dog's vomiting. For example, think about recent walks and whether your dog may have scavenged a carcass or eaten discarded food. Vomiting can be a common symptom of "garbage gut" where your dog eats things that aren't healthy which causes his body to force out the spoilt food. However, if he keeps vomiting, there may be a more serious cause including:[15][16]
- Bacterial infections in the gastrointestinal tract
- Intestinal parasites
- Severe constipation
- Acute kidney failure
- Acute liver failure
- Colitis
- Parvovirus
- Gall bladder inflammation
- Pancreatitis
- Ingestion of a poisonous substance
- Heatstroke
- An infected uterus
- A reaction to medicine
- Cancer
- Assess whether the vomiting was a one-off or occurred multiple times. If your dog vomits once, eats normally and has normal bowel movements, the vomiting was probably an isolated incident. If he vomits more than once throughout the day or if it continues beyond one day, take him to the vet immediately.[17]
- Continued and repetitive vomiting should be investigated more fully by a vet. Your vet should be able to diagnose the condition by conducting a range of tests, including X-rays, bloodwork, fecal analysis, urinalysis, ultrasound imaging, and/or a barium study.[18]
- Examine the vomit to determine a cause of vomiting. Look at the vomit for foreign objects like wrappers, pieces of a plastic bag, bone fragments (you should not give your dog real bones as this are often implicated in vomiting episodes), etc. [19] If you see blood in the vomit, take your dog to the vet immediately since severe blood loss can happen quickly and be fatal.
- If there are no foreign objects, look at the shape and consistency of the vomit. Is it undigested food or is it more liquid in form? Write down what you observe so you will be able to tell your vet if the vomiting continues. It may help your vet diagnose your dog if you can show a photo or sample of the vomit.[20] A photo can also let the vet see the volume of vomitus which may influence treatment.
EditFeeding After Vomiting - Avoid feeding your dog for 12 hours. Vomiting can irritate your dog's stomach lining, which can lead to more vomiting if he eats anything soon after vomiting. His stomach needs time to rest, and this will help you determine if his vomiting was food-related.[21] Resist the urge to feed him even if he acts hungry. This fasting will also give your dog a chance to eliminate anything that might have caused the vomiting.[22]
- A puppy or young dog should not fast for more than 12 hours.
- If your dog has an underlying medical condition (especially diabetes), speak with your veterinarian before withholding any meals.
- Give your dog water. Offer him 1 teaspoon of water for every pound of his weight every hour. Continue giving water this way throughout the day and night until your dog can drink normally. Drinking too much water after vomiting can cause your dog to vomit again, while not drinking any water can cause dehydration.[23] Call the vet if your dog is unable to keep down even this small amount of water.
- For example, if your dog weighs 12 pounds, he would get 12 teaspoons (¼ cup) of water every hour throughout the day and night.
- Consider getting pedialyte or lectade from a pharmacy or the vet. Follow the packaged instructions to reconstitute this electrolyte powder with boiled water. It's gentler on the stomach and can help reverse dehydration. Offer it in the same quantities that you would water. Be aware that not all dogs like the taste and refuse to drink it.
- Keep your dog hydrated if he won't drink. To prevent dehydration, you must keep your dog hydrated. Consider wiping your dog's gums with a washcloth soaked in water. This helps freshen his mouth at a time when he feels too nauseous to drink. Or, offer ice cubes for your dog to lick so he at least gets small amounts of water and keeps his mouth moist.[24] You can also try giving him certain teas like lukewarm ginger, chamomile or mint which can help calm his stomach and digestive tract. As with water, you only want to give him a few tablespoons at a time.
- If he won't drink tea, try freezing it in ice cube trays and then breaking it apart into chips. He may take it this way.[25]
- Keep trying to offer your dog a variety of fluids until you find one that he'll take.
- Reintroduce food. After 12 hours, begin introducing 2 to 3 teaspoons of foods that are low in fat and easy to digest. Lean meats like skinless chicken and hamburger will provide needed protein, while boiled potatoes, low-fat cottage cheese and well-cooked rice will give him the carbohydrates he needs. Create a mixture of 1 part lean meat to 5 parts carbohydrate. Make sure that these foods are well-cooked, drained of fat, and unseasoned which will make it easier to digest than regular dog food.[26]
- If your dog does not vomit, give him a little more food every hour or two.[27][28] But, if he begins to vomit again, take him to the vet for examination.
- Integrate dog food slowly. After the first day of feeding your dog these bland foods, you can start to mix just a little bit of his regular dog food with the food you've been making him for one meal. For example, start with a 50/50 mix for one meal, then 3/4 dog food and 1/4 of the bland diet for one meal. Then return to feeding him normally unless he begins vomiting again.[29][30] Always follow the vet's recommendations and return for any follow-up exams.
- Stop feeding your dog if he begins vomiting again and take him to the vet. It's a good idea to keep a log of what your dog eats and drinks, the amounts he consumes, and his behavior. This will be useful information for the vet.
- Don't experiment with food or medications since this could make your dog's vomiting worse.[31]
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| How to Form an LLC in Michigan Posted: 21 Jun 2016 01:00 AM PDT If you want to open a business in Michigan, you may be looking to establish an LLC under the State Statute 450-4104. This statute is valid for any resident seeking to apply to establish a limited liability corporation to be licensed in the State of Michigan. Be prepared to have the appropriate paperwork completed and filed according to state requirements. EditPlanning Your Business - Choose your business name. This is the most important part of the process. Once you have decided the name that you want, check to see if it is available by checking the Michigan LLC Name Database. Your name should include one of the following at the end of the name:[1]
- L.L.C.
- LLC
- L.C.
- LC
- Limited Liability Company
- Reserve your business name. Once you have chosen a name, you can reserve it for up to six months by filing an application with the Michigan Department of Licensing and Regulatory Affairs' Bureau of Commercial Services. The application can be sent through the mail or online.
- Registering a name requires a $25 filing fee.
- Create an operating agreement. This step is optional for establishing an LLC in Michigan, but it is highly recommended that you establish an operating agreement at the time of filing your articles. According to Michigan's legal code, an operating agreement is a written agreement between the members of an LLC outlining the organization and affairs of the LLC.[2]
- Appoint a registered agent. LLCs are required to appoint a registered agent at the time of filing for Articles of Organization. This is a person designated by the LLC to accept legal process (any notice or demand that is served upon the company).
- The agent is responsible for sharing information about any legal process with the company.
EditFiling for Your LLC - Fill in Michigan Articles of Organization. You will have to file an Articles of Organization to the state which is your official application for forming an LLC. Completely fill in all the blanks and if you do not understand any part of what it is asking you, see legal counsel.
- Recognize whether you need to file for a PLLC. Certain professions are required to use an alternate form of Articles of Organization. This form is appropriate for companies that will be providing dental, medical, religious, or legal services, specifically those "services rendered by a dentist, an osteopathic physician, a physician, a surgeon, a doctor of divinity or other clergy, or an attorney-at-law."[3]
- Note that the business name for these businesses should include one of the following at the end of the name in lieu of a regular "LLC" designation:[4]
- Send in your Articles of Organization. Once you have filled out the appropriate paperwork, send it in to the Department of Licensing and Regulatory Affairs.[5]
- Make a check payable in the amount of $50 to the "State of Michigan."
- Mail the filing fee and Articles of Organization to: Michigan Department of Licensing and Regulatory Affairs, Securities & Commercial Licensing Bureau, Corporations Division, P.O. Box 30054, Lansing, MI, 48909.
- Deliver the Articles of Organization in person at: 2510 Woodlake Circle, Okemos, MI. Payments may be made by check, money order, VISA, or Mastercard with in-person delivery.
- Opt for expedited service if necessary. If you want faster processing of your LLC application documents, submit the expedited service form with your application.[6]
- You should include the appropriate fee(s) for your expedited service. The processing times below are from the time/day that the articles are received:
- Same-day: $100 (must be received by 1PM)
- Two-hour: $500 (must be received by 3PM)
- One hour: $1000 (must be received by 4PM)
- Expedited service can be requested by mail or in person.
EditTaking Other Steps - Wait for a response. You will receive your LLC, depending if you have done expedited services or not, within 3 to 10 business days. The information should be mailed to the correspondence address you provided.
- Apply for an EIN Number. You will need to apply for an EIN Number where you will be able to open a bank account. If you have more than one member in your LLC, an EIN/Tax ID number is required by law.
- Apply for business licenses. In addition to incorporating your business, you need to obtain any local or state licenses required for doing business in the state of Michigan.
- The nature of your company and your location will influence the types of licensing you will be required to maintain.
- Highly recommended to have an LLC Operating Agreement.
- You will need to be at least 18 years of age.
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