| How to Deal with Dating Anxiety Posted: 17 Sep 2019 05:00 PM PDT Dating can make you feel anxious and frustrated, especially if you're feeling pressured to find "the one." Changing your mindset about dating can transform your experience from angst and dread to fun and play. Make finding connections your goal instead of searching for the one to take the pressure off. Additionally, you can use tools and strategies to help you self-soothe and manage your feelings of anxiety. [Edit]Changing Your View of Dating - Adopt a "practice makes perfect" attitude about dating. Treating dating like a skill you can build will help you break free of your anxiety. Consider each date you go on as a chance to practice your skills. Do your best to have fun and keep the conversation going. If you make a mistake, try to laugh at yourself and remind yourself that it'll make a great story one day.
- It's okay if you have setbacks when it comes to dating. When you're building a skill, you won't have a steady path of progress. There are always going to be obstacles.
- Everyone feels nervous on a first date, and it's normal to make mistakes. You're doing just fine!
- Focus on making connections with people who interest you. You might be feeling anxious about dating because you feel pressure to fall in love or find a partner. Relieve this pressure by looking at dating as a chance to relate to other people. When you go on a date, get to know the person and search for common interests. It doesn't matter if it goes farther than a few dates. What's important is that you'll have made a connection with them.
- If it helps, create a list of questions you want to ask them before the date. You might ask, "What are you most excited about?" "What do you respect most about your mother or father?" "What's the most thoughtful gift you've received?" or "Tell me about a time that something didn't go as planned but ended up helping you get to where you are now."
- Stop looking for "the one" on every date. Trying to fall in love is stressful, so it's understandable that you'd feel anxious. However, you're probably going to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a good partner, so take the pressure off yourself. Give yourself permission to take your time and go on a lot of dates as you look for a good partner.
- When you meet a person that's an awful match for you, treat it like a success. You now know something you don't want in a partner!
- Be your own source of love and validation to take the pressure off. It can feel like you need a partner to complete you, but this simply isn't true. The only person who can truly complete you is yourself! Instead of looking for a partner who will meet your needs, figure out what you want and give it to yourself. This will help you approach dating with a relaxed, open mind.
- For instance, tell yourself things like, "You're enough," "You can do this," and "Your hard work is going to pay off."
- If you want something, go out and get it for yourself. As an example, buy yourself nice jewelry or start saving for a house.
[Edit]Coping with Your Feelings - Allow yourself to feel your emotions. Give yourself permission to experience your emotions, then try to name how you're feeling. For instance, you might feel worried, afraid, or confused about dating and relationships. Don't try to fight your feelings! Letting yourself feel them is the first step to helping them pass.
- You might say to yourself, "I'm feeling really afraid because my last relationship went so badly," or "I'm worried that all relationships end because my parents got divorced."
- Identify the reasons you feel anxious about dating. Think about why you feel nervous and about the relationships you've had in the past. Additionally, consider the relationships that your family members had between each other. Then, write down the reasons why you think that dating might make you anxious. Once you know why you're nervous, you can start to address those concerns.
- For instance, you might realize that you're anxious because you've been used in the past. Similarly, dating might make you nervous because your older sibling had a bad experience with an ex.
- Express your feelings of anxiety to help you manage them. Keeping your feelings bottled up makes things worse. You need to find a natural release that works for you. Here are some ways you might express your anxiety:[1]
- Talk to someone about how you feel.
- Scream into a pillow.
- Try shaking your body to release your anxious emotions. Work from your shoulders down to your feet, shaking your body as you go.
- Write your feelings in a journal.
- Use breathing exercises to calm yourself down. Try the 4-7-8 breathing technique to help you release your emotions. Press your tongue behind the top of your teeth, then inhale through your nose for a 4 count. Hold your breath for a 7 count, then release a whooshing breath to an 8 count. Repeat 3-4 times without pausing between breaths.
- This should help energize you with oxygen, which will help you relieve anxiety and stress.
- Exercise daily to help release your feelings of anxiety. When you exercise, your body burns off excess energy, which helps reduce your anxiety. Additionally, exercise releases endorphins that make you feel happier. Choose an exercise you enjoy so you'll be able to do it every day, such as the following:[2]
- Join a recreational sports team.
- Take a dance class.
- Go to the gym with a friend.
- Walk in nature.
- Run.
- Do water aerobics.
[Edit]Improving Your Dating Life - Look for ways to relate to other people in your daily life. Be curious about the people you meet. Ask them questions about themselves, look for common interests, and keep an open mind. Try to share something about yourself, as well. As you get better at relating to people, dating will come more easily.[3]
- This comes back to making a connection with others. By learning to relate with people, you'll be more comfortable on dates.
- For instance, talk to people in line at the grocery store, start a conversation while you're in a waiting room, or invite your coworkers out to lunch.
- Try out different ways of flirting with people. Flirting can help you make a quick connection with someone and express an interest in them. Since you can do it without going on a date, it's a great way to test the waters with people to help you slowly move past your anxieties about dating. Here are some easy ways to flirt:[4]
- Laugh and smile a lot.
- Make brief eye contact, then look away.
- Give the person a compliment.
- Show off your neck.
- Touch the person on their arm.
- Mirror their body language.
- Ask about a shared interest.
- Choose fun activities for your dates to avoid awkward conversations. Sitting across from someone at a dinner table can feel really scary, especially if you've just met them. Instead of putting the focus of your date on conversation, invite the person on an active date. This will keep you out of your head so you're less likely to feel anxious. Here are some date ideas:
- Go bowling.
- Play mini golf.
- Attend a concert.
- Take a dancing lesson.
- Go to a cooking class.
- Attend a local festival.
- Focus on what your date is doing or saying to get out of your thoughts. Overthinking things during your date will increase your anxiety. However, you can avoid this by paying close attention to your date. Actively Listen to everything your date says, and repeat what they say back to them. Additionally, watch their body language and how they move so you're focused on the moment.[5]
- Don't worry about figuring out what your date might be thinking. Just be with them in the moment.
- If your date isn't saying much, try asking them open-ended questions to encourage them to talk. You might ask, "What's the most interesting thing about your job?" or "How did you get started with your hobby?"
- Keep the conversation fun during your first few dates. You might get nervous about dating because it's difficult to open up to people. However, there's no rush to reveal everything about yourself. When you first start dating someone, stick to light, fun topics, such as your hobbies or funny stories.[6]
- For instance, you don't need to tell them about your past relationships. Instead, talk about your latest interests.
- Ask your friends to go on pretend dates with you. This might help you overcome your anxiety.
- Give yourself all the time you need to work through your dating anxiety. You can do this!
[Edit]Warnings - If your anxiety feels overwhelming, it's best to talk to a therapist who can help you learn how to manage it.
[Edit]References |
| How to Prepare Your Home for Autumn Posted: 17 Sep 2019 09:00 AM PDT Autumn is a season of change. You can see these changes in the leaves, as the change color and fall, and in the weather as it grows cold and dark. Your home should also see some changes. While decorating your home is a nice way to get into the spirit of autumn, there are lots of things you need to do in order to prepare for the cold months ahead. Making certain preparations and taking several precautions can not only ensure that you will be comfortable during the cold, autumn nights, but they could also help prevent damage to your property and your home. [Edit]Preparing the Interior of Your Home - Check your furnace. The days will grow colder as the fall season gets underway, and you may eventually end up using your furnace. It would be a good idea to ensure that it is in working order before the cold weather settles in. Change out the filter for a new one, and clean out any dust or debris. Check the furnace for any signs of damage—this includes things like cracks, strange noises, or strange smells.
- Consider having a professional furnace technician inspect your furnace and gas lines (if you have a gas furnace).
- Plan on changing your furnace's filter every 30 to 90 days. This will help your furnace last longer.[1]
- If you can't replace your filter right away, clean it with a soft brush and a vacuum.[2]
- Make sure that your humidifier is working. A humidifier will not only keep the bone-dry air at bay, but it will also prevent wood from cracking. Check the pads or plates on your humidifier, and clean them using laundry detergent. Scrape off any mineral deposits using steel wool or a wire brush.[3]
- Ensure that your gas heaters and stoves are working properly. Malfunctioning and poorly-maintained gas equipment can not only be a fire hazard, but they can also release poisonous gases into the air in your home. You should have a professional inspect your gas heaters and stoves. There are also a few things you can do on your own. Start by shutting off the heater or stove completely, then:[4]
- Check the exhaust vents and air-shutter openings for dust.
- Vacuum the exhaust vents and air-shutter openings.
- Clean the burner to ensure that it is dust and lint free.
- Ensure that your wood-burning stoves are working properly. Check your stove for any cracks, holes, loose joints, or signs of corrosion. If you spot any damage, hire a professional to repair them. You should also clean the stove, and replace the pipe if necessary. A clean, well-maintained stove will give you a warm, bright fire.[5]
- Make sure that the stove is resting on a heat-safe surface, and that there is nothing flammable close by.
- If you have children or pets, consider fencing the stove off when it is burning.
- Do an overall fire-safety check. There is nothing like a warm, cozy fire, a toasty stove, or a fragrant candle on a cold, autumn night. Unfortunately, with all of these warm, cozy comforts comes an increased risk of fire. You should prepare your home and family for the possibility of a fire by doing the following:[6]
- Make sure that there is a smoke and carbon monoxide detector on every floor of your home.
- Test if the detectors are working by pressing the test button, and change out the batteries, if needed.
- Have a multi-task fire extinguisher (it should have an A-B-C rating on the label) in an easily-accessible spot. Instruct your family members on how to use the fire extinguisher.
- Check all existing fire extinguishers for damage, including dents, scratches, and corrosion. If the extinguisher is over 6 years old, get a new one.
- Clear spaces around fireplaces, heaters, furnaces, and stoves. You will be using these more often as the weather gets colder, so you won't want anything flammable close to them.
- Educate your family on fire safety, and have an escape plan. Teach your family on what to do in the event of a fire, and agree on a safe meeting place in the event of an emergency. Instruct your family members on how to properly handle stoves, heaters, and fire extinguishers. It would be a good idea to teach them to practice common sense regarding open flames—such as never leaving burning candles, fireplaces, or stoves unattended. Lastly, make sure that all possible escape routes aren't blocked, including windows.
[Edit]Preparing the Exterior of Your Home - Check the roof for damage, such as cracked or missing shingles, and replace them. The last thing you'd want is to get a leak, especially once winter rolls around with its heavy storms and snows. You might also want to take a peak in the gutters. If you spot any large amounts of grit, the protective coating on your roof might be wearing off.[7]
- Clear out the rain gutters. If the rain gutters are blocked, they might overflow. Any overflowing water can cause water damage to your home, including the foundation and basement. Take out your ladder, and clear out any leaves, branches, or debris from the gutter.[8] When you are done, consider covering your gutters with mesh guards to keep the leaves and debris out and the water flowing.[9]
- Make sure that the windows and doors are sealed properly. As the year comes to a close, the weather will get colder. If your windows aren't sealed properly, your home could lose lots of heat, causing your gas and heating bills to spike! If you have a lot of windows and not a lot of time and money, focus on the biggest windows, such as patio doors or bay windows. Here are some more tips on insulating your windows and doors:[10][11]
- Place a polyurethane sheet over your windows. It is often referred to as an "insulation kit," and it will help keep the warm air in and the cold air out.
- Check for any gaps in the caulk around your windows. If you find any gaps, fill them in with some caulk.
- Check your door's weather stripper by closing it on a sheet of paper. If the paper moves about easily, the weather stripper needs to be replaced.
- Check your windows and doors for tightness by holding a candle close to them. If the candle flickers, there might be a leak.
- Take a look at your fireplace, both inside and out. It would be best to have this done professionally, as they usually know what to look for. If you seldom use your fireplace, however, shine a flashlight into the flue, and look for any deposits. If you find any that are ⅛-inch (0.32-centimeter) thick (or thicker), call in a professional chimney sweep. Here are some other things you should look out for:[12]
- Check the flute for creosote buildup to prevent fires. This is essential if you have a wood-burning stove or fireplace.
- Check the flue for any blockages, especially if you don't have a chimney cap. Birds love to build nests on top of chimneys!
- Check the damper. It is a metal plate that opens and closes the flue above the firebox. It should open and close smoothly and easily
- Check the chimney for any overall signs of damage. This includes the flue cap and any loose or broken joints.
[Edit]Preparing Your Garden and Yard - Trim off any dead tree branches. If you have any trees on your property, take a look at the branches, and take note of any that seem frail, weak, or dry. This included branches that never revived during the spring and summer.[13]
- Focus on the branches that hang over your home, garden shed, etc.
- Consider aerating and over-seeding your lawn. Because of how damp and cool autumn gets, you don't have to worry about droughts or evaporation caused by the heat and sun. This makes it a great chance to aerate and seed your lawn. Be sure to aerate your lawn first, then plant the seeds.[14]
- If you don't want to do this, plan on using some winter fertilizer instead. This will keep your lawn healthy throughout the winter.
- Disconnect all outdoor hoses and sprinklers if you live in an area where temperatures reach freezing. On a similar note, you would also want to blow out any water that might be left in your sprinklers. If you don't know how to do this, consider getting it done professionally.[15]
- Shut off all exterior faucets if you get freezing temperatures. If any water gets into those pipes and it freezes, the pipes could burst, and cause significant damage to your home. Start by closing all shut-off valves on your home's exterior faucets. Next, open the exterior faucets, and let any leftover water drain out.[16]
- If your faucets don't have shut-off valves, they are not freeze-proof. You should get some Styrofoam faucet covers from your local home improvement store.[17]
- Check your driveways for cracks if your area gets freezing temperatures. Look for any cracks that are more than ⅛-inch (0.32-centimeter) wide. If any water gets into those cracks and it freezes, it will expand and make the cracks even bigger. This could potentially damage your sidewalk or driveway. Fill in these cracks with some cement.[18]
- In addition to your driveway, you should also check your sidewalk and steps.
- If you have a lot of cracks, or very big ones, hire a professional.
- Stay ahead of the game by checking your winter gear. This includes things like shovels, snow blowers, and stashes of ground salt. You want everything to be in working order before the first snow fall. If you wait until it starts to snow, and your shovel is broken, you may have a tough time getting out of the house in order to buy a new shovel.[19]
- Consider winterizing your lawn mower by draining the gas tank and disconnecting the spark tank.[20] At the same time, consider checking your rakes and leaf blowers, and having them out and ready for the season's first snow.
- Consider doing a deep cleaning of your home to prepare it for the holidays. A clean home will be much easier to decorate (and more inviting) than a messy one.
- Get in the fall spirit by decorating your home. A simple change would be to switch out your bedding, blankets, and curtains for warmer colors.
- Have lots of candles or potpourri on hand to give your home a fragrant air. Choose warm or spicy fragrances, such as cinnamon, vanilla, or brown sugar.
- Autumn turns quickly into winter, so make sure that you have all your winter gear out and ready for when the cold weather hits.
[Edit]References |
| How to Find a Book Publisher Posted: 17 Sep 2019 01:00 AM PDT Publishing a debut novel or nonfiction book is the dream of every aspiring writer. While this goal might seem daunting, there are definitive and concrete steps on the path towards making your dream a reality: from actually creating a finished product to developing the necessary submission materials, all the way through actually finding an agent and publisher. By following a few simple strategies, your book will be available on shelves in no time! [Edit]Preparing a Submission Package - Write a query letter that introduces your protagonist and conflict. Your query letter is the most important part of the submission package you will be sending to prospective literary agents. Therefore, you want to be thorough and professional while also demonstrating that you have a unique quality that sets you apart from other writers in the genre. Give agents a reason to think you are exceptional! The key components of the query letter are:[1]
- General information about your book: title, word count, genre
- Description of the hook: introduce the protagonist and main conflict
- Brief bio: relevant writing credits, credentials, and awards.
- Prepare a synopsis of your book with an overview of the narrative. A book synopsis provides an overview of your novel's entire narrative arc. This document reveals any major flaws in plot, conflict, and character development, and agents use it to determine if the events of the novel are realistic and make sense. A book synopsis should be approximately one page, and accomplish the following three purposes:[2]
- Show the character arc and motivations of the protagonist
- Give a clear idea of the core conflict, as well as what is driving it
- Demonstrate how the conflict is resolved, and how the protagonist has changed
- Build your writer's platform by sharing your work with readers. A writer's platform refers to the size of that writer's existing audience. It is important to build up your own writer's platform prior to sending your submission package because this demonstrates that you already have access to readers of your book. Good strategies for building a writer's platform include:[3]
- Writing a blog
- Building your social media presence
- Sharing your work with local writing communities
- Find an agent by assessing your own creative values. Before choosing your representation, you should be confident that the agent shares your values. Ask yourself whether you prefer an agent with more resources and a large clientele or an independent agent who will invest more time in your work; whether you want an agent who will be active in the creative process or one who will focus primarily on the financial aspect instead. Then, identify strong candidates using online databases. These include:
- PublishersMarketplace.com
- AgentQuery.com
- QueryTracker.net
- WritersMarket.com
[Edit]Looking for Publishers - Create a book proposal that highlights your marketability. Before you can find a publisher for your book, you need to prepare a book proposal. The book proposal is similar to the book synopsis, but it is more focused on financial viability — after all, you need to demonstrate that the publisher will make money from publishing your book. The four main components of a book proposal are:[4]
- A strong introduction, re-stating your writing credentials
- An outline of the structure of your book with a chapter-by-chapter analysis
- An overview of other books that address similar themes and are competing for the same readership
- An assessment of the market for your genre, as well as a specific marketing plan to sell your book
- Identify prospective publishers by researching other books in your genre. The most straight-forward way of finding a publisher for your manuscript is by researching books that are similar to yours. The publishers of these books are the ones who specialize in your genre and, therefore, are more likely to consider publishing your book as well. Query these publishers directly with your submission package.[5]
- Make publishing contacts by attending conferences and reaching out to peers. Publishing and writing conferences offer valuable opportunities to make connections within the publishing world. While publishing conferences offer greater access to the industry, writing conferences provide a more intimate setting for you to meet prospective publishers -- albeit on a much smaller scale. Additionally, writing conferences will allow you to meet other published writers who can then connect you with proven publishing resources.[6]
- Find prospective publishers by searching online databases. Online databases are yet another resource for contacting publishers. While these are the least personal option, they provide the greatest access to prospective publishers. Some trustworthy online databases include:
[Edit]Choosing a Publisher - Evaluate publishers by assessing their previous success. A publisher's main responsibility after purchasing a manuscript is to market the book and, ultimately, sell as many copies as possible. A good indicator of publishing success, therefore, is to check your prospective publishers' book sales. Additionally, you should consider contacting other writers who have been published by the same publishers. Many are willing to advise fellow writers about a publisher's strengths.[7]
- Compare philosophies by asking questions about their practice. When working with traditional publishers, writers give up a lot of creative control. Therefore, you should ask prospective publishers to articulate their philosophies and objectives for your manuscript. What matters to them, artistically? How do they plan on honoring your own wishes? Does it matter to you how much say you have in the final product? If so, find a publisher who is willing to listen.[8]
- Assess compatibility by attending a face-to-face meeting. When you have narrowed your list of prospective publishers to a few remaining finalists, you should arrange face-to-face meetings with all of them. In addition to getting definitive answers to your questions, these meetings allow you to determine if your personalities and styles are compatible. This is no small determination — after all, you will be interacting very closely with your agent![9]
[Edit]References |
No comments:
Post a Comment