| How to Ask for What You Want Posted: 14 Sep 2019 05:00 PM PDT Learning how to recognize your desires and deftly ask for what you want is an important skill. Otherwise, you may go through life living with what you'll tolerate instead of getting what you really want.[1] Start by taking the time to identify exactly what you want and craft your request. Then, make sure you ask in a timely, clear, confident, and respectful manner. Whether you get a "yes" or "no," respond with grace and prepare for your next effort to ask for what you want! [Edit]Thinking before Asking - Figure out exactly what you want. Don't rush into asking for what you think you want. Instead, think things through so you can ask for exactly what you know you want. Otherwise, you're more likely to get a "no" or to end up getting something that doesn't actually fulfill your desire.[2]
- For example, you might know that you're overworked and overstressed, but what solution do you really want? Do you want a different schedule? A slight change in work responsibilities? An entirely different job?
- If you're not sure exactly what you want, talk to a trusted friend, mentor, or therapist for guidance. But remember that it's ultimately up to you to determine what you want.
- Write down your request and your reasoning for it. Putting it down on paper helps to ensure that your desire is clear and reasonable. If you determine that you want a raise, for instance, write down "I want a raise because…" at the top of the page. Then, list several of your reasons why.[3]
- For example: "I have worked without a raise for 2 years;" "I have improved the efficiency of our entire department;" "I make less than co-workers with similar responsibilities;" "I'm now taking care of my ailing mother as well as my two kids."
- If you're still not sure your request is clear or reasonable, show it to someone you trust and get their feedback.
- Feel confident, not guilty, about what you want. If your want is clear and reasonable, there's no reason for you to feel guilty about wanting it and asking for it. Remind yourself that it's okay to ask for things you want, not just those that you absolutely, desperately need.[4]
- You're never guaranteed to get what you want, but you deserve to ask for what you want.
- Build up your confidence with simple affirmations like "I'm worth it."
- Take the person you're asking into account. The more you know about the person you'll be asking, and can anticipate how they'll respond, the more likely you'll be to make a successful request. Adjust the fine details, timing, and phrasing of your request to suit the person, but make sure you're still asking for what you want.[5]
- For instance, if you know your boss tends to be in a better mood in the morning, don't plan to ask for a raise at the end of the day.
- Or, if you know your mother-in-law responds well to flattery, make sure to ramp up that element when deciding what you'll say.
- However, you need to ask for what you want, not for what you think they want you to want.
- Practice making your request in the mirror or to a friend. Just like giving a speech, reciting a poem, or singing a song, practicing beforehand will help you deliver your request better. Stand in front of a mirror, or record yourself making the request while using different phrasings and reasoning. Even better, practice in front of a trusted friend who can offer helpful feedback.[6]
- A friend might notice, for example, that you're putting your head down when you make the actual request. You'll appear more confident and convincing if you keep your head up and maintain eye contact with the other person.
- Pick the right time, but don't wait for a perfect time. If your boss is a morning person, ask for your raise in the morning. But don't keep putting off your request while waiting for the perfect morning, because it will never come. Once you've figured out what you want and why you want it, ask for it![7]
- It's easy to keep telling yourself "Today's not a good day" or "I'll ask next week when things will be less hectic." Remind yourself that you know what you want, you deserve it, and it's time to ask for it.
[Edit]Making Your Request - Ask nicely and respectfully, but be direct and confident. You should ask with a smile, not a scowl, and be pleasant, not agitated. At the same time, though, don't be so meek that your request feels halfhearted. "Respectfully assertive" might be the best way to describe the attitude your should take.[8]
- Don't hedge or hesitate: "I was thinking that maybe I'd like for us to buy a boat."
- Instead, be direct: "Honey, I want us to buy a boat."
- "I want a raise and I want it now!" is too confrontational, while "Do you think it might be possible for me to get a small raise sometime, if you think I deserve it?" is too weak.
- Be as specific as possible in making your request. You've taken the time to make sure you know exactly what you want, so make sure they know too. Spell it out clearly, starting with the phrase "I want" or "I'd like."[9]
- For example: "Mr. Green, I'd like to take over the vacant corner office."
- Use an "I" statement to make it clear that this is what you want. It's easier for them to say "no" if you phrase it like this: "Would you consider giving me the vacant corner office?"
- Ask for more (or less) than you want only in certain business scenarios. Salespeople sometimes use the "foot in the door" technique, which involves asking for less than they want (to improve the odds of you saying "yes") before moving on to what they really want. Or, they may try the "door in the face" method, which involves asking for more than they want, thereby making their follow-up (and real) request seem more reasonable.[10]
- However, you should skip these techniques when asking friends or family, and use them carefully in professional contexts.
- People tend to expect (and therefore tolerate) salespeople using these techniques, but they may be resentful if a friend or significant other resorts to them.
- If you want a raise at work, it makes sense to start with a higher (but not unreasonably higher) figure than what you really expect to be able to get. If you want a promotion, don't ask to become regional manager when you really want to be assistant sales manager.
- Provide only one supporting justification for what you want. Even if you wrote down 10 good reasons why you want to buy a beach house, stick to telling your spouse just one of them. Running down a laundry list of reasons can overwhelm the other person and make them more resistant to agree to what you want.[11]
- For example, even if you think the beach house also makes a good investment and will be good for your mental health, you might choose the following as your best justification: "I want us to buy a beach house because it'll be a place to bring our families together for years to come."
- Choose the justification that you feel is the strongest, unless you feel a different one will definitely be more effective on the other person.
- If you only offer one justification this time, it makes it easier to "repackage" your request at another time, using a different justification, if you get a "no."
- Make an ultimatum only if you can accept the consequences. Don't make empty threats in a misguided attempt to get what you want. Otherwise, if the person says "no," you'll either have to follow through on something you don't want or try to backtrack awkwardly.[12]
- For example, don't say "I want a raise or I'll quit" or "I want to schedule our wedding now or I'm breaking things off with you" unless you mean it.
- If you repeatedly make ultimatums that you don't actually intend to keep, other people will see you as manipulative and untrustworthy.
[Edit]Dealing with the Reply - Listen closely to what they offer in response. Once you state your case for what you want, give the other person a fair chance to respond fully. Actively listen to what they have to say, and take a moment to evaluate how their response suits your request. If you need further clarification, ask for it respectfully.[13]
- For instance: "So, are you saying you're willing to give me a 5 percent raise, but not 8 percent?" You can use this as a jumping off point for further negotiations.
- Offer thanks and appreciation if you get what you want. When you take the chance of asking for what you want, sometimes you get it! If you do, make sure to let the other person know how appreciative you are, even if you feel like you're getting what you've earned or deserve.[14]
- Try something simple: "That's great! Thanks so much. I really appreciate it."
- Or, go in a bit more detail: "Thank you, Mr. Jennings. I truly appreciate you taking the time to hear me out and agreeing to let me switch my Wednesday and Friday schedules."
- Don't take "no" personally or pout about it. As the song goes, "You can't always get what you want." Even if you make the most reasonable request in the most persuasive way, you may get a "no." Don't assume that the other person must hate you, or have a grudge against you. Just accept that you took your shot and it didn't work out this time.[15]
- Instead of letting "no" put you into a funk, start preparing for your next opportunity to ask for what you want—and maintain the same confidence that you'll succeed!
- Thank the person anyway: "Thanks for considering my request, Mr. Jennings. I appreciate you giving me the time to make my case."
- Start planning to ask again differently. A "no" today often doesn't have to mean a "no" forever. You can, for example, try asking your boss for a raise, your girlfriend to move in, or your parents for a car in 3 or 6 months. Don't ask the exact same thing in the exact same way, though.[16]
- When you're ready to ask again, start the process over. Make sure you're still clear on exactly what you want. Come up with your reasons why, and identify your best reason. Phrase your request a bit differently, but make sure you're still being "respectfully assertive."
[Edit]Related wikiHows [Edit]References |
| How to Recycle Shredded Paper Posted: 14 Sep 2019 09:00 AM PDT Shredding your documents is important to help you protect your personal information from possible identity theft. However, many areas don't allow you to add shredded paper to your recycling bin since it can get caught in the machines. If you want to properly recycle your shredded paper, check with your city's waste management facility to see how to dispose of it in your area. Otherwise, you can find new uses for the shreds around your home to get the most out of them! [Edit]Disposing of Shredded Paper Properly - Call your city's recycling service to find out what to do with your paper. Reach out to your area's recycling facility and ask them if they accept shredded paper in recycling bins. Some areas may accept it if you follow specific guidelines, but others may not accept shredded paper at all. Ask them about any other recycling services in the area to see if they have any recommendations for what to do.[1]
- You might be able to find this information online by visiting the website for your city's recycling service.
- Seal the shredded paper in a recyclable bag before putting it in your bin. Loose pieces of shredded paper can fall through the belts on recycling machines and cause damage. Instead, put all of your shredded paper into a paper or recyclable plastic bag. Once the bag is full, tie the handles together or fold over the edge so none of the scraps can escape. Put the sealed bag in your recycling bin when you're finished.[2]
- Some recycling facilities don't accept bagged recyclables.
- Put shredded paper in a green compost bin if your city allows it. Some cities provide you with a green bin you can use to collect compostables. Mix the shredded paper with the rest of your compost so it doesn't blow around or come loose. Put your compost bin outside the night before collection day so the workers can collect it and take it to the proper facility.[3]
- Not every city will offer composting collection services.
- Look for shredding events in your area to get rid of shredded paper and documents. Some communities offer shredding events where you can bring your documents or shredded paper to get rid of. Search online for shredding events near you, and bring any paper you want to throw away safely. When you arrive, find the person running the shredding machine and take your paper to them. The person running the shredder will pour your shredded paper into the machine so it's destroyed and recycled properly.[4]
- Shredding events may only take place in larger cities a few times each year.
- Most events won't accept junk mail, colored paper, or newspapers.
[Edit]Repurposing Shredded Paper - Pack boxes and fragile materials with shredded paper to protect them. Fill the bottom of the box with a layer of shredded paper. Put your items on top of the shredded paper and space them out evenly so they don't bump into one another. Fill in around the spaces between your items with the shredded paper so they don't shift around when you transport or send them.[5]
- You can also use the shredded paper as filling for gift bags if you want.
- Make sure none of the personal information on your shredded documents is legible if you use the shredded paper to fill packages for other people.
- Save the shredded paper to use for pet bedding if you have one. Small animals, such as mice, rats, hamsters, and guinea pigs, use paper scraps and small shreds to make their nests. Mix equal parts of your pet's bedding and shredded paper so it can slowly adjust to it. Line the bottom of its cage with the mix and replace it once it gets soiled.[6]
- Shredded paper can also make a good alternative or add-in for pet litter since it can absorb odors and moisture.
- Stuff the shreds into paper towel rolls to make kindling sticks. Pinch or twist the end of a paper towel tube to close it so your paper can't fall out the other side. Push your shredded paper into the tube and pack it down tightly using a knife or spoon. Continue filling the tube until you can't fit any more paper shreds inside. When you want to use your kindling, set the tube at the base of a fire pit and light it so you the wood or coals ignite easier.[7]
- You can also mix in dryer lint if you want a firestarter that's more flammable. Be careful since dryer lint catches easily and an open flame or heat source could cause it to ignite.
- Compost your shredded paper to provide nutrients to a garden. Shredded paper contains carbon, which adds nutrients to the soil and helps plants grow better. Pour the shredded paper into a compost bin with the rest of your food waste so it can break down. Maintain a balance of 25 parts paper to 1 part vegetable and food waste so the compost has a good carbon to nitrogen ratio.[8]
- Avoid using colored or glossy paper shreds since they could contain chemicals that could affect the balance of your soil.
- Make seed bombs with the paper to give as gifts and plant flowers. Put 3-4 sheets of shredded paper inside of a blender with of hot water. Let the paper sit in the water for 10 minutes and then blend the paper on medium speed until it forms a thick pulp. Strain the pulp before mixing in 1-2 teaspoons (3-6 g) of prepackaged flower seeds by hand. Shape the pulp into balls or push it into a mold, such as an ice cube tray or muffin tin, and let them dry overnight.[9]
- When you want to plant one, put the seed bomb in a pot with soil and water it so the seeds can sprout.
- Use smaller-sized seeds since they're more likely to grow and won't take up as much space inside your seed bombs.
- Cut the seed bombs with cookie cutters if you want to make fun shapes.
- Create new sheets of paper from your shreds. Put your shredded paper in a blender and pour water over the shreds until they're completely submerged. Blend the paper on high for about 1 minute before pouring the mixture in a framed window screen that's sitting in a container of water. Sift the water through the screen so the pulp stays inside of the frame. Set the frame on a dry towel and let the paper dry completely so you can use it for crafts or projects.[10]
- Paper will get weaker the more times you shred it, so your homemade paper may not be the most durable. away on the lowest setting to dry it out.}}
- Only shred the documents that you need to so you don't create extra paper waste.[11]
[Edit]Warnings - Avoid putting shredded paper directly into a recycling bin since it could get caught in the recycling machines and will most likely go to a landfill instead.[12]
[Edit]References |
| How to Keep Your Boss Happy Posted: 14 Sep 2019 01:00 AM PDT In most jobs, you're going to have to work under a boss. Although sometimes this can be a bit hasslesome, it's important to keep your boss happy in order to succeed. The 2 best ways to do this are to take steps to improve your relationship with your boss and impress them whenever you can. Of course, if your boss is particularly hard to work with, there are also some things you can do to make working under them easier to manage. [Edit]Improving Your Relationship - Adopt your boss's professional goals as your own. Find out what is important to your boss and make it important to you. Shift your workplace demeanor and output so that your boss sees you as a relatable and dependable employee.[1]
- For example, if your boss is highly motivated to beat their deadlines, then do your best to get everything in ahead of schedule.
- Don't sacrifice your own goals or priorities for the sake of your boss's. Rather, incorporate as many of your boss's goals into your own plans as best you can. For example, if there is a project that your boss is particularly passionate about, work on that project when you can, but don't sacrifice your other priorities to do so.
- Spend time getting to know your boss to understand them better. Make a note of anything that you and your boss have in common so you can talk about it with them. In general conversation, find an opportunity to make your boss aware of your similar interests. This will not only help you to understand how they think, but will also make them like you more.[2]
- For example, if you and your boss both like the same sport, find out what team they root for and try to follow that team's games. This way, you can talk to your boss about the team whenever the opportunity arises.
- The best time to have this type of conversation is in the break room at lunch or during a period of downtime where neither of you are expected to be working at that moment. This makes having a non-work conversation more acceptable.
- Note that you shouldn't become too friendly with your boss. Remember to keep your relationship professional, even if you're having a casual conversation.
- Be agreeable with your boss whenever possible. Try to agree with your boss, more often than not, without compromising your own values. Be willing to disagree with them when you need to, but take every opportunity to demonstrate to your boss that you're "on their side."[3]
- This applies to working with other colleagues under your boss, as well. Show your boss and your coworkers that you're a team player.
- Be as supportive as you can in controversial situations, even if you really don't like your boss' behavior. This puts you in a position to be honest with your boss without seeming confrontational.
- Do work that helps out your boss. Remember, your boss's success is also your own success. Find out what project or task your boss tends to spend a lot of their time on and take steps to work on it in your spare time. This is especially helpful if this task is particularly stressful for your boss and they don't have the time to finish it on their own.[4]
- For example, if your workplace requires a lot of paperwork, especially from your boss, then fill out some of the paperwork that your boss normally does (as long as you're allowed to do this).
- You may have to ask your boss if you can give them a hand with their task. Don't be afraid to do this! In fact, they may appreciate the simple fact that you offered to help.
- Be consistent with your work and your mood. Your boss is probably under a lot of stress in their job, so they will appreciate any employee who is predictable and reliable. Don't let stress or your boss being angry affect the quality of your work or your mood in the workplace.[5]
- For example, if you have a lot on your plate at the moment and your boss asks you if you can help them out with a project, don't complain about having more work to do. Say "sure, I'd be happy to" and do your work as best you can.
- At the same time, don't overpromise or commit to doing additional work that you don't have the time to do well. If you do this extra work poorly, it won't make your boss happy at all.
[Edit]Impressing Your Boss - Show up early and leave later than your boss whenever you can. This will make you look like a dedicated employee and a very hard worker. If your boss shows up early as well, this may also give you the chance to have more one-on-one conversation with them.[6]
- Make sure you're actually doing work when you're in the workplace. It won't do you much good to show up early and sit around doing nothing!
- Look for opportunities to go above and beyond. Submit your work ahead of deadline and do extra work when you can. If there are opportunities to help another department get a task done, volunteer to help out. This will make you look like an exceptional worker with lots of potential, which your boss will appreciate.[7]
- Moving beyond your workplace boundaries is also a good way to learn as much about your company and industry as you can. You'll need this knowledge to expand in your career.
- Speak up during meetings, especially if other employees won't. Don't be afraid to share your ideas, especially if they can help increase productivity or make someone's job easier. This will reinforce your boss's image of you as a team player and as someone who's willing to take initiative.[8]
- Take the opportunity to ask good questions during meetings that show you care about the company. For example, ask something like "What is the best way to carry out this project so that we're being as efficient as possible?"
- Don't be overly vocal or aggressive when you disagree with something. Remember to be polite and courteous in these meetings.
- Take initiative and do things without having to be told. If there's a project or task that you know will need to be done, go ahead and do it rather than wait for your boss to assign it to you. This will help you demonstrate your strong work ethic and foresight, which your boss will highly appreciate.[9]
- Be sure you don't step on anyone's toes when you do this. If there's a looming project that normally would go to someone else, make sure you clear it with them before tackling it yourself.
[Edit]Dealing with a Difficult Manager - Avoid letting your boss's behavior affect the quality of your work. Make your work a reflection of your own personal "brand" as an employee. Remind yourself that when you're in the workplace, people who can open or close future opportunities for you may be evaluating your work.[10]
- This means that it's never a good career decision to flub your work in order to "get back" at your boss.
- It also helps to remember that your boss may be taking out personal stress on you; it may have nothing to do with you personally.
- Identify the triggers that cause your boss to be angry or critical. Figure out if there's something you're doing that triggers your boss's anger and refrain from doing it around them. Adapting to your boss's style, while avoiding their pet peeves, is a great way to make your workplace a more friendly environment.[11]
- For example, if you know your boss hates it when work is even a few minutes late, do your best to always get your work done by deadline or ahead of time to avoid making them upset.
- At the same time, don't kowtow to a boss who's being a bully. For example, speak out if your boss does or says something that offends you. Adapt to your boss as best you can without sacrificing your own peace of mind.
- Work ahead to avoid giving your boss a reason to be angry. If you're constantly falling behind on deadlines or turning in subpar work, your boss may think you're harming the company's integrity. Being a dependable employee will not only keep your boss happy, but will also make you stand out next to your colleagues.[12]
- You might be able to do this by putting in extra work after hours, or by taking steps to reduce inefficiency in your normal workday. For example, if you find yourself getting groggy at midday, consider taking a 5-minute break to stretch and get your blood flowing again.
- Learn what exactly your boss expects from your work and try to meet those expectations as best you can. If you're not sure what they expect, ask them a question like: "Can you tell me how exactly I should do this? I want to make sure I'm doing it exactly right."
- Be willing to set boundaries and confront a "bad boss" if needed. If the workplace environment becomes toxic because of your boss's behavior, respectfully tell them about it. A good boss will recognize the importance of their employees' mental and emotional health and change their behavior as a result.[13]
- For example, if your boss is constantly criticizing your visual appearance, say something like "It makes me uncomfortable when you criticize my appearance; could you please not do that so I can focus on my work?"
- Reach out to Human Resources if your boss's behavior is a serious problem. HR employees will help to mediate any issues or conflicts that have arisen between you and your boss. They will also be able to help you figure out how to resolve conflicts before they emerge in the future.[14]
- Note that HR will not automatically "take your side" in this situation. Their job is to make the workplace a safer, more constructive environment, not to pick winners and losers.
- Be direct when communicating with HR and let them know exactly what you've experienced with your boss.
[Edit]Related wikiHows [Edit]References |
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