| How to Help Someone with Anger Issues Posted: 22 Mar 2019 05:00 PM PDT Anger is a common emotion and can easily spiral into rage, so there's a chance you will someday encounter a friend, family member, or partner who has trouble controlling their anger. You can help them, first and foremost, by reeling in your own emotions, as becoming upset yourself will likely worsen the problem. After responding appropriately and de-escalating their anger, try motivating them to get help for their anger. Having a loved one with a fiery temper can be stressful, so be sure to look after yourself too. EditDefusing Tension in the Moment - Stay calm during tense situations. If your loved one gets angry, the only way you can effectively defuse the situation is by getting a hold on your own anger. Losing your own temper will only make matters worse. Breathe in and out deeply. Count silently to 100 or go splash water on your face to clear your head.[1]
- Speak in an even, moderate tone of voice. Lower your voice, so that it's just above a whisper. Doing this helps you maintain calm without shouting, but it also reinforces appropriate communication. Your loved one will likely follow suit and lower their voice, too.[2]
- Give your full attention when listening. Many angry people get that way because they feel no one is listening to them. Turn off your loved one's angry switch by giving them 100% of your attention. Turn to face them and hear them out without interrupting.[3]
- Being a good listener could help defuse the situation completely. Be sure to pay attention to the underlying issue.
- Show compassion towards the other person. Your loved one may act angry because they don't believe they are being heard or understood. Be sure to validate their experience and let them know that you are taking them seriously and respect their opinions.[4]
- Demonstrate your understanding by using reflection techniques. This might sound like, "I can see why you feel angry about the teller being rude to you," or "I think I understand the problem. You feel overlooked."
- Assert your boundaries. Insist that your angry loved one treat you with respect. In a calm and cool manner, say something like, "I will leave if you don't stop shouting," or "I won't continue this conversation if you engage in name-calling."[5]
- Once a boundary has been communicated, be firm and follow through if the person crosses the line.
- Use "I" statements to discuss the problem. You want to steer clear of criticism or blame, so interact using "I" statements that convey your needs without placing blame. These statements don't attack the other person, but they do let you communicate how you feel about the issue.[6]
- For example, instead of saying "You are always shouting at me!" say "I feel anxious when you shout. Can we try to use indoor voices?"
- Resist the urge to give advice. Angry people often view advice as criticism, so avoid trying to fix their problem. Just actively listen. If you want to try to work out whether your loved one merely wants to vent or needs a solution, ask them— after they've finished talking.[7]
- You might ask, "Do you want help with the problem or did you just want to get everything off your chest?" before you try to offer advice. Or, you could say, "I understand your anger. How can I help?"
- If your loved one tends to view you as critical, save your solutions for another time when they've cooled off.
- Take a break if you need one. If you feel under attack or overwhelmed during communication with an angry person, ask for a timeout. You might say, "I don't think we're going to reach an agreement if we're shouting at each other. Let's take 10, okay?" Go someplace where you feel safe and get your own emotions under control.[8]
- Listen to soft music, watch a silly YouTube video, or call someone who tends to calm you down.
EditInspiring Change - Focus on the issue, not the person. Have a talk letting your loved one know how their angry behavior affects you without making it seem like they're the problem. This increases the odds of them cooperating with you and shows that you are concerned.[9]
- Say, "I've noticed you're angry a lot lately. It prevents us from connecting like we used to. It'd make me feel better if you talked to someone about it."
- Take note of patterns regarding what angers the person to determine underlying issues. For instance, if they often get upset when people gossip about them, the underlying issue may be that they value privacy.
- Once you've determined the underlying issue, you can help the person develop strategies or create boundaries to deal with it. For example, if the person values privacy, you could caution them not to share personal information with their co-workers if it leads to office gossip.
- Become aware of the anger scale. Anger doesn't usually start out as anger. It may begin as annoyance, which increases to frustration, irritation, anger, and rage. Learn to identify signs of annoyance in your loved one so you can help de-escalate the situation before they become explosively angry.
- If your loved one seems to jump straight to anger or rage, skipping the earlier stages, it would be beneficial for them to receive professional help to identify their triggers and learn intervention strategies to diffuse their anger.
- Offer to accompany them when seeing a professional. Don't just tell your loved one they should get help without offering your support. Tell them that you are willing to help them find a therapist or an anger management class. Offer to drive them to sessions and sit in the waiting room if they'd like.[10]
- Pick your battles. You won't make any headway if you have a tendency to nag your loved one about their anger problem. Plus, not every single issue requires a disagreement. Try to be selective when addressing issues. Pick your battles based on whether you feel like your boundaries have been violated.[11]
- Also, choose your battles based on timing. Aim to talk through difficult issues when your loved one is calm, sober, and in a relatively positive mood.
- Encourage your loved one to decrease their stress levels. People who are stressed are more likely to get angry more quickly, as stress feeds anger. If your loved one has a lower stress baseline, it will take more time for them to reach the anger stage. This gives you more time to recognize the early signs of anger and take steps to calm them down.
- Your loved one could try meditation, yoga, exercising, breathing exercises, or other strategies to control their stress.
- Be patient. Working with a loved one who has anger issues is like the waltz: you will take nearly as many steps backward as you do forward. Strive for patience with the person as they come to acknowledge they have a problem with anger.
EditCaring for Yourself - Confide in a trusted friend. Offering your support to someone with anger issues can feel draining. Be sure to get support of your own by reaching out to close friends and family. Ask them to hear you out as you talk through problems or simply distract you when you don't want to discuss the issue.[12]
- Avoid gossiping about the angry person or rehashing their issues. Instead, focus on what you need to do to de-stress.
- Spend time with happy people. If everyone in your social circle is angry, you may become angry too. This is because people have a tendency to mimic the behavior of those around them. Make sure you have a well-rounded social circle that includes generally happy or optimistic people as well.
- Practice self-care. An angry environment can make you feel stressed out or anxious. Combat stress with regular self-care activities, like getting a massage, listening to soothing music, soaking in a warm bath, or doing relaxing yoga sequences.[13]
- It's fine to want to support your loved one, but try to carve out some "me time" a few days each week to do nourishing activities to fill yourself back up.
- Attend an anger management support group. Another way to get support is by seeking out others who understand what you are going through. Locate anger management support groups in your local area and consider attending a few meetings.[14]
- You might feel relieved to hear that others are having similar experiences. Plus, they may have useful advice to help you cope.
- Get help if anger turns violent. If your loved one becomes abusive, all bets are off. It is never okay to hurt someone else out of anger. At that point, you must direct your energy towards keeping yourself safe. Leave the environment if possible. Call a friend, family member, or speak to someone anonymously on a helpline.[15]
- If your spouse becomes violent, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.
- If you are a child and afraid of an adult with violent tendencies, contact the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-Child.
EditConversations to Connect with Someone with Anger Issues EditSources and Citations
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| How to Kill Ants in Your House Posted: 22 Mar 2019 09:00 AM PDT Common house ants, which are less than long, are primarily a nuisance that you can squash or spray to kill. However, to get rid of the entire colony, use poisoned bait stations and let the worker ants destroy their own nest. If you have carpenter ants in your home—which are long and nest in damp or rotted wood—it's important that you eliminate the colony right away. Dig into the damaged area, eradicate the nest with insecticide, and make repairs, or hire a pro to do the job. EditKilling Individual Ants - Smash individual ants with your shoe or a paper towel. This is the most low-tech solution, but it will definitely kill an ant! However, even if you only see a single ant, you should always assume that there are many more in your home.[1]
- Scout ants leave scent trails for other ants to follow, so even squashing every ant you see won't stop an infestation. To do that, you need to either track down the nest and eradicate it with insecticide, or place poison bait stations in your home so the scout ants carry the poison back to their nest.
- Spray ants with soapy water if you'd prefer not to squash them. Add a single squirt of liquid dish soap to a spray bottle of tap water, then shake up the mixture before using it. When you spray an ant with the mixture, the soapy water interferes with the ant's respiratory system and suffocates it, usually within a minute or so.[2]
- Keep the spray bottle handy, since you'll almost certainly see more ants until you eradicate the nest. Shake up the bottle each time before using it.
- Use a bug killer marketed for ants if you don't mind using chemicals. Bug sprays that kill on contact typically interfere with an ant's respiratory system, meaning they kill in much the same way as soapy water. They'll probably kill even more quickly, but they also contain chemicals that you may be wary of spraying in your home.[3]
- Especially if you have pets or kids at home, or if the ants are in your kitchen, you may want to use soapy water or your shoe to kill individual ants.
- Sprinkle diatomaceous earth to kill ants in high-traffic areas. If you notice several ants moving along a baseboard or near a crack, sprinkle some food-grade diatomaceous earth (DE) in that area. DE may kill any ant that walks over it, and will almost certainly kill any ant that eats it.[4]
- DE is made up of the crushed, fossilized exoskeletons of tiny aquatic organisms. Its jagged texture can cause fatal injuries to ants that walk over it, and will essentially tear apart the insides of an ant that eats it.
- DE is considered safe for use around humans and pets. However, don't inhale the fine granules, as they can cause irritation to your breathing passages.[5]
EditEliminating a House Ant Colony - Lay out an "ant buffet" to see which bait food the ants prefer. Many types of ants, including common house ants, prefer different types of foods at different times. To determine the preference of the colony that's invading your house, add a squeeze of honey, a dollop of peanut butter, and 1-2 potato chips to a piece of cardboard. Place the cardboard in an area where you've noticed ant traffic, and wait 1-2 days to see which food the ants are eating.[6]
- If the ants prefer the honey, for example, then you know they are currently interested in sweet foods. Use this knowledge when you shop for ant bait stations.
- Buy ant bait stations that match up with the ants' current food preference. Some ant bait stations use a generic bait that will probably work for you, but others list specific baits, such as "for sweet-eating ants" or "for grease-eating ants." If you can find these specific baits at your local hardware store, buy the type that corresponds to the results of your "ant buffet" test.[7]
- Designs vary by brand, but each individual bait station often looks like a tiny plastic igloo with 4 openings, stuck on top of a roughly square of plastic or cardboard.
- Alternatively, you can make your own bait stations by mixing up a paste from of water, 0.5 c (120 g) of sugar, and 2 tbsp (30 g) of Borax, then spreading it on small pieces of cardboard. Borax is toxic if ingested, however, so this isn't safe if you have pets or kids.[8]
- Set out the bait stations in areas where you see ant activity. Scout ants lay a scent trail for their companions to follow, so ants tend to use the same pathways over and over again. Identify several areas with high ant traffic and place the bait stations there. The ants will take over the job from there![9]
- Worker ants will collect the solid, liquid, or gelatinous poison inside the bait stations—which they think is tasty food—and bring it back to their nest to share. From there, the poison will quickly spread through and decimate the colony.
- Bait stations are generally safe to use around kids and pets, so long as they don't break into the "igloo." Follow the instructions on the package if a child or pet ingests any of the poison, or contact a poison control center or emergency services.
- Keep the bait stations in place until all ant activity has ceased. Leave the bait stations out until you haven't noticed any ant activity for 2-3 days. Depending on the type of bait station, you may be advised to replace it after a set period of time, such as 1 or 2 weeks. If so, keep putting out new bait stations until you don't see any more ants.[10]
- Err on the side of leaving the bait stations out longer than necessary. You want to make sure that every single ant in the colony has consumed and been killed by the poison. If only some of the ants have been killed, the colony may rebound.
- Take simple measures to prevent future ant invasions of your home. If you keep your house clean, put food away, and block easy access points, you can go a long way toward eliminating ant infestations. Try the following:
- Sweep up crumbs and clear away food scraps after every meal.
- Take out the trash daily, and don't leave dirty dishes in the sink overnight.
- Seal food containers tightly.
- Seal any gaps or cracks in walls, window trim, door jambs, etc. with caulk.
- Sprinkle coffee grounds, cinnamon, or chili powder at potential ant entry points.
EditFinding and Killing a Carpenter Ant Colony - Check for wet or rotted wood near where you see ant activity. Carpenter ants prefer to build nests in wood that is softened by moisture and rotting. Look around areas near where you've spotted the ants and check for a dripping pipe, a broken seal around a window, or other areas where the wooden structure of your home is getting wet.[11]
- Focus your search around windows, doors, and water pipes, as these can create the damp wood that carpenter ants love.
- Carpenter ants usually nest outdoors in areas like wood piles, damp logs, and wooden deck posts. But if they are in your house, take immediate action before they cause significant damage.
- Open up the area where you suspect a nest location. If you see carpenter ants entering and exiting the wall at a rotted section of baseboard, for instance, pull away that section of baseboard. Then, if necessary, remove some of the plaster or drywall in that area to investigate deeper into the wall. If you see a huge mass of ants in an area of heavily-damaged wood, you'll know you've found the nest.[12]
- You're going to need to repair this area after destroying the nest anyway, so don't be shy about digging in to find the nest. Alternatively, hire a pest control professional at this point to do the job for you.
- Spray the nest with a carpenter ant insecticide until it's saturated. Choose an insecticide spray that's marketed for carpenter ants and contains bifenthrin, permethrin, or deltamethrin. Don't be shy when spraying it on the nest--douse it until it's saturated with insecticide. If you follow the application instructions on the package, the insecticide should make short work of the colony.[13]
- Keep kids and pets out of the area while you work, and take any other safety measures described on the package.
- While laying out poison bait traps will kill off a carpenter ant nest over time, you'll still need to address the rotten, damaged wood in your home anyway. So it's best to attack the nest directly when dealing with carpenter ants.
- Repair the area after the colony is confirmed dead to prevent a repeat problem. Reapply the spray if needed (and as per the product instructions) until you don't see any more ant activity at the nest for 2-3 days. Then, fix any leaky pipes, seal up any gaps letting water in, replace any rotted wood, and close the area back up. Hire a home repair pro if you cannot do the repairs yourself.[14]
- If you don't fix the damage now, it may get worse over time and cause even greater problems. It may also draw in another carpenter ant colony.
EditRelated wikiHows EditSources and Citations EditQuick Summary
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| How to Set a Breakfast Table Posted: 22 Mar 2019 01:00 AM PDT You may not be able to set the table for breakfast every morning, but when you do get the chance, it adds a really nice touch to the start of your day! Make your table as fancy or as laid-back as you prefer. For a basic setting, you'll need plates, bowls, silverware, mugs, and juice glasses. For more complex table settings, use cloth napkins, extra utensils for different dishes, and carafes full of delicious beverages. You can even prepare a breakfast buffet for when you're having a lot of guests over. A lot of your decisions will be based on how large of a table you have, but even if you have limited room, you can still present a beautiful table. EditSetting a Basic Breakfast Table - Provide plates or bowls for guests, depending on what you're serving. For a meal like pancakes or eggs and toast, a dinner plate should be provided to each guest. If you're serving oatmeal or cereal, give everyone a bowl. If you're serving both types of breakfasts, set a plate at each place and put a bowl on top of the plate.[1]
- Setting a basic table for your everyday breakfast doesn't need to take long at all. Just think ahead about what you're planning to make, and make sure to set out the dishware that'll be needed.
- Lay out silverware at each place setting. A fork, butter knife, and a small spoon should be adequate for a more casual table setting. Place the fork on the left-hand side of the plate, and put the butter knife and spoon on the right-hand side.[2]
- Always place the knife with its blade pointing toward the plate.
- You could also put silverware into a basket on the table and let your guests take what they need for their meal. Some people may not need a knife or a spoon, and this could cut down on the dishes you need to clean later.
- Give each guest a mug or juice glass for their morning beverage. Rather than setting out a mug and a glass for each person, ask each guest what they'd like to drink and set their place with the appropriate drinkware. Juice glasses can be used for water, juice, or drinks like bloody marys. Mugs are great for coffee, tea, or hot chocolate. Set the glass above the plate, between where the plate and the utensils are.[3]
- If you're serving mimosas or some other kind of batch-drink, provide a pitcher of the beverage and the appropriate glasses next to the pitcher so guests can help themselves.
- Set a napkin at each place setting. Use cloth napkins if that's what you prefer, or give everyone paper napkins for easy clean-up. You can put the napkin underneath the fork on the left-hand side of the plate, or just set the napkin on top of the plate.[4]
- If you normally use a napkin-holder at your table, it's okay to just set that out, too, instead of placing a table at each setting.
EditPlacing Formal Settings - Put a plate directly across from each chair. Depending on what you're serving and how large your table is, use either a dinner plate or a salad plate for the main setting. Leave about of space between the table's edge and the bottom of the plate.[5]
- If you're planning to use a tablecloth, lay it out before setting any plates down on the table.
- If you do happen to use a dinner plate, provide a salad plate as well for bread or muffins. Place the salad plate at the upper-left corner of the dinner plate.
- It's okay if your dishes don't all match! Mismatched plates hold a certain kind of charm when presented nicely.
- Set a bowl either on top of the plate or directly above the plate. Provide bowls if you're serving hot cereal, cold cereal, or yogurt. If you're not serving any of those options, you don't need to set a bowl.[6]
- Use smaller bowls for breakfast if you have them. A deep soup-bowl might look cumbersome on your breakfast table.
- Place the silverware around the plate. Provide 1 fork, 1 butter knife, and 2 spoons for each person. Place the fork on the left side of the plate. On the right side, place the butter knife down first, with the cutting edge facing inwards toward the plate. Next to the knife, set a soup spoon and then a teaspoon. If you aren't serving cereal or yogurt, you don't need to set out the soup spoon.[7]
- The soup spoon is for cereal or yogurt, and the teaspoon is for stirring hot beverages.
- Position a juice glass directly above the knife and spoons. Use juice glasses if you have them, but if not, normal water glasses are just fine. Some people even use mason jars for beverages.[8]
- You can often find pretty, unique glassware at thrift stores.
- If you're serving an alcoholic drink, like mimosas or bloody marys, provide the appropriate glassware for the drink. Champagne flutes are great for mimosas, and highball glasses are commonly used for bloody marys.
- Provide a cup and saucer for hot beverages to the right of the glass. If you don't have saucers, it's okay to use a mug or teacup on its own. The saucer is a nice addition so people have a place to set their teaspoon after stirring their drink.[9]
- For an eclectic look, use mismatched cups and saucers for each place setting.
- Fold a napkin and set it to the left of the fork. If you have cloth napkins, this is a great time to use them. If you don't have cloth napkins, paper ones are fine, too. If there isn't much room on your table, put the napkins underneath the fork to save space.[10]
EditOrganizing a Buffet-Style Setting - Pick a place for your buffet, like a long counter or side table. You need a place that is big enough to host the food, plates, and other breakfast accessories. You'll want to put the buffet somewhere it'll be easily accessible, but somewhere it won't be in the way of people trying to sit and eat.[11]
- For example, if you have a dining room, try setting up the buffet in the kitchen. That way people can congregate in the kitchen and gather their food and then move out of the way as they head to the dining room to sit down.
- If you are using disposable plates and bowls, don't forget to put out a trash can for people to put their used dishes in.
- Put plates and bowls at the front of the buffet table. Dinner plates, small plates, and small bowls should be set at the very beginning of the table so guests can pick up what they need to gather their food. Consider using disposable plates if you don't think you'll have enough or your normal tableware for all your guests.[12]
- Don't put the silverware or napkins next to the plates, as that can make it harder for guests to juggle things as they try to get their food.
- Lay out the food in serving bowls and on large platters. Keep each type of food separated from the others so guests don't get overwhelmed by all the options. For example, if you're serving toast, bagels, and muffins, lay them out on a large platter all together so that people can see all their options at once. Or if you're serving pancakes or waffles, put the syrup, butter, and other toppings right next to them.[13]
- Consider creating labels or signs to put in front of each dish. This is especially helpful if you have guests that have dietary restrictions—you can specify if a dish is gluten-free, dairy-free, or vegan.
- Some great breakfast-buffet foods are: mini quiches, oatmeal station, fruit salad, and baked casseroles. Think of items that won't require you to be in the kitchen or at the stove.
- Provide silverware and napkins at the very end of the buffet table. Put the silverware in a compartmentalized basket so guests can pick out what they need. Or, you could also wrap a knife, spoon, and fork into each napkin so guests can easily grab a bundle and be on their way.[14]
- This is helpful, too, for people who forget to grab their silverware or don't have a free hand to pick it up. They can just go to the end of the table to get what they need without disrupting the flow of the buffet.
- Set up the drinks on a different table away from the food. People may want to refill their cups more often than they want to get more food, and setting the drinks apart from the food will keep things moving smoothly. For your drink area, include:[15]
- Mugs for hot beverages
- Glasses for juice and water
- Sugar, sugar substitutes, and cream
- Teaspoons or plastic stirrers
- Napkins
- Pitchers of water, juice, or other beverages
- Carafes of hot water and coffee
EditAdding Special Touches - Provide beverage carafes to make drinks more accessible. Instead of having people get up from the table every time they want a refill on their coffee or juice, provide a carafe of the offered beverage(s) so they can stay at the table. Coffee, hot water, cold water, juice, and bloody mary mix are all possible breakfast beverages you could put in a carafe.[16]
- A carafe is a large pitcher used to serve beverages. It can be insulated or not, depending on whether it's for hot or cold beverages, and it can be open-topped or have a lid. Carafes used for cold liquids are generally open, whereas coffee or hot water is usually served in a lidded carafe.
- Use an insulated carafe for hot liquids and a glass carafe for cold liquids.
- Set out cream and sugar for people to modify their hot beverages. Serve sugar in a small bowl with a spoon, and pour some cream into a miniature pitcher. Putting each of these elements into their own container makes your table look nicer than if you were to just set out a carton of creamer or a bag of sugar.[17]
- You could also set out honey for tea, oatmeal, and muffins.
- Put out a butter dish with its own knife for toast and muffins. Instead of asking guests to use their own cutlery to spread butter, set out a separate knife that is designated just for the butter dish. Check the butter before you put it out to make sure there is enough left and that the butter is in good shape (not covered in crumbs or hardened anywhere).[18]
- If you aren't serving toast and muffins, you most likely don't need to set out the butter.
- Give your guests an assortment of jams and jellies to spread. If you can, put each jam and jelly into their own small bowls with spoons. This makes the presentation look a little nicer.[19]
- If you're offering multiple options, you could even create cute labels to put on each container so guests easily know which option they're choosing.
- Warm a pitcher full of syrup for pancakes and waffles. Use the kind of pitcher that has a lid, or use an open pitcher. Whatever you have available is fine! Make sure the container is microwave safe, fill it with syrup, and then heat it up for 30 to 60 seconds.[20]
- If you don't have a specific syrup pitcher, you could also use a gravy boat or a creamer pitcher for a similar look.
- Place salt and pepper shakers out so people can season their food. For a fancier table, put miniature salt and pepper shakers in front of each person's place setting. If you don't have that capability, just put out one shaker of each seasoning in the center of the table for guests to use as they need.[21]
- You could also use salt and pepper bowls or boxes with small spoons for a nice effect.
- Take some time to look through your cupboards to see what kinds of flatware, silverware, drinkware, and jars you have available. Make a list of what you'd like to put on the table and plan out how you'll present everything beforehand.
- Fresh flowers can really elevate a breakfast-table setting. Add a bouquet to the middle of the table, or put a small vase and an individual flower in front of each person's place setting.
EditSources and Citations
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