| How to Get Your Significant Other to Appreciate You More Posted: 05 Oct 2020 05:00 PM PDT Feeling under-appreciated, or completely unappreciated, by your partner is bad for your relationship and your own wellbeing. While you can't force your significant other to appreciate you more, having calm, clear, and frequent conversations on the subject may lead to improvement. It's also important for you to show appreciation for yourself and your life—this is something you can control! [Edit]Sharing Your Feelings - Use "I" statements to clearly but gently share how you feel. Never assume that your partner knows you feel under-appreciated—tell them! When you do tell them, though, don't use accusatory "you" statements. Instead, relate how you are feeling by relying on "I" statements.[1]
- For example, instead of, "You don't appreciate any of the work I do around the house," try, "I don't feel appreciated when the work I do around the house goes unnoticed."
- Do your best to remain calm and composed as you share your feelings. It's best, when possible, to wait for an opportunity when both of you have the time and the right attitude for a true conversation.
- Identify consequences without begging or demanding. After using one or several "I" statements to express your feelings of under-appreciation, follow up with one or more "I" statements on potential consequences. "Consequences" doesn't necessarily mean a "fix this or we're through" ultimatum—although that may be the case sometimes—but you do need to clearly identify where things may be headed.[2]
- For example: "I have feelings of resentment because of the lack of appreciation, and I'm worried that our relationship will be permanently damaged."
- Or: "I think this relationship may not be worth continuing if things remain the same."
- Listen closely and give your partner a chance to respond. It's hard to predict how your partner will respond, but it's important that you give them a chance to do so. They might be surprised, remorseful, apologetic, offended, or even angry. So long as they do not create a threatening or unhealthy situation, let them have their say.[3]
- Don't interrupt, even if you vehemently disagree with their perspective on the situation—for instance, if they insist that they "show you way more appreciation" than you ever show them.
- Unless they go completely off the rails, consider cutting your partner some slack on their initial response. It can be very difficult to hear that your partner doesn't think you appreciate them.
- If you make it clear that you're listening and that you respect their point of view, it's more likely that you'll be able to move forward in a positive direction.
- Support your partner if they express a desire to improve. This is the best-case scenario, so be ready to help make it happen! If your partner apologizes and pledges to do better, validate their goal and offer your support in tangible ways.[4]
- For example: "I accept your apology and I'm so happy that you're committed to making changes. Can we talk about some strategies we both can use to improve how we show appreciation and gratitude?"
- If they express a desire to seek outside help, such as by seeing a counselor, you might show your support by helping them to find a therapist or by shuffling your schedule so they can make their appointments.
- Keep the lines of communication open as an ongoing process. Don't expect to fix this problem in a single conversation! If your partner is willing, commit to openly and frequently talking about this issue and all the others that will inevitably arise in your relationship.[5]
- For example: "I'm really glad we talked like this, and I think it might really help. Can we set aside some time each week to talk about our feelings?"
- Follow through on the consequences if nothing changes. Unfortunately, your partner may be unwilling to commit to positive change. If so, it's important that you stick to the consequences you laid out when you raised the issue of feeling unappreciated. Doing so will be extremely difficult if it means ending the relationship, but you owe it to yourself to prioritize your emotional health.[6]
- It's sometimes possible, although challenging, to sustain a reasonably healthy relationship even when you feel under-appreciated. Be honest with yourself about the costs and benefits of continuing the relationship versus ending it.
- If you're experiencing physical or emotional abuse alongside a lack of appreciation, get out of the relationship for your own safety and wellbeing.
[Edit]Encouraging Appreciation - Model the behavior you want to see by showing appreciation. You're almost certain to feel as though you show your partner lots of appreciation, but step back and make an honest assessment. Is your resentment about not being appreciated causing you to withhold appreciation? Can you do more to model the appreciative behavior you desire from your partner?[7]
- "Punishing" your partner by not showing appreciation is unlikely to help and more likely to make things worse. Instead of contributing to a downward spiral, aim to raise the bar on showing appreciation.
- Showing appreciation is easy! (And that's why it's so frustrating that your partner doesn't do it!) While a simple, sincere "thank you" can go a long way, try using the word "appreciate" when possible: "I really appreciate your helping me with the laundry today."
- Show appreciation by (sometimes, not always) putting your partner's needs first. A healthy, rewarding relationship requires give-and-take, compromise, and sacrifice. Part of modeling the appreciation you hope to receive involves putting your partner's needs in front of your own. Keep in mind, though, that it is not desirable or healthy for you to do this all the time—you deserve to prioritize your own needs as well![8]
- Putting your partner first may be as simple as letting them choose where to go for dinner. Or, it might be a major decision, like relocating for their career. If you're feeling unappreciated by your partner, though, don't feel obligated to make life-altering sacrifices until they prove capable of making positive changes!
- Reward honest appreciation genuinely and specifically. Positive reinforcement works better than negative reinforcement, no matter if it's for a child, a pet, or an under-appreciative significant other! Instead of criticizing instances when they don't show appreciation, point out and praise every single instance when they do. They'll begin to crave this praise and will do what it takes to earn more of it![9]
- Specifically point out what the other person did that's so praiseworthy: "I appreciate so much that you took the time to drive my mother to her doctor's appointment today, Devon."
- Express and reward appreciation in ways that suit each of you. Voicing your appreciation isn't the only way to show it, and, according to the concept of "love languages," you or your partner may respond better to other methods. Talk with your partner about which signs of appreciation most resonate with you. The 5 "love languages" are as follows:[10]
- Words of affection. Voicing appreciation is most effective.
- Quality time. Show appreciation by spending time doing something together that the other person really enjoys.
- Acts of service. Take actions that demonstrate appreciation.
- Physical contact. Depending on the person, this can range from gentle cuddling to vigorous bedroom activity!
- Receiving gifts. A thoughtful, personalized gift shows appreciation, but the act of giving the gift is at least as important.
- Do a list-making exercise about appreciation with your partner. This is a variation on a couples counseling exercise, with "appreciated" subbed in for "loved." Individually write up and share a list of several statements that start as follows: "I feel appreciated when you…." Then, write up and share several statements that start like this: "I would feel more appreciated if you…." After sharing your lists, take turns standing up and sharing what you will do to better show appreciation to your partner.[11]
- For example: "I feel appreciated when you volunteer to do the dishes after I make dinner."
- And: "I would feel more appreciated if you said "thank you" sincerely more often."
- Then: "I will show more appreciation to you by respecting your need to relax for a little while after work."
[Edit]Appreciating Yourself - Take time each day to identify things you're grateful for. Think of this as the first part of a 2-part "appreciation exercise." Take some time to yourself to think up (or write down) around 5-10 things you appreciate in your life each day.[12]
- You might, for example, identify your appreciation for your health, your family, your pet, your job, and the safe community you live in.
- Taking the time to think about what you appreciate helps get you in the right frame of mind to recognize why and for what you deserve appreciation.
- Remind yourself daily that you are worthy of appreciation. Make this part 2 of your appreciation exercise. Now that you've thought of some things that you appreciate, write, speak, or think to yourself about why you deserve appreciation. Focus both on why you are inherently worthy of appreciation, as well as particular actions that deserve to be appreciated.[13]
- For example, you might say something like the following to yourself: "I appreciate the good in my life and in those around me, and the good in me deserves appreciation as well."
- Then, you might add something like this: "I am worthy of appreciation because I try hard to keep our home running smoothly."
- Make time for a regular self-care routine that calms and restores you. Taking some "me time" when you need it isn't selfish. Consider scheduling a regular time for self-care activities, but also be ready to take some time for self-care when you need it. Things like meditation, yoga, nature walks, spa days, crafting, gardening, fixing things, soaking in the tub, or reading a good book might work—find the best options for you![14]
- If you get resistance from your partner, be clear but caring: "I need this time to myself to relax and recharge, so I can be more present and positive when we're together."
- Look for ways you can improve without blaming yourself. There's a fine line here—don't tell yourself that it's your fault that you're not being appreciated! That said, do reflect on things that are under your control and which may be getting in the way of the appreciation you deserve. Work to make positive changes, and remember to appreciate yourself for your efforts![15]
- For example, do you sometimes possibly misinterpret efforts by your partner to show at least some amount of appreciation? If so, can you work to be more open to accepting appreciation in a broader sense, while at the same time being clear with your partner that you need to feel appreciated?
- Build up your self-appreciation with professional guidance. At the end of the day, you can't control whether or not your partner gives you the appreciation you deserve. But you can control whether you show yourself this appreciation, and working with a therapist may help you achieve self-appreciation.[16]
- Talk to your doctor about therapist recommendations. Look for a therapist with experience dealing with patients in situations similar to yours.
- Your therapist might show you visualization techniques, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBI) approaches, and other methods to build your self-esteem and self-appreciation.
- Accept that your relationship is unique, which means that it won't look exactly the same or require the same solutions as anyone else's. That said, some degree of mutual appreciation is essential to a healthy, stable, happy relationship.[17]
[Edit]References |
| How to Use Pinterest Posted: 05 Oct 2020 09:00 AM PDT This wikiHow teaches you how to get started with Pinterest, a visual discovery app where you'll find recipes, decorations, hairstyles, crafts, and creative ideas that spark inspiration. As you browse the site and discover Pins, which are kind of like visual bookmarks, you can save them to boards to keep them organized. Once you learn these basic skills, you'll be ready to dive deeper into the world of Pinterest. [Edit]Navigating Pinterest - Open Pinterest. You can do so by tapping the Pinterest app on your phone or tablet, or by going to https://www.pinterest.com.
- If you're not signed in, click or tap Log in to do so now.
- If you haven't created a Pinterest account yet, click or tap Sign up to create one now.
- Browse the Home page. The Home page is the first thing you'll see when opening Pinterest. This is where you'll find recommended Pins based on your activity, as well as Pins from topics, people, and boards you follow.[1]
- You can get back to the Home page at any time by clicking the Pinterest logo (a red circle with a white "p") on the web, or by tapping the house icon at the bottom-left corner of the mobile app.
- The Home page is also where you'll find some other navigation tabs—Today and Following. Click or tap Today to see daily inspiration from Pinterest, or Following to see only the content shared by people you follow.
- Click or tap a Pin. Think of Pins as visual bookmarks. People create Pins for things that inspire them on the internet—you'll find Pins for recipes, current events, DIY projects, art and graphics, educational aids, fashion, and just about any other topic you can think of. When you select a pin, a larger version of its image will appear, along with a brief summary and some options.
- If the Pin links to a website, click the web link (or tap Visit in the mobile app) to see the full content.
- When you find a Pin you like, you can click or tap 'Save to save it to a board. Learn more about boards in the Saving Pins to a Board method.
- Each Pin also contains a link to the person who created it. If you want to see more Pins from that person, tap the Follow button by their name. See the Following Boards and People method to learn more about following others.
- Open your profile page. If you're using a phone or tablet, tap the person icon near the bottom-right corner of the page. If you're on using a web browser on a computer, click the person icon (or your avatar, if you have one) at the top-right corner. One you've created boards and saved Pins, you'll find them here.
- Click or tap Boards to see boards you've created.
- Click or tap Pins to see a list of your saved Pins.
- Edit your profile and preferences. You can personalize your Pinterest profile and adjust your settings by clicking the pencil (on a computer) or tapping the gear icon.
- Select Edit Profile to add your personal info, including a photo.
- Select Account settings to take care of general tasks, like changing how you log in, updating your email address and location, or deactivating your account.
- Select Notifications to control how you are notified of new activity.
- Select Privacy & data to manage how Pinterest uses your data, as well as control your visibility on search engines.
- Select Security to manage your password and turn on 2-factor authentication.
- Search Pinterest for people, topics, or ideas. If you're using a phone or tablet, tap the magnifying glass at the bottom to bring up the search bar. If you're on a computer, the search bar is at the top of the Home page. This brings up a search page with some category suggestions and your most recent searches.
- To search for something in particular, just type what you're looking for into the search box. As you type, you'll see search suggestions below the search bar. Tap what you're looking for, or press Enter or Return to run the search verbatim.
- Below the suggestions are accounts that match what you've typed—you can tap one of these accounts to check out that user's profile, boards, and Pins.
- Check your notifications. This is where you'll see messages alerting you to new posts from people you're following, new followers, and your friends' activity. It's a bit different depending on how you're viewing Pinterest:
- On a computer: From the Home page, click the bell icon at the top-right corner.
- On a phone or tablet: Tap the speech bubble icon containing three dots at the bottom of the screen—this opens to the Updates tab of your inbox, which is where your notifications will be.
- Send, view, and manage your messages. Click or tap the chat bubble icon with three dots inside (it's at the top-right corner of the webpage, and at the bottom of the screen in the mobile app). If you're using the mobile app, tap the Inbox tab to get to your messages.[2]
- To send a message, click the pencil icon or select New Message, and then select up to 10 recipients. If you want to send a Pin, click or tap the pushpin icon to search for one to send. Enter your message and select the paper airplane icon or Send to send it.
- When you have a new message, just tap it in the inbox to open it.
[Edit]Saving Pins to a Board - Search for a Pin. Enter what you're looking for into the search bar and peruse the results.
- If you're using a phone or tablet, tap the magnifying glass at the bottom to bring up the search bar.
- Click or tap the Pin. This brings up more information about the Pin.
- Click or tap on the Pin. If you've created boards in the past, you'll see a list of those boards here. If it's your first time saving a Pin (or you just want to create a new board for Pins like the one you're saving), you can create a new board.
- Click or tap . It's at the bottom of the list. This opens the Create board form, where you'll enter some basic information.
- Fill out your board's basic information. Enter a board title that's reflective of the sort of content you'll be saving to this board. For example, if you're saving a haircut idea, you could use something like Curly Haircuts or Hair Ideas. If you're using a phone or tablet, you also have some optional decisions to make now:
- If you don't want anyone to see your board, you can toggle the "Secret" switch to the Off position.
- If you want to collaborate on the board with someone else, tap the button under "Collaborators" to choose someone.
- Click or tap . If you're using the mobile app, you may have to tap Next will bring up some other topics related to your board that you can add if you wish. If you're not interested, tap Skip and your board will be created. Now that you've created a board, it'll appear as an option when you're pinning things in the future.
- Customize your board (optional). To add a description and other information to your board:
- Tap or click the profile icon and select Boards.
- Click or tap your board.
- If you're using a computer, click the pencil icon on the left side of the page. If you're on a phone or tablet, tap the menu at the top-right corner and select Edit.
- Now you can edit the board's name, add a description, choose a topic/category, and control the board's visibility to others. You can also invite collaborators if you'd like.
- In the future, you can return here to merge the board with another, archive it, or delete it permanently.
- Click or tap Done to save your changes.
[Edit]Creating a Pin - Click or tap the profile icon. This opens your profile, where you'll find your boards and pins. Use this method to create your own Pins by uploading a photo or linking to a website.
- Click or tap the . It's on the right side of the page above your board list.
- Select . If you're using a phone or tablet, you'll also have to give the app permission to your gallery at this point.
- Create a Pin from a photo. If you want to create a Pin by saving a website directly, skip this step and move to the next. To create a photo Pin:
- If you're using a phone or tablet, select a photo and tap next.
- If you're on a computer, click the large box with an arrow inside, select the image, and then click Open.
- Enter a title and description. If you want people to be able to find your Pin in searches, make sure to be descriptive and use relevant keywords.
- If you want the Pin to link to a website, click or tap the Destination option and paste the desired URL.
- Select a board for the Pin. If you're on a phone or tablet, tap Next and select the board. If you're on a computer, choose a board from the drop-down menu and click Save.
- Create a Pin from a website. If you don't want to upload your own photo and are okay with using one from the site you're linking to, here's what you'll do instead:
- Click Save from site or tap the globe.
- Enter a direct link to the site you want to Pin. If you're on a phone or tablet, you can search for the site as well.
- Press Enter or Return to open a list of images from the site that you can use for your Pin.
- Click or tap the image(s) you want to use and select Next (phone/tablet) or Add to Pin (computer).
- If you're using a computer, enter a title and description of the Pin and select a board from the drop-down menu. If you're on a phone or tablet, just select a board. You can edit the Pin's name and description later.
- Edit your Pin. After creating your Pin, you can edit its name, description, and other details. To do so:
- Open your profile and select Pins.
- If you're on a computer, hover the mouse cursor over the Pin you want to edit, and then click the pencil icon that appears. If you're on a phone or tablet, tap and hold the Pin, and then select the pencil icon.
- The information you can edit varies by Pin. If you linked from a website, you can just enter a note and update the board. If you uploaded a photo, you can type a description and add or edit the website.
- Click Save or tap Done.
[Edit]Following Boards and People - Open the search bar. If you're on a phone or tablet, tap the magnifying glass at the bottom of the screen. If you're on a computer, just click the search bar at the top of the Home page.
- Search for a term related to your preferred content. For example, if you want to follow a board that posts pictures of kittens, you might type "kittens" into the search bar. If you're looking for a specific person, type their username (or their name, if you think they use it on Pinterest).
- Press or to run your search. If you're on a phone or tablet, use your phone's Enter or search key. Your search will display a bunch of Pins that match your keyword(s).
- Filter your search results. You can filter the results to show only People or Boards that match what you've typed. If you're on a computer, click the menu to the right of the search bar that says All Pins and select a filter option. If you're on a phone or tablet, tap the filter icon that looks like sliders at the top-right to select an option.
- Click or tap a person or board to check it out. If you decide not to follow the selected person or board, just tap the back button to try another result.
- Tap or click the button. This adds the person or board to your Following list. To see everything you're following, return to the Home page and select Following at the top.
- Consider reviewing Pinterest's terms of use before posting anything so that you're familiar with what you can (and can't) post.
- Uploading copyrighted content and claiming it as your own can get your account suspended.
[Edit]Related wikiHows [Edit]References [Edit]Quick Summary |
| How to Wear Gray Shoes Posted: 05 Oct 2020 01:00 AM PDT If you don't have a pair of gray shoes in your closet, you're missing out on a great opportunity! Gray shoes are so subtle and stylish that you can wear them with all kinds of different outfits. Use them to complete a casual outfit or balance out a stellar ensemble full of colors and patterns. They're great with a suit, a dress, or jeans, and you'll be glad you have them when you can't decide which shoes to throw on the next time you're walking out the door. [Edit]Casual Outfits - Lighten up a darker outfit with a pair of light gray shoes. For this particular look, ankle boots, flats, heels, boat shoes, espadrilles, and loafers all look quite lovely. This outfit combo is especially great if you like wearing all black or darker shades of blues, purples, and greens, but still want a little variety in your wardrobe. Light gray shoes, while not colorful, do add a softer element to your outfit and can balance your look.[1]
- Black jeans with a dark plum blouse or button-up would look nice with a light gray pair of flats, fashion sneakers, or Oxfords.
- For a more casual outfit, pair forest-green pants with a black top and light gray flats or espadrilles.
- Balance a patterned or brightly-colored outfit with a gray shoe. The shoe's neutrality won't compete for visual attention and gives you a lot of fun space to play around with the elements in your outfit. Bold patterns and bright colors will look fantastic paired with subtle shoes and accessories.[2]
- For a dressier outfit, choose a pair of gray heels or pointed-toe flats. For a more casual look, wear ballet flats or a pair or plan fashion sneakers.
- For example, wear coral pants with a navy blue sweater. Finish it off with light gray sneakers and a silver watch.
- For a fun date-night outfit, wear a bright red skirt and white polka-dotted blouse. Add a pair of charcoal grey kitten heels, and you're good to go!
- Pair denim and gray shoes for an outfit that works in many different situations. Darker denim looks more dressed up, while lighter denim looks more casual. To keep an outfit on the dressier side, stick with shoes like dress shoes, heels, or ankle boots. For a relaxed vibe, wear flats, loafers, or sneakers.[3]
- For example, dark denim jeans and a nice sweater paired with gray derby shoes or ankle boots look dressy enough to wear to a dinner out with friends.
- For a cozy look that's still chic, try wearing grey ankle boots with casual boyfriend jeans, a T-shirt, an oversized sweater, and a patterned shawl.[4]
- A pair of light-wash jeans and charcoal-gray sneakers would look great for running errands or going to the movies.
- For a more tailored, put-together look, wear a pair of tailored, dark-denim jeans with gray dress shoes. This is a great outfit to wear to a party or special dinner.[5]
- Add textural variety to your outfit with a pair of suede dress shoes. Suede shoes look soft, supple, and classy. Elevate a super casual outfit, or use them as an accompaniment with a more chic ensemble.[6]
- A pair of tapered jeans and a plain or patterned T-shirt would look stylish and more put-together with suede Oxfords or flats.
- For a more sophisticated outfit, combine fitted black jeans with a dressy top, like a cream blouse or a knit sweater. Add a pair of suede flats or derby shoes to complete your outfit.
- Pop on a pair of gray trainers with your athletic shorts to keep things stylish. Instead of wearing an outdated pair of sneakers, switch things up with a nice pair of gray trainers that can transition from the gym to running errands to meeting up with friends at the park. Look for a low-top rather than a high-rise to keep your outfit on the casual side.[7]
- A nice white tee and a pair of navy shorts would look chic and neat with gray trainers. Bring along a zip-up jacket in case things get cold!
- Wear gray canvas sneakers for a no-fuss look. With a pair of these shoes in your closet, you'll have something to slip on with tons of different outfits. They're a neutral color, so they won't compete with another color or pattern, and they don't clash with much. Have them on hand for days when you need to grab a pair of shoes and be on your way.[8]
- Put on your favorite pair of jeans, a black-and-white striped top, and your gray canvas sneakers for a casual yet comfortable outfit.
- Keep things super simple with a pair of shorts and a graphic tee. Put on your canvas shoes and head out the door!
[Edit]Work-Appropriate and Formal Outfits - Create a dashing appearance with light gray dress shoes and a dark suit. Navy blue, charcoal gray, and black suits all look good with gray shoes. A suede material would look dapper, too, especially if you don't want to wear a shiny shoe.[9]
- This look is great for the office or fancy dinners or events.
- Match shades of gray for a sophisticated monochrome vibe. The most important thing with this option is that the shades of gray have to be the same. If they're not, your outfit won't have the same impact.[10]
- If this feels a little too solid for you, choose a gray dress shoe that's a shade darker than your outfit's other gray element.
- For an office-appropriate look, wear a pair of tailored black slacks with a light gray turtleneck. Finish the outfit with light gray kitten heels.
- Wear a navy blue suit with charcoal gray dress shoes. Add a charcoal gray tie to bring the outfit together.
- Complement a dress or skirt with a pair of gray heels. If you're going to a fancy gala or special event, gray might be a little too understated, but it's perfect for a day at the office or an important meeting. In warmer weather, feel free to wear open-toed heels if they're appropriate for the setting. In cooler weather, stick with closed-toed shoes.[11]
- For example, a black pencil shirt and peach blouse would look sophisticated and streamlined when paired with a nice pair of gray heels. Stiletto and cone heels are especially versatile and timeless.[12]
- Or, wear an olive green dress with light gray heels for a neutrally-toned yet still eye-catching outfit.
- If heels aren't your thing, look for a pair of gray flats. Pick a pair with pointed toes for a more stylish option, or get rounded toes for a more subdued look.
- Add a casual element to a fancy suit with a pair of classic gray sneakers. This can be a tough look to pull off, and it won't work for every situation. The best place to wear this combo would be to a night out or a special event where it won't look out of place for you to be a little more creative with your fashion choices.[13]
- Don't wear shoes that you would wear to the gym. Fashion sneakers are the way to go with this look.
- To keep the casual-formal vibe flowing, consider wearing a nice white or black shirt under your suit jacket rather than a button-up.
- If a sneaker feels way too casual for you, try a pair of chukkas. They're less dressy than a derby or Oxford shoes, but still add a slightly dressed-down element to your outfit.
- Create a great date-night outfit with colored pants and a gray shoe. Blue, red, and olive pants add a lot to your look and will look great paired with gray dress shoes or heels. Always choose more fitted or tailored pants, and keep your top more neutrally-colored for a sophisticated vibe.[14]
- Wear red skinny pants with a black blouse and dark gray suede heels for a classy outfit that works for a date or a day at the office.
- Pair Egyptian or azure blue pants with light gray Oxfords and a kelly green sweater for a bright, fashion-forward combo.
- Match your belt to your shoe for a put-together look. Especially if you're wearing a suit, it's a good idea to keep your accessories, likes your shoes and belts, the same shade of gray. Otherwise, you might look a little sloppy and mismatched. Avoid mixing gray shoes with brown belts.[15]
- If you don't have a gray belt that matches your shoes, opt for a black belt with a silver buckle.
- Avoid wearing gray shoes with brown or tan pants. Gray shoes are fantastic in that they look great with almost any other color—except browns. When you start pairing those two shades, it can be tricky to create an outfit that doesn't look haphazard or clumsy.[16]
[Edit]References |
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