| How to Have a Healthy Conversation About Exes with Your Current Partner Posted: 29 Apr 2017 05:00 PM PDT Talking about past relationships with your current partner can be tricky. If you've just started dating someone, you should keep conversations about former partners to a minimum and instead allow your relationship to develop. Once you're in an established relationship, you can have a healthy conversation about exes by being aware of your motivations, establishing ground rules, and maintaining open and honest communication. EditDiscussing Exes During the First Three Dates - Be clear about your relationship status. When you first begin dating someone, you should both be clear about whether you are single, separated, divorced, or in the process of getting a divorce. These details are important to know as you begin moving from first date to potential partner.[1]
- Try saying, "I'm currently single. What's your status?"
- Keep this conversation casual, and try to avoid asking for details about past relationships.
- Disclose critical sexual details. When you first start dating someone, it is important to disclose any critical elements of your sexual past before engaging in sexual activity. For example, if you should discuss whether either of you is currently having sex with an ex or other partner, if you had unprotected sex with past partners, and if either one of you has a sexually transmitted disease.[2]
- You should always discuss these issues before making the decision to have sex with a new partner.
- Keep conversations about exes to a minimum. When you first start dating someone, you should keep any unnecessary details or talk about past relationships to a minimum. Avoid over sharing at this stage in the dating cycle. Instead, opt for a process of gradually sharing once the person you are dating becomes your partner.[3]
- Give your new relationship time to develop. While talking about exes can be an important part of open communication with your partner, you should allow your relationship time to develop on its own before adding in the ex. You should avoid in-depth conversations about exes for at least the first three dates so that you and your new partner can develop your own set of relationship goals and experiences.[4]
EditTalking about Exes In An Established Relationship - Think about your motivations. Being clear with one another about why you want to discuss exes is an important part of having a healthy conversation. If you are talking about past relationships to coerce your partner into a specific behavior, you should reevaluate why you are sharing that element of your past.[5]
- Set ground rules. Before you and your partner begin a conversation about exes, you should agree on some common ground rules. These rules will vary from couple to couple, but having rules in place will allow both partners to be open and honest while remaining comfortable.[6]
- Agree upon appropriate questions. Once you decide on some basic ground rules, you can work together to agree what types of questions are appropriate to ask. For example, you might agree that it is okay to ask why you broke up with an ex or what you learned from the relationship. You might also decide that it is inappropriate to ask about an ex's sexual performance or preferences
- Keep the conversation focused. Having a focused, candid conversation with your partner about past relationships can help build trust and encourage communication. Once you set ground rules about what, precisely, you will be discussing, make an effort to stick to the issues at hand.
- For example, if you agree to discuss general overviews of past relationships, avoid going into details about your former mother-in-law.
- Be judicious with details. While it is important to be open and honest with your current partner while discussing exes, you should minimize the details. Providing your significant other with detailed accounts of past sex lives and relationship woes is unnecessary. Give details when necessary, but avoid lengthy narratives that might spark insecurity in your current partner.[7]
- For example, you should avoid providing or asking about intimate details of your sex life with exes.
- Tell the truth. When you're discussing past relationships with your significant other, it's important that you are honest with them. If you lie to your partner, you are missing a critical opportunity to build trust and practice open communication. While a detailed account of your past isn't necessary, it's important that you are honest and open.[8]
- If your current partner asks why you broke up with your ex, you should provide them with an honest answer. You can say, for example, "He did not support my goal of returning to nursing school."
- If you feel uncomfortable answering a question, try saying, "Jim, I do not feel comfortable answering that question about my relationship with my ex, I would prefer to leave it in the past."
- Think about your partner's feelings. When you decide to have a conversation with your significant other about past relationships, it's important to take the other person's feelings into account. Talking about exes can make both parties feel vulnerable and it's important to take this into consideration when you decide what you will or won't be sharing.
- For example, you should avoid discussing intimate details of past sex lives that might make your partner insecure.
- Concentrate on positive outcomes. When talking about your ex, try and stay focused on what you learned from the relationship and how those lessons made you a better person. Breakups often fuel self-growth, and relaying this to your current partner can help them understand why you are the person you are today.[9]
- For example, you could say, "While our breakup was messy, I really benefitted and grew from becoming financially independent and being able to pursue my own interests without constraint."
- Keep in mind that complaining about your ex may give people the impression that you are not over them. It can also take away the focus from your new developing relationship.
- Know that talking about exes can help you know each other better. When you talk with your partner about past relationships, both of you can gain insight into how the other person grew into who they are today. Relationships are learning experiences that test your needs and boundaries, and talking about them will help both of you better understand each other's character, history, and behavior.[10]
- For example, you might learn that your current partner was really hurt by his ex lying to him. This will help you understand that he values honesty in a relationship.
- Or, your new partner might learn that your ex did not take your opinions into account. This could enhance his communication with you in this new relationship.
EditSources and Citations
Cite error: <ref> tags exist, but no <references/> tag was found
|
| How to Cope with Social Anxiety at the Gym Posted: 29 Apr 2017 09:00 AM PDT Engaging in regular exercise is not only beneficial for your physical well-being, but it is important for your mental and emotional state, too. Exercise can help alleviate the symptoms of anxiety disorders, as well as depression, panic disorders, and post-traumatic stress disorder.[1] However, going to the gym to exercise can be difficult for those who have social anxiety since it involves participating in various social situations. If you learn to identify your triggers, refocus negative thoughts, and take small steps to working through your anxiety, you can overcome social anxiety while at the gym. EditChanging Your Mindset at the Gym - Identify your triggers. Many people experience social anxiety in some form or another. Social anxiety is often associated with particular situations, places, people, or events. To rein in your anxiety, write down what it is about the gym, the people, or the classes that make you feel nervous or worried. Once you have identified what triggers you, you will be better able to identify them and face them in the future.
- Make a list of the situations that cause anxiety. Perhaps you are worried that other people are judging your fitness level, or perhaps you are worried that you won't be able to complete an exercise. Are you anxious about the social aspect of the gym, such as running into someone you know?
- Use your smartphone or bring a little notebook with you when you go to the gym, as you may be able to more easily identify your triggers in that environment. You should also write down how you deal with the triggers — Do you cut your workout short? Are you more reckless with your safety? Does your form suffer because you're too distracted? These behaviors will need to be addressed as well.
- Shift the focus away from yourself and to your surroundings. When you feel anxious, you may notice your body's physical responses, which may include blushing, sweating, or shaking. You may fear that everyone knows that you are nervous. This excessive focus can create an endless loop of anxiety. While at the gym, try to focus on what is happening in the moment.[2]
- Try listening to some upbeat and motivating music to help distract you.
- If you are taking an aerobics class, focus your attention on what the instructor is saying to remain engaged in the workout.
- Or head straight to the treadmill when you get to the gym and do a five-minute warm up while listening to your favorite music. This may help you immediately focus on your workout and stay out of your head.
- Remember that your reactions and anxiety aren't as noticeable as you may think.[3]
- Challenge negative thoughts. People who have social anxiety disorder are often held back by negative thoughts, like "They won't like me," or "I'm not as fit as that person." Challenge these thoughts by evaluating them logically. Remind yourself that these are assumptions and not facts.[4] Over time, you will reduce or redirect these negative thoughts and have a more realistic, positive outlook about going to the gym.[5]
- For example, you may think to yourself "Everyone will judge me and think I'm stupid if I try to use that new piece of gym equipment." Analyze this thought and acknowledge if you are nervous to try something new. Ask yourself, "Will someone truly think I'm incompetent just because I'm nervous?" Evaluate these thoughts so you can lessen their impact.[6]
- Remember that your anxiety will likely increase as you begin to challenge your thoughts and behaviors, as you are stepping outside your comfort zone. This is totally normal, and it will get better as you begin to adjust.
- Remember that no one is judging you. It can be stressful to go to a gym and feel as though the entire room is watching you. You may worry that others will judge your body type, your fitness level, or even your gym clothes. Remind yourself that everyone at the gym is there to improve their overall health and appearance as well.[7]
EditMaking Healthy Lifestyle Choices to Alleviate Anxiety - Practice deep breathing daily. Take a slow, deep breath in through your nose and hold for ten counts. Exhale slowly through your mouth, and wait a few seconds before taking another deep breath. Practicing this breathing technique for about six to eight breathing cycles each can help reduce anxiety.[8] Incorporate breathing exercises into your daily routine to help you relax and cope with your gym anxieties.
- Try yoga. Practicing yoga may help you control your anxiety and slow your negative thoughts. Yoga has been shown to reduce the body's stress responses, which may help alleviate anxiety.[9] Try doing yoga at home regularly or take a class at your gym if they are available.
- If you are new to yoga, try learning a few basic poses that you can do safely on your own, like downward dog. Begin on all fours and walk your hands a few inches forward. Keep your fingers spread open on the mat and press your hips toward the ceiling. You will be in an inverted "v" shape. Keep your knees bent slightly, and hold this pose for three deep breaths.[10]
- Find a beginner's yoga workout video online, or ask a friend who does yoga for suggestions for guided workouts.
- Meditate. Meditation, like yoga, may help alleviate anxiety. The breathing techniques associated with meditation and the focus on the present moment can help ease depression, pain, or anxiety.[11]
- There are many apps that can guide you through a few minutes of meditation each day. Apps like Mindspace and Calm allow you to select a meditation plan and routine that works for you. Guided meditation and soothing sounds and music can help you relax and focus on the present.[12] If a meditation app that is compatible with your phone, computer, or tablet.
- Alter your diet. An overall healthy lifestyle can help reduce your anxiety, and that includes eating a wholesome diet.[13] Increase the amount of fresh fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins in your diet.[14] Cut back on your intake of processed foods, fried foods, saturated fats, and sugar as much as possible.[15]
- Try to fill up half of your plate with vegetables and fruits. One quarter of your plate should be filled with lean proteins, like baked chicken or fish, and the remaining quarter can be reserved for whole grains like whole wheat pasta, quinoa, or brown rice.[16]
EditPutting Yourself Out There - Sign up for a small group class at the gym. One way to work through social anxiety is to face your fear little by little to help build your confidence.[17] If you worry about taking a group class, start out by signing up for a more introspective class like a group yoga session. Once you are more comfortable in these smaller, quieter classes, consider signing up for an aerobics or a dancing class. Eventually, you may join a class that focuses on teamwork and group encouragement, like a boot camp or CrossFit class. This way you slowly build up your confidence so you can take on bigger challenges.
- It might be helpful to make a create a hierarchy of the things that cause you anxiety and work your way through them slowly. Refer to your list of triggers and try to rank them, then start with the activity that causes you the least amount of anxiety.
- For instance, if you are most anxious about working one-on-one with a trainer because you worry they will judge you, don't jump right into that and sign up for three sessions a week. Instead start with a group yoga or aerobics class where you won't feel singled out, or even watching videos about form and technique at home.
- Find a gym buddy. Consider going to the gym with a friend or family member to help alleviate your anxiety. Being around someone you're comfortable with can help to keep you motivated. Plus, they can help ease you into a new workout, encourage you to try a new class, or help you meet other members of your gym.[18]
- Your gym buddy may also be someone you can confide in. This person may be able to listen to your fears and give you an outside perspective. You may find that your friend shares some of your anxieties and they have some coping techniques you can try.
- Talk to a personal trainer or a fitness coach. Making an effort to engage in small talk can help you overcome your social anxiety.[19] Next time you have questions about the gym equipment or would like to talk about your exercise routine, seek out a personal trainer or coach. Remind yourself that they are there to help, and that they will not judge you for asking questions.
- If a trainer isn't around, ask another gym-goer for help.
- Push yourself in other ways. If you have social anxiety about going to the gym then it is likely present in other areas of your life. Consider that challenging yourself in other areas of your life outside of the gym can help build your confidence and make it easier for you to face your anxieties at the gym. If you are concerned about being "on display" or "performing" in front of other people, consider taking an improv class or a course on public speaking. Challenging yourself in this way may help reduce your social anxiety in all areas of your life and help you feel more comfortable at the gym.
- Remember that this will be very uncomfortable at first. Show yourself some compassion and try to be patient. It will take time to see improvement, but if you stick with it, you should begin to notice a different.
- Seek professional guidance. If you find that your anxiety is not improving or if it effecting your quality of life, seek the help of a professional. Talk to your doctor or a therapist about working through your social anxiety triggers. Cognitive-behavioral therapy and medication prescribed by your doctor have been shown to help alleviate anxiety symptoms.
EditSources and Citations
Cite error: <ref> tags exist, but no <references/> tag was found
|
| How to Be Culturally Sensitive when Traveling Abroad Posted: 29 Apr 2017 01:00 AM PDT Travel is an extraordinary thing. But when you're visiting a different country for the first time, there's always a risk of offending the native population by failing to observe customs that are normal for them, or by not being aware of aspects of your own culture that might be considered rude or out of place. Few things are more embarrassing than disrupting someone's way of life simply because you don't know any better. Whenever you set off to see the world on a globe-spanning adventure, keep in mind the unique values and social climate of the culture you're immersing yourself in, and think about how your behavior might be perceived by those around you. EditExperiencing Different Cultures - Educate yourself on the place you're visiting. Before you even step foot on a plane, conduct some rigorous research to help you prepare for your first encounter with a new country and its people. It will be worth finding out about your destination's social structure, religious practices and attitude toward foreign travelers. Reading up on where you're headed is a must, as it will offer valuable insight into daily life there and give you an idea of what to expect as an outsider.[1]
- For a casual vacation to the South of France, you might only need to look into acceptable dinner attire, whereas a work trip to Japan or the Netherlands should be prefaced with some investigation into how leaders there ordinarily conduct formal business.
- Peruse travel blogs written by other visitors from around the world to get their take on a particular place.
- Reflect on your own culture and behaviors. How is the culture you come similar to that of the place you're traveling to? How is it different? Look at yourself through someone else's eyes and take note of values and characteristics that may set you apart from those around you. You might, for example, identify as a feminist and be headed for a place where women traditionally occupy a marginalized role in society. Try not to let culture clashes influence your attitude. Make it your mission to present the best of yourself and where you're from to others while you're away.[2]
- Remember that you'll be representing your home country while abroad, even on casual pleasure trips.[3]
- Be especially mindful when traveling to places that have been embroiled in conflict with your place of origin.
- Appreciate differences. The culture that you'll be stepping into won't be the same as your own, and that's a good thing. Diversity is a quality that should be embraced. You might feel uncomfortable in a given cultural setting at first, but with an open mind you'll start to see just how truly colorful and astounding the world can be.[4]
- Let go of any stereotypes or generalizations about the place you're visiting.
- Using a squatting toilet or being warned against sitting with your legs crossed in Turkey might catch you off guard, but gaining a deeper understanding of these types practices is probably the one of the reasons you're traveling in the first place.
EditConducting Yourself in Unfamiliar Surroundings - Try to blend in with those around you. As a traveler, you'll be in someone else's backyard, which means you have an unspoken obligation to abide by their way of life. With this in mind, your behavior should be modest and in keeping with that of your native counterparts. This means being polite, considerate and eager to make a good impression without trying to show off or make light of your new environment. [5]
- Keep your voice at a respectable volume in public places. Avoid shouting, cursing or doing anything that might cause a scene.
- Know what the norms are when it comes to things like alcohol and tobacco use, photography and other forms expression.
- Learn to speak the language. Though not a must, it can be extremely helpful to learn a few choice words and phrases in the local dialect. Not only is speaking another language a practical skill, as it will help you find your way around, it shows that you're taking a genuine interest in the culture. This will allow you to forge more meaningful connections with the people you interact with.[6]
- Memorize the names of important objects and places first, like the hotel, bathroom or cafe, to better orient yourself with the area.
- Bring along a phrasebook, or use an app like DuoLingo or Rosetta Stone to polish your handling of a foreign tongue.[7]
- If nothing else, learn to say "please," "thank you" and other basic courtesies. In many cultures, this is a sign of good faith that you're making an effort.[8]
- Respect local laws and customs. Knowing how to act on foreign soil, and how not to act, can keep you from landing in hot water with the local people and authorities. For instance, it is customary in some parts of the world to greet someone with a bow or a kiss on the cheek rather than a handshake, or for couples to refrain from excessive displays of affection in public places. It's important to abide by these regulations, even if you don't understand or agree with them.[9]
- Some more peculiar types of laws have come to be termed "tourist traps" because of their tendency to get unsuspecting travelers in trouble. Some examples of these include a chewing gum ban in Singapore and a law prohibiting motorists from stopping for pedestrians in Beijing.[10]
- Take off your shoes before entering any private residence in Japan, Russia, Finland, Turkey or Switzerland.[11]
- Avoid offending the people around you. While you're carrying out your preliminary research, be sure to look up a list of "don'ts" for the area you'll be staying in. In the Middle East, India and some parts of Africa, for example, it's impolite to offer your left hand for a handshake due to that hand's association with unclean sanitary activities. Being informed will keep you from making an unfortunate faux pas.[12]
- Be mindful not to touch anyone's head in countries where Buddhism is practiced or point the soles of your feet at anyone in Arabian cultures, as these are clear signs of disrespect.
- Innocent hand gestures like the thumbs up, peace sign or "A-OK" motion may have vulgar alternative meanings depending on where you go.[13]
- If you happen to offend someone inadvertently, apologize sincerely and gently remind them that you didn't know any better.
- Be prepared to tip. Familiarize yourself with the particular country's tipping customs when eating out or hitching a ride. In some parts of the world, including Australia, Costa Rica and most of Europe, tipping is neither required nor expected. Everywhere else it is often extended as a gesture of gratitude. Remember that members of other professions, like rickshaw drivers and hotel porters, survive on tips as well, not just waiters.[14]
- When in doubt, leave a modest but customary tip of 15% of the bill's total at dining establishments. Always tip using the local currency, if you can.[15]
- Tipping in Japan and Korea may be construed as an insult.
- Watch how you dress. Most people are used to wearing whatever they please, but other parts of the world that are more conservative may have different standards for their inhabitants. Observe the style of dress of those around you and aim to approximate their appearance and avoid upsetting others with impolite displays. As a general rule, you should clad yourself modestly and avoid clothing with slogans or imagery that may be considered offensive.[16]
- When visiting a temple, mosque or other place of worship, it's a good idea to dress simply and unostentatiously and be careful about wearing clothing that shows too much skin. Women should be prepared to cover their heads at Islamic religious sites.[17]
- Many cultures, from the United Arab Emirates to Spain, have laws against public nudity and indecency. Save swimwear and other revealing outfits for the beaches.
EditGetting the Most Out of Your Travels - Interact with the locals. If you want to discover what makes a place special, make it a point to engage with those who call it home. Get out and live among the people rather than just passively observing them. Your taxi driver or tour guide can tell you things that no map can.[18]
- Do your best to appear in control at all times. Making it obvious that you're a tourist in over your head can make you an easy target.
- Stop and ask someone when you need help or directions instead of relying on your mobile device.
- Make new friends and have them show you around during your stay for a more intimate and authentic experience of the culture.
- Absorb everything you can. In many ways, traveling is the ultimate teacher. You have a rare chance to dive in headfirst and see so many new and astonishing things firsthand, and to learn about what makes life interesting in the process. Capture new sights on camera, or keep a travel journal to record the details of your adventures. Take advantage of this chance to enrich yourself.[19]
- Take part in local cultural events like the Mardi Gras in French New Orleans, Germany's Oktoberfest or the Songkran Water Festival in Thailand.[20]
- A stacked itinerary will not only keep you busy but allow you to get better acquainted with unique character of a given culture.
- Get out of your comfort zone. Traveling is every bit as much about doing and feeling as it is witnessing. Go hang-gliding in the Alps or sign up for salsa lessons in Brazil. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there and experience everything a culture has to offer, from its history and politics to its charming and unusual quirks.[21]
- Write down a list of specific things you want to see and do, or challenge yourself to try one new thing every day.
- It's normal to feel like you're in over your head at first. This can be a very good thing, as it means you're able to recognize and appreciate cultural disparities. If you wanted to be completely comfortable at all times, you could just as easily stay home.
- Stay positive. There are many times when traveling can become a source of frustration, especially when you're lost somewhere halfway around the world where no one speaks the same language. But nothing can cure a sour outlook like a smile. No matter what happens, keep a cool head and a positive attitude and be grateful for the opportunity to see more of the world.[22]
- A happy, confident demeanor will make you more approachable, and make it less likely for scheming opportunists to try to take advantage of you.
- Inconveniences happen: you'll get lost, run low on money or encounter a frustrating language barrier. What's important is that you don't let unforeseen mishaps keep you from falling in love with new places.
- For a more thorough primer on unfamiliar places and cultures, consult a reputable travel guide or take a look at the tourism info page on the website of the country you're planning on visiting.
- You can often find clothing vendors in large cities selling the kinds of garments worn by the locals. This is a good place to start if you have doubts about how your usual look will be received.
- Be delicate when discussing matters like politics, religion and social issues with strangers. These things usually aren't worth being pulled into an argument over.
- If you're advised not to perform a certain action, apologize and make an effort not to do it again.
- Enjoy yourself, travel as often as you can and cherish the sense of peace and interconnectedness that comes with roaming the world.
- There may be aspects of foreign culture that you find distasteful; they might even be at odds with your strongly-held moral or religious sensibilities. Though it's not always easy, remind yourself that things are simply done differently elsewhere, and do your best to follow these customs regardless of how your personal opinions about them.
- It's usually considered rude to be loud and boisterous, or to act in any other reproachable way, no matter your location.
EditSources and Citations
Cite error: <ref> tags exist, but no <references/> tag was found
|
