How to Let Go of Past Hurts Posted: 23 Nov 2016 04:00 PM PST Letting go of past hurts is not easy. If some time has passed and you have still not been able to move on with your life, you may need to take a more proactive approach. No matter what has happened to you in the past, it is important to remember that you are in control of your life and you have the power to make a great future for yourself. EditHealing Yourself - Forgive others for your own good. When you forgive someone who has hurt you, you are giving yourself a wonderful gift. You may experience health benefits, including lower blood pressure and better heart health, as well as psychological benefits, including less stress and fewer symptoms of depression. You will also be increasing your chances of having more successful relationships in the future.[1]
- Forgiving someone who has wronged you is a sign of strength, not weakness. It does not mean that you condone the hurtful actions, but rather that you will not allow those actions to burden you any longer.
- Forgiving a person does not necessarily mean reconciling with him. Depending on the situation, this may not be possible or it may not be a good idea. Forgiving simply means that you are letting go of any resentment you feel and any desire for revenge.
- Try to be compassionate and empathetic to the person who has hurt you, as hard as it may be. It is important to understand that people often hurt others because they are hurting themselves.
- You may have to forgive yourself as well if you bear some responsibility for your past hurts. It is important to recognize this responsibility, but don't hold on to it. Forgive yourself with compassion and understanding.[2]
- Stop allowing yourself to be the victim. Although another person may be responsible for hurting you in the past, he is not responsible for your decision to continue dwelling on the past. The first step towards healing is to take back control of your life and realize that you have the power to make your future better than your past.[3]
- When you continue to blame the person who has hurt you for everything negative that happens in your life, you are allowing him to control you. The next time you have a thought like this, consciously remind yourself that you are in control. Then try thinking of something positive you can do to help yourself feel better.
- It can be very empowering to take control of your own recovery. In order to stop letting others control your actions and your emotions, make your own plan for how you will let go of your past hurts. You can take advice from others, but keep reminding yourself that you are the boss of your own life.[4]
- Repeat positive affirmations to yourself. If your past hurts have left you with damaged self-esteem, try taking a moment to think about some of your most positive qualities. Then remind yourself every single day that you are a wonderful, worthy person.[5]
- Try different ways of affirming your self-love. Sing it, write it, or say it aloud or to yourself. Create a piece of artwork that incorporates the affirming words and keep it where you will see it often.
- Express your feelings. Allowing yourself to express the pain and hurt you feel can be freeing. Try writing about what happened in a journal or write a letter to the person who hurt you (but don't send it). Getting it all out at once will help you to process your feelings and understand why you are still hurting.[6]
- Revisit the past for positive reasons. Revisiting the past is usually a negative thing, but if you choose to do it for the right reasons, it can help you move on from your past hurts. If you are holding on to guilt or other negative feelings about yourself, try thinking through the events of your past and reviewing them to figure out why you feel that way. Then consider all the reasons why your negative feelings are not grounded in truth.[7]
- This exercise is best used for revisiting traumatic events for which you are unnecessarily blaming yourself. If, for example, you feel responsible for your parents' divorce or you feel that you are to blame for your partner's infidelity, revisit the event to help yourself understand the source of your negative feelings. If you take the time to analyze the situation, you will realize that the negative feelings you are harboring about yourself are not based in truth.
- Be careful about placing too much blame on others. The point of this exercise is not to begin holding a grudge against someone else, but rather to recognize why you feel badly about yourself and to stop yourself from feeling that way.
- Get the support you need. Depending on what kind of hurt you are trying to let go of, you might need different kinds of support. Don't keep your feelings to yourself if you feel trapped by them. Talking to someone can help you sort through your feelings, and sometimes it just feels good to let it out.[8]
- Talk to friends or family members about your feelings, but make sure they don't have anything to do with the issues you are dealing with. They will be in a much better position to support you if they are completely impartial.
- Look for a support group that addresses your issues (for example, a bereavement or childhood trauma group).
- Find an individual or group therapist with expertise in past hurts or trauma recovery. Your therapist may be able to help you understand why you feel the way you do and learn how to overcome your negative feelings.
EditMoving On - Focus on something positive. If you allow negative thoughts and memories to consume you, it can feel like there is no room in your life for anything positive or happy. Instead of allowing this to happen to you, take the opposite approach: fill your life with so many positive things that there is no room for negativity.[9]
- Choose to occupy yourself with something goal-oriented, like school or your career, or things that make you feel good about yourself, like volunteer work or quality time with your friends.
- Reframe painful experiences as learning opportunities. Reframing negative thoughts can be very helpful in allowing you to move forward.[10] Everyone experiences painful things at times, but finding opportunities for personal growth can help you move past the hurt.[11]
- For example, perhaps you are hurt that your partner broke up with you. Rather than dwelling on the pain of this experience, try reframing it: "I am hurt because I lost my partner, but I learned a lot from that relationship that I can take with me into the next one."
- Or, as another example, perhaps someone was unkind to you. You can reframe this as "That person was hurtful, but I am strong and resilient and her behavior won't keep me down."
- Be mindful of intruding thoughts. When you begin to think about what happened, gently move these thoughts away and remind yourself about what it is that you are currently focusing on in your life. It's okay the acknowledge the memory, but quickly replacing it with a reminder of something positive in your life will help keep you from dwelling on it.[12]
- When you become preoccupied with thoughts about the past, try repeating the following phrase: "Bad things have happened to me in the past, but it is now the present and I don't have time to worry about the past because I am focusing on _______."
- Alternatively, you can take a moment to list all of the positive things in your life. If you fill your mind with happy thoughts, there will be no room for the negative ones.
- Be open to others. If you've been hurt by someone in the past, it can be easy to assume that others will hurt you in the future as well. Unfortunately, this kind of thinking can cause you to enter into new relationships with anger. If you want to develop healthy relationships in the future you will need to do your best to leave your anger behind and to avoid assuming the worst of others based on what has happened to you in the past.[13]
- Holding a grudge against another person can cause you to become anxious, depressed, and angry. Ironically, it may have absolutely no effect on the other person, so it really isn't serving any purpose other than to make you miserable.[14]
- Depending on your situation, you may benefit from guided meditation or cognitive behavioral therapy. Some people also find religious activities helpful.
- Resentment is an addictive state of mind, and it might take some work to get past your negative feelings. Keep at it and overcome this unhealthy pattern![15]
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How to Self Detox from Alcohol Posted: 23 Nov 2016 08:00 AM PST There are an estimated 12 million alcoholics in the United States, many of whom need help quitting. An important step in getting sober is detoxification, or detox, a period of about a week when your body rids itself of all the alcohol in your system. This difficult process sometimes requires a medical facility, but as long as a doctor deems it safe, you can try to detox at home using these steps. EditMaking the Decision to Detox - Assess your lifestyle and drinking habits. While many people can consume alcohol occasionally with no trouble, some develop a dangerous addiction. If you've experienced one or more of the following symptoms, you may be an alcoholic and should consider quitting drinking.[1]
- Drinking in the morning.
- Drinking alone.
- Feelings of guilt after drinking.
- Making attempts to hide your drinking from others.
- You have difficulty stopping yourself once you have one drink.
- You've experienced withdrawal symptoms after not drinking for several hours, including sweating, shaking, anxiety, and nausea.
- Evaluate your goal. After you've decided that you should cut back on alcohol or quit altogether, you need to set a concrete goal.[2]
- If your goal is to quit completely, write out "I will stop drinking alcohol on this date." Set a specific date on which you will quit. This will give you a tangible target to aim for.
- Perhaps you don't want to quit entirely, but for health reasons you decide you'd like to only drink on Friday and Saturday. This is called "harm reduction." Write out a goal like, "As of this date, I will only drink on Fridays and Saturdays." Again, it is important to set a concrete date for when this will start. Build up your ability to be aware of how many drinks you have consumed and how you are feeling in a given amount of time. Rather than choosing how many drinks to allow yourself, increase your ability to be aware of when you are drinking too quickly or drinking more when around strangers. The more you know about your drinking, the better you will be able to control it.
- If you only plan on reducing your intake, you may or may not need a full detox. Depending on how heavily you currently drink, detox may still be necessary. Any significant reduction in an addictive substance can lead to withdrawal.
- Announce your goal. Let the people around you know of your plans. This way, you can start building your support system for when you begin detoxing.[3]
- Let the people around you know what you will require of them. It may be as simple as asking them to not offer you drinks, or you may need them to not drink around you at all. Whatever your needs are, make sure you are up front about them.
- It is especially important to make your goals clear to friends who you used to drink with. Peer pressure causes many people to cave. If these people do not support your goal and pressure you to drink, you may need to distance yourself from them.
- Remove alcohol from your home. When you start experiencing withdrawal symptoms, you may not be able to control your cravings. Avoid this temptation by keeping no alcohol in your home.[4]
- Get outside support. Find and attend an Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meeting to gain support for quitting and to find others with similar issues. You can start going to meetings before you begin the detox, and continue attending throughout the process.
EditPreparing for the Detox - Visit your doctor. Detoxing can be very dangerous if done improperly, so you should consult your doctor before proceeding. He will be able to tell you if self-detoxification is a good idea in your particular case. If you are a severe alcoholic, you may need medical attention in order to detox. Your doctor can also prescribe medications or suggest vitamins and supplements that will aid in your detoxification.[5]
- Your doctor can also write a letter for medical leave to ensure you do not lose your job.
- Contact a friend or family member and have him stay with you during the detox period. A detox should absolutely not be done alone. There are a number of dangers associated with a detox and you may need medical help. While some people plan on detoxing alone and calling 911 if they need help, this isn't a safe plan. Withdrawal symptoms can progress very quickly and you could lose consciousness before you can reach the phone. This means you'll need someone there in case of emergencies. He will have to stay with you 24 hours a day for the first 3 days at least, and will have to check in on you regularly for the rest of the week.[6]
- Learn the risks and symptoms of alcohol withdrawal. Detoxing won't be a pleasant experience. For heavy long-term drinkers, it can even be fatal if done improperly. You and the person staying with you should be prepared for the following symptoms to occur within a few hours of your last drink and last until day 3 or so. They can even last up to a week.[7]
- Severe headache.
- Night sweats.
- Rapid heart rate.
- Nausea and vomiting.
- Dehydration.
- Shaking.
- Mental symptoms like confusion, irritability, depression, and anxiety.
- More severe symptoms like hallucinations and seizures.
- Delirium tremens (DTs)- These usually occur between 24 and 72 hours after the last drinks and are characterized by extreme agitation and disorientation, and body tremors. They most often affect people who have been heavy drinkers for a decade or more.[8]
- Know when to seek medical help. The person staying with you should know when it's time to reach out for medical help. If you experience any of the following, your partner should either call 911 or take you to the emergency room.[9][10]
- A fever of 101 or higher.
- Seizures or convulsions.
- Visual or auditory hallucinations.
- Severe, constant vomiting or dry heaves.
- Extreme agitation or violent outbursts.
- DTs.
- Stock your home with food and water. You may not feel up to leaving your home, and your partner shouldn't leave you alone for the first few days. It's very important to have several days' worth of fresh food in your house along with several gallons of water for times. Freeze small dishes to make meals easily when you aren't feeling well. You'll want healthy foods to replace the nutrients you're losing by detoxing. Some good choices when shopping are:[11]
- Fresh fruits and vegetables.
- High-protein food like chicken, fish, or peanut butter.
- Oats, to help control blood sugar.
- Soup. People often lose their appetites during withdrawal, so soft foods like soup are good to have around.
- Vitamin supplements. It is common for heavy drinkers to have vitamin deficiencies, so to stay healthy you'll have to replace these nutrients. Some good choices are vitamin B, C, and magnesium supplements. Only use supplements your doctor has approved.
- Request at least a week off from work. You will be in no shape to go to work while detoxing. It may take up to 7 days for the worst of the symptoms to subside, so if you begin on a Saturday, you should be prepared to stay home for the following business week.[12] If your doctor thinks this is necessary, get him or her to write a letter for medical leave.
EditThe Detox Process - Write a letter to yourself. In the early hours of the detox, you can write a letter from your drinking self to your sober self reflecting why you want to quit drinking, and your hopes for the future. When the physical withdrawal symptoms make the process tough, you can read this letter for motivation.[13] Who do you hope to be? What are you ashamed of? Don't push away negative emotions. Write out who you are quitting drinking for, who you have hurt, how you have hurt yourself and those you love. Write out the values you'd like to live by and why.
- Practice "grounding" techniques. "Grounding," which is similar to mindfulness, is a series of research-backed techniques that can help you get through extreme cravings by focusing on the present moment.[14] When a craving hits, use your senses to ground yourself by noticing what's right in front of you. Keep going for as long as it takes for the craving to pass. You can rotate among several techniques if one isn't working. Practice the following techniques:
- Describe the details of your environment without judging them. For example, you could notice that the carpet is thick and soft, the walls are blue, there's a crack in the ceiling, and the air smells fresh.
- Distract yourself by naming items in a category, such as types of fruit or countries in alphabetical order.
- Ground yourself physically by doing a simple exercise or running your hands over a textured surface.
- Think pleasant thoughts: name your favorite foods or your favorite TV characters.
- Think or say aloud a statement that helps you cope, like "I've got this."
- Drink plenty of water. Withdrawal often causes vomiting and diarrhea, which can easily dehydrate you. Be sure to drink enough water to replace lost fluids. You could also drink sports drinks to replace lost electrolytes, but you or your partner should limit these to one or two a day at most. The high sugar content in these drinks can make symptoms worse in large doses.[15]
- Eat as much as you can. Although you will probably not have much of an appetite, you still need nutrients to get you through this. Don't force yourself to eat large meals- this could make you sick. Continue regular nutrient intake and eat the small frozen dishes if you are too weak to leave the house. Rather than snacks, focus on foods that will replace the nutrients you've lost while going through withdrawal.[16]
- Get fresh air. Staying locked inside for days will probably make you feel sicker. Sitting outside for just a few minutes and getting fresh air and sunlight can help you feel much better.[17]
- Exercise. You won't be in any shape to run a marathon or lift weights, but you should move around as much as you can. Staying sedentary is bad for your mental and physical health. Physical activity releases endorphins that help fight the depression and anxiety detoxing causes. Take short walks and get up to stretch once in a while to keep your body moving.[18]
- Assess your condition. Keep talking with your partner and let him know how you're feeling. This will not only pass the time, but it will let him know if he should consider getting medical help for you.
- Consider professional help if you need to do another detox. Due to the physical and mental symptoms of alcohol withdrawal, people often cave during the detox process. This does not mean you're a weak person. It just means that you need to try again. If this is the case, you may require specialized supervision. Consider attending a rehab or detox facility to help you get through the process.[19]
EditAfter the Detox - Expect some residual effects. Although your withdrawal symptoms should be gone in a week, you could feel some effects for several weeks. These include irritability, headaches, and insomnia.[20]
- Seek psychological counseling. Recovering alcoholics often suffer from depression, anxiety, and numerous other psychological issues. It is therefore very important to address these problems with a therapist or counselor. If you detox physically but fail to address your mental health, your chance of relapse is very high.
- Join a support group. Although you've successfully detoxed, you'll need to build a support network to help you get through your continuing battle with alcohol. In addition to friends and family, a support group is a great resource. Many people in these groups have been through what you've been through, and can offer advice and support. Call them if you're feeling a craving or need any help.[21]
- Find new hobbies and interests. Your past activities probably included alcohol, so living a healthy life means finding new activities to replace your old ones.[22]
- Think about activities you used to love but haven't done in a while. Reviving these old hobbies can be a great way to put you in a positive state of mind.
- Also consider hobbies that give you a sense of purpose like volunteer work.
- Avoid replacing your addiction. Recovering alcoholics frequently replace alcohol with another substance like caffeine or tobacco. These addictions can be just as harmful. Instead of replacing your addiction, you need to focus on living your life without the addiction.
- Manage cravings. You will inevitably experience cravings for alcohol. There are a few things you can do to properly manage this and avoid relapse.[23]
- Avoid your triggers. If certain people, places, or situations give you the urge to drink, you should avoid them. If old friends always pressure you to drink, you may have to cut them out of your life.
- Practice saying "no." You won't always be able to avoid every situation that involves alcohol, so you should prepare yourself to turn down a drink if it's offered.
- Distract yourself when having a craving. You can do this by taking a walk, listening to music, going for a drive, or any other activity that helps you forget about the alcohol craving.
- Talk to people. Be open about your cravings and don't try to hide them. If you have a sober sponsor or mentor, talk to him whenever you have a craving or are feeling weak.
- Remind yourself why you quit drinking. When you get an urge, think about how hard it was to quit drinking and your reasons for doing so.
- Expect some setbacks. Unfortunately, relapse is common among recovering alcoholics. But slipping up once doesn't mean you've failed. Use all the skills you've learned in this journey to successfully overcome this setback.[24]
- Stop drinking right away and get away from wherever you were drinking.
- Call your sponsor or a supportive friend and tell him what's happened.
- Remember that this minor setback doesn't have to ruin all of your progress.
- You should never attempt a detox without consulting a doctor. He can evaluate your situation and determine if you are at risk for serious complications. If so, you will probably need to detox in a medical facility.
- Never attempt a detox alone. This is very dangerous and can be fatal. Make sure you can have someone with you for at least 3 days.
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How to Make Potato Dumplings Posted: 23 Nov 2016 12:00 AM PST Potato dumplings are an Eastern European dish. They're ideal for winter food when you need warming up and comfort food. EditIngredients - 2 eggs (egg replacer will also work, follow the instructions on the package)
- 2 cups of flour, + flour for rolling dough
- 1 tablespoon of salt, + extra 1/2 teaspoon salt for water
- 1.3-1.8kg, 3 1/2 to 4 lbs potatoes, boiled
- Large kettle of boiling water (for cooking the dumplings)
- Place the eggs, flour and tablespoon of salt into a mixing bowl. Stir in the mashed potatoes until combined and a dough is created.
- If you find the mashed potatoes are too moist, add some more flour.
- Take the dough out of the bowl and place on a floured board. Roll to an even thickness.
- Cut into about 12 to 15 dumplings.
- Pour the boiling water into the saucepan and place on high heat. Add the potato dumplings and boil for about 6-8 minutes.
- Drain the water and gently remove the dumplings. Serve either in a sauce or as they are with other accompaniments. They're fairly bland, so they are best served as part of a food such as a stew or added to soup.
- If serving as they are, add fresh chopped herbs and a little butter or oil to improve the taste.
EditThings You'll Need - Potato masher
- Mixing bowl
- Wooden board
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