| How to Start a House Cleaning Business Posted: 11 Apr 2016 05:00 PM PDT Cleaning your own home and cleaning professionally are two totally different things. Even though you clean your home constantly, learning how to clean professionally takes a lot of time and effort––when a client pays for your services, they expect to come home and find their home spotless, tidy beyond reproach, and smelling pleasant. However, for some people, it's actually easier and more enjoyable to clean other people's houses because there is no personal investment - just pride in a job well done. If you're mulling over the possibility of starting your own house cleaning business, you'll need to be fit, prepared for some dirty work, and willing to market your services through friends, family, and other people in order to slowly build up your client base. It may take a while to build a solid group of clients, but with the right attitude, a good reputation, and word-of-mouth referrals, you'll eventually build a solid cleaning business. EditAssessing your own suitability for cleaning as a business - Before you decide to start your cleaning business, make sure this kind of work is right for you. While this is one of the easiest businesses to start due to its low/non-existent overheads and reliance on basic skills, you need to be able to live up to the promises. Cleaning is hard, strenuous work. You need to be in good physical condition and able to bend over, kneel down, reach up and do repetitive actions for a sustained amount of time. If you have experienced past injuries, check with your doctor that it'll be okay to take on this very physical work for a living.
- Consider your office skills. You will need to have basic office skills and some accounting skills. You will need to be well organized and to have a system in place that keeps you this way. Clients won't appreciate missed appointments or forgetting to clean areas of their home just because your system is messed up.
- Be a good communicator. You need good customer relation skills and a willingness to engage with people. You can learn these skills if you don't already have them––just be open, honest and friendly initially and you'll begin to learn how to interact more confidently as time goes on.
- Consider your personal legal or criminal history. Many potential customers will consider you unwelcome to work in their homes, businesses, or near their children if you have a criminal record, or you are going through a serious dispute with another person. Clear up any legal loose ends before applying to work for someone.
- Have back up savings where possible. If you're planning on leaving your full time position to start a cleaning business, make sure you have at least six months of savings. Or, keep your full time job and start out part time.
EditBusiness planning basics - Plan the business, as you'd do for any new business idea. As part of your business plan, consider:
 - What sort of cleaning business will you develop? Is your business a general house cleaning one or will it specialize in such cleaning as green cleaning, end-of-tenancy cleaning, open home cleaning, after-party cleaning, removing smoke damage, etc. The more specific your cleaning type becomes, the more you'll need to research, learn and possibly seek qualifications for.
- Will your business offer different types of cleaning? Related to the sub-step above, perhaps your business will grow over time to include more niche services.
- Will you use your own products or will you use those of the client's? If you make your own products or believe in certain products, this might form the core of your business. Or, you might be happy with what the client wants used (note that in some cases, you will need to be flexible even if you do use your own cleaning products––after all, it's not your home).
- Where will you operate? Check out the cleaning services already in your area and beyond. Is the market able to take one more cleaning service or is it currently saturated?
- What transportation do you have? You can't really rely on the family's own car filled with buckets, mops and cleaning products, at least not for long, as it's too messy and takes away a vehicle from everyone else needing it. If you're cleaning using the client's products, you might get away with using public transportation; otherwise, you'll need some means for getting to and from the houses, especially if they're in very different areas.
- What is your price scale? Check what existing services charge. Can you undercut them for a while without going into the red? See below for more information on how to charge.
- Set up your accounting system. What is your business system for keeping track of invoices, expenses, sales tax, etc.? You'll need accounting software, an understanding of how to use it and a separate place to keep all business documentation so that it doesn't get mixed up with your personal expenses. If you don't feel confident, there are quick online courses that can help you learn this easily, or ask about help from government organizations that support those setting up in small business.
- Charge reasonably for your work. Sell your services based on your quality of work and not your low rates. If your rates are too low, clients will think that your work is sub-standard and that you're not experienced. Also, you want to attract the clients that can afford your services. As the old saying goes "You get what you pay for." Of course, charging too high will lose potential clients too––most people needing cleaning services will have a limit on how much they can afford.
 - Some companies charge by the hour, some charge by the room, some charge a flat rate per home and some charge by the square foot. While this variety sounds good, it is better to charge by the home, not by the hour (taking into account house size, of course). If a client knows they have to pay one set fee, they don't care if you take 2 hours or 5 hours, provided you get the job done. Most clients appreciate knowing what they are paying up front and not having to fork out added expenses. Of course, exceptions can, and should, be made, such as cleaning the oven or cleaning a particularly badly soiled part of the home.
- Be sure to estimate houses not only by square footage, but by number of occupants, cleanliness of occupants, contents, and pets. Square footage alone does not indicate the time it takes to do a deep cleaning or the regular ongoing service.
- No two houses are the same and there is no set charge for all homes. You have to clean for awhile yourself to get some experience and to work out a system to clean efficiently. Only you know what you want and need to make. Decide what you need to make hourly to cover all expenses and still make a good profit.
- A word of advice: Make sure when you start your company that you charge what you would charge if you had employees. Some people make the mistake of undercharging when they start out just to get customers and then later on when they grow and need to hire help, they aren't making enough money on their houses to pay help.
- Get insurance and bonding. Trust comes from knowing that you and your services are guaranteed by some back-up. Insurance and bonding provides clients with reassurance, so you must be bonded and fully insured.
- Liability insurance rates depend on your insurance carrier and where you're located. You can yearly or quarterly with most insurers and you can purchase your bond through a local insurance company. Note that a bond needs to be renewed every year.
- Each person you hire will increase your liability insurance but it's well worth the cost because while you may be careful and trustworthy, you can't always vouch that an employee will remain that way, especially when working beyond your supervision.
- Note: If you hire employees and cover them under your insurance, they must be an employee on payroll and not a sub-contractor. If you employ them as a sub-contractor your insurance may not cover them, check to make sure - (some policies do cover sub and independent contractors, such as the one offered through Eco-Friendly Residential Cleaner's Association) If they are a sub-contractor they are required to carry their own insurance.
- Consider what supplies you need to purchase. If you're using your own equipment and products, you'll need to purchase them from a wholesaler to save money (get official receipts to allow you to claim back sales tax, etc.).
 - Use natural cleaning products that are non-toxic. This is an important selling point, especially for people with children and pets and who have concerns for their health and well-being. Natural products that contain essential oils tend to be appreciated for their lovely lingering scent.
- Use trusted brands. It's harder to sell a product to a client when they've never heard of it. If you have your own homemade cleaning products, be prepared to explain why they're good, healthy and reliable––sometimes offering literature you've prepared can help to convince the client better than a long-winded discussion.
- Many customers prefer that you bring your own cleaning supplies. That way they do not have to worry about going to the store for cleaning supplies before you clean. Some customers have special cleaners for certain appliances or floors in their houses––these customers usually will have these cleaners on hand for you to use and you must use these or risk harming the surfaces (which you may end up having to pay for).
- In general, you can use the customer's vacuum cleaner. That way you do not have to carry a heavy vacuum from house to house––most clients will have one.
- Dress appropriately. While you won't be expected to wear your best clothes, it's important to present neatly and with clean clothing. Your old rags won't pass muster when you are trying to create a professional and reliable image––select clothing that washes well, looks tidy and is very flexible and comfortable. Keep it in good condition and have several sets of clothing to change into during the week, cutting down on constant washing.
- Get transportation. As discussed in the business plan, you'll need a vehicle for attending client's houses and carrying your gear. Consider the costs of hiring a car or van for cleaning days or purchasing a cheap car or van for constant use. If hiring a vehicle, consider using removable (magnetic) signage to make it seem more professional (just don't forget to take it off each time). Do the sums before deciding what is the best value.
EditMarketing, advertising and getting clients - Develop your brand for marketing your services. Before you start advertising, decide what image you want to portray on your advertising material. For branding purposes (recognition), be consistent in all marketing materials that you plan to use.
- If you have a logo, use it on all your advertising materials. It is best to have a website developed before you start advertising. Stick with the same logo and colors on both your printed advertising, and on your website.
- Invest in a website. The internet is now the main medium of communication and it's where many prospective clients will turn first to find you. Having a website shows clients that you're serious about your business and it allows them research your business in their own time. Being busy, it's the easiest place for clients to check out your credentials, promises, service offerings, etc.––indeed, many workers will use work time to find your site, likely the largest source of clients needing your services.
- Many website deals are very affordable. If you use a web designer and hosting package, this will help to make your company appear more professional. The more information you can include, the better, including testimonials as you get them.
- In addition to your website, advertise on Craigslist, and if you can, Angie's List. Free advertising is as good as the paid!
- Start a Facebook business page and a Google+ one too. You can do all sorts of fun things to encourage clients to visit your site, participate in competitions and quizzes and leave testimonials if you put in a little effort.
- Advertise. Advertising your company and your image is essential to getting your services known and recognized.
 - Advertise in a local paper with a text ad. Try to come up with an eye-catching ad. Do not sell your service based on low rates––sell your service based on your quality of work and what you can do for the client that other companies do not. There is a lot of competition in the cleaning service industry but by being the best and staying that way, you will stand out from the rest.
- Having your business name and contact information on your vehicle is a great way to advertise. It's recommended to use vinyl lettering. The lettering looks much more professional than the magnetic signs.
- Print flyers. You can print nice flyers on your home computer, invest in some professional flyers. Hang flyers at hair dressers, laundromats, restaurants, bakeries, grocery stores, etc. Put flyers on car windows at local groceries stores and businesses. You can even go door to door in your targeted neighborhoods.
- Make door hangers. When people get flyers or ads in their mailbox they usually throw them away with the junk mail. A door hanger may just be the ticket to getting them to look at your ad. Pick the neighborhood you would like to work in and hang the door hangers on the door knobs.
- Print business cards and documents. Give your business cards to friends and family members, people you meet, on public boards, anywhere you can. You can also ask your local businesses if you can leave some cards on their counters, especially places where cleaning, or just "clean" are on people's minds: the dry cleaner's, day care centers (parents want clean homes for their kids!), supermarkets, and other places like that. Make sure your contracts and invoices are ready.
- Get a referral program. A great way to obtain new clients is through a referral program. Offer existing clients a discount when they refer a friend. You can give your existing clients a discount when the friend uses your services three times, for example.
EditYour first clients - Get your first clients. The hardest part of starting your own cleaning service is obtaining those first clients. Most clients want to know how long you have been in business, and because they're trusting you with their belongings and personal affairs, they're going to want dependable references. Being new, you won't have any client references, but you still need to have some. For this, you can ask friends and family if you can clean their homes, and then get permission to use them as references. Not only will they be able to give you an honest reference, you'll also pre-thank them by doing a great job on their home.
- Let clients know that you are new to the business but that you have thoroughly researched all aspects of the cleaning business, have obtained any necessary training and that you are up-to-date with cleaning needs, including more demanding requests such as green or allergy cleaning. This may require research beforehand but is well worth the effort.
- Assure your clients that you know what you're doing and that you're quite capable of cleaning their home to their specifications. Be confident––this can't be stressed enough, as clients respect and trust confidence. It relieves their worries and lets them know that their home is in good hands.
- Get character references as well, to reassure clients that you're a good, dependable person. A police check is also very wise; in some places, it's required by law.
- Consider offering a discount for the first clean, a loss leader approach whereby you can prove how excellent your services are.
- Go for quality. When cleaning the homes of your first clients, go for the very best quality you can give. This is not about how fast you can clean the home. Cleaning efficiently takes a long time, but you will get to the point where you can do a thorough cleaning in a short time. At the outset you may have to resign yourself to spending a bit more time than you'd like until you work out your own efficient systems but persevere as it won't take long to get your rhythm in place.
- After cleaning, go back and double check all rooms to make sure you didn't miss anything. Impress those first clients and word of mouth will soon spread.
- Don't be shy about letting your clients know that you're seeking more clients. Tell them about your hopes for expanding your business, be enthusiastic without being pushy and you'll find many clients will be happy to let others know about how great your services are. Do reassure them that you won't leave them in the lurch though––some clients won't share word about you if they're afraid that you'll be poached and will no longer take care of their house.
EditGrowing your cleaning business - As you start to get more clients, you will be able to hire more part time help. Eventually you will be able to stop doing the cleaning yourself and just run the business end, which is the only way you will be able to grow your business.
- Start out with one part time employee. Train this person and let him or her take your place one day a week. Then have this employee take your place two days a week and so on.
- When training new employees, always, either train them yourself or have a lead person train them. There should be a lead person on each and every cleaning job––some employees have a tendency to slack off when they are on their own.
- Do a regular check the quality of the employee's work, to reassure yourself that your standards are being maintained.
- Change from doing the heavy work to managing the business. You will eventually get to the point where you have enough employees and lead people and you will be able to stop working in your business and start running your business. You will find that after awhile it will get to be too much trying to clean everyday and at the same time giving estimates, answering calls, scheduling, doing book work, obtaining new clients, etc. This is when it's time to consider a permanent base somewhere beyond your home (if you haven't already done so) and you might even consider franchising your business if you've been particularly successful in establishing your niche.
- What you want more than anything is positive word of mouth by your clients. Your business can grow as large as you like it to, as long as you have clients telling other people how great you are.
- Regularly check in with clients to ensure that your cleaners are doing a good job, even if they have previously told you that they are happy. Standards may change or drop and this could lose you a client.
- Don't take on more than you can handle. Start off slowly and grow gradually.
- Let the client know they can tell you if they wanted something done differently or something done that was not done. Some clients will be very picky, others not so much. The most important thing is to know your client and to never make it seem like a bother.
- Pretend you are your client at least one time before you do anyone else. Time yourself, see what products you use, critique yourself. Or, get a friend to act as a client and get a report card on how you did.
- Use an online text reminder service (e.g. AppointmentSMS.com) to send your customers a text appointment reminder the day before their appointment.
- Be friendly and on time. Punctuality and a smile will go a long way to creating long-term trust.
- Always carry hand sanitizer and wash your hands often while cleaning homes. Wear gloves when cleaning bathrooms. You will be exposed to a lot of different germs in clients' homes. However, do not move from cleaning the toilet to wiping down kitchen counter tops––change gloves for such transitions!
- If you plan on making this a business that will grow, look closely into the licensing and/or bonding laws in your state. Also, consider incorporating or becoming an, "LLC," to help protect you and your business.
- If you decide to to do new construction cleaning you will need more equipment. You will need ladders, window cleaning kits with long extensions, a shop vac, etc. These types of jobs are usually two to three person jobs. New construction cleaning requires a lot more cleaning. You may have to remove stickers and labels from windows and bathroom showers, sinks and toilets. Some require that you clean the vents to remove dust from construction work. There will be ceiling fans to clean, scrubbing floors, and cleaning woodwork to remove dust. New construction cleaning rates depend on the area you live in. Normally they run from 12 cents per square foot to 25 cents per square foot, depending on where you are located.
- Get an MP3 player to listen to music, podcasts or learn a language while you clean.
- For expensive cleaning equipment for special jobs, rent the items you need instead of buying them until you can afford to buy them for your business
- Don't help yourself to anything in the client's house without permission––leave things like food, toiletries, books, magazines and sundry items well alone. If your lunch falls during a cleaning session, bring your own and never eat on the client's time if you charge by the hour.
- Be prepared for how to respond to an unsafe work environment. From something as simple as a broken stair-step, to finding weapons or illegal drugs, working in a private home or business can expose you to any number of unsafe situations. Establish in advance with your client what hazards you are not willing to face in your work environment.
- It is very important that you do further research on what products to use on every surface. You do not want to ruin your client's new granite counter top or stainless steel appliances. Research all that you can before you just go out and clean. Cleaning a client's home is very different from cleaning your own home and they can hold you responsible if something is damaged.
- Remember one of the most important qualifications for a cleaning service is trust. A client has to know they can trust you alone in their home. After you acquire a few cleaning positions ask the clients if you can use them for a reference. Most of the time they are more than willing to let you use them for a reference. This is how you build your business and acquire new clients is through referrals. Be dependable. Most clients will want to be set up on an every week or every other week schedule on the same day of the week. Try to always keep this same schedule unless the client asks you to switch to another day. If you have to cancel a cleaning date, make sure you try to reschedule at the earliest possible date to make up the cleaning. Also, in today's world online reviews can make or break your business. Ask your clients for honest reviews on local review sites. Reply to all feedback, thanking those who leave positive feedback and responding to those who leave negative feedback in a professional manner. For those who leave negative feedback attempt to personally reach out to them to rectify the situation before posting an online response. Oftentimes they will appreciate this and remove or alter the review to a positive or at least neutral one.
- Always carry your cell phone with you in case of accidents or danger. This will ensure that you can contact someone quickly if you need help. Sew a phone pocket into your cleaning clothes, one which has a seal or zipper to prevent the phone from falling out as you work.
- Work with a service agreement to state what you do and do not perform at each appointment. This should include your guarantee and exceptions. Many people will try to cash in on your insurance for damage and/or breakage, cancel scheduled appointments at the last minute, have you work when there are sick people in the home and make claims that things were missed on an appointment. You need to decide beforehand how you will handle these situations.
- Don't invest too much money upfront. Try to keep your overhead as low as possible until you start to grow and gain more clients and are expanding.
|
| How to End an Emotional Affair Posted: 11 Apr 2016 09:00 AM PDT Emotional affairs occur when a deep emotional attachment or bond is created with someone outside of your relationship and it consumes your every waking thought and action. This type of affair involves sharing deep secrets and wishes, innermost thoughts and a transference of the intimate connection you'd normally have with your partner or spouse to someone else instead. It can begin innocently enough, at a time when you feel things aren't quite right with your current love and you decide to pull someone else in to play a role you feel is lacking in your partner.
Yet, while it may have felt innocent enough to begin with, an emotional affair is just as difficult, if not more so, to get out of than a sexual affair.[1] If you realize you need to end an emotional affair, breaking the pattern is essential for restoring the trust and faith your partner has in you. EditSpotting an Emotional Affair - Spot the signs. An emotional affair doesn't involve sexual relations but it does come with some of the same signs as an extra-marital affair or unfaithfulness, such as:[1]
 - Feeling guilty - this could be about the amount of time spent away from your partner/spouse, the time spent with the other person, the intimate details you're sharing, etc.
- Vulnerability - you have shared too much, so much so that this other person could drop a lot of very exposing information if your partner happened upon them. Or, you feel vulnerable because you haven't met the expectations you feel honor bound to, such as being a perfect spouse/parent/etc. and the affection and attentions of another person are one way of escaping your worries about not being good enough.
- Threatened - you feel threatened or your relationship feels threatened by the direction this emotional affair is taking.
- Dishonest - you aren't being honest with your partner about where you're spending your time, or with whom. You may have even changed the gender of the "friend" you're suddenly talking to a lot, be it online, at work, or on social occasions, just to throw your partner off the scent. If it's an online emotional affair, perhaps you pretend you're playing app games, sending emails to a trusted friend, doing social media or some other benign act.
- Be honest when assessing what is happening with respect to this third wheel in your life. You probably already know deep down that there is an element of dishonesty and cheating involved with the other person. Facing this squarely may be very difficult but some of the things to help you realize you're skating on thin ice include:
- You know the level of depth of intimacy and connection with this person has become inappropriate. Your commitment to your partner is threatened or destabilized by someone else being so knowledgeable about the lives and happenings of the two of you.
EditDetermining Why It Happened - Be clear with yourself about why this emotional attachment started in the first place. Understanding why you're in an emotional affair is important to help you move past it, provided you want to. Emotional affairs are a signal that there is something wrong with your marriage or long-term relationship.[1] When a friendship, acquaintance or work relationship turns into an emotional affair, it's likely that you found an issue with your current relationship or your emotional affair partner may be manipulative and you lack the strength to resist.
- Consider how your own emotional damage might be fueling the need to have emotional affairs. While you may be able to rationalize this current emotional affair as a one-off, if you don't deal with the underlying issues, you may simply fall prey to another such affair later on. Some of the underlying emotional hurt that might cause you to fall into emotional affairs include:
- An inability to take criticism. If you're liable to seeing almost everything your partner says as a criticism because you always need positive feedback, this might set you up to wander.[1]
- Any form of psychological trauma or long-term hurt not dealt with through therapy or other suitable help can sometimes lead to escapism behavior, such as getting involved in emotional affairs, rather than dealing with the deeper underlying issues. Getting help from a professional therapist or counselor may be one way to start breaking the cycle. Not everyone finds therapy useful, but acknowledging and finding some form of facing your emotional demons, is a good start to getting emotionally well again.
EditWhy Emotional Affairs are Unfair - Realize how an emotional affair is unfair to all parties involved. Breaking off an emotional affair is easier when you realize this. Put yourself in the shoes of your partner, or the person you had an emotional affair with. Ask yourself: Would I really be happy if I were put in that position?. The unfairness is pervasive because:
 - An emotional affair is unfair to the person you are having the emotional affair with. Instead of being truly your cherished friend or lover, this person is simply filling a hole in your existing relationship, without any of the perks of a real relationship.
- The affair is unfair to your partner. Your marriage or long-term relationship is a bond that requires faith, trust and long-term attentiveness. If you consider that your spouse or partner is continually unwilling to meet this need, your choice is either acceptance or moving on. If your spouse or partner is simply unable to connect with you emotionally, it's unfair to him or her to stay while you're secretly leaking energy outside of the relationship.
- Last but not least, the affair unfair to you because you're splitting your consciousness or self into different sections, alienating these sections from each other. Rather than deal with the pain of being with someone who is not there for you emotionally, you've decided to try to have your cake and eat it too; it's a situation that can end up deeply scarring everyone involved.
EditDeciding What to Do About It - Consider your commitment to your spouse or partner. Is it rock solid underneath it all, despite your escapist fantasies? Have you been under a lot of pressure lately and chose to seek a thrill to try to cope, downplaying how much pain this can cause your partner? If you realize that what truly matters is shoring up your actual relationship, your most pressing action needs to be to end the emotional affair immediately.
- Accept that relationships don't just happen. They all require work, throughout the life of the relationship. The sooner you accept this, the better for your own emotional strength.
- Realize that this is going to be difficult. An emotional affair tends to last longer and stronger than many sexual affairs. Emotional intimacy tends to stoke the fires of desire and keeps the interest peaked rather than any gradual decline in excitement that is often the case with extra-marital sexual liaisons. There is always a "what if?" hanging over the relationship and a temptation to imagine that the two of you might suddenly be soulmates spending the rest of your lives together. The deep connection that has evolved can make the breakup harder to initiate. Moreover, if you have "secret" ways of keeping in touch, via text, emails, IM, etc., the temptation to stay in touch will be high at first.
- Accept that this isn't going to be easy. But if you've made a decision that your spouse or partner is worth stopping this unfaithful dalliance, that's a price you need to be willing to pay.
- Break it off with your emotional intimate. If you've decided to break it off with the person you were intimate with emotionally, then a quick break is often better than a drawn-out affair. Perhaps in writing, perhaps over the phone, tell the person why you're ending the affair. Or, be courageous and talk to him or her in person, explaining your well-rehearsed and considered reasons for ending the fling you two have been having:
- "I'm writing you this letter/calling because I feel like I've overstepped the boundaries of my relationship with you. I get along with you, and I enjoy being with you, but the relationship we had was not fair — to you, to me, to my [boy/girlfriend]. I take full responsibility for what I did, and I understand if this feels strange. I hope we can still remain friends, but I understand if you no longer want to."
- If seeing this person in person, there will probably be a lot more to say and respond to. Be ready for possible tears, indignation or even an insistence that he or she has never thought that there were overstepped boundaries. It pays to be honest and to stick to your own feelings, reiterating that you certainly had feelings for the other person that you're not wishing to act upon any further.
- Take responsibility for the lack of integrity and honesty within yourself that created the situation. Your emotional lover may have sustained some lasting damage by being the shoulder to cry on without any of the other elements that come with a healthy relationship. Don't beat yourself up or allow guilt to overcome you, but use this opportunity for self-reflection and growth.
- Seek help from a therapist to work on deeper issues that you haven't managed to deal with yet. You deserve to live a happier, more whole life, and this isn't going to happen by allowing yourself to be subsumed by other people.
EditDealing with the Aftermath - Have a discussion with your partner, addressing some of the issues that the emotional affair brought up. If you decided to end the emotional affair and rededicate yourself to the relationship with your partner, it might be healthy to try to address the issues that caused you to seek emotional solace in the first place.
- What aspects of the emotional affair did you respond positively to? If a deep sense of communication was missing from your relationship, what steps might it take to get better communication between you and your partner? Think about bringing something like this up with your partner:
- "I'd like to talk to you about how we can improve our communication. I really value this relationship, and I love you, but I think we can improve how much we communicate, and the ways in which we communicate. What do you think?"
- Ask your partner if there are any issues that she or he is having with the relationship and try to improve those. Often, your partner will withdraw from a relationship when he or she is dissatisfied or confused, causing you to look for emotional satisfaction somewhere else. If you improve some of the issues that may be bothering your spouse or partner, you could find your own needs suddenly met.
- Write down what you have learned after you have made your decision. Get a journal and a pen, find a nice quiet spot to work, and free-write. Write down your thoughts. Write down your hopes. Write down what an ideal relationship might look like to you. Strive to turn your current relationship into that vision, recognizing that you must put in at least as much effort as your partner should.
- Deal with your own emotional demons rather than using escapist strategies to evade them. Writing them down can help start your understanding of what's wrong, as can talking to people you trust.
- Be open and frank with your partner about issues you think you need to tackle to feel like a more whole and healthy person. Your partner may just turn into your best ally over this, especially once he or she realizes the emotional challenges you've been facing and can see how you construed his or her behavior toward you.
- Think about changing some aspects of your relationship to make it better. Once you've had a discussion with your partner, it's time to implement some of the changes you think could make your relationship better.
- One big thing is distance. Maybe your relationship suffered because you felt smothered all the time. In that case, you'll probably want to take a little time for yourself. Or perhaps your relationship suffered because you didn't see one another enough. That would be an opportunity to carve more time out of your busy schedule to see one another, go on dates, and just be together.
- Ask yourselves if you're only in it for the physical relationship. Lots of people who engage in emotional affairs are satisfied sexually but dissatisfied emotionally. Having a healthy sexual relationship is great, but not if it's at the expense of a nurturing psychological and emotional relationship.
- Take some time to think it over. If you're feeling unsure, hesitant, or just like you need a break, put some thought into taking a temporary hiatus. (Alternately, instead of putting the relationship on hiatus, just take a trip somewhere away from your partner to freshen up your perspective.) Taking a break is all about giving yourself a brand new set of eyes to look at the world. We only get one life, so we better make it worthwhile.
- If you decide that, despite everything, the current relationship is also not working, you may have to reach a decision to break up with the person, citing the unmet needs. It's always better to admit what isn't working despite trying than to condemn the two of you to a loveless, uncaring future.
- Whatever it is you see in your emotional lover, probably would be less and less apparent to you the better you really get to know them. Whatever you think you see in this person, is probably something that you have created him or her to be. Just like the kids of divorced parents who live with one and idolize the one who isn't around as much, you have most likely only seen in this person what you want to see in them.
- Although you are not the only one involved and not the only one responsible, if you plan on ending the affair and staying with your partner, the person you have had the affair with deserves a full explanation and, in most cases, an apology for the emotional manipulation he or she may have been subjected to from you. Breaking the bond will be painful for him or her, but it must be a full break––it will be almost impossible to go back to any kind of functional "friendship" after such a dysfunctional bond.
- The more honest, communicative, self searching, and self responsibly you handle the situation, the higher the chances that your mate will forgive you and use this situation as an opportunity for a deeper bond. Its possible that you have over exaggerated the emotional differences and your own head and that your partner is willing to learn what he/she doesn't know to be closer with you.
- If you plan on coming clean to your partner and staying with him or her, you must completely cut off the relationship with the person you have been having the affair with. It's important to be honest about why you got involved in the situation, why you didn't feel comfortable trying to get the needs met with him or her directly, etc. Prepare yourself for a long process of rebuilding his or her trust, and respond to his or her various reactions with understanding of how you would feel in the same position.
- Do not get together with the person you have been having the emotional affair with if you decide to end the main relationship. Chances are high you will develop a highly complicated, co-dependent relationship with this person that is even more unhealthy than the one you just left. His or her motivation for bonding with a person who is already in a relationship in such an inappropriately intimate way could be an indicator of very deep seated issues, that could create a perfect storm when mixed with yours. Also, it's very likely he or she will leave you with unmet needs, that you will again have to get met outside of that relationship. A healthy person who is looking for, and capable of, having a functional relationship with someone that is fulfilling psychologically, sexually, emotionally and otherwise would not have entered into this affair with you in the first place. Of course, this like all other generalizations breaks down at a certain point but take this advice seriously.
- If you have created this emotional connection outside of the relationship because your partner is volatile, alternating between distant and violent, it may be better for you and your emotional lover if you don't tell about the affair when you break off the relationship. (If your partner is violent, get help to break from the relationship.)
EditRelated wikiHows EditSources and Citations
Cite error: <ref> tags exist, but no <references/> tag was found
|
| How to Learn Mandarin Chinese Posted: 11 Apr 2016 01:00 AM PDT Mandarin Chinese is quite a complex language to learn, especially for English speakers. However, with commitment and daily practice it is certainly possible to successfully master . Practice alone with your textbooks, with Mandarin-speaking friends or online with the many online Mandarin schools that exist. Keep reading for a basic overview of the most important things you need to know about learning Mandarin Chinese. EditMastering the Basics - Practice using the four Mandarin tones. Mandarin Chinese is a tonal language, which means that different tones can change the meaning of a word, even if the pronunciation and spelling are otherwise the same. It is essential to learn the different tones if you wish to speak Mandarin Chinese correctly. Mandarin Chinese has four main tones, as follows:
 - The first tone is a high, flat tone. Your voice stays flat, with no rise or dip in the way it sounds. Using the word "ma" as an example, the first tone is indicated using the symbol above the letter a: "mā".
- The second tone is a rising tone. Your voice rises from a low to middle pitch, as if you were asking someone to repeat something by saying "huh?" or "what?" The second tone is indicated using the symbol "má".
- The third tone is a dipping tone.The pitch goes from middle to low to high, like when you say the letter "B". When two third tone syllables are near each other, the second one retains its third tone sound while the first takes the sound of the second tone. The third tone is indicated using the symbol "mǎ".
- The fourth tone is a lowering tone. The pitch goes rapidly from high to low, as if giving a command e.g. stop! Or as if you're reading a book and have come across something new and interesting and are saying "huh". The fourth tone is indicated using the symbol "mà".
- Easy enough? If not, don't fret. It's definitely recommended to hear the tones demonstrated by a native speaker, since it's hard to get an idea of what they sound like purely through text.
- Memorize simple vocabulary. No matter what language you're learning, the more words you have at your disposal, the sooner you will become fluent. Therefore, the next thing to do is to memorize some useful Chinese vocabulary.
 - Some good vocabulary lists to start with includes: times of day (morning: zǎo shàng, afternoon: xià wǔ, evening: wǎn shàng) body parts (head: tóu, feet: jiǎo, hands: shǒu) food (beef: niú ròu, chicken: jī, egg: jī dàn, noodles: miàn tiáo) along with colors, days, months, transport words, weather, etc.
- When you hear a word in English, think about how you would say it in Mandarin. If you don't know what it is, jot it down and look it up later. It's handy to keep a little notebook on you for this purpose. Attach little Chinese labels (with the character, the pinyin and the pronunciation) to items around your house, such as the mirror, the coffee table and the sugar bowl. You'll see the words so often that you'll learn them without realizing it!
- Although having a wide vocabulary is good, remember that in Mandarin, accuracy is more important. It's no good learning a word if you can't pronounce it properly, using the correct tone, as different pronunciations could have entirely different meanings. For example, using the wrong tone (using mā instead of má) could be the difference between saying "I want cake" and "I want coke" - two completely different meanings.
- Learn how to count. Luckily, the Mandarin numerical system is fairly straightforward and logical, and once you have learned the first ten numbers you will be able to count to 99.
 - Below you will find the numbers one to ten, written in simplified Chinese characters, followed by the Hanyu pinyin translation and the correct pronunciation. Make sure to practice saying each number using the correct tone.
- One: written as (一) or yī, pronounced [eee]
- Two: written as (二) or èr, pronounced [arr]
- Three: written as (三) or sān, pronounced [saan]
- Four: written as (四) or sì, pronounced [ssuh]
- Five: written as (五) or wǔ, pronounced [woo]
- Six: written as (六) or liù, pronounced [lee-yoe]
- Seven: written as (七) or qī, pronounced [chi]
- Eight: written as (八) or bā, pronounced [baa]
- Nine: written as (九) or jiǔ, pronounced [jee-yo]
- Ten: written as (十) or shí, pronounced [sh]
- Once you have mastered numbers one to ten, you can continue counting in double digits by saying the number in the tens' position, then the word shi, followed by the number in the one's position. For example:
- The number 48 is written as sì shí bā, literally meaning "four tens plus eight". The number 30 is written as sān shí, literally meaning "three tens". The number 19 is written as yī shí jiǔ, literally meaning "one ten plus nine" (however in most Mandarin dialects the initial yī is omitted from numbers in the teens, as it is deemed unnecessary)
- The word for hundred in Mandarin is (百) or baǐ, so 100 is written as yī baǐ, 200 hundred is written as èr baǐ, 300 is written as sān baǐ, etc.
- Learn some basic conversational phrases. Once you have a basic grasp of vocabulary and pronunciation, you can move on to learning basic conversational phrases which are used in everyday Chinese speech.
- Hello = nǐhǎo, pronounced [nee how]
- What is your surname (family name)? = nín guì xìng, pronounced [neen gway shing]
- What's your name? = nǐ jiào shén me míng zì[1]
- Yes = shì, pronounced [sh]
- No = bú shì, pronounced [boo sh]
- Thank you = xiè xiè, pronounced [shie shie]
- You're welcome = bú yòng xiè, pronounced [boo yong shee-e]
- Excuse me = duì bu qǐ, pronounced [dway boo chee]
- I don't understand = wǒ bù dǒng, pronounced [wuo boo downg]
- Goodbye = zài jiàn, pronounced [zay jee-en]
EditAdvancing Your Language Skills - Study basic grammar. There is a common misconception that grammar does not exist in the Chinese language, but this is not true. Chinese grammar rules do exist, they are just very different to those in European or other language systems. Unlike these languages, Chinese is a very analytic language which is both good news and bad news for language learners.
- For instance, in Chinese there are no complicated rules about conjugations, agreement, gender, plural nouns or tense. Most words consist of single syllables which are then combined to make compound words. This makes sentence construction fairly straightforward.
- However, Chinese has its own set of grammar rules which do not have an equivalent in English, or other European languages. For example, Chinese uses grammatical features such as classifiers, topic-prominence and preference for aspect. As these features are not used in English, they can be quite difficult for learners to grasp.
- However, despite the differences, Chinese does use the same word order as English mostly, i.e. subject - verb - object, making it easier to translate word for word. For example, the English phrase "he likes cats" is translated directly as "tā (he) xǐ huan (likes) māo (cats).
- Learn how to use Pinyin. Pinyin is a system used for writing Mandarin Chinese using the Roman alphabet. Hanyu pinyin is the most common form of such Romanization, and is used in many textbooks and teaching materials.
- Pinyin allows students of Mandarin to focus on their pronunciation, while also enabling them to read and write, without needing to learn complex Chinese characters. Although Pinyin uses the Roman alphabet, the pronunciation of its letters is often not intuitive to English speakers, which is why it must be studied carefully before it can be used.
- For example, the letter "c" in Pinyin is pronounced like the "ts" in the word "bits", the letter "e" is pronounced like the "er" in the word "hers" and the letter "q" is pronounced like the "ch" in the word "cheap". Due to these differences, it is essential that you learn the correct Pinyin pronunciations before using it as a guide.
- Although learning Pinyin pronunciations may seem like a pain, it can be extremely beneficial to your language learning and is still significantly easier than learning to recognize traditional Chinese characters.
- Practice reading and writing Chinese characters. The final hurdle in learning Mandarin Chinese is learning to read and write traditional Chinese characters. This can take a very long time (even years) to master, as the only way to learn them is through memorization and continuous practice.
 - According to the BBC, there are over 50, 000 Chinese characters in existence, however most of these are rarely, if ever, used. An educated Chinese person will probably know about 8000 characters, but only about 2000 of these are necessary to read a newspaper.[2]
- When writing Chinese characters, you will first need to learn each of the 214 "radicals" - which are essentially the building blocks of every Chinese character. Some radicals can stand on their own as independent characters, while others are used only within more complex characters.
- It is also important that you follow the correct stroke order when writing the characters. There are a specific set of rules you will need to follow, such as left to right, top to bottom and horizontal before vertical.
- There are many Chinese workbooks you can buy which will guide you in the correct formation of characters. These are usually intended for schoolchildren, but are useful to anyone attempting to learn Chinese characters.
- One of the major benefits of learning Chinese characters is that you will also have access to Cantonese, Japanese, Korean and other literatures, which also use many traditional or simplified Chinese characters in their writings, even though the spoken languages are not the same.
EditImmersing Yourself in the Language - Find a native speaker. One of the best ways to improve your new language skills is to practice speaking with a native speaker. They will easily be able to correct any grammar or pronunciation mistakes you make and can introduce you to more informal or colloquial forms of speech that you won't find in a textbook.
- If you have a Mandarin-speaking friend who is willing to help, that's great! Otherwise, you can place an ad in the local paper or online or investigate whether there are any pre-existing Mandarin conversation groups in the area.
- If you can't locate any Mandarin-speakers nearby, try finding someone on Skype. They might be willing to exchange 15 minutes of Mandarin conversation for 15 minutes of English.
- If you can't find someone on Skype , Try QQ (just google it , you will find it in the first link :)), It's a chat tool , only popular in China , There you can find many Language learning groups/rooms , Most people there are learning English . They will be glad to talk to you , Add the group(ID:229776426) , Hope you can find your language partner.
- Consider signing up for a language course. If you need some extra motivation or feel you would learn better in a more formal setting, try signing up for a Chinese language course.
- With the growth of Asian neighborhoods around the country, many classes taught by volunteers have popped up. They range in cost from $300 to $500 or more per year, plus other costs. You can also try an online Mandarin school.
- Look out for language courses advertised at local colleges, schools or community centers.
- If you're nervous about signing up for a class by yourself, drag a friend along. You'll have more fun and someone to practice with between classes!
- Watch Chinese films and cartoons. Get your hands on some Chinese DVDs (with subtitles) or watch Chinese cartoons online. This is an easy, entertaining way to get a feel for the sound and structure of the Mandarin Chinese language.
- If you're feeling particularly proactive, try pausing the video after a simple sentence and repeat what has just been said. This will lend your Chinese accent an air of authenticity!
- If you can't find any Chinese films to buy, try renting them from a movie rental store, which often have foreign language sections. Alternatively, see if your local library has any Chinese films or ask if they would be able to source some for you.
- Listen to Chinese music and radio. Listening to Chinese music and/or radio is another good way to surround yourself in the language. Even if you can't understand everything, try to pick out keywords to help you get the gist of what's being said.
- Get a Mandarin Chinese radio app on your phone, so you can listen on the go.
- Try downloading Chinese podcasts to listen to while exercising or doing housework.
- Consider taking a trip to China. Once you feel comfortable with the basics of Mandarin Chinese speech, consider taking a trip to China, or even Taiwan. What better way to immerse yourself in the Mandarin language than a journey to its native land!
- Don't be too harsh on yourself. Learning a language is a gradual process - you have to keep at it. Chinese is one of the hardest languages to learn, so take your time.
- Persistence is key! If you think you know a lot, be sure not to just stop reviewing and studying it, you will forget what you have learned. How frustrating will it be to have to relearn things over and over because you don't study at least 4 times a week.
- If you can, taking at least an introductory course on Mandarin at your school or local college can be an excellent way to be confident and accurate in your pronunciation and tones. Getting the basics down can help you have a good springboard for further studies on your own. Preferably make sure the course is conducted in Mandarin and not in English. English teachers who go to teach in China are expected to speak in English, not Chinese.
- While there is much disagreement about romanization of Chinese and the use of such systems, learning the Pinyin system can prove invaluable if you intend to type in Chinese on a Western keyboard.
- By and large, Chinese people are very proud of their culture, and enjoy helping people learn their language. Don't be afraid to ask for help or practice with a native speaker.
- Don't skip a day or a few weeks just because you don't have time. You'll forget everything and have to start from scratch.
- Tones and pronunciation are very important in Chinese. When learning new vocabulary (especially for beginners), take some extra time to practice the tones. For example: what, to a native English speaker might seem to be "moo", "moo?" and "moo!" is actually three different, completely unrelated, words in Mandarin.
- If you need to learn in a hurry, try some software (e.g. Rosetta Stone, or the free mobile app Duolingo) or use flash cards to learn before bed. You'll enjoy getting to learn how to speak, write, and read in the language in a fun and interactive way.
- While Taiwanese Mandarin is very similar to mainland Mandarin, there are very subtle differences in terms of pronunciations, vocabulary and grammar, much like American English and Standard British English.
- You can try wechat to know native speaker, it's the most popular social media software used by most Chinese, just like twitter in western countries.I'm a Chinese from Beijing,and I'm sure Chinese people are willing to help.
- If you must use the internet, remember that it's not always accurate.
- Some people might be picky and correct you, but that's all right. That's what you want, so you can correct your mistakes.
- When in doubt about how to use vocabulary, if you can, ask a native speaker.
- If you learn something offensive, you should only say it jokingly and not seriously as some Chinese curses can be very strong.
EditRelated wikiHows EditSources and Citations
Cite error: <ref> tags exist, but no <references/> tag was found
|
No comments:
Post a Comment