| How to Read Body Language Posted: 17 Oct 2021 05:00 PM PDT Reading body language, or non-verbal cues, is a way to infer things about people you see around you or have interactions with. When you know how to do it, reading body language can tell you a lot about someone's feelings, mental state, or what they really mean when they're speaking (especially if they're lying). Understanding non-verbal communication can even help you connect better with people and build better relationships, so take some notes! [Edit]Facial Cues - Grimacing: Grimacing is when someone's muscles around the mouth start pulling back. This kind of grimacing reaction can show you that someone is panicking or feeling uncomfortable inside. Many facial cues such as this, known as microexpressions, are involuntary, so you can tell the truth about how someone is really feeling by observing them.[1]
- People may also show microexpressions of discomfort or fear when they're lying. So, be wary if someone starts grimacing when they're telling you something!
- Raised eyebrows: Raised eyebrows are another common facial cue that someone is feeling uncomfortable. Worry, surprise, and fear are all types of discomfort, so when someone raises their eyebrows, they might be feeling any of these emotions.[2]
- Raised eyebrows can also be a sign of insincerity. For example, if someone compliments your outfit with their eyebrows raised, they might not really mean it.
- Other times, people may raise their eyebrows when they feel curious.
- Eye contact: Is the person staring at you intensely or does the eye contact feel just right? If someone is making an uncomfortable amount of eye contact while you're talking, it could be a sign that they are lying. If their level of eye contact feels normal, they are probably just paying attention to what you're saying or really into the conversation you're having. They might even be into you romantically![3]
- Eye contact norms are different across cultures. In some cultures, it's considered rude.[4] It can also feel too intense for people with disabilities or mental health issues, e.g. autism or social anxiety. So in some cases, avoidance of eye contact just means that the person is trying to stay comfortable or be polite.
- When in doubt, trust your instincts when it comes to reading body language. Though there are many general ways to read non-verbal cues like eye contact, everyone is different, so go with your gut instinct.
- Crow's feet: When a smile is genuine, the corners of their eyes crinkle. When someone is forcing a fake smile, these crow's feet don't appear. Eyes don't lie![5]
- Look at a posed photo where everyone's smiling on command to get an idea of what it looks like when smiles are forced.
- Clenched jaw and furrowed brow: Together, these are often an indication that someone is feeling stressed or worried. People often tighten their neck along with their jaw and their brow, so they might rub their neck involuntarily when they're stressed, too.[6]
- For example, if you're a manager and you ask a subordinate to work over the weekend, a clenched jaw and furrowed brow might show you that the proposal stresses them out. You might want to reconsider asking them to do you the favor!
[Edit]Gestures - Crossed arms and legs: In a conversation or a meeting, these non-verbal cues can often indicate resistance to your ideas. Many people do this involuntarily, which is a symbol of being mentally, physically, and emotionally blocked off from someone.[7] It could also mean that a person feels insecure or guarded.
- For example, if you're in a business negotiation and the other party has their arms crossed, they might not be liking what you're proposing.
- However, this can also just be a sign that they think the room is a little chilly. See if their other cues match.
- Pointing: When people make hand gestures, they usually point in the direction of someone they like or share an understanding with. Watching where someone points when they gesture can be a great way to figure out who they share a close connection with in a group setting![8]
- For example, if you're in a business meeting and the person talking tends to gesture towards someone sitting off to their left, you might want to pay attention to what that person has to say later on.
- Fidgeting: Fidgeting with hands or legs is often a sign of anxiety or boredom. On the other hand, if someone is sitting with their hands quietly in their lap and their legs still, they're probably relaxed and content.[9]
- If someone's fidgeting while they're talking, it can also be a sign of lying. Remember to always judge people's body language based on the context, as well.
- People with disabilities like autism and ADHD may fidget more often. This could be a sign of restlessness, but it could also just be their way of improving their focus or staying calm. Intense fidgeting may be a sign they're struggling to stay calm and may need a break or a quieter environment.
- Timing of hand gestures: Liars often use hand gestures after they speak to try and add to the story and make it more believable. When someone's speaking truthfully, they use hand gestures at the same time they speak.[10]
- This is because, when someone's telling a lie, their mind is too busy making up the story to use hand gestures at the same time.
[Edit]Posture and Position - Tall posture: When people stand up straight with their shoulders back, it's a power posture that shows they're confident or in charge. On the other hand, a slouching posture projects less power and could be a sign of resignation or lack of confidence.[11]
- For example, if someone walks into a room and you immediately feel like they're in charge, take a look at their posture. They're probably standing up very erectly!
- Mirrored body language: If someone is mirroring your body language, it can be an unconscious sign that they're feeling a connection with you. Mirrored body language is a good sign that a conversation or interaction is going well.[12]
- For example, if someone leans their head the same way as you when you're talking or shifts their legs in the same direction as you, that's mirrored body language.
- Open posture: An open posture, like throwing both hands up in the air, can be a sign of leadership. Or, sitting with the legs and arms spread out to either side can be a display of confidence.[13]
- For example, when an athlete wins a sports competition, they often throw both hands in the air because they feel confident and dominant.
- Leaning and turning: People tend to get close to things that interest them and lean or turn away from things they aren't interested in. If someone leans towards you, then they're probably interested in what you're saying (or just interested in you in general). If they're leaning or turning away, then they might like an opportunity to end the conversation.
- Leaning or turning away doesn't always mean they dislike you. They could feel overwhelmed in general, be in the wrong mood for talking (e.g. if they think they might be running late), or think you don't smell good and need a shower. See if they act this way during multiple conversations or if this is just a bad time.
- Proximity: Proximity is how close a person is to you. If someone stands or sits close to you, chances are they view you favorably! But, if someone moves away or backs up when you get close to them, they might not have such a high opinion of you.[14]
- You can also observe how close 2 other people are to each other to try and infer what their relationship is.
[Edit]Warnings - Do not judge a person solely by their body language. Remember that body language is not the sole indicator of someone's status, emotional state, or their relationship with you.
[Edit]Related wikiHows [Edit]References [Edit]Quick Summary |
| How to Be a Good Friend to Someone with Gender Dysphoria Posted: 17 Oct 2021 09:00 AM PDT When your friend experiences gender dysphoria, you might not understand exactly what they're going through if you're a cisgender person. That's totally okay—you can still support them, and you can take steps to educate yourself about their experience as you go. Gender dysphoria refers to a feeling of distress when a person's gender identity differs from the sex they were assigned at birth.[1] Not all trans or nonbinary people experience gender dysphoria, but if your friend is struggling, you can make a positive difference in their life. Here are 11 ways you can be a good ally to a friend who is experiencing gender dysphoria. [Edit]Ask your friend what pronouns they use. - Stick to the correct pronouns when you talk about your friend. Trans women (people who were assigned male but identify as female) usually use she/her, and trans guys (people who were assigned female but identify as male) tend to use he/him. However, some people may use they/them or neo-pronouns (pronouns other than she/he/they).[2]
- "Hey Jordan, what pronouns do you use?"
[Edit]Tell your friend you support them and accept who they are. - Providing love and acceptance is a research-backed way to support LGBTQ+ people.[3] Let your friend know you appreciate them and like spending time with them. Tell them why you like them and what their friendship means to you. In particular, make sure you let them know you care when they come out to you or are going through an emotional struggle.[4]
- "I'm here for you. I care about you, and I'll support you no matter what."
- "I feel like you're always there for me. You're so kind and funny, and your friendship makes my life better every day. I want you to know I'm here for you, too."
[Edit]Correct yourself quickly if you misgender your friend. - Apologize politely and move on with the conversation. Misgendering your friend can mean using the wrong pronouns or referring to them by the wrong name. When it happens accidentally, just apologize without making a big deal of the situation (which can make your friend more uncomfortable) and use the correct pronouns.[5]
- "I'm sorry. I meant 'They're going to the mall later.'"
- "Sorry, wrong name. Kenna, you should've gotten the chocolate ice cream."
[Edit]Keep your friend's gender identity or dysphoria private. - Unless they tell you otherwise, don't "out" your friend. Keep your friend safe and comfortable by letting them choose when to reveal their gender identity to other people. Ask if there are cases where your friend doesn't want you to use the correct pronouns, since your friend may not be openly trans/non-binary in some places. By giving your friend time to come out on their own, you let them experience the freedom to be or find who they are, on their own terms.[6]
- If you're not sure who they've come out to, ask them: "I want to make sure I'm using the correct pronouns, but I also want to respect your privacy. Have you come out to the rest of our friends?"
- If someone speculates or asks about your friend, say: "I don't like to speak for them. You can ask them directly if you're curious about their gender."
[Edit]Listen to your friend and affirm their feelings. - Learn more about your friend's experiences through active listening. Pay attention to what they're saying, and let them know you hear them. If you're cisgender (meaning you identify with the gender you were assigned at birth), you might not be an expert on the issues your friend is facing, but you can validate how they feel. Always be ready to listen to them talk about their struggles and triumphs in discovering which gender identity feels right.[7][8]
- "I hear what you're saying, and that sounds exciting/tough/amazing/scary."
- You can use brief verbal responses like "mm-hmm," "I see," "okay."
- If you're not sure how to respond, ask, "Can you tell me more about that?" or "How can I best support you?"
[Edit]Introduce yourself with your pronouns to support your friend. - Say your pronouns to make that a normal part of greetings. Your friend might feel uncomfortable introducing themselves with their pronouns if no one else is doing it. When you give your own pronouns, it can both help your friend feel less isolated and model appropriate behavior for others. Add your pronouns after you introduce yourself, or you can even add pronouns to your social media profile, email signature, or video call meeting nametag.[9]
- "Hi, I'm Zoe and I use she/her pronouns."
- "It's nice to meet you. I'm Karl and I use he/him pronouns."
- "Hey, my name's Denver and I use they/them pronouns."
[Edit]Use gender-inclusive language when you greet groups. - Pick words like "people," "friends," or "folks." Change the way you greet others to make sure your friend feels included, and make gender-inclusive greetings a habit whether your friend is present or not. Referring to your friends or coworkers with gendered terms like "girls," "boys," "dudes," "bros," or "ladies" might make your friend with dysphoria feel uncomfortable.[10]
- "Hi all, how are you doing?"
- "Hey, friends. Can we get going?"
- "Athletes/teammates, let's huddle up."
- You can never tell someone's gender identity from looking at them, so you might unknowingly make another person feel more comfortable when you opt for gender-inclusive language.
[Edit]Stand up for your friend when they're put in tough situations. - Ask the offending person to change their behavior or to leave. If the person is unintentionally using the wrong pronouns, let them know politely that they're incorrect.[11] If the person is openly harassing your friend, ask them to leave, and report their behavior if it poses a threat to your friend's safety. Stepping in for your friend is one of the best ways you can support their health and wellbeing.[12]
- "Actually, his name is Nick, and he uses he/him pronouns."
- "Please leave. We're not interested in talking to you."
- Ask your friend before you intervene on their behalf. Your friend may not want you to speak for them.
- Ensure your intervention won't escalate a conflict into violence or make your friend more uncomfortable/unsafe.
- Demand inclusive bathrooms, locker rooms, and other signage. Encourage your school or workplace to designate single-stall or all-gender bathrooms via talking to an administrator, board, or creating a petition. Ask local businesses directly to put up gender-neutral signage. Participate in protests, lobbying, and support bills to push for all-gender bathrooms in your community.[13]
[Edit]Continue to educate yourself. - Seek out resources and information. Research the status of transgender and non-binary rights in your country. Listen to other gender nonconforming people's stories, and learn about the different ways people can identify. As you keep learning, remember that it's okay to admit what you don't know![14]
- Understand that sexuality and gender are two different things.[15]
- Know that there's no right age or way for people to transition.
[Edit]Support media created by trans and non-binary people. - Buy or view content that positively represents gender nonconforming people. Watch documentaries, listen to podcasts and music, and read books about the lives of people who have experienced gender dysphoria to become a better ally to your friend and others like them. At the same time, you get to support the broader gender nonconforming community by acting as an audience for a variety of important lived experiences.[16]
[Edit]Warnings - Avoid gendered compliments, which can often come off as backhanded and hurtful. For instance, the comment "You look so pretty. You look like a real woman," can be incredibly offensive.[17]
- Avoid drawing attention to your friend's trans status in public, unless they ask you to.[18]
[Edit]Related wikiHows [Edit]References |
| How to Teach Your Child Good Manners Posted: 17 Oct 2021 01:00 AM PDT Teaching manners to a young child may seem a little overwhelming, but it doesn't have to be. You can encourage your child to be polite by teaching them a few key phrases and greetings, encouraging them to understand the importance of empathy and compassion, and modeling good behavior so that they have a good example to look up to! This article explores these methods and more so that you can help your child learn the importance of good manners and etiquette. [Edit]Teach your child to say "hello" and "goodbye." - These phrases are the first steps to politely interacting with others. Practice by making a point to say "hello" or "good morning" when you wake up each day. As your child starts to get the hang of it, try to remind them to say hello to relatives and friends. If they forget to say hi, gently remind them. Try something like, "That's our neighbor Tom! Do you want to say hello?"[1]
- They can even learn how to say "hi" when they haven't learned to speak yet! Try teaching your child how to wave hello and goodbye.
[Edit]Remind them to say "please" when asking for something. - It wouldn't be an article on manners without the phrase "please." It's the perfect way to ask for a question or favor in a gentle, polite way. Anytime your child asks for something, whether it be a cookie or some help with their homework, tell them to say "please" somewhere in that request. Encourage them not to forget by reminding them to say it before completing the task.[2]
- For example, if your child asks for help retrieving a board game from the top shelf of the closet without saying please, say something like, "I can, but only if you say please!"
[Edit]Make sure they know the importance of "thank you." - Expressing gratitude is an important part of good manners. Teach your child when it's appropriate to say "thank you," like after someone has helped them, answered a question, or given them a gift. Gently remind your child to say thank you if you notice that they forgot. For example, if their friend gave them a picture they drew and your child takes it without a thank you, try something like, "Sarah drew that just for you! What do we say when someone gives us a gift?"[3]
- Try practicing "thank you" by wrapping up objects around the house as if they were gifts. Exchange these 'gifts' with your child and take turns unwrapping them and saying "thank you."[4]
[Edit]Encourage them to sit still and avoid mess when eating. - It's very common for kids to play with their food. Who wouldn't want to throw mashed potatoes if given the chance? Though tempting, there are many strategies you can employ to teach your child to be polite at the dinner table. First, try not to react when your child makes a big mess. If they're throwing food, for example, they may just want your attention. Avoid laughing or getting angry, and simply ask them to stop. If they continue to make a mess, let them know that mealtime is over. Enacting gentle but firm boundaries can help your child understand the consequences of their actions. [5]
- Help your child practice by offering only a few bites at a time. A dollop of mashed potatoes isn't as fun to play with as a mashed potato mountain. Sit with them at the table and give them more portions as they eat.
[Edit]Help them learn how to make eye contact in conversation. - Looking someone in the eye is an important part of having a meaningful conversation! It can be hard for anyone, child or adult, so understand if this step takes a little extra time. To practice, ask your child to look members of your family in the eye to determine their eye color. This can make it feel more like a game and can help them get more comfortable in conversation![6]
- If you notice your child staring at the ground while talking to someone, gently suggest they look up when someone speaks to them. Avoid embarrassing them, though, as they may just be feeling extra shy! Try something like, "Grandma's here, don't you want to look up and see what she has to say?"
- Don't force your child to make eye contact if it's hard for them. You can suggest that they make eye contact for some of the time while they are having a conversation, but don't force them to make eye contact with the other person all of the time.
[Edit]Instruct them not to interrupt people in conversation. - Help your child understand that when you speak to people, you take turns.[7] Anytime you have a conversation and your child interrupts you, ask them to wait until you are done speaking. Remain consistent anytime they interrupt you, and praise them for waiting their turn when they do!
[Edit]Educate them about being kind. - Teach your child the importance of empathy, compassion, and care for their community. To help them understand empathy, encourage them to look at conflicts from another person's perspective. For example, if they are arguing with a sibling, ask both children to explain their point of view. Motivate them to really listen to the others' perspective by having them repeat back how their sibling feels. Come up with a compromise so that your child learns how to react positively even when they don't get exactly their way. You can also foster compassion through talking to your children about issues in the world that may cause people to experience hardship, like racism, poverty, and homophobia.[8]
- If your child is old enough, take them to volunteer in your community to learn about the importance of giving back and doing the right thing!
- Watch educational television shows and movies that encourage children to learn about ethics. The animated films of Hayao Miyazaki, for example, often explore themes of caring for others as well as the environment.
[Edit]Set clear expectations. - Instead of simply telling your child not to do something, say what they should do as well. A "no" without any alternative suggestion may leave your child feeling confused about what to do next. Give your child directions so that they know what good behavior they should practice instead.[9]
- For example, if your child often eats messily at the dinner table, don't just tell them to stop it. Follow that with something like, "Let's keep all of our food on our plate" or "How about we eat our food instead of throwing it?"
[Edit]Be aware of your child's limits. - It may take time for your child to understand manners. As a young kid maybe they know how to say "hello" and "goodbye," but they don't yet know how to say "please." Celebrate the small victories and take things one day at a time. It's also best to take the context into account when teaching your child new manners. If your child is exhausted from a long day of preschool, that may not be the best time to introduce a new expectation.[10]
[Edit]Remain consistent. - Always follow through with the expectations you set for your child. If you teach your child not to interrupt people, for example, and then say nothing when they interrupt you, that gives your child mixed messages. As soon as you introduce a new lesson in etiquette, hold your child accountable by reminding them to practice their manners consistently.[11]
[Edit]Model good manners for your child. - Children learn best through example. Always be kind, polite, and courteous in front of your child so that they have a positive role model to look up to. Yes, we all have our bad days, but try your absolute best to express anger and impatience in a healthy way in front of your child.[12]
- Consider eating dinner as a family each night and modeling positive, courteous behavior! This is a great place to practice polite conversation as well as dinner table manners in particular.
- Don't hide emotions like anger, sadness, and impatience for the sake of modeling good manners. Show your child ways to handle those emotions in a healthy way instead of showing your child that they have to hide their emotions to have good manners.
[Edit]Related wikiHows [Edit]References ↑ https://www.parents.com/kids/responsibility/manners/teaching-manners-kids/ ↑ https://www.parents.com/kids/responsibility/manners/teaching-manners-kids/ ↑ https://www.parents.com/kids/responsibility/manners/teaching-manners-kids/ ↑ https://www.parents.com/kids/responsibility/manners/teaching-manners-kids/ ↑ https://www.parenting.com/toddler/ask-dr-sears-table-manners-for-toddlers/ ↑ https://www.parents.com/kids/responsibility/manners/teaching-manners-kids/ ↑ https://www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/discipline/how-do-i-teach-my-son-not-to-interrupt-me/ ↑ https://www.gse.harvard.edu/news/uk/17/02/raising-kind-children ↑ https://childmind.org/article/how-discipline-toddlers/ ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/toddler-tantrums.html?WT.ac=ctg ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/toddler-tantrums.html?WT.ac=ctg ↑ https://www.gse.harvard.edu/news/uk/17/02/raising-kind-children |
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