| How to Date a Transgender Person Posted: 25 Nov 2018 04:00 PM PST For the most part, dating someone who is transgender is like dating anybody else. However, if you are cisgender (not transgender) and it's your first time dating somebody who is trans, you may want to keep a few things in mind. Think about why you want to date them. If the answer is anything other than because you genuinely like them and want to get to know them better, consider whether your reasoning is a healthy basis for a relationship. Be sensitive when asking personal questions about your date's body or history. Focus on getting to know them as a person. Most importantly, listen to them: your date will be able to guide you better than anyone else. EditCommunicating with a Transgender Partner EditDating a Transgender Person for the First Time - Pick a location where your date feels comfortable. Meet your date in a location of their choosing, or ask them to approve of the location you've chosen. If you are choosing the location, opt for a café, bar, or restaurant with single-use or all-gender restrooms. These tend to be safer for trans people to use.
- Don't overthink it! Just run a place by your date, and if they accept, it's probably a good place for them.
- If you don't know of any place near you that has a single-use or all-gender restroom, check Refuge Restrooms: https://www.refugerestrooms.org/
- Use the right pronouns. Use the gendered language that fits your date. If your date is a transgender woman, she will probably use "she/her" pronouns. If your date is a transgender man, he will probably be "he/him." If your date is nonbinary, they may prefer "they/them," "ze/zir," or other pronouns.[1]
- If you aren't sure what pronouns your date uses, first listen. If someone else who knows them well uses a pronoun, that is probably the correct one to use. You can also wait to see how your date refers to themself.
- If you don't find out by listening, just tell them your pronouns and ask for theirs. You might say, "I meant to ask you—what are your pronouns? Mine are he/him."
- Until you know for sure, just avoid using a pronoun. Use your date's name instead.
- Follow any etiquette that you would observe with a cisgender date. Depending on where you live and what kind of person you are, you might treat people in different ways depending on their gender. For instance, if you're an old-fashioned guy, you might always open the door for women, pay for the drinks, or stand up when a woman enters the room. In that case, you would follow that same etiquette if your date is a transgender woman as well, unless she doesn't like it.[2]
- If you and your date are less traditional, or if your date is nonbinary/agender, you can skip the gendered manners.
- If you're not sure what your date likes, just ask. You might say, "Is it okay with you if I pick up the tab tonight?"
- Get to know your date as a person. Just like when you're dating a cis person, the important thing is to get a sense of your date as a whole person. Ask your date what they do for fun, what their hopes and dreams are, and what they do for work.[3]
- Share about yourself as well, and find out what you have in common.
- Communicate extra before you engage in physical intimacy. If you are about to engage in sexual activity of any sort, ask your date to talk with you about what's about to happen. Your date may have particular ways they prefer to be touched. You may have questions about how to touch them! If there's anything you aren't sure about, just ask.[4]
- For instance, you might say, "I'd like to go further, but will you tell me what you like before we do?"
- Ask if there are any parts of their body they don't want you to touch. Some people, including trans people, dislike touch on certain areas of their bodies, such as the back, chest, or crotch.
- Ask them what language they want you to use about their body. Your date may be comfortable in their body, but uncomfortable using certain words for it. For instance, a trans man might like it when you touch his chest, so long as you say "pecs" instead of "breasts."
- Ask, or just listen to the words they use and mirror them.
- Apologize and move on if you make a mistake. If you slip up and say the wrong pronoun, if you ask a question that offends your date, or if you make any other small mistake, just correct yourself and apologize. Then move on.
- Don't agonize over it! If you keep apologizing and bringing it up, you'll embarrass your date and make them feel like they need to comfort you.
- For instance, if your date is a trans man and you call him a "girl" by accident, say "Guy, I mean. I'm sorry."
- If you don't realize you misgendered someone until much later, use your best judgement. Some people would prefer an apology, but others would rather you drop it.
- If your date is truly upset, accept it. Sometimes we hurt people when we mean well. Let your date have whatever space they ask for.
EditAvoiding Common Etiquette Mistakes - Don't compliment them on their gender presentation. When a transgender person looks cisgender, this is referred to as "passing." While many trans people want to pass, for safety and other reasons, they probably don't want to be randomly complimented on how well they pass. Complimenting your date in this way will make them feel like you are focusing too much on their gender.[5]
- Compliments like "You're so masculine/feminine!" or "You look just like a cisgender woman/man!" are likely to offend your date.
- If you're a cisgender woman on a date with a transgender woman, a comment like "Wow, you are so much better at makeup than me" is likely to come off as condescending.
- This doesn't mean you can't compliment your date on their looks or their style! Just do so without comparing them to cis people. Everyone likes being told, "You look amazing in that new jacket! You're such a sharp dresser!"
- Wait to discuss topics that are too personal. As with any other date, you should be sensitive about what kinds of questions you ask. Don't ask questions that are inappropriate in an early relationship. If you are curious about your date's body, transition, or sexual history, wait for your date to bring it up.[6]
- In general, don't ask a transgender person what sorts of surgery or hormonal treatment they have had. If they want to discuss it, they'll bring it up.
- While some trans people are comfortable discussing these topics with friends, most will not want to discuss them with a new acquaintance.
- Avoid asking about their pre-transition life unless they bring it up. You may be curious about what your date used to look like, and what their life was like before they transitioned. However, asking this can make your date feel like you are only interested in them because of their transition. It can also bring up a lot of painful memories for some people.[7]
- Don't ask them what their former name was, and never use it on them. Using a trans person's former name is called "deadnaming," and it can be very hurtful.
- If you knew your date before they transitioned, be sensitive about what parts of your shared history you bring up. Talk about things you did together that were not gender-determined.
- Remember that your date does not need you to reassure them. Avoid the temptation to tell your date you are "okay" with them being transgender, or that you think it's admirable or "cool." You can show that you are "okay" or that you admire your date just by treating them with respect. Telling them you are "okay" with it sounds like you are asking them to thank you for respecting them.[8]
- Similarly, telling your date out of nowhere that they are "brave" may come off as condescending.
- Your date does not want you to randomly tell them that you "don't think of them as trans." They are trans. There's nothing shameful about it.
EditBecoming an Ally to Your Trans Partner - Identify your date clearly when you introduce them. Communicate your date's name and gender when you introduce them. This will lower the chance that someone else uses the wrong words to describe them.
- For instance, if you have a trans girlfriend, introduce her by saying, "This is my girlfriend, Amaranth."
- If your date is nonbinary, you might help other people learn their pronouns by saying, "This is my partner Andy. They're new in town! I'm showing them around."
- Correct people who use the wrong pronoun in most cases. Under ordinary circumstances, you should correct people who are confused about your partner's gender. Before you start doing this, though, ask your partner to make sure they are comfortable with this. If they are closeted about their gender, or if the situation feels dangerous, you should not.
- For instance, if someone says "What's her name," you might say, "Their name, actually. Julie is nonbinary, so they use "they/them" pronouns."
- If the misgendering is casual, you can simply echo the statement with the correct pronoun. If someone incorrectly says, "Your date is cute! Where did you meet him?" You can reply, "Where did I meet her? She and I met at a potluck."
- Don't out them as transgender. Your date has a right to disclose their transition, or to keep it private. Don't tell people that your date is trans unless your date has indicated that you should. Some trans people want other people to know their gender history, because they are proud of what they've experienced, and others want to keep it private.[9]
- Some transgender people "pass," meaning most people assume they are cisgender. If your partner wants to pass, they won't want you to tell other people that they are trans.
- It's okay to quietly ask your date about it. For example, "Who have you come out to? I want to make sure that I don't accidentally out you to anyone. What would be useful for me to know, to help me protect your privacy?"
- Don't give other cisgender people information about them that is private. If you have someone in your life who is transgender, other cisgender people might get curious and ask you personal questions. Find a way to firmly cut off these conversations.[10]
- For instance, if your friend is fishing for information, you might say, "Oh, I'd rather not talk about my partner's body with other people."
EditDealing with Transphobia and Discrimination - Take any sign of suicidal behaviors in your partner seriously. If your partner is exhibiting any signs of suicidal ideation, take them seriously. Know that transgender people have higher than average rates of suicide, due to the stresses of dealing with transphobia and cissexism.[11]
- If your partner mentions wanting to die, feeling like there is no hope, or anything that indicates they may be considering suicide, take their words seriously.
- Don't leave them alone if they are feeling suicidal. Get someone to stay with them if you can't.
- Your partner should have the Trans Lifeline number to call in moments of crisis. In the USA, it's (877) 565 8850.
- You may also be able to look into LGBTQ-advocacy organizations like GLAAD, which can connect you with Trans resources and educational information.[12]
- Take care of yourself. If you are dating a transgender person, you are dating someone who has to deal with more stress than other people. This means that you will also experience some extra stress. Take care of yourself! Get therapy if you can. Stay in touch with friends and family who support you.[13]
- Remember, taking care of yourself is your first responsibility. Even if your partner has a harder life than you do, you shouldn't neglect yourself to take care of them.
- Your relationship will only grow if you are both open about your needs and able to set boundaries.
- Define your own identity at your leisure. When you start dating a transgender person, some friends and family might immediately ask you if your identity has changed. However, in many cases, you will not feel that your identity has changed, or you may feel pressured to either redefine yourself or say that your partner's gender "doesn't count." Instead, take your time to come up with a description that fits how you feel and doesn't discount your partner's gender. Remember, you don't owe anyone an explanation.[14]
- You might say, "I'm a straight man, and I date cisgender and transgender women."
- "I identify as a lesbian, and that includes transgender women."
- "I actually don't know how to define my orientation without putting myself in a box, so I'm just not doing it at the moment!"
- "I'm queer/pansexual/omnisexual. Gender isn't the basis of my attraction."
- Connect with other people who love trans people. Make friends with other people who have trans partners and friends. You can make friends by volunteering for LGBTQ organizations, and by attending events geared toward LGBTQ people.
- If you are not able to date a transgender person publicly and proudly, don't date them at all. Nobody wants to be treated like a shameful secret.
- Don't blame them for other people's behavior. It's not your date's fault if other people are rude or clueless.
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| How to Make a Candle With Essential Oils Posted: 25 Nov 2018 08:00 AM PST Making candles at home allows you to choose the scent and appearance of your candles. Craft stores sell scents specifically for candle-making, but you can also scent your candles with essential oils. The trick to using essential oils is adding the oils when the wax is hot, but not so hot that the oils evaporate. Because soy wax has a lower melting point than other types of wax and melts easily in the microwave, it is an ideal wax to use to make a candle with essential oils. EditMelting and Coloring the Wax - Cover your work surface with newspaper. Wax splatters are difficult to clean, and even if you manage to scrape them off, there may still be some residue. Make cleaning easier later on by covering your counter with some newspaper.[1]
- You can also use other protective coverings, such as plastic bags, paper bags, or plastic tablecloths.
- Choose a glass or metal container for your candle. Tin cans, old tea tins, and mason jars are all great choices here. Make sure that whatever container you choose can withstand heat. Even though the flame won't be directly touching the material, it will still get hot.
- Wash the container with warm, soapy water, even if it looks clean.
- Old candle jars are another great option. Be sure to remove all of the old wax first, however.
- If you are using a mason jar, choose one that has a wide mouth; it will be easier to work with than the kind with the standard, narrow mouth.
- Measure your wax flakes with your container, then double it. Place a bowl on a kitchen scale, then use your chosen container to measure out 2 portions of wax flakes. Wax will shrink as it melts, so you will need to use twice the amount that your container holds.
- Cans and jars come in all shapes and sizes, so there is no set weight that you should use.
- Soy wax flakes are the most popular and easiest to work with, but you can use others too, such as beeswax.
- Weigh your wax using a kitchen scale. This will help you figure out how much essential oil to use. Keep in mind that different types of waxes may require different ratios of wax to essential oil, so double-check the instructions that came with your wax.
- Melt the wax and heat it to about . Use a candle-making or candy-making thermometer to gauge the temperature. Double-check the instructions that came with your wax to find out exactly what temperature it should be heated to, as different kinds of wax have different melting points.
- Microwave: put the wax into a glass measuring cup, then heat it at 30-second intervals, stirring between each interval, until melts.[2]
- Stove: Fill a pot with a of water, then set a metal pitcher into it. Add the wax to the picture, and bring the water to a boil. Stir the wax often as it melts.[3]
- Add color to the wax, if desired. There are 2 ways that you can do this. The professional way would be to add some pieces of candle-making dye. It comes in little bricks, which you can get at a craft store or online. Continue heating the wax until the dye melts and blends in completely.[4]
- Alternatively, you can add in some crayon shavings instead.[5]
EditAdding the Wick - Place a drop of hot wax into the bottom of your container. Take some of the wax you just melted, and place a drop into the bottom of your container. Alternatively, you can use a drop of hot glue or super glue instead.
- Be prepared to work quickly, as the hot wax or hot glue will set up fast.
- If you don't have spare candles or a hot glue gun on hand, place a piece of double-sided tape against the bottom of your tabbed wick.
- Press a tabbed wick into the wax. You can buy tabbed candle wicks in the candle aisle of a craft store and online. They look like long candle wicks with small, metal disks on the bottom. Tuck the wick into the container, then use your finger or a stick to press the tab against the hot wax or hot glue.[6]
- Don't worry if the wick is too long for the container. You will cut it at the very end. If you cut it now, it won't stick up straight in the wax.
- Wrap the wick around a stick, then set the stick on top of the container. Take a stick of some sort; it can be a pen, chopstick, pencil, or even a paintbrush. Wrap the end of the wick around your stick until the stick hits the rim of the container. This will help hold the wick upright.[7]
- If the wick starts to unravel, secure it to the stick with a clothespin or a binder clip.
- Wrap the wick tightly enough so that it stands up as straight as possible inside the container.
- Wait about 5 minutes for the wick to set. Hot glue will need about 2 to 3 minutes to harden. If you used super glue or double-sided tape, then you don't need to wait at all.
- If you don't wait for the wax or hot glue to set, the wick may move as you are pouring the wax.
EditScenting and Pouring the Wax - Let the wax cool to about . Use a candy-making or candle-making thermometer to gauge the temperature as the wax cools. The wax may already have cooled down to this temperature while you prepared the jar. If it didn't, then just wait a few more minutes.
- This is very important; if you add the oils to the wax too soon, the heat will cause them to burn off resulting in a less-fragrant candle.
- Stir in your desired essential oils. You can use just 1 type of essential oil, or you can mix-and-match difference oils to create a more unique fragrance. How much you add is up to you, but plan on using about 1/2 ounce (15 mL) of essential oil per 1 pound (454 g) of candle wax flakes.[8]
- You can use more or less oil. Keep in mind that the scent will weaken a little once the candle hardens.[9]
- Pour the wax slowly into the container. Don't pour quickly, or you'll get bubbles and wax splatters. Leave about of the container unfilled. If you fill it all the way to the top, the wax may drip down the sides of the container when you light the candle.
- Be sure to save the excess wax. You can use it to fill in any dips or wells in the finished candle.
- Let the candle harden on the counter or in the fridge. As it hardens, the wax will turn from clear to opaque once again. Depending on the type of wax you used, this will be either white, ivory, or yellow.[10]
- It will take at least 4 hours on the counter, but it may take as long as 6 or 8. It shouldn't take longer than 1 hour in the fridge, however.
- Reheat the excess wax and use it to fill any wells, if needed. If your candle dried with a well in the middle, melt the leftover wax, then pour it into the well to fill it. Let the wax cool before moving on.
- Let any leftover wax harden and cool, then discard it into the trash. Never pour hot wax down the drain.[11]
- Trim the wick down to about . Unravel the wick first, then cut it with a pair of scissors down to about . This will help prevent the flame from becoming too big and creating too much smoke.[12]
- You will need to trim the wick down each time before you use the candle.
- Fragrance oils are not the same thing as essential oils; they are synthetic while essential oils are the real deal and come from plants and herbs.[13]
- There will still be some loss of fragrance due to heat of the wax. This is unavoidable because the wax must be melted in order to mix in the oil.[14]
- You can use cheaper essential oil from the craft store, but it may be synthetic and not have any of the beneficial properties of genuine essential oil.[15]
- Some essential oils hold up better to heat than others, such as lavender, lemongrass, and patchouli.[16]
- You can buy candy-making or candle-making thermometers online or in craft stores.
EditThings You'll Need - Heat-safe tin or jar
- Soy wax flakes
- Glass measuring cup
- Wooden spoon
- Essential oil
- Tabbed candle wick
- Stick
- Scissors
- Candy-making or candle-making thermometer
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| How to Make Raisins Posted: 25 Nov 2018 12:00 AM PST Raisins are a delicious natural snack that can be eaten on their own or added to a variety of recipes, such as oatmeal raisin cookies. In addition to being so versatile, they're also easy to make! By simply drying grapes in the sun, in an oven, or in a dehydrator, you can easily make your own raisins in no time! EditDrying Grapes in the Sun - Remove the larger stems from your grapes and wash them thoroughly. You don't need to remove all the grapes from the stems, but you should definitely cut off the larger stems. Rinse the grapes under running water to wash them.[1]
- You can also use an all-natural produce wash to wash your grapes, although simple water should suffice in most cases.
- Spread the grapes out evenly on a baking tray and cover them. Use a wooden, wicker, bamboo, or plastic tray that is slatted, so air can circulate around the fruit. Spread the grapes so that they aren't touching one another on the tray. Use a kitchen towel to cover the grapes.[2]
- You can also use a pillowcase to cover your grapes if you'd rather not use a kitchen towel.
- Your cover should also be effective at keeping insects away from your grapes as they dry.
- Make sure that whatever you use to cover the grapes won't get blown away in the wind. If your cover is relatively light, you may need to weigh it down on its corners.
- Place the tray outside in the sun during warm, dry weather. Put the tray in a location where it will get lots of sunlight during the day. Only put them out during warm, dry weather; the warmer and dryer the climate, the easier your grapes will dry out.[3]
- If you put your tray out in overcast, cool, or particularly humid weather, the grapes will take longer to dry out (and may not even completely dry out). Aim to put your tray outside when the forecast is sunny, humidity is not too high, and the temperature is at least .
- If your area gets foggy or dewy at night, take the tray inside at the end of the day and place it outside again the next morning.
- Allow the grapes to sit outside for 3-4 days, rotating them occasionally. The grapes may take up to 96 hours to become sufficiently dry, depending on various weather conditions and how hydrated they were to start. However, they should be left outside for at least 3 days. Go out and rotate the grapes twice each day to make sure both sides of the grapes are exposed to the sun.[4]
- After 3 days, feel free to conduct a taste test on 1 or 2 of the grapes to see if they're sufficiently dry. If they're to your liking, go ahead and bring them inside. If they're not quite dry enough, leave them out for another day.
- You can leave grapes out in the sun for up to 5 days, though you shouldn't need to leave them out any longer than this.
- Take the dried raisins inside and store them in an airtight container. Once the grapes have dried to the point of becoming raisins, take the tray inside and place the raisins in an airtight container. Store the container in a cool place or refrigerate.[5]
- Suggested storage containers for air-dried raisins include mylar bags, tupperware, and glass canning jars with an oxygen absorber.
EditMaking Raisins in the Oven - Preheat your oven to . Set your oven temperature to and allow it to preheat for about 15 minutes. Do not put your grapes in the oven before it's preheated, as this will affect their quality.[6]
- This temperature will allow you to bake grapes into raisins in around 4 hours. If you'd rather make raisins more slowly, you can opt instead to set your oven to and bake your grapes for around 36 hours. Making raisins more slowly takes much longer, but also reduces your risk of overcooking or overdrying your grapes.
- Wash your grapes and remove the stems. Run your grapes under running water to wash them. Use scissors or your fingers to remove any large stems from the grapes. Throw out any grapes that are spoiled.[7]
- All-natural produce wash can also be used to wash your grapes.
- Grease 2 baking sheets with oil and spread the grapes on them. Use a small amount of vegetable or canola oil to very lightly grease 2 rimmed baking sheets. Then, evenly spread your grapes out onto the sheets. Avoid having the grapes touch each other as much as possible.[8]
- You can also use parchment paper if you'd rather not place the grapes on oil.
- While you should spread your grapes out on the trays in a way that gives them space between each other, your raisins won't be ruined if the grapes are touching each other.
- Bake your grapes in the oven for 4 hours or until they're shriveled. You want your raisins to be mostly dried but still slightly plump. Check in several times during the baking process to avoid any mishaps. Feel free to remove the grapes after less than 4 hours if they're sufficiently dried before then.[9]
- How long your grapes should cook for will vary based on their size and how dry you like your raisins. Larger grapes will take longer to dry out then smaller grapes.
- Remove the raisins from the oven and allow them to cool. Once the raisins are sufficiently dried, carefully remove them from the oven and allow them to cool for at least 30 minutes. If any raisins are stuck to the baking sheet, use a thin metal spatula to free them.[10]
- Store your raisins in a sealed container and refrigerate them. Once the raisins are completely cooled, transfer them to a sealable airtight container for storage. Place the container in the refrigerator to keep the raisins fresh.[11]
- Your raisins should keep in the refrigerator for up to 3 weeks.
EditUsing a Dehydrator - Wash your grapes and remove the seeds, if necessary. Use cool running water to remove any dirt or debris from your grapes before you place them in the dehydrator. If your grapes have seeds, cut the grapes in half and remove the seeds before proceeding.[12]
- If your grapes are seedless, there's no need to cut them open.
- You can also wash your grapes with an all-natural produce wash.
- Spread the grapes out on the dehydrator trays. You don't have to take great pains to evenly spread the grapes; it will be ok if they're slightly touching each other. However, don't overload the dehydrator with too many grapes, as this will negatively impact the drying process.[13]
- Be sure to closely follow the instructions for use with your dehydrator to know how best to avoid overloading it.
- Set the temperature on your dehydrator to . This is the temperature that is most commonly used to dehydrate grapes. If your dehydrator has a "fruit" setting, you may also use this setting.[14]
- Your machine may have a recommended temperature to use when dehydrating grapes. If so, set your dehydrator to this temperature. If it doesn't include a recommended temperature, set it to .
- Allow your grapes to dehydrate for at least 24 hours. Most grapes require at least 24 hours to fully dehydrate, although some may take even longer to sufficiently dry. Check in on your grapes every 2 hours or so and taste test them; if they dry to your likeness in less than 24 hours, feel free to take them out of the dehydrator.[15]
- If your grapes are very small, they will likely need less than 24 hours to become raisins. Be more diligent about checking in on your grapes if they're very small and make sure you don't overcook them.
- Avoid dehydrating your grapes for more than 48 hours.
- Remove the grapes from the dehydrator and store them. After the grapes have been sufficiently dehydrated, remove them from the dehydrator and allow them to completely cool. Then, place them in an airtight container, such as a plastic bag or glass jar, and store.[16]
- Raisins made this way and stored in an airtight container can be stored in a cool, dry place (e.g., a pantry) for several months.
- Over-ripe grapes will take longer to dry and may rot before drying. It's preferable to have slightly under-ripe, yet sweet, grapes.
- Watch for dampness or rot. If a few grapes go bad, remove them immediately from the tray and spread nearby fruit out to dry. Remember that drying grapes will shrivel up and get small, not turn to mush and rot.
- Professionals often make raisins by hanging bunches of grapes from a string or wire and allowing them to dry. This is harder than using a flat tray but works better as the fruit has maximum air exposure.
EditThings You'll Need - Grapes
- Baking tray
- Kitchen towel
- Airtight storage container
- Rimmed baking sheets
- Oil or parchment paper
- Dehydrator
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