| How to Best Absorb Calcium Supplements Posted: 06 Jul 2016 05:00 PM PDT Calcium is an important nutrient that helps your body maintain healthy bones. If you don't think you are getting enough calcium from your diet, you may want to take a supplement to make up the difference. However, your body does absorb calcium better from food than from supplements, so you want to do everything you can to make sure you are getting as much calcium from your supplement as possible. EditIncreasing Calcium Absorption Rates - Increase your magnesium intake. Magnesium helps your body take in the calcium. In addition, it also contributes to building healthy bones. Make sure you are getting enough magnesium in your daily diet to help absorb the calcium supplements you're taking.[1]
- To increase your magnesium, eat whole grains, vegetables such as summer squash, green beans, broccoli, cucumbers, and spinach, and nuts and seeds.[2]
- Adult women under 30 need 310 milligrams a day, while women over 30 need 320 milligrams. Men need 400 milligrams before 30 and 420 milligrams after 30. An ounce of almonds has 80 milligrams of magnesium.[3]
- Take multiple smaller doses of calcium. If your supplement needs are greater than 500 milligrams per day after accounting for the calcium consumed in your diet, split up your supplement. Your body is only able to process up to 500 milligram at a time.[4]
- Taking more calcium than you need can be dangerous. It increases your chance of having kidney stones and may also contribute to problems with your heart.[5]
- Eat enough vitamin D, or take a supplement that adds it. Vitamin D also contributes to absorbing calcium into your system. Because of this relationship, most milk has added vitamin D to help you take in the calcium.[6]
- Many dairy products, such as butter, cheese, and milk have vitamin D. Fortified cereals and fish are also good sources of this vitamin.[7]
- For adults under 70 years of age, 600 international units of vitamin D per day is sufficient. Adults over 70 should consume 800 international units. To get your recommended intake, 3 ounces of swordfish has 566 international units, while a cup of milk has 115 to 124 international units per serving.[8]
- Take calcium carbonate with food. This type of calcium, which is readily available, is best taken with food. It needs stomach acid to be absorbed properly, and the food activates your stomach acid.[9]
- Other types of calcium, such as calcium citrate, does not need to be taken with food. This type of calcium is usually more expensive than calcium carbonate. This type is especially good for people who have stomach issues, such as irritable bowel syndrome.[10]
- Separate your iron and calcium supplements by at least 2 hours. The same is true of your multivitamin if your multivitamin contains iron.[11]
- Your body processes iron and calcium in much the same way, so taking them at the same time interferes with the body's ability to absorb both.
- The same rule applies to food and beverages consumed with both supplements. Calcium supplements should not be taken with foods high in iron, such as liver or spinach. Iron supplements should not be taken with calcium-rich products like a glass of milk.
- Avoid eating foods high in phytic and oxalic acids with your supplement. These acids can bind with calcium and keep it from being absorbed.[12] Many foods high in magnesium are also high in these acids. Therefore, while it's important to eat these foods to get the magnesium you need, you should avoid taking your supplement along with these foods.
- For instance, spinach, many nuts and seeds, rhubarb, sweet potatoes, beans, and collard greens are all high in phytic and oxalic acids. Whole grains and wheat are also high in these acids, but don't seem to affect calcium absorption as much as other foods in this category.[13]
- Don't drink excessively. Alcohol can decrease your body's absorption of calcium. Don't drink more than one a day on average.[14]
EditKnowing How Much Calcium to Take - Calculate the amount of calcium in your diet. To calculate the amount of calcium in your diet, you need to keep track of your food using a food journal. Basically, you write down everything you eat in a day, including the serving size. Then you can calculate the amount of calcium in the foods you ate.[15]
- For instance, a cup of yogurt has 415 milligrams of calcium. Therefore, if you ate a cup and a half over the course of a day, you consumed 622.5 milligrams of calcium just from yogurt.[16]
- Know how much you need. If you're not 50 yet, you need about 1,000 milligrams of calcium daily. If you're over 50, your need increases to 1,200 milligrams daily.[17]
- Limit intake to under 2,500 milligrams. While it's acceptable to take more than your daily minimum, you shouldn't get more than 2,500 milligrams of calcium between your diet and your supplements.[18]
- Talk to your doctor about whether you need a supplement. Your doctor can help you assess whether you need a supplement based on your diet. She can also recommend the right kind of calcium for you and can look at whether a calcium supplement will interact with any of your medications or cause adverse affects for you.
- Know your risk. Some people are more dependent on calcium. For instance, if you have osteoporosis or at high risk of developing it, you need to be more careful about getting the required amount of calcium every day, as it helps keep your bones healthy.[19]
- Your body absorbs calcium better from foods than from supplements. If possible, get your required amount of calcium from your diet, rather than from supplements. In addition, the foods you eat with calcium will have other nutrients, including ones that help your body absorb and use calcium.[20]
- Foods high in calcium include canned fish with bones such as sardines, dried beans and legumes, oats, almonds, sesame seeds, and dairy products such as milk, cheese and yogurt, among others.[21]
- Don't drink as much caffeine. If you drink more than two drinks a day with caffeine, you need to slow down, as it can decrease the amount of calcium in your body.[22]
- If you have a thyroid dysfunction, calcium, iron, and magnesium supplements must be separated from your thyroid medication by at least 4 hours for optimal absorption.
- Some calcium supplements, particularly calcium carbonate, can cause bloating, gas, and constipation. If you find that's a problem for you, try switching to calcium citrate.[23]
EditRelated wikiHows EditSources and Citations
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| How to Take Control of Your Life Posted: 06 Jul 2016 09:00 AM PDT Most people want to be in good health, experience well-being, be satisfied with work, accept themselves, be respected, and have supportive relationships. If your life feels hectic, monotonous, or incomplete, then you need to get back in control. Anything that holds value in life requires time, effort, focus, and is likely to cause discomfort along the way. Be the person you want to be, and live the life you want by learning how to change your thinking, make lifestyle modifications, and be productive. EditChanging Your Thinking - Define control. Figure out what taking control of your life means to you. Is it the ability to influence your destiny, regulate your present, keep your negative behavior in check, or do you simply want more willpower? Taking control of your life requires working through multiple challenges, including your own perceptions, building self-confidence as well as taking an action. Determine what you want more control over, and that will help focus your energy.[1]
- Accept yourself. The first step to succeeding in anything is to know and accept your strengths and limitations. Show compassion for yourself. Accept not only the good but the bad too. Always strive to improve the things you don't like or that you struggle with.
- Understand why you do what you do and forgive yourself. Self reflection is healthy and positive. Self-criticism and feeling guilty are unproductive behaviors that do more harm than good, so if you catch yourself in one of these patterns, remind yourself that there are healthier ways for you to work things out. Understand that you have done the best you could, and repeatedly tell yourself this.[2]
- Think of three things right now that you excel at, receive many compliments for or truly enjoy doing. Write them down and put the list somewhere you go often, like a bathroom or on the refrigerator.
- Consider your values. You need to determine what your values are so that you can get your priorities straight. Think about what and who is important to you — Is it freedom, happiness, equality, money, your family? Write down a list of your values (at least 10 of them), preferably in order from most important to least important.[3]
- Think about what you are doing right now to support each of your values, and how your values are affecting your life. It can help to consider what a person that you respect would think of your values and whether this would change what they are.
- Decide what you have to do to boost your self-esteem and satisfaction with life. Think about the person you want to be and what character traits, ways of thinking, behavior patterns, and life you would have as that person.
- Cultivate good character traits. When you improve beneficial character traits and virtues, you will gain more control over your life. This is because having these traits will encourage you to obtain your goals and taken on other qualities that you want. Good traits to work on for this purpose are courage, temperance, wisdom, and self-discipline.
 - Having courage means you draw on your strength and willpower to accomplish what you need or want to, despite some form of adversity. For example, this can be taking a business risk, doing well in school, or some selfless act that sets you apart from others. Courage is the opposite of fear, and can be developed by allowing yourself to be vulnerable, acknowledging your fears, exposing yourself to the things you are afraid of, and doing acts that are considered courageous regularly.[4]
- Temperance (moderation or self-restraint) is important because it allows you to maintain perspective, calmness, self-control. For instance, showing restraint from arrogance by behaving with humility can prevent you from destroying relationships.
- Wisdom encourages you to gain knowledge and experience so that you can use information for a higher purpose, such as in service of humanity or living a good life. You gain wisdom through trying new experiences, trial and error, and seeking knowledge.
- Self-discipline is imperative to gaining control of your life because it allows you to put all your intentions into action. This skill is developed over time and with practice as you accomplish each smaller goal on the way to achieving a larger vision. Always visualize your goals like you have already met them. Practice self-control every day by making small changes and sticking to them, even something like opening every door with your left hand. Being successful at these small changes will make the larger ones easier.[5]
- Decide what motivates you. Many of us have a passion—something that we enjoy and that drives us to succeed. Think about what you would like to do in life if nothing stood in your way. If you don't know, then you will need to write down the activities you like to do that make you feel good. Consider what inspires you as well as your skills and talents.
- Create goals. Find out what you really want out of life this year — a house, a good job, a healthy relationship? Write each goal down, and then come up with ideas that can help you accomplish that goal. Write these ideas down into positive action statements, such as, "I will save up money." Then, go over all your goals and ideas, and decide on three goals and three action statements for each one that you will do.[6]
 - Avoid statements like this, "I don't want to be shy anymore and keep being lonely." This doesn't define a direction to go or an action to take to meet your goal. Instead, try something like: "I will be more open to building relationships with this year by saying "yes" to every social invitation and asking a friend to do something at least once a week."
- Consider your options. Don't define yourself by your problems but by the opportunities available to you.[7] If you are struggling to pay the mortgage, focus on how you can earn a raise, make extra money on the side, or change jobs, instead of ruminating on your lack of funds.
- If you want, you can set goals according to different areas of your life, like work, health, relationships, etc. Break goals down into short-term (daily, weekly) and more long-term (monthly, yearly) ones. Examples might be: eat six servings of fruit and vegetables every day, work out four times a week or lose ten pounds this year.
- Don't be afraid to modify your goals and ideas as time goes on and you figure out what works and what doesn't. The point is that you take control of your life and the direction you are headed.
- Get control of your emotions. Emotions can be wonderful experiences but expressing them improperly can harm your ability to attain goals and damage relationships. You need to learn how to understand, process and respond to your feelings in a way that is healthy and helpful to you.[8]
- Use deep breathing and relaxation methods to help you calm down before saying or doing anything in response to a situation.
- Breathe in for five seconds, hold it for five more seconds and breathe out for five more seconds. Do this until you feel your physical responses, such as an increased heart-rate, become less intense.
- Seek a healthy outlet for your emotions like talking to someone, keeping a journal or engaging in active activities like martial arts.[9]
- Let go of baggage. Sometimes negative thoughts or experiences can be tough to let go — you may have a feeling that they define you, or they may be so habitual you may be afraid to be without them, or you may simply not know how to let go. You must learn that you are not your problems and that they do not determine your worth as a person or how you make choices today. Learning to let go of past baggage will help you become more solution-oriented, broaden your vision, and help you take control of your life.[10]
- Practice mindfulness. One way to free yourself from the past is to focus on the present. With mindfulness, you are actively giving your attention to the present moment — how you feel in your body, how the sun feels on your face — just observing.[11] Instead of judging your thoughts (or yourself), you observe and note them.[12] Mindfulness takes practice, but the benefits can be enormous.
- Make amends. If you are haunted by a mistake in your past, then it may help you to make amends.[13] If you judge yourself for the way you teased your little sister, reach out to her (it can be face-to-face or in a letter), apologizing for your behavior. Give her the chance to tell you how she feels. Be aware that making amends may not repair a damaged relationship, but it can help you let go of the past and move forward.[14]
EditMaking Lifestyle Changes - Be independent. If you are co-dependent on others for your emotional health, lifestyle, or need them to tell you what to do, you are not in control of your life. Learn to solve your own problems and spend time alone to think and reflect. Only ask for help when you really need it, and learn from the people who help you so you can do more on your own next time.[15]
- Learn to meet your own needs. Get a job so you can support yourself if you live off of someone else. Then move out, and live on your own.
- Ask yourself, "What do I want to do today?" and make your own decisions. Think about what you love doing and what you feel passionately about. Don't rely on others to tell you what to do or like.[16]
- Get organized. Organization is important when you want to take control of your life. If everything is chaos in your head and in your house, then it is difficult to know where to start to solve any messes. Keep everything as neat as possible at home and at work so you don't have to deal with clutter, and remember to put things back where they should be. Make lists, use a calendar and make decisions often instead of putting everything off.[17]
- Read papers, email and mail right away and take action right away, whether that means throwing it out, paying a bill or responding to a letter.
- Set up a daily schedule throughout the week, such as shopping, family time, appointments, task lists, etc.
- Throw things out that you haven't used in six months. Don't hold on to something because you could potentially use it in the future.
- Work on one thing at a time, particularly something small like a closet, and organize that first. Then move onto the next thing.
- Spend some time on your appearance. Devoting some energy toward the way you appear to others can go a long way to make you feel better and more in control. Get a haircut, dye your hair, or do your hair in a new style. Buy or borrow some new clothes, and be sure to smile as often as possible. Be mindful of how much you spend, though, so you can keep control of your finances.
- Take care of yourself. Pay attention to what you eat, how much you eat and try to get some exercise every day. For strengthening your willpower, you will want to eat small portions of energy-rich foods throughout the day (every 3 hours). These foods include lean proteins (meat and legumes) and complex carbohydrates (whole grains, fruit and vegetables). Avoid sugary, fatty, overly processed or salty foods that can make you feel bad and not have the strength to take control of your life.
- Get sleep. When you are tired, you don't have the strength to maintain your self-control or do more than you have to. Taking control of your life requires being alert and aware of what is happening and where you want to go. Sleep for as long as you need to feel rested when you wake up — usually about eight hours. Start to relax at least 30 minutes before you go to sleep, follow a bedtime ritual (e.g. drink warm tea, brush your teeth, get into bed) and try to go to sleep about the same time every night and wake up at the same time each morning.[18]
- Develop positive relationships. Surround yourself with people who share similar values and goals. Try to get to know the people you admire, and spend time with them so their behavior can help influence you for the better. Meet new people at places or events that support your values or goals. Talk to people close to you, and enlist their help in assisting you to achieve more control over your life.
- Communicate wants and needs and be sure that both people understand. Listen, and come up with solutions that work for both parties. Always express appreciation for the other person.[19]
- Cut back on commitments. If you feel like you are constantly up against time in a never-ending race to complete tasks, rushing through or being pulled in multiple different directions, it's time to reevaluate your priorities. Take a look at all the things that demand your time on a daily basis. Reduce those commitments down to just a few of the most important things that you can really focus on.[20]
- You may be resistant to dropping a commitment, but your choices in this situation are: continue to struggle to get things done, losing sleep, family time and impinging on other goals, do less-than-stellar or half-finished work, or letting something go.
- It's ok to admit that you took on too much and cannot complete every task as well as you could with less commitments. Often, what you fear will happen as a consequence to giving a project up is unfounded.
- Minimize distractions. Avoid or get rid of the things that keep you from doing what needs to get done. If you're trying to be more healthy, for example, throw away candy and garbage foods so you can avoid them more easily. Turn off phones and email notifications while working to keep your mind focused on getting the job done.
- Have fun. Life isn't all work and no play. Allow yourself time to pursue your hobbies, take vacations, and spend time with those you care about. Give in to a little selfish pleasure every now and then, such as an ice cream cone or buying a new pair of shoes. You're in control now, so make the most out of your life experiences.
- It can help to get up just a few minutes early each morning to spend five to 15 minutes on yourself. Work out, take a walk, or meditate. It is bound to make a difference in your life.
EditBeing Productive - Start early. After you spend a few minutes for yourself, it's time to focus on the most important tasks. Knock them out right away to reduce your daily stress. You have more energy in the morning, and it is easier to focus and do better quality work. In turn, this allows you to finish a larger volume of work.
- Try to get important work or tasks done during the first hour or two of the morning.
- Focus on one thing at a time. Decide which task is the most important to finish first and focus on it until completion. Multitasking actually decreases productivity and can increase the time it takes to finish the first task by 25%. This is because you are shifting your attention from task to task, which takes more time. Don't worry about completing all the tasks you need to do for the day at one time, just stay in control and do one task at a time, making steady progress.[21]
- Stop wasting time. We live in a world with many distractions at our fingertips. Nevertheless, know that you actively make the choice whether to stay engaged in one task or get distracted by a mobile game, TV, Facebook, or a text message. Instead of coming home and flipping on the TV because it is an easy way to pass time, do something productive or on your to-do list so you stay in control of the moment. Working out, practicing a hobby, or working on relationships are all productive and enjoyable pastimes.[22]
- Take breaks. We are wired to focus for about 90 minutes at a time. After that, we begin to get fatigued and don't perform as well. Focus without interruption for 90 minutes at a time, and then take breaks for at least a few minutes. This will allow your mind to rest, your body to recharge and you to relax emotionally.[23]
- Develop good habits. When our willpower is limited, it is important not to rely on it as the only method of self-control. Develop rituals that you do over and over again at specific times so that it is easier to act or think a certain way during other situations. For example, you might tell yourself, "I am calm" repeatedly in your home, while you rub a necklace bead. Then, the next time you are confronted with a stressful situation, you can reach in your pocket, rub a bead, and feel calm.
- Take Action. You can have all the goals in the world but never get anywhere if you don't take action to achieve those goals. Do what you have to in order to get what and where you want. Take small steps but be sure to do something every day that helps you get closer to your end goal. This could be a mundane task, practicing positive thoughts, doing paperwork or something else.
- Don't get so caught up in the future that you can't enjoy your life now. Enjoy the journey toward your goal, and remember to be thankful for everything that you have achieved right now.
- Do the best you can, whether it's at a project, a test or a pastime. Achievements that take effort make you feel good about yourself and motivate you to achieve more.
- If you mess up today, just remember that tomorrow's a new day. You can always try again the next day to gain more control over your life.
- Helping other people can make you feel really good about yourself. If you have the time, find somewhere that you can volunteer. Animal shelters, food banks and schools can almost always use an extra hand.
- You are your own person, so don't try to become someone else in an effort to control your life. Be yourself, but strive to be the leader and role model that everyone else looks up to.
EditSources and Citations
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| How to Mourn Posted: 06 Jul 2016 01:00 AM PDT Loss is one of the most difficult elements of life to come to terms with. Whether you have lost a loved one, an important relationship has ended, or a large change has occurred in your life, you will need to grieve. Mourning is emotionally draining, but when you are equipped with knowledge about the nature of grief and how you can help yourself to find peace, this tremendously tough period in your life will become easier. EditUnderstanding Your Unique Grief - Know that everyone has their own unique experience with grief. No one else will grieve in exactly the same way you do. If you feel like you are reacting differently than other people, know that that is completely fine. Allow yourself to feel your own unique emotions and acknowledge your unique experience. There is no typical loss, which means there is not typical response to loss.[1]
- Sudden losses, such as those due to trauma, accidents, or crime, may cause a stronger sense of loss (at least immediately) than more predictable losses, such as those due to terminal illness.[2]
- Acknowledge that there are many kinds of loss. Death is a loss we must all deal with at some point in our lives. However, it is not the only type of loss. You can mourn the ending of a relationship or the loss of a beloved pet. It could be the realization that a cherished dream will never come to fruition. Everyone is entitled to their own grief, regardless of the cause. Do not be afraid to mourn. Acknowledge your emotions as a natural response.[3]
- There are many losses you may experience in life. No loss is "greater" or "less" than any other. You simply feel how you feel about loss, and that is okay.
- Other losses that may cause feelings of grief include leaving home, losing your health, losing a friendship, changing a job, moving away, graduating from school, or losing financial security. If you experience grief in response to an event like one of these, acknowledge that your response is natural.[4]
- Recognize that 'stages' of mourning do not really exist. Mourning is a very individual experience--this article just offers a guide of sorts to help you through what you may experience.[5] Avoid expecting yourself to "progress" through particular stages. This can actually keep you from mourning the way you need to for yourself.[6]
- Elisabeth Kübler-Ross famously defined "five stages" of emotional reaction to death and dying in 1969. These stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. However, these were used to describe a person's feelings regarding his or her own death and are not a theoretical framework for all grief or loss. References to these stages as universal stages of mourning or grief are inaccurate.[7]
- Distinguish between grief and mourning. Grief is the immediate, natural response to a loss of some sort. Grief includes your emotions and thoughts after you experience a loss. You cannot control your experience of grief.[8] Mourning is a longer process that includes actively expressing your grief and adapting to the world after your experience of loss. It is an action that helps you process your grief.[9]
- Many cultures and religions offer guidelines for how to mourn. Mourning is a process you can control to work through your grief.
- Grief may feel like a rollercoaster. One morning, you may wake up and feel at peace with what has happened. Do not get down on yourself if the next day, you wake up feeling sad again--grief comes and goes.[10]
- There is no true time frame when it comes to mourning. Your grief may stay with you for weeks or months. The full mourning process may take years, even a lifetime.
- Learn about the necessary "tasks" of mourning. Dr. J. William Worden suggests that we need to accomplish four "tasks" of mourning. These are different from conceiving of mourning as "stages," since these tasks often must be completed simultaneously and can take years. These tasks are:[11]
- Accepting the reality of loss. You must learn to accept loss as a reality both intellectually and emotionally. This can take time.
- Processing grief. Grief in response to a loss is a natural emotional reaction. It does lessen over time, but the time it takes varies depending on your own needs.
- Adjusting to the world after loss. There are a variety of adjustments that you may need to make after a loss, including external (such as living without what you lost), internal (questioning your new role in the world), and spiritual (finding new meaning after your loss).
- Finding a way to connect with your loss while continuing your life. Accepting loss does not mean you must never think about the person or other situation that you have lost. Instead, it means finding ways to honor the connection you had while embarking on life after the loss.
EditRecognizing the Symptoms of Grief - Acknowledge that you and others may not experience grief the same way. There are some common symptoms that people experience when they feel grief, but nobody experiences grief exactly the same way. Acknowledge your own feelings of grief while understanding that others may have different feelings or expressions.[12]
- Expressions of grief vary widely not only between individuals but also between cultures and spiritual traditions.
- Recognize physical symptoms of grief. Some common physical symptoms you may experience during feelings of grief include:[13][14][15]
- Changes in sleep patterns
- Changes in appetite (loss of appetite or increase of appetite)
- Crying
- Headaches or body aches
- Weakness or fatigue
- Feelings of physical heaviness
- Pain
- Stress-related symptoms such as nausea, rapid heart rate, or insomnia
- Weight loss or weight gain
- Recognize emotional symptoms of grief. Grief is emotionally complex and deeply personal. You may experience many of these symptoms or only a few. At times, you may feel overwhelmed by emotions and other times you may feel numb. These are all natural reactions to grief. Some common emotional symptoms include:[16][17][18]
- Shock or disbelief
- Sadness, emptiness, or yearning
- Loneliness or feeling isolated
- Guilt or regret
- Anger
- Fear or worry
- Panic attacks
- Frustration
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Questioning your spiritual or religious beliefs
- You may also experience positive emotions, such as relief or peace, particularly if you have experienced a prolonged loss such as the death of a person with a terminal illness. These feelings can trigger feelings of guilt or disloyalty, as you may feel ashamed that you are experiencing positive emotions. Acknowledge that these feelings are also a natural part of the grief experience.[19]
- Recognize signs of grief in children. Children, especially those who are younger, may express grief in recognizable ways but also in ways that are less familiar to adults. Be on the lookout for possible signs of grief in children, who cannot always adequately communicate their feelings through words. These signs include:[20][21]
 - Emotional shock. The child may appear much less expressive of his or her feelings than usual. S/he may refuse to talk about the loss.
- Regressive or immature behaviors. The child may appear to "regress" to an earlier stage of behavior, such as needing to be rocked, experiencing separation anxiety, fearing going to school, sucking the thumb, wetting the bed, needing to sleep with a parent, or having difficulty completing tasks or activities that s/he usually does not have trouble with.
- Explosive behavior and misbehaving. The child may "act out" or explode with sudden bursts of emotion. These emotions commonly include feelings of anger, frustration, confusion, or helplessness. Misbehaving in ways that are not common for the child may be a way for him or her to try to assert some control over the situation.
- Repeating questions. The child may ask the same question repeatedly, even if given the same answer. This may signal that the child is having difficulty understanding or accepting the reality of the situation.
- Defensive behavior. This is common in early school-aged children to adolescents. Defensive behavior attempts to "distract" the child from his or her feelings. S/he may get more engrossed in schoolwork, socializing, games, or other activities. S/he may also deny feeling loss to parents or authority figures but feel comfortable talking about feelings with peers.[22]
- Physical symptoms. Grief and anxiety often manifest themselves in physical symptoms, particularly in very young children. Symptoms such as headaches and stomachaches are common.[23] The child may also have trouble sleeping and may experience loss of appetite.[24]
- Recognize signs of complicated grief. Sometimes, you may experience so much grief for so long that it significantly impairs your ability to function in daily life. While all grief is complex, "complicated grief" refers to a process of mourning that does not lessen feelings of grief over time, and may even cause worsening emotional trauma. If you notice these signs in yourself or others, especially if you have been experiencing grief for some time, consider seeing a mental health professional who can help you process your grief. Signs include:[25][26]
- Focus on little or nothing other than your loss
- Extreme focus on or avoidance of reminders of your loss
- Prolonged denial of the loss
- Feeling that life is meaningless or purposeless
- Inability to trust others
- Inability to think about positive experiences or feelings
- Extreme irritability or agitation
EditMourning in Healthy Ways - Acknowledge your emotions. In order to begin the healing process, you will first have to acknowledge the emotions you are feeling. Bottling your emotions up can make you even more unhappy, though on the outside you may appear to be fine. Instead of pretending like you are all right, allow yourself to feel every emotion that comes along with a great loss--sadness, anger, guilt, fear. Eventually you will be able to find new meaning in what has happened.[27]
- Make sure that you give yourself time each day to just be by yourself. While you may feel like you need to act a certain way in public, you need to allow yourself time each day to let out your emotions. Whether than means taking some time to just sit and cry, or reflecting upon what you have lost, do so in a private space where you can really let yourself feel.
- Express your feelings through a tangible medium. How you do this is really up to you, but it is important to put your emotions into something concrete that you can see and feel. Doing this may help you make sense of what you are going through, and can help you to put your emotions towards doing something productive.[28][29]
- This could be creating a scrapbook or photo album of your loved one's life, writing in a journal each day, creating artwork like a painting or sculpture that expresses what you are feeling, or taking up something, like volunteering at an organization, that was important to your loved one.
- Personal rituals may also help you process your grief. While we are accustomed to public rituals, such as funerals or sitting shiva, significant evidence suggests that personal, private rituals are equally important for expressing and processing grief. You may find that experiencing a reminder of your loved one, such as a favorite song or activity, causes feelings of sadness but also of connection to the loss.[30]
- Physical activities, such writing down your feelings and then tearing up or burning the paper, may also be helpful. Do things that you find allow you to express your grief in a helpful way.
- Acknowledge that your grief is yours. No one can know exactly how you feel or what you are experiencing because each person mourns in his or her own way. If someone tells you that you "should" be feeling one way or another, don't let this dictate how you grieve. Know that that person is only trying to help, and then continue to feel exactly how you feel.[31]
- One good example of this is crying. Many people believe that crying is the best way to express grief but that eventually you should just stop crying. Crying if you feel the need or desire to cry will help you relieve tension and may help you feel better physically.[32][33]
- It is important to remember, however, that some people don't express their grief with tears, and that is perfectly fine. It is also important to remember that there is a not a timeframe for crying. You may cry over your loss years from when the loss actually happened, and that is okay too.[34]
- Trying to make yourself feel a certain way because you feel you "should" experience that feeling is also unhelpful. Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you feel, even if your emotions are not what you expected or have been told is "acceptable."[35]
- Maintain your physical health. While we often think of mourning as a purely emotional thing, grief can cause physical changes as well. Lack of appetite, inability to sleep, and a lowered immune system are all physical reactions to grief. In order to combat these side effects, it is important to remember to eat healthy (even if you're not hungry), exercise, and get enough sleep. When we take care of our bodies, we help lift our emotional and mental state.[36]
- Eat a healthy, balanced diet with plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins. Getting enough B12, vitamin D, selenium, and omega-3 fatty acids may help relieve feelings of anxiety or sadness.[37]
- Avoid highly processed foods and foods with a lot of fat or sugar. These may worsen feelings of depression.[38] Avoid consuming too much caffeine, as it can increase your feelings of anxiety or depression.[39]
- Get at least 30 minutes of moderate physical exercise per day. Numerous studies show that exercise can help relieve symptoms of anxiety and depression.[40][41]
- Try to keep a healthy sleep routine by going to bed and waking up at the same time each day. Visualization techniques and pre-sleep meditation may help with insomnia.[42]
- Avoid using alcohol, drugs, or food to deal with your grief. Turning to substances, including food, to help one cope with grief is a fairly common behavior, but it's crucial that you avoid it.
 - Turning to alcohol is response to grief is slightly more common among men than women.[43] Alcohol is a depressant that can cause symptoms of depression and anxiety. It also interferes with REM sleep and can affect your judgment and your mood.[44]
- The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism recommends that most women drink no more than 1 drink per day, and that most men drink no more than 2 drinks per day.[45] If you believe you have a problem with alcohol, you can call the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration hotline at 1-800-662-HELP.[46] Support programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous may also help you.
- You may be prescribed medication to help you deal with symptoms of grief, such as depression. Use these as prescribed by your doctor. Avoid illegal drugs and substances, as they often make depression and anxiety worse and can seriously affect your judgment and mood.[47]
- Experiences of grief and trauma may trigger eating disorders in some people. If you feel unable to control your eating behaviors, or the desire to control them too strictly, seek help from a mental health professional.[48]
- Do things that you enjoy. A good way to lift your spirits is to do things that you love and keep busy. When you put your energy towards working on a project that you are passionate about, making art, or hiking in the woods, you are helping your brain secrete serotonin, the chemical that makes you feel happier. Doing something you love is also a good way to get your mind off of your loss, and puts your energy towards something other than grieving.[49]
- If you feel comfortable doing this and think that it will help rather than hurt you, you might consider picking up a passion that your loved one was involved in. This might make you feel closer to your loved one. However, if doing the activity only inspires great sadness, you may want to try something else.
- Prepare for things that may trigger your grief. In particular, holidays, birthdays, and other major milestones can trigger feelings of great sadness. Locations and other things, like a certain object or a type of flower, can also trigger grief. This is completely normal. It is important to come up with strategies, such as changing your schedule or having excuses to leave a certain place. For example:[50][51]
 - If you have recently lost a child and seeing children at the grocery store with their parents triggers your grief, plan on going to the grocery store at a different time of day when it is less likely to see children.
- If you are planning on spending a holiday with your family, and you have recently lost a loved one, ask your family to help you come up with a way to honor that loved one during the holiday.
- Focus on the good things about your relationship with your loved one. It's important to acknowledge the feelings of grief that may occur after a triggering experience. Try to acknowledge that you feel grief because you had a deep connection to your loved one, and then think about something that makes you feel joy about that connection.
- For example, you might feel sadness when you smell peach pie because your late grandmother and you always made peach pie together when you visited her. Acknowledge your grief about your grandmother, and then consider a way to honor your connection to her, such as making a pie on your own or looking through a favorite cookbook.[52]
- Pamper yourself. This might mean soaking in a bubble bath at least once a week, or going to your favorite gym to get a workout in, even if you feel like you don't have the time to do so. It is important to create time to let yourself do things that help you to relax.[53]
- Yoga and meditation are both excellent ways to pamper the mind, body, and soul all at once. Let yourself simply be in the moment and let go of the negative energy you hold in your heart.
EditSeeking Support - Look to family members and friends for support. It is important to have people to lean on during your time of mourning. While you may want to be self-sufficient, now is the time to let others care for you. A lot of the time, your loved ones will want to help but won't know how, so tell them what you need--whether that is a shoulder to cry on, a friend to go to a movie with, or help with arranging a memorial service for your loved one.[54]
- Let your loved ones, co-workers, and friends know what has happened if you feel comfortable doing so. Alerting them to your situation will help them to understand why they might find you crying in the middle of the day (which is a perfectly fine thing to do!).
- Talking with friends and family members may also help you understand how your cultural background informs how you experience grief.[55]
- Join a support group. Sometimes sharing your loss with those who have experienced a similar loss can be very therapeutic. Mourning can feel very lonely, even when you have friends and family by your side, so surrounding yourself with people who understand your loss can make it feel a lot less lonely.[56]
- You can look up grief support groups in your community by searching online or looking at listings posted on community boards in your town.
- If you are religious, you may also want to consider finding out if your place of worship offers support groups.
- Speak with a grief counselor or therapist. If you feel like the grief you are experiencing is too much for you to handle alone, you should consider seeing a counselor or therapist that practices grief counseling. An experienced counselor will be able to help you work through the emotions you are feeling.[57][58]
- A common myth about seeking counseling is that if you are getting support from family and friends that you don't "need" counseling. However, a trained mental health professional can offer support that your loved ones cannot. A counselor or therapist can help you identify unhelpful ways of thinking or behaving. S/he can help you learn healthy coping techniques and ways to process your feelings. Seeing a counselor or therapist does not mean you are not well-supported elsewhere in your life. It means that you are seeking as many sources of support as you need, which is healthy and courageous.[59]
- Find comfort in the things you believe in. This could mean turning to your faith for support, or spending more time in nature or surrounded by things you love. If you follow a certain religion, take comfort in the mourning rituals that your faith defines. Meditating or praying can also bring you a sense of peace. If you are not religious but find peace walking through the woods or sitting on the beach, do these things. Perhaps the bonds of family are what you have faith in. Draw strength from the beautiful things that you believe in or love.[60][61]
EditIncorporating Loss Into Your Life - Get involved with your community. Some people find that becoming involved in their community after experiencing a loss helps them feel more connected to others.[62] You may find that engaging in a community service project that was meaningful to your loved one is a good way to honor him or her (or it, in the case of a pet).[63] Or, you could memorialize your loved one by giving to a personally meaningful charity in his or her name.
- Helping others can also help you feel better physically.[64] Research has linked exercises of compassion and generosity, such as giving to charity or volunteering, to an increase in oxytocin, a hormone that promotes feelings of connection and wellbeing.[65]
- Allow yourself to remember your loss. Some people may expect that after a certain period of time you should stop remembering your loss, but this isn't true. You may (and probably will) continue to remember your loved one long after the initial experience of loss.[66] Allow yourself to remember your loved one.[67]
- Try to focus on positive memories and things you loved about your relationship. You will likely still feel sadness, but you will also be able to feel joy and pleasure in remembering what made the person so special to you.[68]
- Do not feel like you have to avoid remembrances or tokens of your loved one. It can be healthy and helpful to keep a beloved memento or photograph around. Do what feels best for you.
- Recognize that you are changed by loss. "Getting over" grief is common goal, but mourning is more complicated than that. Loss changes you, and it's important to acknowledge that. You do not "get over" grief, but you can learn to continue your life in a way that honors your loss and your own future.[69]
EditUnderstanding Common Experiences of Mourning - Allow yourself to feel shock. When you first learn of your loss, you may go into shock--your mind and body shut down in an attempt to keep you from becoming completely overwhelmed. You may find yourself disbelieving in the face of a death. This is normal.
- Recognize denial. Denial is how our bodies and minds often react to the shock of a loss. Denial is what allows us to not become overwhelmed by all of the emotions and physical reactions caused by a great loss. You may not believe that your beloved is really gone. Slowly, however, you will find yourself beginning to acknowledge the reality of what has happened.[70]
- If you are telling yourself, "this can't be happening to me", you are experiencing denial. Slowly, you will be able to come to terms with the fact that it did happen, and that you have the strength to get through it.
- Know that you may feel anger. You may find that you feel angry at your god, the doctors, even yourself because you believe you did not do enough to prevent your loss. Anger is an emotion that we can easily recognize and that is easier to control than other emotions. Anger can be directed at a certain person, event, or thing. What is important to recognize is that your anger is coming out of your pain and redirecting that pain into something that we can more easily understand.[71]
- You may also feel guilt, particularly when you recognize that you are angry at someone that could not stop the event that has led to your loss. In turn, you may feel more angry that you feel guilty. Just know that these feelings will subside as you work through your mourning.
- Know that at some point you may make mental bargains. Many people experience a time when they begin to think of all the what-ifs that could have been, and what they would do to change what has happened. You might find yourself thinking something like "I will never be annoyed with husband again if he would just come back to me." You might find yourself dwelling on 'if-onlys'. If this happens, talk to someone, distract yourself, or simply remind yourself that you did all that you could.[72]
- Allow yourself to feel great sadness. Part of the mourning process is being very, very sad. You may find that you cry all the time, or that you often find yourself reflecting upon what has happened. You may feel empty or depressed. As with every emotion, this great sadness will also subside, though it is perfectly normal to fondly reminisce on your loved one and feel deeply sad, even years later.[73]
- There is a difference between mourning and complicated grief or clinical depression. Even when you are mourning, you will still find things that make you smile or lift your spirits, even if it is just for a moment. You will continue to live your life, despite the grief you feel. If you are clinically depressed, or are experiencing complicated grief, you will not be able to find even the smallest amount of joy in anything, even after a good deal of time has passed. You may find it hard to accept that your loss has occurred. You will find it hard to do anything, even normal daily activities, and may feel hopeless. If you feel that the latter description fits what you feel, talk to a mental health professional.[74]
- Search for acceptance within yourself. Acceptance does not mean that you feel 'happy' or 'okay' with what has happened--it simply means that you have come to terms with it. You will carry on with, and even enjoy, your life, all the while knowing that you are moving on without the person or thing you have lost. You will begin to plan things, look to the future, and find a sense of peace.[75]
- You may feel a sense of guilt for moving on with your life, but know that your loved one would want you to be happy and to truly enjoy the life that you have.
- It's normal to feel alone or isolated after a loss. Surround yourself with people, things, and places that make you happy to avoid the temptation to further isolate yourself. Even faking a smile may help you feel happier.[76]
- If you have not been able to return to any semblance of a normal daily routine after several weeks or months, you feel hopeless, have become fixated on death or can only think about your lost loved one, you may be suffering from complicated grief or clinical depression. Talk to a mental health professional as soon as possible.
EditSources and Citations
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