| How to Clear up Acne With Hydrogen Peroxide Posted: 13 Jul 2016 05:00 PM PDT As you may already know, your skin contains thousands of tiny little holes called pores. All pores have something inside them called sebaceous glands which produce an oil called sebum. Under normal circumstances, sebum exits the pore and doesn't cause any problems. In some unfortunate circumstances, the pore becomes blocked and infected, and the sebum gets stuck inside the pore, causing a pimple. The pimple usually starts as a blackhead or whitehead, sometimes too small to see with your eyes, and if the wall of the pore breaks, can form an inflamed pimple, also called a papule and pustule.[1] EditClearing Acne with Hydrogen Peroxide - Talk to your doctor first. Consult your doctor or dermatologist before trying hydrogen peroxide for your acne. Many experts don't recommend using hydrogen peroxide for acne due to it's irritating and drying potential. Hydrogen peroxide (H2O2) is a chemical which can act as both a bleach and a disinfectant. Our bodies actually produce small quantities of hydrogen peroxide to help attract white blood cells to areas where there's an infection. Because of its disinfectant abilities, hydrogen peroxide kills bacteria. But it isn't selective in what bacteria it kills, and our bodies contain a lot of necessary and healthy bacteria.[2]
- Obtain the proper kind of hydrogen peroxide. You can use hydrogen peroxide to clear acne using one of two methods: in a cream, which contains a concentration of up to 1% hydrogen peroxide; and in "pure" liquid form, which should contain no more than a 3% concentration. Hydrogen peroxide can come in concentrations higher than 3%, but those higher concentrations should never be used on your skin.[3]
- Hydrogen peroxide in a 3% concentration can almost always be found in a drugstore, near the first aid supplies. If you are only able to find hydrogen peroxide in larger concentrations (normally 35%) you will need to dilute it with water before using it on your face. To dilute a 35% concentration to 3%, you'll need 11 parts of water for every one part of hydrogen peroxide.[4]
- If you use the cream version, follow the instructions on the package as to how to apply it to your face, and how often.
- Wash your face using your normal daily routine. If you have acne, this should include using a gentle soap and only your hands — not cloths or brushes. Wash your face using warm water to help open the pores before cleansing and using the hydrogen peroxide. Dry your face completely before applying the hydrogen peroxide. Dry skin will absorb the hydrogen peroxide better than wet skin.[5]
- Apply the hydrogen peroxide to your clean skin. Use a cotton pad, cotton ball or even a Q-Tip, soak it in the hydrogen peroxide, and move it over the affected areas of your skin. Do not apply it to unaffected areas. Leave it to soak into your skin for 5-7 minutes.[6]
- Try out a small amount on a small area of your skin before putting it over larger areas to make sure your skin can tolerate it and that it doesn't cause too much irritation. And if it is too irritating to your skin, talk to your doctor about a different option.
- Do not apply hydrogen peroxide to the skin more than once a day.
- Apply oil-free moisturizer. After the hydrogen peroxide has soaked into your skin, gently apply a high-quality, oil-free facial moisturizer. One of the reasons that hydrogen peroxide works on acne is because it helps dry up the excess oil on your skin. A moisturizer helps ensure you do not completely dry out your skin and keeps your skin soft and smooth.[7]
EditReducing Acne with Natural Products - Try benzoyl peroxide or salicylic acid. Benzoyl peroxide is similar to hydrogen peroxide in that it can act as an antibacterial agent and it can help dry out excess oil on your skin.[8] Salicylic acid helps reduce inflammation and unclog pores, which in turn helps reduce or eliminate pimples.[9] Both benzoyl peroxide and salicylic acid can be found as the main active ingredient in topical skin treatments (i.e. creams or lotions) or cleansers designed specifically to treat acne. There are a large number of options available over-the-counter at your local drug store.[10]
- It can take six to eight weeks before such treatments start to show serious results, so be patient. If you do not notice any difference after 10 weeks, consider trying something else.
- Tone your skin with lemon juice. Lemon juice works as both an antibacterial agent and an exfoliant. It not only kills the bacteria that causes acne, but it help remove excess oil and dead skin from your face. Lemon juice can also act as a natural bleach and can help lighten acne scars over time. After you've washed your face using your normal daily routine, apply one to two teaspoons of pure lemon juice to the affected areas of your skin using a cotton pad or ball. Leave for at least 30 minutes. If you do this before bed, you can let the lemon juice dry and simply to go bed. If it's during the day, rinse the lemon juice off your face with cold water.[11]Apply your normal daily facial moisturizer when your face is dry.
- Be careful using lemon juice if you have open sores, as lemon juice can cause stinging if applied to open sores.
- Due to the skin lightening effects, you should not use lemon juice if you have naturally dark skin.
- Use tea tree oil. Tea tree oil is a natural ingredient that works as an antibacterial to kill the bacteria that causes acne. It is also gentler on your skin that many other more acidic treatments. You can use 100% pure tea tree oil directly on pimples after you've washed your face, or you can mix it with either aloe vera gel or honey to create a cream that can be used for spot treatments.[12]
- Make your very own facial scrub by mixing ½ cup of sugar, one tablespoon of honey, ¼ cup of olive or sesame oil and 10 drops of tea tree oil together. Once mixed you can apply it to your skin and scrub for three minutes to help exfoliate your skin, then rinse off with warm water.
- For some people with acne, tea tree oil can be too irritating, so try it out in a small area before using it all over, and stop using it if it causes significant irritation to your skin.
- Create a baking soda paste. Baking soda is a great natural exfoliant, and it is very inexpensive. You can mix baking soda with warm water until it forms a paste, and then apply the paste to your face like mask for up to 15 minutes. Before rinsing off the mask, make sure you very gently scrub it into your skin to help remove excess oil and dead skin cells. You can also add a teaspoon of baking soda to your non-exfoliating facial cleanser before washing your face. The baking soda will add exfoliation properties to your cleanser.[13]
EditUsing Medical Treatments for Acne Removal - Consult a dermatologist regarding topical treatments. Discuss, and show, your specific acne problem to a dermatologist and work with him to develop a personalized treatment plan for your specific situation. Several topical treatments (i.e. creams, lotions, gels, etc.) are available via a dermatologist that may work for your acne. Those treatments may include:[14]
- Topical antibiotics that you can dab onto your problem areas to help control the bacteria that is causing your acne.
- Topical retinoid medications, which are made from vitamin A and can help unclog your pores, and they can also help antibiotics work more effectively.
- Ask a dermatologist about oral antibiotics. Oral antibiotics (i.e. pill form) are also available from your dermatologist for acne problems, should your dermatologist deem them a good treatment plan for you. These antibiotics would be similar to those you'd take if you had any other type of infection, such as a bladder infection. They'd help to kill the bacteria that is causing your acne.
- Some doctors may also consider prescribing oral contraceptives (i.e. birth control pills) to young women with acne problems. Some low-dose oral contraceptives, which contain a combination of the hormones estrogen and progestin, can actually help control and reduce the amount of acne on your skin.[15]
- Ask for medical extractions. You've probably heard people telling you not to pop your own pimples (and they're right) — but this doesn't mean that a doctor can't do it for you! Medical extractions area a safe way to clean out infected pores without the increased risk of scaring that can happen when popping pimples on your own. Since medical extractions focus on specific pimples, you will probably need to go back to the doctor again if you suffer from another breakout.[16]
- Spas that offer facials specifically for helping clear up acne may also perform extractions, and this option is certainly better than doing it yourself. However, you may want to ask the aesthetician what type of products they're using on your skin during the facial to ensure they don't end up clogging your pores all over again!
- Look into getting a chemical peel. Chemical peels must be done by a trained professional. That professional will use a high concentration solution of something like salicylic acid, glycolic acid, or trichloroacetic acid (TCA) to remove the top layers of skin on your face (or elsewhere on your body where you have problems). The removal of these layers of skin helps clear up excess oil and dead skin to help your pores work properly.[17]
- Chemical peels should not be done to people who are also taking oral retinoids (like isotretinoin) as the combination of the two products can cause your skin to become severely irritated.
- While the effect of one chemical peel may show results for you, chances are you will need more than one to achieve a lasting effect.
- Get a cortisone injection. Cortisone is an anti-inflammatory steroid medication that can be injected right into an acne lesion. The cortisone will reduce the swelling of the lesion acne within 24–48 hours after the injection. Obviously, because it's being injected directly into a specific pimple, it is more of a spot treatment than an overall solution and is normally not used for those with severe acne.[18]
- Ask about light therapy. Light therapy has shown some promise for people suffering from acne, but it is still a "work-in-progress". The idea behind light therapy is that certain types of light (i.e. blue light) can target specific bacteria that causes acne and help reduce the inflammation in your pores. Most light therapy is done by a professional, in a clinic. But there are some at-home solutions available as well.[19]
- Similarly, several lasers have been used to help clear acne breakouts and improve scars.
- Discuss the option of an oral retinoid with a dermatologist. Isotretinoin, which is an oral retinoid, can help reduce the amount of sebum your pores produce, which in turn will help reduce inflammation and acne.[20] However, isotretinoin, which is also known as Accutane, is normally used by doctors as a last resort for patients with severe acne who who haven't responded to other methods of treatment. If it is prescribed, it is normally only taken for four to five months.[21]
- Isotretinoin has some very serious side effects. It can increase the amount of fat in your blood to risky levels, and it can impact the function of your liver. It can also cause serious dryness to your skin, especially your lips and areas where you have acne. Doctors will usually test your blood regularly to monitor these potential side effects.
- The most serious side effect of isotretinoin is birth defects. Obviously this means it should never be taken if you are pregnant, think you might be pregnant, or are trying to get pregnant. If you are sexually active while taking isotretinoin, you must protect yourself with at least two forms of birth control to ensure you do not get pregnant.[22]
- Scientific research has yet to discover the exact cause of pimples and acne, but they do know it is related to hormones, genetics, and stress in some way. There is actually no scientific proof that acne is caused by what you eat.[23]
- In addition to its bacteria-fighting properties, hydrogen peroxide also helps clean the skin by removing the layer of dead skin and excess oil that lies on top of the clogged pore.
- Not everyone's skin is going to react to hydrogen peroxide the same way. If you experience any uncomfortable side effects after applying hydrogen peroxide (or any other chemicals) — stop immediately and consult your doctor.
- If you are already seeing a dermatologist, obtain her advice before using any other method they have not already recommended.
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| How to Call Someone You Haven't Talked to in a Long Time Posted: 13 Jul 2016 09:00 AM PDT Losing touch with people is an unfortunate part of life. Especially as you get older and meet more people, it's hard to maintain all of your relationships. If you lose touch with someone, whether it be an old friend, a former colleague or an ex, you may decide to reach out to them and see how they are. Doing this can be daunting, but it's often easier than you'd expect. If you have been thinking about this person, there's a good chance that you are still on their mind, and that they will be happy to hear from you! EditStarting the Call - Find their number. If you haven't talked to this person in a while, you may have lost their number. Check to see if you have their number in your phone or address book. If you don't have it, you have several options.[1]
- Ask a mutual acquaintance. Consider asking a mutual friend or colleague for this person's number.
- Contact this person through social media. If you are friends on Facebook or connected through another social media site, message them. Say something like "Hi Lucy! I was just thinking of you the other day, I hope that you're still doing well in Chicago. My number is 111-111-1111 if you ever want to catch up!"
- Do a Google search. If you don't have any mutual acquaintances and are not connected to them in any way, Google them. There is a good chance you will find some information you can use to get in touch.
- Call at a good time. If you know when the person is free, give them a call at this time. If you aren't sure, don't call them extremely early in the morning, or past 9 pm. Also avoid calling them during the hours that most people generally are at work or school, between the hours of 9-5. The best time to call them is on the weekend in the afternoon or between the hours of 6 and 9 on the weekdays.[2]
- Tell them who it is. When the person answers the phone, greet them and tell them who it is. If you haven't talked in a while, they won't expect you to be calling, especially if they don't have caller id. Say something like, "Hi Greg, how are you doing? It's Nicole from Dartmouth!"[3]
- It's a good idea to mention where you know this person from. If it's been a long time since you've been in touch, they may have met other people with your name and won't put two and two together. If you give them a context, it will be much easier for them.
- Tell them why you've been thinking about them. Something must have made you pick up the phone and give this person a call. Even if there isn't a specific reason, mention what drove you to call them. Saying something like this will make your call seem less out of the blue.[4]
- You could say something like, "I just reread the book that you gave me last year, it made me think of you!"
- You could even just say, "I was thinking about you the other day."
- Apologize for the disconnect if necessary. Sometimes people drift out of touch. However, if you feel like you could have been better at keeping in touch or that it was partially your fault that you lost touch with one another, own up to it.[5]
- Say something like, "I'm sorry that I did such a bad job at keeping in touch after the wedding!"
- Just one apology is enough, if you keep going it could make them feel uncomfortable.
EditMaking Conversation - Ask them how they have been. Ask them simply, "How have you been?" This gives the person time to tell you how they are and what they have been up to since you last talked. Instead of worrying about what to say next, listen carefully to what they say.[6]
- Ask a follow up question. You probably are curious about something that they told you about and want to know more. Asking them about this is a good way of keeping the conversation going.
- For instance, if they mentioned that they are now teaching at a college, ask them what subject they teach.
- If you can't think of anything to ask them, ask them something relating to the way in which you know each other. For instance, if you were friends in high school, ask them if they keep in touch with any other of your old friends.
- Tell them what you have been up to. After they tell you about what they have been doing since the time that you last talked, talk about what you have done. Tell them about work or school, as well as any major developments in your life. You could mention things like new pets or hobbies that you have.[7]
- For example, say something like "I've actually just moved to Austin, Texas and I'm working at a non-profit."
- Mention any reason you are contacting them. You may have a reason why you are calling up this person at this time. For instance, you may be calling to ask for donations for a fundraiser, or to ask to borrow something of theirs. If you are calling with a specific purpose, mention it at this point in the conversation. If you are just calling to get back in touch, keep the conversation going.[8]
- Bring up old memories. A great way to reenergize a conversation with an old acquaintance is to reminisce about the past. Talk about the memories that you share together, or the place or people through whom you met.[9]
- For instance, if you are childhood friends, say something like, "I remember when we used to make chocolate chip pancakes together."
- Though it's safer to stick to happy memories, you could also tell them how their friendship has helped you. You could say something like, "It meant a lot to me that you were there for me after my mom died."
- Remember to smile. As you are talking, remember to smile. Many people forget to smile when on the phone, but just smiling can make your tone of voice sound friendly and inviting. Because they can't see your face, the tone of your voice is extremely important in communicating that you are excited to be talking to them.[10]
- Avoid uncomfortable topics. You don't want to make the conversation awkward by asking them uncomfortable questions or mentioning topics that you should avoid. This is especially true for exes that you are getting back in touch with.
- Saying something like "So how's that guy you dumped me for?" will make the conversation uncomfortable for both of you.
- Don't keep them on the phone for too long. You're probably excited to reconnect, but make sure not to have the conversation go on for too long. You don't know what this person's schedule is like these days or how busy they may be. Remember that you don't have to fill them in on every single thing that has happened since you last talked, and that you can always talk again soon.
- Fifteen minutes is a good time frame to get reacquainted. However, if the other person seems eager to keep catching up, by all means keep talking!
EditEnding the Conversation - Tell them that you enjoyed talking. When you feel like the conversation has reached its end or one of you has to go, say something like, "It's been so nice talking to you" or "I'm so glad that we got back in touch." This will show them how much you've enjoyed talking to them.[11]
- Make plans. After talking, you may decide that you want to meet up with this person. If you feel like meeting in person, say something like, "We should get together sometime." You can take it a step further if you want and ask them to do something specific, like getting lunch or coffee.[12]
- Tell them that that you should stay in touch. If you don't feel like meeting up with this person or you are living in different places, but you still want to talk every now and then, say something like, "Let's try to keep in touch." You could also be more specific by saying, "I'll give you a call next week," or "I'll give you a call after my trip to Puerto Rico and tell you how it went!".[13]
- Say goodbye. After you have finished telling them how much you've enjoyed getting back in touch, it's time to say goodbye. Since you've already set up your goodbye, you can say something simple. Even saying something like, "Alright, well we'll talk soon. Take care," is a good farewell.
EditLeaving a Message - Greet them and say your name. It's possible that this person did not pick up your call at all, and now you are left with the message machine. When you are leaving your message, start in the same way as if they had picked up the phone, by saying hi and telling them who is calling.
- Say something like, "Hi Marco, it's Deborah from law school!"
- Tell them that you hope they're well. After saying your name, tell them something like, "I hope you're doing well" or "I hope that you and Claire are well." This is a nice way of showing them you care about their well-being and acts as a stand in for asking them about themselves, which you can't do when you're leaving a message.
- Tell them what made you call. If you have a specific purpose for calling, for instance if you need a favor or have a question, mention it in the message. If you are just calling to get back in touch, say something like, "I was just thinking about you the other day and thought I should give you a call." It doesn't have to be an elaborate reason or story; just saying that they were on your mind is enough.[14]
- Mention something about yourself. Say a few sentences about how you are and how you've been. Say a few basic things that relate to how you've been spending your time. Keep it short and don't go on and on, or else it will seem like you're more interested in yourself than you are in them.
- For instance say: "I've been doing well. I just got a new job as a social media coordinator and I've taken up tennis again."
- Tell them to give you a call back. Say that you are sorry you missed them, and say that they should give you a call back. Make sure to give them a call back number as well as the best time to reach you.
- Say something like, "Give me a call back when you're free and we can catch up! I'm usually free in the evenings if that's a good time for you."
- Say goodbye. Say a quick goodbye after you are done giving your contact information. Something like, "Alright, I hope to talk to you soon, bye," is a perfectly good way of saying goodbye.[15]
- Take a few deep breaths before dialing their number. This will make you feel less nervous.
- Always speak loudly and clearly, especially if you are leaving a message.
- If the person doesn't seem excited to talk to you, don't take it personally. People change, and some people don't see the point in maintaining friendships if you are living in different cities.
- If you and this person had a complicated relationship, you may feel slightly awkward. Know that this is normal, particularly for conversations with exes.
EditSources and Citations
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| How to Be Strong After a Breakup Posted: 13 Jul 2016 01:00 AM PDT We've all been there. The break-up is raw, and a jumble of emotions are still raging. Being strong will be difficult initially, and that's when you should allow yourself to feel the grief. But soon you'll start to feel time healing the wounds, and you'll be better than ever, and stronger than ever, too. EditCoping with the Grief - Accept that the pain is normal. As the old song says, "Breaking up is hard to do." Scientists have even shown that romantic rejection activates the same pathways in the brain that physical pain does.[1] It hurts when you break up with someone, and it's completely natural to feel upset about it.
- Some psychologists estimate that about 98% of us have experienced some form of unrequited love, whether it's an unreturned crush or a nasty breakup. Knowing that you're not alone probably won't heal your broken heart, but it could make the pain easier to bear.[2]
- Let it out. Don't pretend you're fine. Denying or minimizing your emotions -- like telling yourself "I'm really fine" or "It's no big deal" -- will actually make them worse in the long run. You have to process how you're feeling so you can move past it.[3]
- Cry your eyes out if you feel like it. Crying can actually be therapeutic when you're upset. It can reduce feelings of stress, anxiety, and anger. So go ahead, grab some tissues and wail your heart out if it helps.[4]
- Express your emotions through creative pursuits, like art or music. Write a song about how you feel, or play a track that comforts you. Draw a picture of your emotional state. The only thing here is to stay away from things that are too sad or angry (think death metal). These may actually increase your feelings of sadness and anger.[5]
- It's tempting to let your grief out by punching or breaking things, screaming, or shouting, but avoid this impulse if you can. Studies show that using violence to express your anger, even if it's toward an inanimate object like a pillow, can actually make you feel more angry.[6] To express your anger in a healthy way, try talking about your feelings to yourself or to someone you love.[7]
- This will be easier with a family member or friend you trust. Find someone who has a shoulder you're comfortable crying on and let loose. They've likely cried on your shoulder at some point. Now all they're doing is returning the favor.
- Write about your feelings. Expressing how you feel, rather than bottling it all up or trying to ignore it, will help you accept that you're in pain now, but it won't always be this way.[8] Writing about your feelings openly and honestly can help you understand them.[9][10] The first step to coping with post-breakup loneliness is taking some time for introspection and reflection.[11]
- Take 20 minutes a day for three days to let loose and write about your deepest thoughts and feelings about this relationship. Reflect on your experience while you were in the relationship, how you feel in the aftermath of the breakup, or what your worries are now that you're not in a relationship anymore.[12]
- Common reasons for breakups include a lack of independence, a lack of openness, or missing that "magic" feeling.[13]
- Don't worry about grammar or spelling when you write. You're writing just for you, to express your feelings and thoughts.
- Examine your writing. Writing your emotion journal is the first step. The next is to look back at what you've written and try to figure out why you're feeling what you're feeling. Thinking through your emotions will help you understand them better, and can also help you catch any distortions that might be unfair to yourself.[14]
- For example, a very common fear after a breakup is that we're undesirable, even unlovable. It can be easy to feel like you'll never find anyone who wants you again.[15] This is a natural reaction, but you shouldn't convince yourself it's true. Try looking for the evidence that plenty of people do love you, even if that one person you wanted most to love you doesn't (or can't in the way you wanted).
- Look for global, internal, and irreversible statements in your journal. Research shows that these types of thought can lead to depression after a breakup and can make it harder to move on.[16]
- For example, a global statement might look like "This breakup is going to ruin my life." It probably does feel that way sometimes, but it's probably not as true as it feels. Try rephrasing this as a limited statement: "This breakup hurts right now, but it's only one part of my life."
- An internal statement blames yourself: "This is all my fault" or "If only I'd done things differently, we wouldn't have broken up." Remember that relationships involve two people. The chances of anything being 100% one person's fault are very slim. And in general, breakups happen because of incompatibilities, not because one person is "bad" or "wrong." Try telling yourself something like: "This relationship didn't end up working out because we just weren't suited for each other. People are different and have different needs. It's okay."
- An irreversible statement is, well, irreversible: "I'm never going to get over him/her" or "I'm never going to not feel this way." Remind yourself that all feelings are temporary. People change. Hearts mend. Try telling yourself: "I am in pain right now, and that's all right. It won't last forever."
- Repeat positive self-affirmations to yourself. Breakups can really do a number on your self-confidence. Showing yourself a little daily kindness can remind you that you are an awesome person with a lot to offer the right person. The next time negative thoughts about your breakup show up -- and they probably will, at least for a while -- challenge them with one of these helpful affirmations:[17]
- I am worth love and care, and there are people who recognize that
- I'm upset right now, but it won't last forever
- Part of my pain is caused by brain chemistry, which I can't control
- My thoughts and feelings are not facts
- I love and honor myself
- List your positive attributes. Breakups can cause you to doubt your self-worth. It's important to remind yourself of all the good things about you.[18] Studies show that when you remind yourself that you're worth loving, you handle rejection better.[19] Make a list of the cool, great, interesting things about yourself. When you're feeling down, whip out that list and remind yourself that you're a remarkable person.
- Think about things you can do (especially if they don't involve the person you just broke up with). Do you skydive, paint, write music, dance? Do you enjoy long walks or cooking a great meal? List your skills and remind yourself that you're strong and capable.
- Think about the things you like about yourself. Do you have a killer smile? A fantastic fashion sense? Remind yourself that you have plenty to offer -- and that the only opinion that really matters is your own.
- Think about positive things others have told you about yourself. Do your friends tell you how supportive you are? Are you the life of the party? Are you the caring person who gives up your seat on the subway or bus? Remind yourself that others see your value, too.
- Get support. When you break up with someone, it's natural to feel isolated or disconnected.[20] Reaching out to friends and loved ones will help you cope with these feelings and remind you that you have plenty of love in your life.[21]
- Talk with your friends. Share your feelings with them. Ask them about their own breakup experiences. They can offer you support and advice.[22]
- If your friends offer you feedback or advice, try to be open and listen to them. You don't have to take their advice, but accept the spirit in which it's offered. If you notice that over time they become reluctant to talk to you about the breakup, you may be dwelling on it too much. Remember to ask your friends about their own lives, too.
- Sometimes, friends and loved ones may go too far. They may try to control your decisions or "fix" your problems for you. They may turn to bad-mouthing your ex, which isn't always what you need. If your loved ones' support is starting to go beyond helpful advice and conversation, show your appreciation for their support and let them know you can handle this on your own. For example, if a friend offers to give your ex a "piece of her mind," you could say, "I really appreciate that you want to stand up for me, but I can handle this. Please don't do that."
EditStaying Strong - Cut off ties with your ex. When you two broke up, it likely happened for a reason. Not contacting your ex is an important step in healing from a breakup.[23] You may feel desperate to contact your ex, especially in the beginning, but remind yourself of the reasons you broke up.[24] Stay strong and stay away from that phone!
- Romantic love stimulates dopamine pathways in the brain, making you feel "rewarded" for your emotions. When you break up, your brain treats it the same way as it treats a drug addiction. No matter how hard it feels, don't give in to the craving, or you'll never kick it.[25][26]
- Don't call or text your ex. If you need to, delete his or her number from your phone and contacts. Don't email or send messages on social media.
- Cyberstalking is a real thing. Don't look up your ex on Facebook or Instagram. You'll only concentrate on the pictures of him or her being happy and having a good time. You'll keep looking for clues and memories, keeping you from feeling better.[27] If you have to, block your ex on your pages so you're not tempted.
- Don't "vaguebook" (post vague statuses on social media) in a bid for attention. Focusing on the past will only keep you from moving toward your future.
- Get rid of mementos. Holding on to treasured gifts from your ex or photos of the two of you will hold you back from healing and moving on. You may even find that having them around triggers feelings of sadness, loneliness, or anger.[28]
- Delete photos of your ex from social media accounts (or at least crop him or her out of the photos).
- Resist the urge to do things that you used to do together, like listen to "your song" or visit your favorite date spot. These things will keep you focused on the relationship you don't have anymore, instead of allowing you to go out and form new relationships (and strengthen existing ones).
- Memories aren't always triggered by things. Even sounds and scents can trigger a memory or emotion.[29] If this happens, don't try to ignore or deny it. Acknowledge the feeling: "Oh, that smell reminds me of our pizza date nights. I miss those." And then move on.
- If you have things that seem too nice to throw out, consider donating them to a charity or thrift store. You'll be able to let go of that t-shirt/coffee mug/teddy bear, and you'll be making a positive difference in someone else's life, too.
- Play nice. It's too easy to go out and slash your ex's tires, key his or her car, or egg his or her house. You could spread rumors about him or her and start the gossip mill going, but don't. This behavior will only keep you locked in the past instead of focusing on how you're going to move past the breakup. It may even lose you some friends.
- About half of people admit to stalking their ex in some way after a breakup, from making unwanted phone calls to threatening or even vandalizing an ex's property. Carrie Underwood may make it sound like fun revenge, but this type of behavior just makes it harder to recover from the breakup.[30]
- Stalking and destructive behavior is also illegal. Is your ex worth an arrest record? Didn't think so.
- Avoid rash decisions. After a breakup, it's common to want to get your hair cut or dyed or get a tattoo. This helps us feel like we're changing our identities and that we can be a whole new person, a person that didn't have this relationship. Remember that your brain chemistry is altered during a breakup, and your judgment is more than likely impaired right now.[31]
- Let some time pass. If after a few months you still really want that tattoo because it symbolizes something important, go for it then.
- Keep yourself busy. Distraction is only a temporary cure, but it can really help take your mind off the pain from your breakup.[32] Keeping yourself busy with things you enjoy, especially if they're new and exciting, will help you realize that your life isn't over after all.
- Read that book series you've been meaning to get around to but never have. Join a book club so you can talk about it with others!
- Take a class, learn a new skill, pick up a new hobby. Learning new skills will remind you that you're capable of growth and achievement.
- Call up people you've been meaning to chat with for months and haven't. Remind yourself that you're surrounded by people who love and support you.
- Exercise. Exercise is a good way to vent your frustration and pain. It releases endorphins, those chemicals in your brain that make you happy. Regular moderate exercise can help you fight off anxiety and depression, too.[33] Aim for 30 minutes a day to feel that rush.
- If you think your schedule doesn't allow it, think again. Look into high-intensity interval training where you only need to work out in small, 15-minute chunks. Alternatively, do a bit in the morning and then at night. It doesn't have to be all at once.
- Make less noticeable efforts, too, like parking far away from the entrance of where you're going or washing the car by hand.
- Just don't approach exercise as a way to "fix" yourself. This is an unhealthy way of approaching it, and can lead to body image distortions and other mental health issues. Exercise because it's good for your body and mind, not because you feel you "need" to in order to be desirable to others.
EditLearning to Thrive - Have fun. This may seem next to impossible, especially if you're still raw after a breakup. However, having fun is great medicine for your brain. It reduces feelings of anger and increases your feelings of positivity.[34] So go out with friends. See a movie. Go disco dancing. Sing karaoke. Do things you enjoy and let loose a little. You'll feel better for it.
- Laughter, it turns out, really is the best medicine. It releases endorphins, which are your body's natural mood elevators. Laughter even increases your body's ability to tolerate pain.[35]
- Treat yourself. "Retail therapy" can actually be good for you, if it's done wisely. Research shows that when you go shopping after rejection, you tend to envision how your purchases will fit into your new lifestyle. Buying an outfit that boosts your self-confidence or replacing a piece of your ex's furniture that isn't your style can help you mend.[36]
- Just remember: don't use spending to mask your pain. Don't go overboard with your credit card, either, or you'll end up stressed out when the bills come in. Allow yourself just a few treats.
- Get engaged with your community. Taking the focus off of yourself can help you avoid rumination, that "broken record loop" where the only thing you can think about is how much things suck.[37] Studies show that showing kindness and compassion to others can boost your own mood and create a "ripple effect" of compassion in those around you.[38][39] So go out there. Make yourself a better member of a better community.
- Volunteering is a great way to get involved. Check with your church, school, or local volunteer organizations to see how you can make a difference.
- Serving or giving to other people can also give you a sense of purpose. Studies have shown that when you make contributions to a cause you believe in -- especially if it's in person -- you're likely to feel like you're making a difference in the world.[40]
- Focus on being positive. Just because he/she broke up with you or doesn't want you back doesn't mean that you're worthless. There are plenty of other people who want you and would be willing to treat you even better than your ex. Find things that make you Smile and laugh. Surround yourself with friends and people who care. You'll feel better.
- Happiness breeds success, after all.[41] The happier you are, the more positivity you'll cultivate around you, leading to bigger and better things.
- Humans are really susceptible to "emotional contagion," or picking up on others' feelings and moods. If you surround yourself with positive people, you're way more likely to feel positive yourself. On the flip side, if you surround yourself with people who are negative and bitter, you're likely to feel that way.[42]
EditMoving On - Forgive and forget. After the initial phase of shock and grief has passed, you'll find yourself in a place where you can let things go and remain cool. When you forgive your ex for everything that happened, the forgetting can start. That's okay; it's the natural cycle.[43] Remember: forgiveness is something you do for yourself, not the other person.[44][45]
- One way to forgive someone is to start by remembering what it is you want to forgive. Recall how it made you feel. Notice your thoughts about yourself and about your ex.[46]
- Reflect on this experience. What can you learn from it? Perhaps there are things you would do differently. Perhaps there are things you hope the other person would do differently. What will you look for in the future? How will you use this experience to grow?
- Remember that forgiveness isn't an excuse for bad behavior. Forgiving someone doesn't mean you have to reconcile with that person, or that you're saying s/he was "right" to do what s/he did. It means letting go of the burden of anger. Forgiveness makes you free.
- Remind yourself that you cannot control how others act. The only thing you can control is your own actions and responses.
- Tell yourself that you forgive the other person for his or her mistakes. And remember that it can take some time for you to fully feel forgiveness -- that's okay.
- Reflect a little, then think forward. Right now it's likely that you're dwelling on the past. Why is that? You can't change it. It won't do "future you" any good. What if you thought about the future? That would definitely make thinking positive much, much easier. Spend a little time reflecting on what you've learned from the situation, and then take some time to plan for the future.[47]
 - Use this time to consider what you can learn from this relationship to take into the future. What will you do differently?[48] Make a list of things you learned didn't work in the relationship and things that did work. Then write down the attributes you would like your new partner to have, what type of person he or she is, physical attributes, characteristics, and so on.
- Consider whether you can see a pattern in your past relationships. Sometimes, people repeatedly fall for people who just aren't good for them. This can happen for a variety of reasons, including how you interacted with your parents as a child.[49] Examine whether you seem to have a "type" that just doesn't seem to be working out for you. Think about how you can break this unhelpful pattern next time.
- Treat this as a learning experience. Breakups hurt. They suck. But they can also make you a stronger, more confident, more compassionate person, if you let them. Look for things you can learn about yourself and your needs.[50] What do you know about yourself now that you didn't before?[51]
- Find who you really are. In a serious relationship, we often become half of the other person instead of a full and unique version of ourselves. This is often why breakups are so hard. But once you're set free, you can find yourself again. You can spend time doing what you love, unhindered by anyone else' opinion or constraints. Take some time to figure out what you value and who you want to be.[52]
- When you were in this relationship, you probably made compromises. Now's the time not to make compromises and to listen to you. Have anchovies on your pizza if you like them. Sleep in on weekends if your ex was an early riser who always had plans. Wear favorite clothing your ex didn't like. Hang the art or posters your ex didn't like. Listen to the music your ex didn't like. All these are ways of regaining yourself, rebuilding your sense of self as a separate individual rather than half of the couple
- What fell by the wayside when this relationship started? A friendship? A hobby? What time got taken from another aspect of your life and given to focus on this person? Think back about what you gave up. Is it still there waiting for you? Odds are, probably.
- Push yourself out of your comfort zone. It's easy to stay inside our comfort zones because, well, it's comfortable. However, it's hard to really thrive without challenges.[53] Take this opportunity to try new things and take risks you might not otherwise do.
 - Too much comfort kills your motivation. Since you're probably already feeling a little uncomfortable after this breakup, use this uncertainty to your benefit! Use it to transform the areas in your life that need a little work.[54]
- Learning to get outside your comfort zone has other benefits, too. For example, taking (reasonable, controlled) risks makes it easier to accept that vulnerability and the unexpected are just facts of life. Once you accept this, it's much easier to handle the next unexpected thing that comes up.[55]
- This doesn't mean you should take up extreme sports with no training, or decide to move to a foreign country without any knowledge of its culture or language. Start with smaller challenges and work your way up.[56]
- Think of this as much-deserved freedom. You can go to school, live somewhere else, or finally get that kitten you wanted. You can spend your Friday nights in that art class you've always wanted to take. If there's a dream you always wanted to pursue, now is the time.
- Give it time. You are heartbroken now, but you won't be heartbroken later. It sounds cliche, but it's cliche for a good reason -- time really does heal your wounds. You need time to get perspective on things. While it may be uncomfortable now to think of this person as a memory, later on s/he can be a memory you're quite fond of and glad happened. People don't fade automatically, so don't be hard on yourself if the grieving process doesn't seem to go away. That's natural. But have faith that it will.[57]
- The thing is that when it does pass, you won't really realize it. You'll wake up one day and realize that you haven't thought about this person for weeks. It happens slowly and under the radar. So just when you think nothing's happening, bam. It does. It always does.
- Make a playlist of songs that inspire you. Include songs that make you feel confident and strong! When you start feeling lost or alone, start this playlist to get your focus back.
- Remember to enjoy your life. It's good to move on and embrace who you are as an individual. Take this time to spend even more time with the people who really matter: Your family and your close friends.
- Don't dwell on the past and make the most of your life.
- Lay back and relax! Listening some nice music to keep your mind off it.
- If you feel the strong urge to change your appearance after all, make sure to use things that don't last, like hair dye that fades gradually in a few weeks or maybe even clip-in extensions with bright colours.
- Stay busy, being around friends is the most helpful way to stay distracted and be sure to choose wisely who you talk to about the situation. You don't have to satisfy every person in the world with why or how the break up happened. Being selective with who you share your vulnerability with will benefit you, you don't have to please everyone.
- Never hold on to past and let it ruin your future. You should try to let go and forget of things if they make you sad, miserable and unfocused.
- Remaining "just friends" is a big no-no. Accepting that your relationship is over is the very first step after a break up, and without this realization you'll be hard pressed to move on. Now is the time for renewal, not hopes for reconciliation. Sure, there may be a slight chance the two of you will get back together, but even the most astute "get your ex back" manuals start with this first simple step: take a break. It should be a long break, like a year or two. It's not emotionally safe to resume the friendship until you've stopped feeling romantic about your former partner completely – till you feel happy about it if they're dating someone else.
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