| How to Communicate Better in a Relationship Posted: 07 May 2020 05:00 PM PDT Communication is hard work. That's why it's the key to any healthy relationship. If you want to communicate better in a relationship, then you have to not only know how to state your ideas but to be able to really listen to your partner. If you want to know how to communicate better in a relationship, just follow these steps. [Edit]Making Your Case - Learn to say what you mean. We've heard the jokes about intent versus actual dialogue -- when she says "this" she really means that -- or, "what he's really trying to tell you is..." Those jokes are funny because of how often they're true. Sometimes we expect our partner to understand our hidden meanings, but wishing or relying on this isn't fair or effective. Instead, lay out your thoughts directly.[1]
- When you make your case, provide concrete examples of what you mean so your words make more sense. Don't just say, "I feel like you haven't done your share around the house..." Instead, say, "I've had to do the dishes every night for the last two weeks..."
- Speak slowly enough for your partner to understand you. Don't just blurt out all of your angry feelings or he or she won't be able to follow your logic.
- Remember that there's no prize for speaking for as long as you can. Hit all of the key points you want to hit, but don't just keep talking and talking until your partner is overwhelmed.
- Directly laying out your thoughts eliminates resentment and confusion about your motives. Instead of offering alternatives to your boyfriend's plans to bring you to a party, tell him the truth: that you just don't want to face all those people after a tough week at work, followed by, "I'm sorry to say that I'm just not in a party mood tonight."
- Use "I" or "me" statements. Don't start an argument off by accusing your partner of making a mistake. If you say, "You always..." or "You never..." then your partner's guard will be up and he'll be less likely to listen to your perspective. Instead, say something like, "I've noticed that..." or "Lately, I've been feeling like..." Making the discussion centered around your feelings will make your partner feel less like he's being castigated and more like he's part of a productive discussion.
- Even saying, "Lately, I've been feeling a little neglected" sounds more conciliatory than "You've been neglecting me."
- Though you'll be essentially saying the same thing through the "I" statements, this soft-blow delivery will make your partner less defensive and more likely to communicate openly.
- Keep as calm as you can. Though you may not be able to be as cool as a cucumber when you and your partner are in the middle of a heated discussion, the calmer you are, the more easily you will be able to express your feelings. So, if you're feeling furious in the middle of a conversation, or even livid before you bring up the issue, take a breather until you feel calm enough to start a productive discussion.
- Speak in a slow, even tone to articulate your ideas.
- Don't talk over your partner. This will only make you more angry.
- Take deep breaths. Don't get hysterical in the middle of an argument.
- Maintain positive body language. Having positive body language can help set a positive tone to the discussion. Look your partner in the eyes and turn your body to him. You can use your arms to gesture, but don't move them so wildly that you start getting out of control. Don't cross your arms over your chest or your partner will feel that you are already closed off to what he has to say.
- Don't fidget with the objects around you, unless this helps you get out some nervous energy.
- Project your ideas with confidence. This doesn't mean that you should walk into the discussion like you're going into a business meeting. Don't march into the room, shake your partner's hand, and make your case. Instead, project confidence by acting as comfortable as you can with the situation. Smile from time to time, speak carefully, and don't hesitate, ask too many questions, or sound uncertain of what you have to say. If your partner doubts your commitment to your feelings, he won't take you as seriously.
- The more confident you are, the less likely you are to get scared off or to be frazzled. This will help you articulate your ideas.
- Have a game plan before you begin. This is an incredibly important point. Don't just jump into an argument when you least expect it, and start telling your partner the fifteen things he or she has been doing wrong. Even if you're upset or hurt for a variety of reasons, it's important to focus on the main point you want to make, and to think about what result you want to achieve from the conversation; if your only goal is to make your partner feel bad about what he or she has done, then you should give it more thought before you begin.
- Part of the plan should be when to have the discussion. Bringing up a rational argument in an inopportune time, such as at a family picnic or in the middle of an important sporting event on TV, can make your entire point null and void.
- Think about what specific examples you'll use to state your case. Let's say you want your partner to be a better listener. Can you think of two or three times when he didn't listen and it really hurt you? Don't overwhelm him or her with negative criticism, but use concrete evidence to get the attention you need.
- Remember what your goal is -- is it to show your partner why you're been hurt, to bring up an important conflict and find a compromise that will make you both happy, or to discuss how you can deal with stress as a couple. Keeping your goal in the back of your mind will help keep you on track.
[Edit]Listening to Your Partner - Put yourself in your partner's place. Use the power of imagination to fully envision what your partner's perspective might be in a given situation. Be aware that there might be factors you don't know about. When he or she is talking, putting yourself in his shoes can help you understand why your behavior, or the situation at hand, may be frustrating for him. When you're angry or upset, it's hard to see past your side of the argument, but this technique can actually help you reach a resolution faster.[2]
- Empathy can usually help you solve a problem in your relationship. Emphasizing that you're trying to be understanding by saying, "I know you must be feeling upset because..." or "I know you've had a hard week at work..." can help your partner realize you're really listening with their point of view as the framework.
- Putting yourself in your partner's place can help you validate his feelings and let him know that you understand his struggles and honor his feelings.
- Allow your partner the freedom to work through internal conflicts. Though it's great to be able to talk out all of your frustration, sometimes your partner is still working out his thoughts and feelings and needs some time to to sort through feelings during alone time. Giving him space and time to reflect can prevent him from jumping into an argument and saying something he regrets later. There's a fine line between encouraging a conversation and pushing your partner before he's ready to talk and share.
- Just saying, "I'm here when you need to talk," can make your partner feel like you care without smothering him.
- Give him or her your full attention. Know the cues that your partner wants to talk -- and that it's serious. When he or she wants to talk, you should turn off the TV, put away your work, hide your phone, and do everything you can to give your partner your full attention. If you're multi-tasking or distracted, then he or she will probably become even more frustrated. If you're really in the middle of something, ask if you can have just a few minutes to wrap it up so you're less distracted when the time comes.
- Maintaining eye contact instead of looking around for other things that may hold your interest can also help your partner feel like you're really listening.
- Let him or her finish, but nod your head or say, "I understand how you feel..." from time to time to stay connected.
- Let him finish. Though he may say something completely outrageous or something that you feel like you just have to correct, don't jump in and interrupt him in the middle of him sharing his thoughts and feelings. Make a mental note of any point you feel you need to address later, but let your partner say everything he has to say. When he's done, it'll be your turn and you can delve into to these points one by one or choose to address them later, in a separate moment.
- This may seem nearly impossible when you feel like you just have to jump in then and there and make a counter-argument, but your partner will feel much better once he gets everything off his chest.
- Mind the gap. When you're listening to your partner, you should know that you don't have to accept or understand everything he has to say. No matter how in sync you are, how similar you are, and how aligned your goals are, there will be times when you just don't see eye to eye on a situation, no matter how hard you both try to express your feelings. And that's okay. – Being aware of the gap between your understanding of the situation and your partner's will make you more receptive to what he has to say.
- Being aware of this discrepancy will help you get less frustrated when you're just not getting each other.
[Edit]Building a Strong Foundation - Maintain intimacy. This doesn't mean that you should hop into bed with your partner every chance you get to make up after fighting. It does mean that you should be intimate as much as you can, whether it means cuddling, caressing each other and laughing about nothing, or just spending time on the couch holding hands and watching your favorite TV shows. Make time for intimacy at least a few times a week, no matter how busy you are -- this will help you when the time comes to talk about the difficult stuff.
- Being intimate has a more significant meaning than being physical. It's about seeing into another person and trying to create a space in your mind for your partner's words, body language, or actions.
- Learn to recognize when your partner is upset. Sure, it would be great if your partner let you know every time something important was really troubling him. However, that's rarely the case. If you want to build a solid foundation for communication, then you have to start recognizing the non-verbal or verbal cues that let you know your partner is upset. Get to know your partner's signs and be comfortable with saying, "Hey, you look upset. Is something bothering you?" He might not always want to talk, but making him aware that you know he's upset will make him feel more valued.[3]
 - Every person will demonstrate being bothered differently – from staying conspicuously quiet, saying he's not hungry, making passive-aggressive comments, or complaining about something minor when something major is really on his mind.
- This doesn't mean that you should say, "Hey, what's wrong?" if your partner isn't acting 100% happy. – Maybe he or she is just tired after a long day of work. Recognizing the signs and knowing when your partner is truly okay is different from asking him if he's okay on a daily basis. This could get annoying.
- Sometimes body language can convey more than actual words.
- If you are caught in a misunderstanding, it's important to establish your willingness to communicate. You might delve into true feelings with a process similar to: "I'm trying to understand, but I'm not getting there. Am I doing something to upset you?" "No." "Is someone else doing something to upset you?" "No." "Are you just upset?" "Yes." "With me?" "No. Not really." You're narrowing it down. It seems like a lot of effort, but it may be worth it in the end.
- Be proactive. You don't have to have a fight over every little thing that is bothering you, but you should be able to bring up the tough problems when the time comes. Don't get passive-aggressive and let your anger boil up, or you'll find yourself having a full-blown fight at an inopportune moment. Learn to bring up the big questions so you can be comforted when you find a compromise, instead of letting yourself simmer at or near the boiling point.
- Both members of the relationship can offer solutions until you find one that is mutually acceptable. A true compromise is one in which both partners feel that their thoughts and feelings are addressed while adhering to real constraints: feasibility, time, cost, etc.
- Lighten up. Find time together to just have fun. If you spend all of your time working and then fighting about your problems, you won't enjoy your relationship very much. If you store up a lot of points in your "fun bank," and have lots of positive feelings and memories with your partner, you'll be less likely to explode in the middle of an argument. Building a solid foundation of mutual love and happiness will help you through the hard times.
- Laugh together. Whether you're making corny jokes, watching a comedy, or just cracking up over nothing, laughing will really help you enjoy your relationship more and prepare for the difficult times.
- Realize when a conversation is no longer productive. If you're both shouting, hurting each other, and not getting anywhere, then, yeah, the conversation is no longer productive. There's no need to keep fighting if you're just making things worse. Instead, take a breath, tell your partner that you should both calm down and pick up the conversation at another time. This is a mature way to keep your communication from getting out of control.[4]
- Just say, "I think this topic is really important to both of us, but we should return to it when we're both more calm and our thought are more settled."
- Don't walk away by slamming doors or shouting hurtful things. Leave on a positive note, even if you're still feeling angry.
- Sometimes, you may just be arguing about nothing to get a reaction out of each other. If this is the case, then point it out. Say, "What are we even fighting about?" This can help you both take a step back and take stock of the situation.
- Learn to compromise. In any good relationship, being happy should always be more important than being right. Don't spend all of your time trying to prove that you're right or fighting to get your way, or your romance will fizzle. Instead, work on finding a productive solution that can make both of you reasonably happy. This is much better for your relationship long term and will help you communicate your true needs.[5]
- Sometimes, you just won't be able to get your way when it comes to a black and white discussion, such as finding a new place to live. Still, make sure that is a healthy balance of give and take.
- Take turns. One person shouldn't always get his or her way.
- Making a pros and cons list can sometimes help you reach a solution in a more logical and less heated way.
- Sometimes, when you're having an argument, it's important to consider which person really cares more. This can help you figure out how to address the situation. If something is really important to you, but only sort of important to your partner, let it be known.
- Don't forget to appreciate each other. If you want to keep up a healthy stream of communication, then you and your partner have to take the time to express your appreciation for one another's recent actions, send each other sweet notes, tell each other what you love about each other, and to make time to do the things you love. A weekly date night, and as many nightly dinners as you can manage can really help you enjoy each other's company and get used to talking to each other in a positive way. This, in turn, will make it easier for you to have an argument that is constructive when the time comes.
- In any healthy relationship, you should give your partner much more positive than negative feedback. Specifically, if you feel like he's doing everything right, let him know!
[Edit]Related wikiHows [Edit]References [Edit]Quick Summary |
| How to Make Simple Iced Coffee Posted: 07 May 2020 09:00 AM PDT Iced coffee is a yummy summer treat, perfect for a warm summer evening. Homemade iced coffee is even better, and there are many different ways in which to make it. It is far less expensive than the iced coffee you get from a cafe. Better yet, you can customize it to your personal tastes. [Edit]Ingredients [Edit]Instant Iced Coffee[1] - ¾ tablespoon (14 grams) instant coffee
- 5 to 6 tablespoons (75 to 90 milliliters) hot water
- 1 tablespoon (15 grams) sugar
- Ice (to taste)
- Creamer, half-and-half, or milk (to taste)
[Edit]Basic Iced Coffee[2] - 1 cup (140 grams) ice
- 1 cup (240 milliliters) coffee, room temperature or chilled
- Sugar (to taste)
- Cream, half-and-half, or milk (to taste)
[Edit]Cold Brew Iced Coffee[3] - 1/3 cup (40 grams) ground coffee
- 1 1/3 cups (320 milliliters) cold water
- Sugar (to taste)
- Creamer, half-and-half, or milk (to taste)
[Edit]Making Instant Coffee - Fill a tall glass with instant coffee and sugar. You are adding the sugar with the instant coffee, because it dissolves better in hot water than in cold. If you like your iced coffee less sweet, use less sugar.
- Stir in the hot water. Boil the water first, then add it to the instant coffee-sugar mixture. Keep stirring until the sugar and instant coffee dissolve. Don't worry if your coffee looks strong. It will become less strong once you add the ice in.
- Add in a few ice cubes and stir. Don't worry if the ice melts; it most certainly will from the hot coffee. These first few ice cubes will dilute the strong coffee mixture and help cool it down initially.
- Add in the rest of the ice cubes. You can add as many or as few cubes as you'd like. This ice is what will make your coffee nice, cold, and icy.
- For a lightly-iced coffee, plop in a few cubes. For a regular iced coffee, fill the glass almost to the top. The ice will melt quickly at first, but it will slow down once the coffee becomes cold.
- Top off with a splash of cream, half-and-half, or milk. If you'll like a lighter iced coffee, you can also add some cold water. Give the coffee a final stir to mix in the creamer.
- Enjoy your iced coffee before the ice melts. The longer you wait, the more watery your iced coffee will become.
[Edit]Making Basic Iced Coffee - Brew a cup of coffee. If you have not already, get out your coffee maker, and brew a cup of coffee. Try to make it on the stronger side, as the ice will water it down later on.
- Consider adding the sugar now. Sugar dissolves better in hot drinks than it does in cold drinks.
- Let the coffee cool down a little. If you just add ice to it, it will not be cold enough. You'll need to let the coffee cool down a little. Room temperature will be enough. If you'd like your iced coffee even colder, wait 15 to 20 minutes, then place it into the fridge for a little bit.
- Fill a tall glass with ice. You can use regular ice cubes, or ice cubes made from frozen coffee. Avoid filling the glass all the way with ice, or you may not have enough room for the coffee. You can always add more ice later, if it is not enough for you.
- Pour the cooled coffee over the ice. If you need to add more ice, do so now.
- Add the cream and sugar to taste. If you have not already, add the sugar to your drink now. Start with a splash of cream and a spoonful of sugar, stir, and taste. Add more cream and/or sugar until you get your coffee to where you like it.
- Enjoy the coffee before the ice melts. The longer you let it sit, the more watery it will become.
[Edit]Making Cold Brewed Iced Coffee - Combine the ground coffee and water in a mason jar. Stir the coffee until there are no more lumps or clumps. You can use a spoon, fork, or whisk. Many people find that iced coffee brewed this way has a bitter taste to it.
- Cover the jar, and leave it in the fridge for up to 5 hours. This is what makes the coffee "cold brewed." Instead of brewing quickly in hot water, the coffee brews slowly in cold water. Cold brewed coffee is usually less acidic than hot brewed coffee.
- Avoid leaving the coffee in the fridge overnight, or it will taste bitter.[4]
- Fill a tall glass with ice. Make sure that you have enough room for the coffee. You can always add more ice later, if it is not enough for you.
- Line a strainer with a coffee filter, and place it over the glass. The filter-lined strainer will catch the coffee grounds when you pour the coffee.
- Pour the coffee through the strainer and into the glass. Squeeze and press the coffee grounds against the filter-lined strainer using the back of a spoon or spatula. This will help get the excess coffee out of the grounds.[5]
- Add milk and sugar. Start with a splash of milk (or creamer) and a spoonful of sugar. Give it a stir, and taste it. If you need to add more milk or sugar, do so now.
- Make sure that you stir well to help the sugar dissolve.
- Enjoy your coffee before the ice melts. As the ice melts, your coffee will become more watery and diluted.
- Consider using a flavored creamer instead of milk and sugar. It will mix into the coffee better.[6]
- To make Vietnamese iced coffee, use 1 tablespoon of sweetened, condensed milk instead of milk and sugar.[7]
- Consider making a big batch of cold-brewed coffee. You will need about 1 cup of water for every ounce of coffee grounds.[8] Your batch will last for up to two days, after you strain the grounds out.[9]
- Consider freezing some coffee in an ice cube tray, and using the coffee ice cubes instead of regular ice. This way, your coffee won't get diluted and watery as the ice melts.
- Use filtered water instead of tap water. Your coffee will taste better.[10]
- For an extra creamy and sweet iced coffee, try it with coconut milk instead.[11] Be sure to give the can a good shake before you open it, as coconut milk tends to separate.
- Sugar does not dissolve well in cold drinks. Consider making a batch of simple syrup, and using that to sweeten your iced coffee instead.[12]
- Add a few drops of vanilla extract for a vanilla iced coffee.
[Edit]Warnings - Don't put a cup of hot coffee straight into the fridge or freezer. You'll risk your mug cracking or breaking. You'll also raise the inside temperature of your freezer/fridge and cause the other food to thaw.
[Edit]Things You'll Need [Edit]Making Instant Coffee [Edit]Making Basic Iced Coffee [Edit]Making Cold Brewed Iced Coffee - Mason jar
- Strainer
- Coffee filter
- Tall glass
- Spoon
[Edit]Related wikiHows [Edit]References [Edit]Quick Summary |
| How to Photograph the Moon Posted: 07 May 2020 01:00 AM PDT Photos of the moon are beautiful if done well, but it can be very hard to get a picture of the moon that doesn't look blurry! Once you're aware of what equipment you need, when to take the best photos, and how to set up your camera, you'll be able to get great shots of the moon. With a little photo-taking know-how, the moon might just become one of your favorite photo subjects. [Edit]Choosing the Right Equipment - Use a high-quality camera. A camera phone will not take good pictures of the moon--they will turn out blurry and distant. It's best to use the highest-quality camera you can obtain. Lens quality is more important than camera quality, so many camera models will be suitable once the right lens is applied.[1]
- Choose a lens that is 200mm or higher. A high mm measurement on a lens means that the lens can zoom in at a greater distance. Get the highest mm lens you can. More than 300mm is the best, but you can also take good moon photos with a 200mm lens.[2]
- Use a tripod. Stability is very important when photographing the moon. Even the slightest jiggle can result in a blurry photo, so you will need a tripod. Pick a tripod with adjustable legs in case of uneven terrain.[3]
- Get a shutter release cable. Touching the camera to take a picture can wobble it and blur your picture. A shutter release cable allows you to take the shot without touching the camera again once it's set up. If you don't have a cable, use the shutter delay set to 3-10 seconds.[4]
[Edit]Picking a Time and Place - Choose your favorite moon phase. The moon can be photographed in any phase except the new moon, which is not visible to Earth. The first quarter, half, and third quarter phases provide high contrast that allows you to see the craters in greater detail, while the full moon is a dramatic choice for a skyscraper. What phase you choose is up to your personal preference, but it's best to have a phase chosen before going out to photograph the moon.
- Learn when the moon rises and sets. When the moon sets or rises, it is closer to the horizon, making it appear larger and closer. This makes it much easier to photograph! Check an almanac or a weather app for moon rising and setting times in your area.
- Pick a clear night. Clouds, fog, and air pollution will blur your photographs. Check a weather app before leaving for your session and while photographing. A clear night with low smog content and no rain is best for moon photography.[5]
- Choose a location away from direct light sources. The moon appears bright because it reflects the light of the sun, and additional light from streetlights, homes, and cars can make the moon appear duller and blurrier in pictures. It is fine if there is light in the distance, but be sure that you are not photographing close to another light source.[6]
[Edit]Taking Your Pictures - Set up your camera. Set up your tripod on stable, level ground, and adjust the legs to keep your camera level with the horizon. Make sure your tripod is stable before mounting the camera and lenses. Remove the lens cap and turn your camera on. If you are using a shutter release cable, attach it now.
- Focus your camera. Turn off your camera's auto-focus feature first--auto-focus is not ideal for night photography and may not produce the best focus. Look through the camera view and manually adjust the focus until you can see crisp details of the moon's surface. Each camera model has a different method for adjusting the focus, so be sure to consult your camera's manual beforehand.
- Choose a short shutter speed. Shutter speed is also referred to as "exposure time." A shorter shutter speed exposes the camera to less light, which means that the details of the moon will be sharper and there will not be a halo of light surrounding it. Use the shortest shutter speed your camera has.
- Use a timer or shutter release cable. When you take a photograph, the pressure of your hand on the camera can destabilize it, making your shots blurry. A shutter release cable allows you to stand away from the camera while taking the photo. If you don't have a cable, use the camera's shutter timer.
- Take multiple shots. Once you have your camera set up and focused, take a series of shots of the moon. This will let you have a selection of photos to choose from. Try a few different shutter speeds and focuses to make sure you have the best possible shots!
- Play around with the manual settings. If you are zoomed in just on the moon (so it takes up lots of the shot), you'll need different settings then if you're doing a scenery picture with the moon in the distance. You'll be able to change the brightness (or darkness) of the moon and how much detail of the moon you see.
- Look for natural reference points to include in your photographs, like trees or the moon's reflection in water.
- During the editing process, you can make the night seem darker than it was in real life.
- The moon is often up during the day. Try a daytime moon photo!
- There aren't specific best times to photograph the moon, although the setting or rising moon is easiest for most cameras. Try experimenting with different times of night and different seasons!
- Make sure you don't use IS or VR on your digital lens or camera--they can cause your camera and lens to vibrate.
[Edit]Things You'll Need - Camera, digital or otherwise
- Appropriate lens, 200mm or larger
- A shutter release cable
- A sturdy tripod
[Edit]Related wikiHows [Edit]References [Edit]Quick Summary |
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