| How to Love Unconditionally Posted: 14 Feb 2017 04:00 PM PST Love is hard to define. From poets to psychologists to everyday people, the endless effort to explain what love is and means beyond "you know it when you feel it" has led to innumerable results. Making things even trickier is the concept of unconditional love, which some say is the only true kind of love, while others call it impossible. To believe in unconditional love, and to actually love unconditionally, requires a great deal of thought, action, and faith. Only you can decide if and how you can (or should) love unconditionally, but the following article will hopefully assist you on that path. EditDefining Unconditional Love - Consider the types of love that exist. The ancient Greeks did so, and defined four variations, as identified in . Of the four, the term agape most closely equates to unconditional love. Agape love is a choice, a decision made to love regardless of circumstances or disappointments.
- Thus, unconditional love means loving another in their essence, as they are, no matter what they do or fail to to do.[1] People with children usually seem to understand this notion best of all.
- It is also learned and practiced. You must choose to love unconditionally.[2]
- Parents might counter that they had no choice but to love their children from the moment they laid eyes on them, but that initial flush of attachment is, perhaps imperceptibly, replaced by an ongoing decision to love the child regardless of circumstances.
- Realize that unconditional love is not being "blinded" by love. A person who has newly fallen in love with another is often in this state, where they don't see the other person's full reality, faults and all.[3]
- Such a state of love is (or at least should be) temporary, and needs to be replaced by a longer-term, "eyes wide open" type of love if the love is to last.
- To love someone without conditions you need to be aware of the conditions, good and bad.
- "Unconditional Love is not the case of being blinded by love but rather the resolution that nothing is more important than love." - Talidari
- Consider whether romantic love can be unconditional. Some say no, because romantic love must function conditionally, as a partnership based on feelings, actions, and expectations. In this view, you can never love your spouse in the same unconditional manner as your child.[4]
- However, love is not the same thing as a relationship. Relationships are conditional, a "working partnership." An unconditional relationship is a recipe for one-sided domination.[5]
- Thus, a relationship can end because the partnership does not function properly, and yet unconditional love toward the other person can remain. Sometimes ending a relationship can be the way to love unconditionally.
- Think of unconditional love as an action more than a feeling. We usually consider love to be a feeling, but feelings are a response to something we "get" from someone or something. Therefore, feelings are conditional.
- Unconditional love is the action, the choice to strive for the well-being of another. The feeling you derive from acting with love is your reward, the return you "get" from your own action.
- To love unconditionally is to act with love under all conditions.
- If you have to do something, or be a certain way, in order to receive love, that love is conditional. If it is given to you freely and without reservation, it is unconditional.
EditGiving Unconditional Love - Love yourself unconditionally. Unconditional love starts at home, with oneself. You know your own flaws and shortcomings better than anyone else, and better than you can ever know anyone else's. Being able to love yourself despite this unsurpassable awareness of your own faults puts you in the position to be able to offer the same to others.
- Thus, you must be able to recognize, accept, and forgive your own imperfections in order to do the same for someone else.[6] If you cannot deem yourself worthy of being loved unconditionally, you'll never truly be able to deem yourself worthy of offering it.[7]
- Make the loving choice. Always ask yourself, "What is the most loving thing I can do for this particular person in this particular moment?". Love isn't one size fits all; what might be a loving act toward one person could be harmful to another person, in that it doesn't help them get closer to becoming a truly happy human being.
- Unconditional love is a new decision you need to make in every situation, not a hard and fast rule you can apply to everyone all the time.
- For instance, if you have two friends dealing with the loss of a loved one, being the shoulder to cry on and engaging in long talks may be the loving choice for one, while granting some distance and silence may be so for the other.
- Forgive those you love. Even if someone doesn't apologize, it's inherently loving to both them and yourself to let go of your anger and resentment toward them. Keep in mind Piero Ferrucci's advice that forgiving "is not something we do, but something we are."[8]
- In religious terms, you'll hear the phrase "hate the sin, love the sinner." Loving someone unconditionally does not mean liking every action they take or choice they make; it means not letting such things interfere with your desire for the best for that person in all things.[9]
- If someone you love says something hurtful in anger, the loving choice is usually to let them know those words hurt you, but also to forgive their indiscretion. Help them to grow and yet know that they are loved.
- But don't mistake being willing to forgive for letting people walk all over you. Extricating yourself from an environment in which you are repeatedly mistreated or taken advantage of can be a loving choice for both yourself and the other person.
- Don't expect to shield someone you love from all discomfort and pain. Part of loving someone is fostering their growth as a person, and pain and discomfort are an inescapable part of growth in this life. Unconditional love means doing what you can to make the other person happy and comfortable, but also helping them grow through their inevitable experiences of discomfort.
- Don't lie to "protect" the feelings of someone you love; support them in dealing with their feelings in the face of pain.
- For example, lying about a dire financial situation to spare pain is likely to foster more pain and distrust in the long run. Instead, be honest, supportive, and eager to work together to find solutions.
- Love more by "caring" less. Wait, isn't caring what love is all about? Yes, you want to "care" for a person in the sense that you strive for their well-being and happiness. You don't want to "care" in the sense that your love is predicated on specific outcomes, which by definition is conditional.[10]
- So, not "I don't care what you decide [because your well-being is irrelevant to me];" but instead "I don't care what you decide [because I just love you regardless of your choices and actions]."
- You don't love in return for actions that make you happy; you derive happiness from the act of loving unconditionally.
- Accept yourself and those you love as is. You are far from perfect, and yet you are perfectly capable of offering love; they are likewise imperfect, but worthy of being offered love.
- Unconditional love is about acceptance—about not expecting others to make you happy through their choices and how they live. You can't control others, only yourself.
- Your brother may be notorious for his bad choices, but that should have no bearing upon your love for him. Don't love because of how someone lives, but simply because they live.
- Practice doing something for someone each day with love alone. Do it without expecting anything in return. Do it without anyone knowing it. For example, you can pray for your friends or family members who live far away. You can send email, text, or a letter to someone whom you have not been in touch with for quite a while. Give compliments to other people. You can give a smile to a stranger passing by. You can pet your dog or cat. Do small things with great love each day. And watch your heart expand to more love.
- Love means wishing others to be happy. Love is about what we give not what we get.
- You don't have to be perfect to love somebody, just be honest.
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| How to Melt Chocolate Posted: 14 Feb 2017 08:00 AM PST Chocolate is easy to melt if you use the proper technique. It is also very easy to scorch, turning it crumbly and grainy, or to ruin it with the accidental addition of water.[1] However, if you apply gentle heat and keep stirring regularly, you can melt chocolate into a smooth mixture fairly easily. - Prep time: 5 minutes
- Cook time (double-boiler): 5 minutes
- Total time: 5-10 minutes
EditMelt with a Double-Boiler - Do not add water. The chocolate will become unusable.[2] If you do happen to introduce a bit of water into the chocolate while melting, a little bit of vegetable oil will make the chocolate more usable, but it may still be grainy.
- Add the chocolate to top of a double boiler. If you don't have a double boiler, you can easily place a light, non-plastic bowl set over a pot of lightly steaming water. The steam will slowly heat the chocolate above.
- Make sure not to let the bottom of the bowl (holding the chocolate) have contact with the steaming or boiling water. Contact with the water may cause the bowl to grow too warm, burning the chocolate instead of melting it.
- The chocolate will melt faster if it is broken up into smaller pieces.
- Stirring constantly, move the chocolate around until it begins to melt. Because chocolate is very easily burned, be careful not to leave the room or stop stirring for too long.
- Continue stirring until the chocolate has fully melted. Adjust the heat on the stove if you believe the chocolate is melting too quickly. The whole process should take anywhere from 5 to 10 minutes.
- Use the chocolate for dipping, dressing, or incorporating into another recipe.
EditMelt with a Microwave - Measure out how much chocolate you want to melt. Break up the chocolate into smaller pieces with a knife if needed.
- Place the desired amount of chocolate into a microwave-safe bowl. Place the bowl into the microwave.
- Microwave on the lowest heat setting for approximately 30 to 40 seconds. Be sure to change your power setting to the lowest you can before nuking the chocolate.
- If you are using small chocolate chips, the cooking time on the initial blast will be much lower than 30 seconds. Go in intervals of 10 to 15 seconds initially to make sure that the chocolate chips won't burn.
- Stir the melted chocolate with a wooden spoon and reintroduce into the microwave for 10 to 15 seconds. Continue to microwave the chocolate on its lowest setting.
- Stir and repeat microwaving in 10 second bursts until the chocolate is fully melted.
- A less expensive chocolate might be better suited for your first try at microwaving, in case it's accidentally scorched. Burning a less expensive chocolate is a lot easier on the psyche (and the wallet) than a more expensive one.
- For the double boiler, when putting the smaller pot into the larger, make sure that the smaller pot does not touch the water in the larger pot as it'll burn the chocolate.
- If pouring the chocolate out of the pot, be careful of condensed water on the bottom of the pot dripping into your recipe. Use a tea towel to dry the bottom.
- Chocolate will be hot, make sure you have pot holders.
- If you do not have a double boiler, you can melt chocolate in a saucepan or pot (just put the chocolate in the pot and heat without water), as long as you keep the heat low and stir it constantly.
- Water may be added to chocolate as part of the melting process, provided that you add water in an amount at least 75% of the amount of the chocolate that you are melting. The problem is that the solids suspended in chocolate are a bit unstable when exposed to water so care must be taken to avoid clotting or clumping, primarily by not using a too small amount of water and also by frequently stirring the two together as they are being heated.
- Do not add milk to your chocolate, otherwise it will become grainy.
- Milk chocolate will scorch more easily than dark/plain chocolate due to the milk solids.
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| How to Enjoy Being Alone Posted: 14 Feb 2017 12:00 AM PST If you're reading this you're probably really bored and, at the moment, have no one to be with. Whether you long for a boyfriend or girlfriend, or miss your family and friends, this guide can help you cope with living alone. Keep in mind that humans are indeed social animals, but that doesn't mean that we can't be perfectly happy outside of society too. EditLearning to Love Your Solitude - Learn to embrace being alone. Solitude is a time for reflection, for thinking about things more deeply. In a world increasingly focused on speed and competitiveness, solitude is precious and something to be treasured.
- Be happy. Live a life of optimism. Happiness comes from within, regardless of your situation. Don't use being alone as an excuse for not enjoying your life; make something good from it.
- Do everything you would normally do with a partner or friend. Many times it isn't the partner or friend you are missing, but the activities and hobbies you shared. Take yourself out for a date. For example, if you would have gone out to dinner or to a movie on a date, then take yourself out to a movie or to a nice restaurant. Don't hold yourself back.
EditCreative Activities - Write. Write a story or two. This not only increases your imagination, but also keeps you happy. This highly increases your optimism. You can also write some poetry.
- Read. Time spent alone is good time to catch up on some of your reading. Not only is it fun and enjoyable, but it's also self-education and a way to round yourself as a person.
 - Consider spending some time with classics such as "Moby Dick," "A Christmas Carol," "Romeo and Juliet," "The Martian Chronicles," "Great Expectations," or "Tales of Mystery and Imagination."
- Or choose a genre to explore: Sci-Fi greats include "Stranger In a Strange Land," "Fahrenheit 451," and the "Dune" series. Horror: "Salem's Lot," "The Stand," and "Dracula." Fantasy: "Lord of the Rings," "Chronicles of Narnia," and "Harry Potter." Or just regular fiction: "East of Eden," "To Kill a Mockingbird," or "A Farewell to Arms."
- Poetry is cool, too, and nothing makes you look cooler than when someone says, "Oh my God, you actually know that by heart?" Great poetry: "Charge of the Light Brigade," "Ulysses," "She Walks In Beauty," "How Do I Love Thee," and Shakespeare's Sonnets - #29 is great!
- You also have the opportunity to check out some playwrights such as; Edward Albee, David Mamet, Neil Simon and Tennessee Williams. Each playwright incorporates an interesting view and characters whose lives are constantly being turned on their heads.
- Listen to lots of music. If you are a music fan then you can enjoy being alone by listening to music you enjoy or music that brings back memories of certain events.
- Sing. Or, if you don't like singing, try dance. It really helps as you get engaged in something and research shows that exercising or dancing releases the bad emotions in person. Plus, if you think you are not a good dancer or singer, you are wrong since you aren't doing this for anyone else, it's for yourself, so just let go!
EditLearning Opportunities - Learn something new. Learning is the most important aspect of living alone. It helps to keep the boogeyman away, and also gives you something to talk about when you do have to actually enter society. Learning is also incredibly more efficient when you don't have social responsibilities like family to take care of, or a girlfriend or boyfriend to entertain.
- Learning isn't just exclusive to books (although they are a great source of knowledge). You can learn to do anything by just practicing. Enrolling in classes is fun and also helps with the social life - you will meet new people in your classes. If you're not so much into the meeting people, the Internet is a great way to learn pretty much everything (That's what this site's for!).
- Consider learning in areas you've never ventured before. This might include:
- Indoor activities, a foreign language, painting, yoga, mathematics, science, art appreciation, a musical instrument such as piano or flute.
- Outdoor activities: Gardening, fencing, tennis, golf.
- Or a combination: Meaning, things you can do indoors and out, such as photography or drawing.
EditReflection Time - Think. Reflect on life and greater meanings; be introspective. Contemplate or ponder things.
- Above all, contemplation is one of the most important self-building things you can do. Think about what makes you you. What do you believe in? Why? Are there any things that don't seem right to you? What do you believe at face value (or accept as a matter of faith)?
- Take up reading philosophy. This is a great way to improve your thinking and reasoning skills. It will give you interesting topics that will stretch and bend your brain to help you understand your view of reality. Keep in mind that just because someone believes in something it doesn't mean you have to if you don't like it.
- Philosophers: Socrates, Plato, Nietzsche, Descartes, Aristotle, Kant, Rand, Marx
- Don't over-analyse things independent of you. It is easy to read-into experiences, feelings, thoughts, and attitudes of others and make judgements that are really founded on nothing more than your own naive perception. This can quickly become a negative activity and get you down. Realize that you don't have all the facts and that's just fine.
EditFinding Connections with Others - Get a pet. Humans need affection, without it there is a risk of becoming bitter and hating the world around you. Pets are often a source of affection and will give loads of it endlessly.
 - Pets also provide someone to talk to. No, it's not weird that you talk to your pet, it's weird if you don't. Just be cautious that your pet doesn't talk back (unless if it is one of the few types of birds that can do so). If so, seek professional help.
- If you are aloof and self-sufficient, tropical fish, hamsters, budgies or finches are great choices. If you like a little interaction, but not a lot of maintenance, try a cat. If you want to be very hands-on, spend lots of time and get lots of feedback, a dog is for you.
- Getting a pet doesn't mean getting a dog or cat right away. Often, if you are unprepared to deal with this level of responsibility, the experience will be terrible for both you and the animal. Don't be fooled into thinking a smaller animal like a rabbit or bird won't need lots of care - a rabbit needs daily human contact and several hours of time to run about a day, not to mention cleaning it out. Fully research any animal you are considering as a pet then go to your local animal shelter, there are hundreds of lovely animals there just waiting for a home! Some animal shelters will let you 'foster' a pet, which gives the animal a much needed break from the confines of the shelter and gives you the companionship you crave with-out a long-term commitment.
- Join an online community.Don't limit your online activities to just games. Join forums or chat rooms to meet new people also. Take whatever you're interested in and find other people like you.
EditKeeping busy - Exercise. Now is the time to get that body you've always wanted. Instead of just pigging out on junk food and sitting in front of the TV all night, do some push-ups or sit-ups.
- Rediscover the fun to be had in simple exercises. Riding a bike around your neighborhood becomes less work and more fun as you do it.
- Be consistent. Exercise takes willpower and diligence. Make a schedule and stick to it. Keep it easy at first and you will discover your limits. Or, join a gym and create new friends there.
- Go outside. It's a big world out there, and you're only seeing a small fraction of it. Forget the people, just enjoy what life has to offer. Once you do that, then people will want to know and be with you. Frankly, you won't have a choice but to have friends!
- Get involved. Do some charity work as it can make you feel good about yourself and gives you something to do in all your free time.
- Remember that life has it's seasons. It is constantly changing. So even if you desire to be with a significant other, it'll come when it's supposed to come. Be patient to let your life take it's own course, for everyone's path and story is different and the present isn't always going to be the future.
- Go out for a walk and get some fresh air- morning sun will boost your energy, at night, air will loosen any stress.
- Don't let others (especially married friends and colleagues)influence or pressure you into feeling somehow guilty or inadequate about your single/live-alone status. The single life isn't for everybody, obviously, but neither is marriage or cohabiting couple arrangements. So to each his/her own. Revel in your independence, and the choices you've made regarding your life and living alone.
- Being single and living alone shouldn't mean that you have sloppy routines, neglect your health, or be disorganized and messy around the house. Make the effort to stay fit, eat regular meals, and keep the house and belongings tidy. It does feel better to be self-sufficient and organised.
- Be careful before falling in love; being single can be more fun than having a whiny boyfriend or girlfriend. So be careful how you choose; it could cost you your sanity and free life
- Just think that being alone is temporary, you will always meet new people
- It's important not to forget others in your life - keep in touch with other people and continue to expand your social network. For extroverts, enjoying being alone may come as more of a challenge.
- On-line communities, and especially on-line games such as World of Warcraft can become very addictive to some people. Learn to balance your new interest with other things that are both important and enjoyable in your life. If you find that participating in such a community or game is becoming addictive, stop immediately and re-evaluate your situation.
- If you're bored, you may be boring. You may have nothing to talk about at parties or gatherings, or may feel ill at ease contributing to other social situations, and therefore find yourself alone a lot. By making yourself more interesting, you'll also find more things to interest you. Be careful about making a change that doesn't fit your personality. Being honest with yourself and true to your own individuality is more important.
- An excess of philosophical thinking may lead to depression; but this is not always the case. Don't believe me? Look at what Aristotle accomplished.
- Be careful when talking to strangers on the Internet. You hear it all the time, but when you are sad, lonely, depressed or bored, you are more vulnerable and more likely to go along with someone else's ideas. Talking is fine, but leave it at that.
- Be careful about getting addicted to being alone as in the end happiness is real only when shared
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