| How to Deal with a Narcissistic Friend Posted: 26 Jun 2019 05:00 PM PDT Dealing with a friend who's a narcissist can be a difficult, frustrating situation. There are two types of narcissists, those who are masking insecurities and those who truly believe they are better than others.[1] You can identify a narcissistic friend by watching their behavior and listening to what they say. Then, use different techniques to address their behavior to minimize conflicts. However, you also need to take care of your own needs, which might mean ending the friendship. EditIdentifying a Narcissistic Friend - Notice if the conversation always seems to turn back to them. Narcissists only care about themselves, so they can make any conversation about them. You might try discussing your own situation or bringing up social issues or current events. However, the focus will always turn back to them. For instance, you might notice the following:[2]
- All of their problems are harder than yours.
- They've faced the same problems as you, but they handled them much better.
- Their experiences are more exciting or upsetting than yours.
- No matter what you do, they've always done something better.
- They have a personal connection to every important event that happens.
- Recognize if they always seem to take, but are never willing to give. Narcissistic people see every relationship as one-sided, with them playing the starring role. That means your friendship will involve you giving them what they need or want. However, they will be unwilling to reciprocate and may even back away when you expect them to be there for you.[3]
- For instance, they may expect you to always be available when they want to make plans but may be unwilling to work around your schedule. Similarly, they may want to talk when they're dealing with an issue but refuse to listen to your problems.
- Observe if your friend often seems to manipulate others. Think about the experiences you've had with your friend, then ask yourself questions about their behavior. For instance, does your friend always seem to get what they want? Have you caught them in a lie? Do you feel guilted into doing things for them? If you answer "yes" to these questions, then your friend may be a narcissist.[4]
- As an example, a narcissist may try to make you feel bad for them in order to get things from you. Similarly, they might do something nice for you so that you "owe" them, but then make really big demands of you.
- Consider if your friend seems to lack empathy and remorse. Although narcissists are not all sociopaths, they may struggle to have empathy and remorse because they're often selfish and think their needs are most important. That means your friend may care more about their own emotions than yours or anyone else's, and they may not notice when they're being hurtful. When they make a mistake, they likely won't express remorse because they'll blame someone else.[5]
- Let's say it's your birthday and you're having a special get-together with your friends. A narcissistic friend may have no problem making other plans, even though your feelings get hurt. If you confront them about this issue, they may blame you for picking a bad time or a restaurant they don't like, or they might blame an external factor like the weather.
- Notice if your friend projects their bad qualities onto others. In most cases, a narcissist will deny they have any bad traits. Instead, they'll accuse other people of having those traits. This allows them to feel like they're the good person, while everyone else is the problem.[6]
- For instance, your friend may accuse you of being the real attention hog, or they may accuse you of being controlling even though they're controlling you.
- Recognize that your narcissistic friend may be afraid of rejection. Sometimes the grandiose, self-centered bravado of a narcissist is covering up a low self-esteem. These types of narcissists are called "vulnerable" because they are masking insecurities. That means your friend may lash out if they feel like you're questioning them or rejecting them.[7]
- You may notice that your friend feels attacked really easily or gets upset over the smallest issues. For instance, they may get really upset when you and another friend do something without them, even if they weren't available to go. That's because they fear that you two will reject them.
EditAddressing Their Behavior - Flatter them for a quick fix for problem behavior. Although it's not a long-term solution, complimenting and praising your narcissistic friend can quickly get them on your side. You can use this technique to prevent your friend from ruining an event or making something all about them. However, using it too often may get them used to it.[8]
- It might be hard to give your friend compliments when they don't deserve them, so don't do it if it makes you uncomfortable. You may save this technique for times when you honestly have something nice to say about them.
- This works because narcissists like to think highly of themselves and want you to recognize how great they are.
- Laugh off their behavior if you don't think it will hurt their feelings. At times, your narcissistic friend might tell outlandish stories or act unreasonably, which can be frustrating. When this happens, pretending their antics are a joke can make them stop temporarily. They want you to be impressed with them, so they will likely back off if they realize you aren't buying their story.[9]
- Don't try this if you think your friend might get hurt by your laughter. This works best if your friend really thinks they're better than everyone else.
- For instance, say, "Haha, that would be hilarious," or "You're so funny."
- Get them on board with plans by making them feel important. You shouldn't have to go out of your way to make your friend feel good, but doing so might make it easier to get them to do want you want. In addition to making them feel important, you might let them think an activity was their idea or that they're somehow benefiting from it. Do your best to frame things in a way that makes them feel like they're getting something out of the situation, and you should be able to have a pleasant time.[10]
- For instance, let's say your friend group is going out to dinner to celebrate a friend's accomplishment. You might let your narcissistic friend pick the restaurant or may celebrate several accomplishments at once, including something they did.
- Similarly, you might be doing a group activity, such as karaoke. To keep your friend from derailing the fun night, you might heap on praise or tell them the only reason you wanted to go to karaoke is that they're so good.
- Ignore them if they are being unreasonable. While you likely care about your friend, you aren't responsible for their needs. You deserve to have your own boundaries, so don't be afraid to ignore your friend when they're being inappropriate. Don't allow them to yell at you, guilt you, or blame you for things they do. Get away from them when you need to do so.[11]
- Give yourself time to calm down before you try to deal with them again.
- If you're stuck with them, you can still ignore them. Put on some earbuds to block them out, pretend to take a nap, or ask another friend to be a buffer.
- Recognize and avoid situations that bring out their narcissistic behaviors. Your friend may display their narcissistic habits more when their ego is threatened. For instance, your single narcissistic friend may act rude during events where couples are present, while your know-it-all narcissistic friend might get insecure when people are more educated than they are. Plan activities that you know don't trigger thier insecurities.[12]
- Sometimes it may be best to avoid inviting them to events you know will just upset them.
- Talk to them about the specific behaviors you want them to stop. If you want your friend to change for the long-term, you need to tell them what's bothering you. Be direct about what needs to change, and what you'd rather they do instead. Let them know that you value them as a friend, but you aren't going to accept mistreatment.[13]
- Plan out what you're going to say in advance so it's easier. Since they're likely going to get defensive as part of their narcissism, it helps to be prepared.
- Say, "I feel like you don't care about me when you interrupt me," or "It bothers me that you only want to hang out on your terms."
- Don't give up what you enjoy doing because you're worried about how this friend will act. If you want to do something that you know will likely set them off, don't invite them to go. You deserve to enjoy the things that make you happy.
EditGetting Your Needs Met - Stop trying to please them. A narcissist may try to make you feel like you're inadequate, which makes you work hard for their approval. However, they're never going to give it to you. In their mind, you're there for your needs, and they're always going to be "better" than you. They'll always cut you down to make themselves feel better.[14]
- Instead of worrying about what your friend thinks, do what pleases you. Be the kind of person that you look up to and respect.
- Avoid telling them things they can use to hurt you. A narcissist may hurt your feelings to make themselves feel better, so telling them about your insecurities is the same as handing them live ammo. This isn't the friend you want to spill your guts to, so keep your lips sealed.[15]
- Don't tell them about your fears, worries, faults, or embarrassing stories. They may tell others to humiliate you, or they might throw them back in your face when it suits them.
- Stay on track with your own goals rather than letting them distract you. Spending time with a narcissist can tear down your self-esteem or may make you feel like what you want is not important. Don't let your friend make you feel bad about what you want or change your goals based on their opinions. They aren't looking out for what's best for you, no matter what they say.[16]
- Your choices should reflect your wants and values. Don't worry about what your friend thinks.
- When you need advice, talk to friends or family members who care about you and what you want.
- See a therapist if you're struggling to set boundaries. You need to speak up for your needs, but that can be hard. Fortunately, a therapist can help you learn how to set healthy boundaries and maintain them. That way, you can stand up for yourself when your narcissistic friend is mistreating you.[17]
- Look for a therapist online or ask your doctor for a referral.
- Your insurance may cover your therapy sessions, so check your coverage.
- Spend less time with them, if necessary. It's hard to give up a friend, but you don't deserve to spend time with someone who makes you feel bad. If they continuously make you feel bad, take a break from your friendship. During that time, re-evaluate why you want to stay friends with them.[18]
- Follow your gut. If you think you need a break from them, go ahead and take it.
- Consider ending the friendship if your relationship is toxic. Unfortunately, relationships with narcissists are often toxic, and you deserve better. If your friend is constantly tearing you down, controlling you, or manipulating you, then it may be best to cut them out of your life. Tell them you don't want to be friends anymore, using "I" statements. Then, block their phone number and social media accounts.[19]
- Say, "Lately I don't feel like you're respecting my decisions, so I think it's best we don't stay friends."
- Take your time when you get to know someone, which will help you recognize a narcissist before they're too close to you.
- Keep in mind that your narcissistic friend may not realize they're doing things that are hurting you.
EditReferences
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| How to Grind Flax Seed Posted: 26 Jun 2019 09:00 AM PDT Flaxseed is a nutritious seed rich in omega-3 fatty acids, fiber, and antioxidants. To properly absorbs the nutrients from flaxseed, it must be ground up before consuming. You can either grind flaxseed by hand or using an electronic machine, which is easier. No matter which option you choose, you'll have freshly-ground flaxseed within minutes! EditGrinding by Hand - Grind your flaxseed with a flax mill for the easiest, quickest option. A flax mill is a specific appliance similar to a coffee grinder used to grind flaxseed. Take off the lid and pour your seeds into the top with the wide opening. Hold the flax mill over a bowl or plate. Then, simply twist the top clockwise to grind the seeds. You can grind 1 tablespoon (14.8 g) in less than 30 seconds.[1]
- In addition, you can use a mill to easily top a smoothie or salad with ground flaxseed.
- If you do not use flaxseed regularly, it may not be cost-effective to invest in this device.
- Use a spice grinder or pepper mill for an inexpensive option. Remove the top of the spice grinder and pour in about 1-2 tablespoons (14.8-30 g) of flaxseed. Replace the lid and crank the handle for 1-5 minutes until the flaxseed is ground to the desired size.[2]
- The ground flaxseed falls neatly out of the bottom, so hold the grinder over your meal or a storage container.
- This method can be time-consuming, If your hand or wrist gets tired, take a break for 30-60 seconds.
- Try using a mortar and pestle to finely grind your flaxseed. With this method, you can grind 1 tablespoon (14.8 g) to 1 cup (236.6 g) at a time. Pour the flaxseed into the mortar, which is the bowl-shaped object. Then, swirl the pestle (the hand-held grinding tool) around the mortar to mash up the seeds. Press down on the pestle repeatedly to grind them. Do this consistently for 3-5 minutes until you reach the desired consistency.[3]
- Mortar and pestles are commonly made out of marble and stone. The weight of the stone works great to grind seeds.
EditUsing an Electronic Machine - Try a coffee grinder for a quick and effective method. Measure 1 cup (236.6 g) or less of seeds at a time, and pour the seeds into the grinder. Use the finest grinding setting to grind your flaxseed for 10-15 seconds. This is an easy way to add nutrients to your meals.[4]
- When you are finished, clean your coffee grinder.
- Do not fill your coffee grinder past the maximum fill line. If you do, you can damage the grinder when you use it.
- Use a food processor if you don't need your seeds finely ground up. A food processor can easily grind 1-3 cups (236.6-709.8 g) of flaxseed at a time. Pour your seeds into the food processor, pick the finest grinding setting, and grind your seeds for 5-15 minutes until they are the desired size. As you grind, periodically take off the lid and stir up your flaxseed with a spoon to make them easier to grind it up.[5]
- While this works well, it takes significantly longer to grind your flaxseed than other methods.
- Choose a blender to grind your flaxseed for an easy household solution. Pour about 1 cup (236.6 g) of flaxseed into your blender. You can either use a measuring cup or eyeball this amount. Secure the lid on top, and select the finest grinding setting on your blender. Grind the flaxseed for 3-10 minutes until it is ground to your liking.[6]
- After your flaxseed is ground up, you can pour it into a bowl or jar so it is easy to use.
EditStoring Flaxseed - Store whole flaxseed at room temperature for up to 1 year. For the cheapest option, purchase whole flaxseed in the bulk section of health and specialty grocery stores. You can keep it at room temperature for up to 1 year, and grind small amounts as you need them.[7]
- For maximum freshness, replace your flaxseed every 2-3 months.
- Transfer your ground flaxseed to an airtight container. After you grind up your flaxseed, put it into a glass Mason jar or a plastic Tupperware container. Secure the lid to ensure air doesn't spoil the seeds.[8]
- Keep ground flaxseed in the fridge for up to 7 days. Ground flaxseed is best used immediately to maximize nutrient absorption. However, you can store ground flaxseed in the fridge for several days.[9]
- If your ground flaxseed tastes bitter, it is bad and you should throw it away. It typically tastes earthy and nutty.
- To absorb as much of the nutrients as possible, grind the flaxseeds right before you use them.
- Use golden or brown flaxseed interchangeably when cooking or baking. They both taste the same.
- If you don't eat eggs, you can substitute ground flaxseed mixed with water as eggs in many recipes.
- You can purchase ground flaxseed at the grocery store, but grinding it yourself is much less expensive.
- Flaxseed is often added to cereal and smoothies for an extra boost of nutrients.
- If you consume flaxseed without grinding it, you are essentially wasting its nutrients.
EditRelated wikiHows EditReferences EditQuick Summary
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| How to Sew on a Shirt Button Posted: 26 Jun 2019 01:00 AM PDT Losing a button on a shirt is frustrating, and it can even make the shirt unwearable. Fortunately, you can replace a button in a matter of minutes! Sew a button onto a shirt using a needle and thread for an easy hand-sewing option, or get out your sewing machine for an ultra-quick way to attach a button. EditSewing a Button By Hand - Thread the needle with a durable matching thread. Cut a piece of general, all-purpose thread that is about long.[1] Insert the end of the thread through the eye of the needle until the ends are even. Then, tie a knot in the ends of the thread.[2]
- Make sure that your needle will fit easily through the buttonholes in your button. Some needles have larger eyes to make it easier to thread them, but this can also interfere with sewing through small spaces.
- Position the button on the shirt where you want to sew it on. Check to see if there are any holes left over from the old button, and if so, use these as guidelines. If not, position the button so that it will line up with the buttonhole and any other buttons on the shirt. Hold the button in place with your fingers.[3]
- You may also use a fabric marker or chalk to mark the position where you want to sew on the button, or use a pin to hold the button in place.
- Insert the needle through the back of the shirt and button. Bring the needle all the way through the shirt fabric and buttonhole. Pull until the thread is taut and the knot is right up against the back of the shirt fabric.[4]
- If you have inserted a pin to hold the button in place, you can remove it now.
- If the back of the needle feels sharp as you push it through the fabric, put a thimble on your thumb to protect it.[5]
- Sew over a pin and back down through the opposite hole. Lay a pin across the top of the button. Then, bring the needle and thread across the pin and down through the opposite hole. Pull the thread taut so that it is holding the pin in place.[6]
- Sewing across the pin will provide slack in the thread, which will allow the button to move slightly and make it easier to fasten.
- Repeat the stitch to secure the button. Go back through the same 2 buttonholes to secure a 2-hole button. For a 4-hole button, come back up through a different hole and stitch back down through that hole's opposite. Then, return to the first buttonhole and sew through that one's opposite again.[7]
- Repeat the stitch 7 more times to secure your button.
- Cut the excess thread on the backside of the fabric. There is no need to tie another knot in the back of the shirt. Stitching through the buttonholes so many times is enough to hold the button in place. Cut the thread about from the shirt fabric when you are finished sewing.[8]
EditSecuring a Button with a Sewing Machine - Remove the presser foot and lower the feed dogs. The feed dogs are the gears under the needle on your sewing machine that pull the fabric through as you sew. Unscrew or unlatch the presser foot to release it and set it aside. Then, locate the feed dog switch on your sewing machine and flip or turn it to lower them. This will prevent the fabric from moving while you sew.[9]
- If your machine does not have a feed dog switch, place a piece of paper over the feed dogs. This will prevent the machine from moving the shirt fabric as you sew, and then you can simply tear it away when you are finished.
- If you have a button presser foot, then install it now. This will help to hold the button in place while you sew. However, a button presser foot is not necessary for using this technique.[10]
- Position the shirt and button under the needle. Place the shirt under the needle and position the button on the shirt where you want to attach it. Ensure that the button is aligned with any other buttons on the shirt and that it will connect with the adjacent buttonhole.[11]
- You may want to mark the shirt to indicate the position, especially if you need to sew on multiple buttons. Use a fabric marker or disappearing ink to avoid staining your shirt.[12]
- Select the zigzag stitch setting with a 3.0 length and 0.2 width. You may need to adjust the length, but 3.0 is a good place to start for sewing through buttonholes. Setting the width to its lowest level will ensure that your machine will not sew forward, only back and forth through the buttonholes.[13]
- Even if you are using a button foot, you will still need to use the zigzag setting on your machine to sew it into place.
- Turn the manual wheel to check the positioning. Lower the presser foot and then reposition the button and fabric as needed. Make sure that 1 buttonhole is positioned under the needle. Turn the manual wheel (located on the side of the machine) with your hand 2 times to see if the needle will go through the hole and the one next to it.[14]
- If the needle does not go down into both holes, adjust the stitch length by 0.2. Make the stitch length shorter if the needle comes down outside of the hole and longer if the needle comes down next to the hole on the inside of the button.
- Apply gentle pressure to the pedal to sew the button in place. Go very slowly until you are sure that the button is positioned properly. Once you are certain that the needle will go down through both holes without hitting the button, hold down the pedal and sew through each of the holes 8 times.[15]
- Keep in mind that there is a risk of the button or needle breaking if the needle comes down on it. For a safer, slower sewing option, only use the hand crank to sew the button into place.
- Remove the shirt from the machine and cut the thread behind the button. After you have secured the button to your shirt, raise the needle and pull the shirt away from the machine. Cut the thread about from the shirt fabric.[16]
- Check to see if the there is a replacement button on the inside of the shirt. Sometimes clothing manufacturers will sew a replacement button into the inside of a shirt, usually near the bottom of the shirt and along a seam.[17]
EditThings You'll Need EditSewing a Button By Hand - Button
- Shirt
- Pin
- Needle
- Matching thread
- Scissors
EditSecuring a Button with a Sewing Machine - Button
- Shirt
- Sewing machine
- Matching thread
- Scissors
EditReferences
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