| How to Solve Relationship Problems Posted: 26 Feb 2017 04:00 PM PST Relationships may develop problems for a variety of reasons, but poor communication is often the reason why some people have a hard time solving these problems. If you are in a relationship that has hit a rough patch, then you may benefit from improving the communication between your partner and yourself. You can also learn how to deal with problems as they arise in order to move past arguments and toward solutions. After things have gotten better, there are things that you can do to ensure that your relationship continues to thrive and grow. EditImproving Communication - Schedule time to just talk. When problems start, communication often breaks down and you may notice that you and your partner do not talk as much as you used to. To start improving your communication again, try making little appointments to chat about little things.[1][2][3]
- For example, you could set aside 15 minutes per morning to sit and tell each other about your plans for the day. Or, you could give your partner a call on his or her lunch break to check in and see how your partner's day is going.
- Scheduling time to talk about relationship problems can be useful as well. By setting a time limit for discussing your problem, you may reduce some of the tension in your relationship and get closer to a solution. For example, you could decide to discuss a specific problem from 7-8pm.
- Keep these conversations as light as possible and avoid discussing anything that might upset your partner during this time. The goal is to get a rapport going again. Of course, if your partner is having a bad day or is feeling stressed about something, listen and be supportive and encouraging.
- Discuss problems in a public place. If you and your partner are prone to shouting at each other during arguments, try going to a public place to discuss problem topics. Got to a library, a coffee shop, or the mall to talk through the issue. The knowledge that you may cause a scene if you yell at each other should help you to keep your voices down and have a more civil conversation.[4]
- Work on active listening skills. Problems may also arise in relationships if a partner feels like he or she is not being heard. To eliminate this potential problem, practice active listening skills when your partner is talking to you.[5]
- Make eye contact with your partner when he or she is talking. Do not look away, look at your phone, or anywhere else when your partner is talking to you. Give your partner your full attention.
- Nod your head and indicate your interest with neutral statements, such as "yes," "I see," and "go on."
- Rephrase what your partner has just said to make sure that you have understood him or her.
- Stick to "I" statements. Making "you" statements may cause your partner to feel as though you are assigning blame. This can lead to defensiveness and even a fight. Therefore, it is important to use "I" statements to let your partner know what is bothering you.[6]
- For example, instead of saying, "You never make the bed in the morning," say, "I would really appreciate it if you could make the bed if you get up after I do."
- Express your appreciation for each other. Feeling unappreciated can cause problems in a relationship as well. That is why it is so important to remember to say things like "thank you" and "I appreciate you" as often as possible.[7]
- For example, if your partner often loads the dishwasher after dinner and tidies up the kitchen, let him or her know that you value these activities. Say something like, "I just want to say thank you for keeping our kitchen so clean and nice. I appreciate that so much."
- Think before you speak. Sometimes an argument may get heated and you may find yourself saying or wanting to say things that are meant to make your partner feel bad about him or herself rather than to solve your problems. If you feel the urge to say something hurtful to your partner, take a moment to stop and think about what the problem is and what you could say to move closer to a solution.[8]
- For example, instead of calling your partner a mean name or insulting him or her in some other way, identify what you want him or her to do.
- Allow your partner to finish speaking before you respond. Interrupting your partner before he or she has finished speaking is also a common cause of problems. If you often interrupt your partner, try to end this habit and allow your partner to finish speaking before you say anything. Doing so will help your partner to feel heard and give you a chance to learn what his or her complaint is all about.[9]
- Apologize if you are at fault. Sometimes you will need to apologize in order to move forward with your partner. Try to be honest with yourself and determine if you are at fault and if you need to apologize. If you make an apology, make sure that it is sincere, specific, and expresses what you plan to do to make things right.[10]
- For example, you might say something like, "I am sorry for not calling you to tell you that I was going to be late. I will try to be more thoughtful in the future."
EditWorking Towards a Solution - Identify the problem. The first step in solving a specific relationship problem is to figure out what the problem really is. For example, if you and your partner have been arguing a lot lately, try to pinpoint the reason why. It may be different for each of you.[11]
- For example, you may feel that your partner is not helping out around the house as much as he or she should be, and your partner may feel like you are too demanding. Take some time to think about what is bothering you and have your partner do the same.
- Express your needs. Once you have identified the problem, you will need to express how you feel to your partner. When you do so, make sure that you use "I" statements to express your feelings and avoid blaming your partner for the way that you feel.[12]
- For example, you might say, "I have been feeling overwhelmed by the housework and I could use some more help from you." Your partner might say something like, "I have been feeling overwhelmed as well because of my work schedule and I feel like you don't appreciate how hard I work."
- Acknowledge your partner's feelings. Acknowledging that you have heard your partner and that you understand how he or she feels is a good way to move forward. Avoid getting defensive because this will only lead to an argument and deepening resentment. Instead, let your partner know that you hear and understand.[13]
- For example, you might say something like, "Okay, I hear what you are saying. I did not realize that you felt that way."
- Do not get defensive even if your partner responds to you with a defensive claim, such as "You are always nagging me and you never appreciate how hard I work." Acknowledge your partner's feelings and move on.
- Make a plan with your partner. Once you have expressed yourselves and acknowledged each other's feelings, you and your partner will need to come up with a plan to cut down on the frequency of disagreements and the amount of time spent arguing. Try to reach a compromise with your partner so that both of you feel like your needs are being met.[14]
- For example, if your partner has been feeling unappreciated, then you can promise to acknowledge his or her efforts more often. You might also make it a rule that you will not ask you partner to do anything until he or she has had a chance to unwind a bit. Your partner might then promise you that he or she will be more consistent with certain household chores.
- Keep your promises. Once you and your partner have come up with a plan to resolve your issues, make sure that you keep your promises. Otherwise, you may end up in the same place as you were before.[15]
- For example, if you promised to take out the garbage every night after dinner, make sure that you do so. Otherwise, your partner may start to feel resentful and begin lapsing on his or her promises as well.
- Be prepared to repeat these steps. For relationships to work, each partner needs to work on the relationship consistently. Productive, assertive, open, trusting, and respectful communications and using problem solving skills can help in resolving relationship issues. A relationship is always a work in progress, and new challenges will arise. Work with your partner to maintain a healthy, supportive relationship.
EditMaintaining a Healthy Relationship - Start a date night. Set aside one night per week or at least once per month as a date night for you and your partner. Go out to dinner, see a movie, go for a hike or bike ride, or do whatever you like to do together. Having regular date nights will help to improve your intimacy levels and help to keep things fun as well.[16]
- Go away together for a weekend. An occasional weekend getaway is a great way to improve intimacy in a relationship. Try to set aside two weekends per year to get away from your normal routines and just spend some quality time together.[17]
- You don't need to go far to get away. Try visiting a nearby city for a couple of nights. Go out to a nice dinner, see a play, or visit some museums together.
- Hold hands, hug, and kiss. Physical contact is crucial to maintaining a positive relationship and it can also help to relieve stress. Sex is a great way to maintain a physical bond, but casual physical contact can provide benefits as well.[18]
- For example, you can hold your partner's hand while watching a movie, give your partner a kiss before you leave for work, or hug your partner before you go to bed each night.
- Give each other space. Having time apart is a good way to keep a relationship fresh and healthy. Make sure that you maintain friendships and other interests so that you do not rely too heavily on your partner. It is important to have a life of your own as well as with your partner. Set aside some time each week to indulge in your own interests and spend time with your friends.[19]
- For example, you might have a girl's or guy's night out once per week, take a class by yourself, or join a special interest group on your own.
- Try new things with your partner. To keep growing your relationship, taking up a new hobby together or doing something that is totally new for both of you is a great way to strengthen your bond. Choose something that you both want to do, but that neither one of you has tried before. [20]
- For example, you could take a gourmet cooking class together, join a local hiking club, or try to learn a new language together.
- Consider couples therapy. If you still cannot resolve your relationship problems despite your best efforts, then couples therapy may be the best option. Sometime communication can become so forced and resentment may be so intense that professional help is required. Find a therapist who specializes in couples counseling to get best possible help for you and your partner.[21]
- Try to be patient. Solving relationship problems can be a long process, especially if the problems have been going on for a while.
- Remember to be mature. Jumping to conclusions, screaming at one another, and trying to get revenge is not the way to go. This can lead to more issues in the relationship.
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| How to Circular Breathe Posted: 26 Feb 2017 08:00 AM PST In normal breathing, people usually inhale through the nose and exhale using just the lungs. For woodwind players, this process can be limiting. They can't hold notes for as long as they may need to, and they can't adapt some of the music written for other kinds of instruments. Circular breathing, a method that lets you exhale and inhale simultaneously, opens up more possibilities for these musicians. While relatively new to western music, circular breathing has been practiced in other cultures for centuries or longer, perhaps first developed by Aboriginal populations in Australia.[1] EditLearning the Method - Fill your cheeks with air, and breathe in and out through your nose. What you're doing is establishing a second a second source of air that you can use when your lungs run out.[2]
- While this may make you look like a chipmunk, the more useful analogy is to think of yourself as a human bagpipe, and your cheeks as the bellows.[3]
- Blow out the air you have been holding in your mouth. Close your jaw, but make a tiny opening in your mouth, and use your cheek muscles to push the out slowly.[4] Continue to breathe in deeply through your nose.[5] Control the motion so that it takes between three and five seconds to blow out the air in your mouth[6]
- Experts differ somewhat on this step. Some recommend keeping your cheeks puffed out the entire time, refilling them frequently with little bits of air from the lungs.[7] Others, however, suggest that it might be more natural to let your cheeks return to a normal breathing position as you let the air out of your mouth.[8]
- Experiment with both to determine which is more comfortable—and effective—for you and your instrument.
- Switch to exhaling using your lungs when the air in your mouth runs out. Since you have been breathing in through your nose the whole time, your lungs should fill up by the time the air in your mouth runs out.[9] You can change where the air is coming from by closing your soft palate.[10]
- Fill your cheeks with air again. You should do this right before your lungs run out, so you have time to fill your lungs again while you are using the air stored in your mouth.[11]
- Repeat this sequence continuously. Once you are able to turn it into a seamless process, you will never have to pause to take a breath while playing your instrument again.[12]
EditPracticing the Technique - Practice spitting. Spitting a thin stream of water can give you a good sense of the technique, in part because water is visible while air is not. Spitting while circular breathing will also more closely replicate the force you will need to produce sound on your instrument.[13]
- Fill your mouth with as much water as you can.
- Breathing in and out through your nose, spit the water into the sink in a thin, continuous stream.
- Use a straw. Pursing your lips around a straw will mimic the embouchure (mouth position) you use to play your instrument, so this is a good way to practice. Put a straw in a glass of water, and follow the steps for circular breathing while trying to blow in such a way that produces a constant stream of bubbles.[14]
- Vocalize. Circular breathing may have been first developed to play the didgeridoo, most often used to produce long, sustained notes. Teachers of this instrument suggest that vocalizing can lead to a smoother process.[15]
- Make a strong "HA" sound when switching from the air in your cheeks to the air in your lungs.
- Try your mouthpiece. Blowing through a straw can help with technique, but it won't give you any sense of how it sounds. With just your mouthpiece, you'll know if you're producing sound without having to worry too much about its resonance or quality.[16]
- If you hear any noticeable break in the sound, you are probably waiting until one source of air is fully depleted before switching to the other one. Switch from your mouth to your lungs and vice versa the second before the one you are using runs out of air.
- This exercise is also helpful because it will give you a sense of how firmly you need to hold your lips for the technique to be successful.
EditGoing to Your Instrument - Try it as soon as possible. Don't wait until you have mastered the technique in practice settings to apply it to your instrument. The only way to get better at it is to do it, so add the rest of your instrument as soon as you can make a sound using just your mouthpiece.[17]
- Work your way up. Do not start with complicated music, or with songs at all. Instead, start by holding single notes, then move on to easy, repetitive exercises. This will let you continue to perfect your technique.[18]
- Some registers will make this easier than others. You may find it easier to start with exercises that hit the higher part of your instrument's range.[19]
- Practice a little bit each day. Circular breathing can be mentally and physically tiring at first, so you might find it hard to keep it up for long. However, this doesn't mean that you should only practice once in a while. Instead, try three daily sessions of a few minutes each while you are learning the technique.[20]
- Continue to breathe into and from your diaphragm while you are circular breathing. This is something extra, not something that lets you throw out the basics of goof breathing technique.[21]
- Don't think of the technique in terms of switching from one source of air to another, which can lead to a less than seamless transition. Instead, think about it as one continuous process.
- When you first start learning the technique, don't try to go through the whole process at once. Get used to the first step, then the first and the second step, and so on.[22]
- Be prepared to devote months or even years to perfecting the technique. It took you years to become skilled at your instrument, and circular breathing is no different.[23]
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| How to Make a Triple Chocolate Cake Posted: 26 Feb 2017 12:00 AM PST If you want a decadent chocolate cake with three different flavors of both cake and frosting, this is the cake for you. With white chocolate, milk chocolate, and dark chocolate cake as well as frosting, this three-layer cake will satisfy any chocolate lover who has a passion for cake. EditIngredients EditFor the White Chocolate Cake[1] - all-purpose flour
- white sugar
- butter, softened
- 1-2 eggs
- buttermilk
- white chocolate
- baking powder
- baking soda
- salt
- hot water
EditFor the Milk Chocolate Cake[2] - + all-purpose flour
- sugar
- cocoa powder
- 1 egg
- milk
- vegetable oil
- baking powder
- baking soda
- salt
- vanilla extract
- boiling water
EditFor the Dark Chocolate Cake[3] - + all-purpose flour
- sugar
- milk
- 1 egg
- teaspoons baking powder
- baking soda
- dark cocoa powder
- salt
- vegetable oil
- vanilla extract
- – boiling water
EditFor the Frosting White Chocolate Frosting[4] - white chocolate
- all-purpose flour
- milk
- butter
- sugar
- vanilla extract
Milk Chocolate Frosting[5] - butter
- cocoa powder
- powdered sugar
- milk
- vanilla extract
Dark Chocolate Frosting[6] - butter
- dark cocoa powder
- powdered sugar
- and milk
- vanilla extract
EditMaking the White Chocolate Layer - Preheat the oven to . Grease and flour a round 9-inch cake pan.
- If you have one, try using a cake pan with a removable bottom. This can make it easier to remove the cake from the pan later.
- Sift the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt in a large bowl.
- Melt the white chocolate. Using a small saucepan, melt the white chocolate and combine it with the hot water. Mix the combination until it becomes smooth.
- Allow the white chocolate mixture to cool.
- Combine the butter and sugar. Add the butter and sugar to a large bowl and cream them together using a hand mixer.
- Crack the eggs into the butter and sugar mixture, one at a time. Mix well after adding each egg.
- Alternate between adding the flour mixture and buttermilk. Combine well.
- Add the white chocolate into the cake mixture and mix well.
- Pour the cake batter into the cake pan. Use a rubber spatula to scrape the leftover cake batter out of the bowl and into the pan.
- Bake the cake for 25 to 30 minutes.
- Allow the cake to cool for about ten minutes.
EditMaking the Milk Chocolate Layer - Preheat the oven to . Grease and flour a round 9-inch cake pan.
- If you have one, try using a cake pan with a removable bottom. This can make it easier to remove the cake from the pan later.
- Sift the dry ingredients. In a large bowl, sift together the flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and cocoa powder with a whisk.
- Add the wet ingredients. Crack in the eggs and pour in the milk, vegetable oil, and vanilla extract. Use a hand mixer to blend the ingredients together for about two minutes, or until fully mixed.
- Stir in the boiling water with a spoon. The batter will be thin at this point, which is normal.
- Pour the cake batter into the cake pan. Use a rubber spatula to scrape the leftover cake batter out of the bowl and into the pan.
- Bake the cake for 25 to 30 minutes. The time may vary. However, you can tell when the cake is done if you poke a toothpick into the center, and it comes out clean.
- Allow the cake to cool for about ten minutes.
EditMaking the Dark Chocolate Layer - Preheat the oven to . Grease and flour a round 9-inch cake pan.
- If you have one, try using a cake pan with a removable bottom. This can make it easier to remove the cake from the pan later.
- Sift the dry ingredients. In a large bowl, sift together the flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and dark cocoa powder with a whisk.
- Add the wet ingredients. Crack in the eggs and pour in the milk, vegetable oil, and vanilla extract. Use a hand mixer to blend the ingredients together for about two minutes, or until fully mixed.
- Stir in the boiling water with a spoon. The batter will be thin at this point; that's normal.
- Pour the cake batter into the cake pan. Use a rubber spatula to scrape the leftover cake batter out of the bowl and into the pan.
- Bake the cake for 25 to 30 minutes. The time may vary. However, you can tell when the cake is done if you poke a toothpick into the center, and it comes out clean.
- Allow the cake to cool for about ten minutes.
EditAssembling the Cake - Remove the cakes from their pans. Run a knife around the edges of the cake pan to make the cakes easier to remove, then place wire racks over the top of the cake pans and flip the cake pans over. Pull the pan off the cake carefully and allow the cake to fully cool.
- If you used cake pans with removable bottoms, pop the bottoms of the cake pans out and move the cakes to the wire racks to allow them to cool fully.
- Use the time that the cakes are cooling to make the frostings, as you can't frost the cake when it's still warm - the frosting will melt if you try.
- Make the white chocolate frosting. The white chocolate frosting will add a delicious, light flavor to the layer cake.
- Start to melt the white chocolate in a saucepan over medium heat. Stir it continuously to ensure that it doesn't burn.
- Add the flour and milk to the melting white chocolate. Mix it until the mixture has thickened considerably.
- Set the mixture aside to fully cool.
- Cream the butter, sugar, and vanilla in a separate bowl until the mixture is fluffy.
- Gradually mix in the white chocolate mixture, and continue to beat the mixture with a hand blender until the consistency resembles whipped cream.
- Make the milk chocolate frosting. Be aware that you'll need to make more of the milk chocolate frosting than the other frostings, in order to cover the entire cake.
- Melt the butter in a small saucepan.
- Add in the cocoa powder and mix.
- Alternate between adding the powdered sugar and milk, stirring thoroughly while adding.
- Pour in the vanilla extract and mix.
- Make the dark chocolate frosting. This frosting will give the cake an extra touch of the deep flavor of dark chocolate.
- Melt the butter in a small saucepan.
- Add in the dark cocoa powder and mix.
- Alternate between adding the powdered sugar and the milk. Mix the combination thoroughly while adding.
- Add in the vanilla extract and mix.
- Place the milk chocolate layer on a plate.
- Frost the top of the milk chocolate cake. Use either the white chocolate frosting, or the dark chocolate frosting.
- Stack the white chocolate layer on top of the frosting.
- Frost the top of the white chocolate layer. Use the flavor of frosting that you didn't use for the milk chocolate layer - for example, if you frosted the milk chocolate layer with dark chocolate frosting, frost the white chocolate layer with white chocolate frosting.
- Place the dark chocolate layer on top of the frosting.
- Frost the whole cake with milk chocolate frosting. You can use a clean palette knife to smooth out the frosting, or in a pinch, a rubber spatula.
- If you have enough frosting, try decorating the cake with the frosting, such as by piping it.
- Garnish the cake, if desired. You can try many things to garnish the cake - you can top it with fresh berries, chocolate curls or shavings, chocolate sauce, or whatever you want that would go well with your triple-chocolate cake.
- Serve. Cut the cake into slices and place them on plates. Serve the cake alongside ice cream or a dollop of whipped cream. Enjoy!
- If you want to frost the cake with white chocolate frosting or dark chocolate frosting instead of milk chocolate, you can cut the recipe for milk chocolate frosting in half and then double the recipe for the desired frosting.
- Try stacking the cake layers in different ways (for example, with the dark chocolate layer on the bottom) if you want to change up the look of the cake.
- The boiling water added to the cakes will moisten them, so you may want to avoid omitting it.
- Consider garnishing the cake with 1 cup of your favorite nuts such as walnuts or pecans.
- Be careful not to over-mix the cake batter, or the cakes may turn out to be rubbery and tough.
EditThings You'll Need - 3 9-inch round cake pans
- 3 wire racks
- Mixing bowls
- Hand mixer
- Spoons
- Measuring tools
- Rubber spatula
- Knife
- Plate
- Palette knife (optional)
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