| How to Stop Criticizing Others Posted: 04 Feb 2017 04:00 PM PST Criticism is toxic to healthy relationships. While it's okay to express frustration if someone is behaving in a way that hurts you, being overly critical can cause tension in any relationship over time.[1] First, work on changing your own behavior to catch criticism before it begins. From there, find effective ways to communicate if someone bothers you. Lastly, work on educating yourself and challenging any assumptions you have that make you an overly critical person. EditChanging Your Behavior - Think before you speak. Before you dish out criticism, pause and consider whether you really need to say anything at all. If someone did something to get on your nerves, do you really need to point it out? Sometimes, it's best to let small indiscretions go. Try taking a few deep breaths and leaving the room instead of criticizing.[2]
- It's best not to criticize someone's personality. People have very little control over personality quirks. If your friend Jane has a tendency to get caught up in her own interests, it might be best to just smile and nod while she's going on and on about a new TV show she loves. If this is just something she does, criticizing it will probably not result in the behavior changing.[3]
- Avoid criticism that goes for someone's personality over his or her actions. For example, it may be a problem that your boyfriend forgets to pay his phone bill on time each month. However, saying something like "Why are you so forgetful?" isn't terribly productive. It may be best to be quiet for now and later, when you're calm, talk about finding productive ways to better manage bill payment, such as downloading a phone app that will provide a reminder when it is time to pay the phone bill every month.[4]
- Be realistic. Critical people often have very high expectations of those around them. It's possible your tendency to criticize stems from expecting too much from those around you. If you find yourself consistently annoyed or disappointed with others, it may be a good idea to adjust your expectations.[5]
- Think about the last time you criticized someone. What lead to this criticism? Were your expectations in the situation realistic? For example, say you criticized your girlfriend for not answering your texts quickly enough when she was out with friends. You told her this made you feel uncared for and that she should have answered right away.
- Pause and examine these expectations. Can you really expect your girlfriend to be on her phone when she's socializing? Isn't your girlfriend entitled to a social life outside of your relationship? You have probably occasionally missed texts or returned them late if you were busy. In this case, maybe you could adjust your expectations. It may not be reasonable to expect a text returned immediately if you know your girlfriend is hanging out with other people.
- Depersonalize other people's actions. Oftentimes, critical people have a tendency to personalize events that occur around them.[6] This can bleed out into personalizing the actions of others. If someone gets on your nerves or makes your life difficult, you may feel the urge to criticize that person. However, remember other people have their own separate lives and struggles. If someone did something to bother you, the majority of the time their actions were not directed at you.
- For example, say you have a friend who routinely cancels plans. You may take this as an act of disrespect and feel compelled to criticize that person for not valuing your relationship. However, realistically your friend's actions are probably not personal.
- Look at the situation from an outside perspective. Is your friend very busy? Is she just generally a flaky person? Is your friend more introverted than others? A variety of factors may make a person cancel plans often. Chances are, it isn't about you personally. Criticizing may add more stress to someone whose life is already stressful.
- Separate the individual from their actions. Critical people are often guilty of filtering. This means you only focus on the negative aspects of a situation or a person, failing to see good qualities alongside negative ones.[7] This may lead to your criticizing others. If you find yourself making assumptions about a person's character, stop yourself. Try to separate a frustrating action from the person doing the action. We all behave poorly sometimes, but a single action is not a reflection of character.
- If you see someone cut in line, do you immediately think that person is rude? If so, stop for a moment and reconsider. Maybe that person is in a hurry. Maybe he has a lot on his mind, and he did not realize he cut. You can be frustrated by the action. Getting cut in line is annoying. However, try not to judge a stranger's character based on the action.[8]
- If you work on separating the person from the action, you may naturally want to criticize less. As you come to realize you cannot judge a person's character based on a single choice or decision, you will be unable to call someone out for being rude or disrespectful.
- Focus on positives. Oftentimes, being critical results from how you're choosing to see a situation. Everyone has flaws and imperfections. However, the vast majority of people have good qualities that outweigh these flaws. Try to focus on a person's positive qualities over their negative ones.
 - Having a positive attitude can change the way you react to stress. Negative emotions activate the amygdala, which is a major trigger of feelings of stress an anxiety. If you're feeling keyed up yourself, this can lead to negative interactions with others. Working on developing a positive attitude can help you stop criticizing others.[9]
- Believe everyone has some natural goodness in them. While you may be skeptical of this fact, try giving everyone the benefit of the doubt in this regard. Go out of the way to look for people doing good in the world. Focus on the person in the supermarket who told the cashier to have a nice day. Pay attention to the coworker who always smiles at you on your way to your desk.[10]
- Oftentimes, people's flaws actually stem from other, positive qualities. For example, your boyfriend may take a long time to complete basic household tasks. This could be because he's more conscientious than others. Maybe he spends an extra 20 minutes doing the dishes because he makes the effort to get them extra clean.
EditCommunicating More Effectively - Give feedback rather than criticism. As stated, some people have issues that may need addressing. A friend who's chronically late on bill payments could use some guidance. A co-worker who's consistently late for meetings may need to work on time management. However, feedback is very different from criticism. When addressing an issue, focus on suggestions you can make to help another person improve. This is more effective than simply criticizing. People tend to respond better to productive statements, offering them feedback and encouragement, over flat-out criticism.[11]
- Let's return to an earlier example. Your boyfriend always forgets to pay his phone bill on time each month. This leads to unnecessary stress and is starting to affect his credit rating. You may be inclined to say something like, "Why can't you pay more attention to bills?" or "Why don't you just remember when it's due?" This may not be helpful. Your boyfriend already knows he needs to be more conscientious but, for whatever reason, is struggling to do so.
- Instead, provide feedback rooted in praise that works towards a solution. Say something like, "I love that you're trying to be more responsible. Why don't we get you a big calendar from the Staples downtown? When you phone bill comes, you can write down when it's due." You can also offer to help in any way you can. For example, "I can remind you to write down when the bill's due each month."
- Ask for what you want directly. Inefficient communication often results in heavy criticism. If you're not telling someone what you want, that person cannot be expected to know. Make sure to ask for what you want in a direct, respectful manner. This will eliminate the need for criticism down the road.[12]
- Say your boyfriend always forgets to wash utensils after using them. Instead of letting your anger over this pile up, which could result in your criticizing later, address the problem right away.[13]
- Be respectful when addressing the problem. Do not say, "Stop putting dirty forks in the sink. It drives me crazy. Just wash them." Instead, try something like, "Can you please work on washing your forks after you use them? I notice our utensils pile up a lot."[14]
- Use "I"-statements. Difficult situations do arise in any relationship. If someone hurt your feelings or upset you, this needs to be addressed. Instead of criticizing, express the problem using "I"-statements. "I"-statements are sentences structured in a way to emphasize your personal feelings over external judgement or blame.
- An "I"-statement has three parts. It begins with "I feel," after which you immediately state your feeling. Then you explain the actions that lead to that feeling. Finally, you explain why you feel the way you do.
- For example, say you're upset because your boyfriend has been spending the majority of his weekends with his friends. Do not say, "It's very hurtful that you spend all your time with your friends and don't invite me. I'm left out all the time."
- Rephrase the above sentiment using an "I"-statement. Say something like, "I feel left out when you go out with your friends and don't invite me because I feel like you don't spend any downtime with me."
- Consider the other party's perspective. Judgment and criticism go hand-in-hand. If you criticize others too often, you may be shutting out the other person's point of view. Try to step in another's person's shoes before criticizing. Genuinely try to see things from that person's perspective.
 - Think about the criticism you're about to say. How would you feel to be on the receiving end of that criticism? Even if what you're saying has some truth, are you phrasing it in a way that will go over well? For example, if your boyfriend is consistently late, you may be inclined to say, "You're being incredibly disrespectful to me by always showing up late." Chances are, your boyfriend is not trying to disrespect you and he may feel attacked by criticism phrased in this way. How would you feel to have someone lash out at you like this?[15]
- Also, try to consider outside factors that affect behavior. Say your best friend has been less social lately. She may not be returning your texts quickly or at all. Is there anything going on in her life that affects her behavior? For example, maybe you know she's stressed at work or school. Maybe she just went through a difficult breakup. This could be affecting her ability or her desire to socialize. Try to understand this and not jump to judgment.
- Look for a mutually beneficial solution to problems. Finally, a good way to cut back on criticism is to look for a solution to issues you're having with others. Criticism should, ideally, be working towards an effective solution to a negative situation. Simply being critical in and of itself is not helpful.[16]
- Tell someone what you want him or her to change. Let's return to the boyfriend example. Maybe you want your boyfriend to keep better track of time. Tell him ways he can get ready to go faster. Let him know what timeframes you're comfortable with. For example, maybe you strongly prefer to arrive at events slightly early. Let him know this so he makes an effort to be ready to go a little earlier.
- You should also be willing to compromise. For example, getting to a party 30 minutes before it starts may be a bit much. Maybe you can agree to arrive 10 to 15 minutes early from now on instead.
EditMoving Forward - Challenge your assumptions about others. We make assumptions about other people all the time. Making too many assumptions too frequently can result in being overly critical. As you go through your day, challenge yourself when you find yourself being critical.
- Maybe you assume someone who dresses well or wears a lot of make-up is materialistic. That person could actually be insecure. Dressing in a certain way might make that person feel better. Maybe you see someone who didn't graduate high school as lazy or unmotivated. However, that person could have had extenuating circumstances at home that disrupted his or her studies.[17]
- Remember, everyone makes mistakes. When you see someone slipping up, remember a time when you did not behave or act your best. For example, if you're judging someone for cutting you off in an intersection, remind yourself of your own past driving mistakes.[18]
- Work on yourself. Is there an issue in your own life that you're taking out on those around you? If you're unhappy with your job, relationship, social life, or other aspects of yourself, try to address these issues. The stress of a negative attitude can affect your overall health and well-being, leading you to unable to handle stress.[19] This can lead to poor social interactions. If you take steps to be a more positive person, you may be better at interacting with others. You'll be able to cope with conflict in a more effective manner.
- Educate yourself. Many people have hidden disabilities. Before you judge or criticize a person, stop and consider the possibility that person is dealing with an issue you cannot see easily.
- The co-worker who seems rude because she does not make small talk may have social anxiety issues. Your friend who constantly talks about cats may be on the autism spectrum. The student in your algebra class who continually asks the same questions may have a learning disability.
- Spend some time browsing informational websites that discuss hidden disabilities. Before you make an assumption about someone's character, remind yourself many people struggle with ailments others cannot see.[20]
- Seek therapy, if necessary. If you find your criticism stems from your own unhappiness, therapy may be necessary. Conditions like depression, for example, can cause you to have angry outbursts directed at others.[21] Therapy can help you better manage your emotions and be less critical.
- If you feel you need therapy, you can ask for a referral from your regular doctor. You can also find a list of providers through your insurance.
- If you are a college student, you may be entitled to free counseling through your university.
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| How to Develop Your Reading Habit Posted: 04 Feb 2017 08:00 AM PST Reading is not just an important professional skill. It is also a way to enjoy informative, creative, and inspiring works of literature that enrich our life experiences. Like any skill worth mastering, a reading habit requires time and dedication to develop. It is, however, a lifelong source of enjoyment and entertainment and an affordable hobby for anyone who wants to pick up a book. EditDeveloping a Reading Habit - Improve your reading skills. In order to build your reading habit and enjoy your reading to the fullest, begin practicing good reading skills. For example:
 - Read for content. When you read, read for the main idea of each paragraph, along with its supporting reasons. When building up lapsed reading skills, it can be helpful to read with a pencil in hand to take notes or underline the key idea of each paragraph.
- Look up unfamiliar words. Merriam Webster online is a wonderful and thorough resource for defining unfamiliar words. Simply underline or make a list of unfamiliar words. When you reach a good stopping point, return to each word and look it up, re-reading the sentence it appeared in. This helps contextualize the word and its usage in case there are multiple meanings.[1]
- Learn to appreciate context. When encountering unfamiliar words or ideas, often the literary, historical, or social context of the text can offer clues as to what the character or writer is talking about. This may require a small amount of outside research to become informed on the different levels of context presented by a text.[2]
- Become familiar with literary devices. Particularly if you are a fan of novels and short stories, becoming familiar with common literary tactics is an important part being a better reader. Understanding common tools like metaphor, hyperbole, parallel structure, personification, and alliteration can enrich the reading experience significantly.[3][4]
- Don't rush. Reading for learning and enjoyment is never a sprint. Instead, take your time, nurture your skills and their development at your own pace. Do not get discouraged if you are a slow reader, especially at first. Each day, as you read, your mind will take the reading tactics it learned before and apply them again, often with greater efficiency.[5]
- Keep reading materials handy. A basketball player can't practice if she doesn't have her ball and sneakers ready. Reading is the same as any other skills. Below are some suggested ways of always having fresh reading material nearby:
- Get subscriptions: Trade or special interest magazines are a good way of keeping current reading material nearby. There are also literary magazines like Harper's or The New Yorker for fiction and creative writing.
- Go to the library: Even the smallest town has a library full of books, free to check out. If you haven't already, get your library card and see what your own local libraries have to offer.
- Consider an e-Reader. Barnes and Noble, as well as Amazon, have e-Readers and a substantial selection of digital books for sale or loan. Libraries often offer free e-book loans, too.
- Look online. Websites through university libraries often offer the full-texts of pre-copyright literary works online. For example, "Project Gutenberg," currently hosted by Ibiblio through the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, currently contains nearly 50,000 essays, novels, novellas, and short stories and adds an average of 50 new novels a week.[6]
- Find ways to connect reading to your everyday life. It is easier to grow your reading skills if you make reading a part of your daily schedule. Below are a few ways this can be accomplished.
 - Join a book club. These usually meet weekly or bi-monthly and are a good way of motivating you to read and also meeting people who are also committed to good reading habits. Book clubs also give you to ability to talk about what you read and the benefit of talking to multiple intelligent and interested readers.[7]
- Download a news aggregator. There are several free services like Feedly or Digg that will let you follow online blogs, newspapers, and magazines through a browser-based platform that also organizes what you read into folders and sorts based on "read" vs. "unread" items.[8]
- Find a time and place to read. Do you have a favorite table in a coffee shop, or a quiet corner of your own home where you like to curl up and relax? Find a place that is conducive to your own reading habit. Set aside regular time to enjoy your spot and always bring along your current reading.
- Set daily or weekly goals. There is no prescribed speed at which to finish a book of magazine; however, if you are an ambitious reader, and have a list of reading your are itching to tackle, setting reasonable reading goals is a good way of satisfying your ambitions. For example, set a goal that you will read for an hour a day, or that you will read one chapter of your current book, or 10 pages of your current magazine.
EditDeciding What to Read - Consider your hobbies and personal interests. Reading can be more interesting and satisfying when we read about topics that we care about.
- Seek out blogs, books, and magazines that pertain to your own hobbies and interests in order to incentivize reading and maximize enjoyment.
- Get recommendations from friends. Word of mouth is often a useful tool to direct our reading choices.
- Talk to friends or find readers online with common interests. Find out what books they've enjoyed.
- Goodreads.com is a good resource for getting book recommendations with thoughtful descriptions.[9]
- Visit your local bookstore, if you have one. Most bookstore employees love reading and will be happy to recommend their favorites. If you have an independent or used bookstore, that's even better.
- Read the classics. Part of being a good reader is knowing what good writing looks like. Experience for yourself the books that have shaped Western history, while also considering: [10]
- How to expand that search and look for books that are classics in other parts of the world as well.
- Discover how each generation of writer claims, owns, and reinterprets the crucial facts of history for their own generation.
- See what critics say. They say everyone is a critic and that taste is relative; however, trends develop because certain instances of culture become resonant or relevant for many people at once. Some of the benefits of reading book reviews are:[11][12]
- Developing a new set of reading skills. Reading criticism is a different sort of animal from reading fiction or non-fiction. Grow your skills in learning to understand the purpose and usefulness of literary criticism.
- Getting info about a book without having to buy it. Reviews are a good way to anticipate and reject prospective book purchases. They are also a good way of learning how to articulate your own tastes as a reader.
- Starting an informed conversation. Perhaps you and your book club have just read a book that got a mediocre review in the New York Times. Bring the review in and mention the key points the critic mentions. See what the others think. Develop your own opinion about the book.
- Create a reading list. It's important to keep track of the books, magazines, and blogs that incite our interest so that, when our current book is done, we know what to move on to. Goodreads.com is a good place to keep track of this; however, even a page in a personal journal is a good spot to keep track of what we hope to read in the future.
EditMaking Reading a Life-Long Commitment - Volunteer as a reader. Schools, nursing homes, correctional facilities, and even shelters for the homeless all appreciate the services of volunteer readers. Acting as a volunteer reader is an important service because:
 - Not every child gets the parental time at home required to build good reading habits. In single parent homes with multiple children, it can be difficult for a parent to give individualized reading assistance to a child who is struggling. Acting as a volunteer means that you can shape a child's educational future and professional prospects.[13]
- Not every adult can read. For a variety of different reasons, there are people who reach adulthood without training in literacy, which curtails job prospects and the ability to live independently. As a volunteer reader for adults, you can have a positive impact on the life and self-esteem of persons in need.[14]
- You can enable life-long learning. For elderly persons with vision problems, reading may no longer be an option. Especially if they enjoyed reading earlier in life, having someone come and read to them is not only a learning experience. It can offer companionship, friendship, and a mutual exchange of education.[15]
- Some communities may also have a volunteer program where you can record textbooks and other written material for people who are blind or dyslexic to listen to.[16]
- Start or participate in a book swap program. Look online, through resources like paperbackswap.com, or locate a used bookstore in your area that participates in a book swap.[17]
- Especially if you like reading pop fiction, romance novels, or sci-fi, book swaps are a useful and inexpensive way to keep your bookshelf full.
- Go to book festivals. Want to learn about new authors and meet authors you already know? Book festivals are a great opportunity for both. They also provide other benefits, including:
- Books for sale. Publishers and book vendors come out to book festivals and often offer sales on books by the authors appearing at the festival.
- Get a book signed. Especially if an author has just been published, they are often asked to appear at book festivals to promote their work. Book signings will let you enjoy literacy and create an heirloom at the same time.
- Enjoy being read to. Festivals often have guest authors read passages from their more recent works or will host public readings to incite interest in or memorialize talented authors.
- Keep a reading blog. A reading blog is a good way to remember books you enjoyed, criticism books you didn't, and keep track of what you've already read. Additionally, a reading blog can:
- Help you meet people. Make your entries public and let random people from across the internet enjoy and even comment on your thoughts.
- Practice writing. Reading and writing are two halves of the same coin. Being able to write well, and even emulate writing styles you enjoy, is a good exercise. It also requires becoming your own editor, reading back over what you've written to ensure quality and precision
- Learn to read in other languages. If you enjoy reading in your own language, choose a new language to learn. You can start reading in another language by:
- Getting a dictionary in the selected language. Check one out from the library or purchase a copy from a bookstore.
- Beginning with children's books. Books for young school-aged children are composed of simple, straight-forward passages and have basic vocabulary pertaining to common, easily translatable life-events. Learning to read at this basic level can prepare you to tackle more advanced readings.[18]
- Picking up a poetry translation. Pick a well-known poet in the language you've chosen to learn and find a version of their book that includes versions in their native language alongside a version in your native language. Read slowly and carefully, comparing the translation to the original version. See how certain concepts have been translated along with the language used to describe them. This is an effective way of understanding not just a new language, but a new culture as well. [19]
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| How to Make an Origami Heart Posted: 04 Feb 2017 12:00 AM PST Origami is the enjoyable art of paper folding. A heart shape is a fairly simple yet effective shape to fold, and the result can be used as a Valentine's Day gift or decoration, a romantic token or to decorate anything you're making in paper craft. EditCreating a Pyramid Shape - Get a letter-size (or A4) piece of paper. You can also use a square 6" x 6" (15 cm x 15 cm) piece of origami paper. Thinner paper is preferable as thicker paper is harder to work with and doesn't always stay folded.[1]
- Avoid using small pieces of paper on your first try, as the folds will be more difficult to make and this may be frustrating. If you'd like to make a larger sized heart, use a larger piece of paper.
- If you decide to draw a design, split it in half; it will end up in the center of the heart. A decoration can be added when the heart is finished as well.
- Turn the paper to the side that is white. Then, fold the top right corner downwards so that it meets the left side of the paper. Unfold it, and do the same thing to the opposite corner; do not unfold.
- If you are using A4 paper as opposed to origami paper (which has a white side), don't worry about turning the paper to the side that is white.
- Fold the bottom part of the paper in half. Do this so that the white (or inside part of the paper) doesn't show anymore.
- Make sharp folds by sliding your nail over each fold. Neat, sharp folds will make your final product look better.
- Unfold the top part of the paper. You should now have two diagonal creases on the paper.[2]
- Make a horizontal fold. Fold the top part down horizontally, so that the fold crosses the intersection in the middle of the paper. Then, unfold it.
- Turn the paper over again. Take the left and right sides of the paper (where the horizontal crease is) and pull them toward the center of the paper. As you pull them, the other two creases should be folding, too. Pull the two sides inwards so they touch.
- It can take several tries to create the pyramid shape, especially if you are new to origami. You should end up with what looks like a triangle sitting on top of the rectangular portion at the bottom.
EditCreating a Diamond Shape - Fold the bottom left corner of the top triangle so it meets the top point. Only fold the top layer, not both layers of paper. Make the same fold on the other side; you should now have a diamond shape.
- Fold over the sides to meet the diamond. Grab the left side of the paper, and fold everything that's not part of the diamond you made in the previous step toward the center. Do the same for the other side.
- Create a vertical crease. Fold the entire thing in half vertically, then unfold it and turn it over.
- Fold up the bottom corners. Take the two bottom corners and fold them upwards, so they meet at the center. Fold them so that what was once the bottom edge lines up with the vertical line running down the center.
- Fold down the top flap. Fold the large triangular flap at the top downward, as far as it can go before running into a horizontal line. At the top there should now be three individual flaps, two small ones and a big one. Fold the big one down.
EditFinishing Off the Heart - Tuck the corners. Tuck the two corners that you folded up from the bottom into the space inside the triangular flap.
- Fold down the top points. Fold the two remaining top flaps downwards at an angle.
- Tuck the corners again. Tuck the corners of those flaps into the space in the big flap.
- Check the finished heart. You should now have an origami heart.
- Look at the images carefully before making the folds to reduce unnecessary creases in the paper.
- Practice. If you are new to origami, this project can be hard, and you may not get it on the first try.
- Try writing a note on the "inside," and follow the instructions above to hide it.
- You can put the heart in an origami box and give your heart away.
- We would recommend doing it on scrap before, because a step may go wrong and you will have more practice.
EditThings You'll Need - A rectangular piece of paper (8.5" by 11"/22cm x 28cm letter size, or A4 or a 6" x 6" piece of origami paper
- Drawing Utensils (Markers, Crayons, Color Pencils) (Optional)
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