| How to Work Your Core Posted: 27 Dec 2016 04:00 PM PST Maintaining a strong core is a vital component of a well-planned fitness regimen. The stronger your core, the less likely you are to struggle with poor posture, injuries of many different types, and pain in the lower back. Further, working your core improves stability and balance as well.[1] Fortunately, there are countless exercises you can perform to work the muscles of your pelvis, lower back, hips, and abdomen and ultimately keep your core stable and strong. EditStabilizing Your Core - Hold yourself in a plank position. While there are literally countless ways to work your core, you can begin to stabilize and strengthen your core simply by holding your body in certain static positions. Maintaining a stable trunk while holding a static position that engages several muscles groups in your core is a great way to initially strengthen your core. A great position to start working your core is the plank.[2]
- To place yourself in plank position, lay down on your stomach, with your upper body propped up on your elbows. Clasp your hands together, palm-to-palm. Place your elbows directly beneath your shoulders and make sure they're shoulder-width apart.
- Raise your hips off of the ground, pushing into the floor with your forearms and toes. Hold your hips at the height which allows your body to make a straight line from your neck to your ankles.
- Hold the plank position for at least 15 seconds. Repeat the position five times.
- Increase the duration of the hold by 15-second intervals. Try to get to where you can hold a plank for an entire minute. You can also increase the number of times you hold the position.
- Make neutral planks more challenging. You can vary plank exercises to work your core more aggressively. Once you can hold a plank for over a minute, start making your plank routine more challenging. Do this by raising one of your arms, as well as the opposite foot, off of the ground while in plank position. This will focus the weight of your body on particular muscle groups, and give them a more targeted workout.[3]
- At first, just lift your right arm and hold it out in front of you for a few seconds. If you can do so while maintaining stability, raise your left leg and hold it out behind you simultaneously, for as long as you are able. Lower these limbs and switch to holding your left arm and right leg out for as long as you are able.
- Add side planks to your static-core routine. Side planks will target more specific muscles groups along either side of your body, particularly in your abdomen. To start, lie on your side with your forearm perpendicular to your body and your feet stacked sideways. Tighten your abdominal muscles and push your forearm downwards into the floor. Raise your hips until your whole body is aligned.[4]
- Hold the position for as long as you are able — at least 15 seconds — and repeat the process on your other side. Do 5 side-planks in each side.
- Add to the duration of the amount of time you hold the position in increments of 15 seconds. You can also add the number of reps you do on each side.
- You can increase the challenge of a side plank by raising your arms and legs on the side of your body that is off of the floor.
- Do "moving-plank" exercises such as crawling. While crawling might not seem like a workout, rest assured it can quickly provide an effective and rewarding core workout. Avoid crawling on your hands and knees. Instead, do an army crawl, resting your weight on the inside of your upper legs and lower arms. Go slow and focus on how you're moving your body, noting how different muscles in your hips, abdomen, and back engage with each movement.[5]
- Keep your hips horizontal to the ground, and do not allow them to rock from side to side.
- Focus on bring your knees forward with each "stride," as opposed to splaying them out to the sides of your body.
- Do a series of hip lifts. Lay down on your back with your knees bent and the soles of your feet flat on the ground. Tighten your ab muscles and raise your hips off the floor until torso and thighs are aligned and hold for five seconds. Your knees should be bent at about a 90° angle when your hips are raised. Repeat the position ten times, adding reps as you are able to do so.[6]
- Do not allow your hips to drop or rotate while holding the position.
- Initially, place your arms at your sides, with palms against the floor for added stability.
- To increase the challenge of this exercise, cross your arms across your chest and keep them there through the exercise.
EditUsing a Swiss Ball to Work Your Core - Do Swiss ball sit-ups. Swiss balls (or stability balls) allow you to perform classic exercises while amplifying their effectiveness. While you're likely well-accustomed to traditional sit-ups, incorporating a Swiss ball into this exercise will provide a better workout in less reps. To position yourself, sit upright on a Swiss ball, as though you're sitting on a straight-back chair with the soles of your feet flat upon the ground in front of you.[7]
- Swiss balls can be purchased at most stores that sell exercise goods. They are balls made of a soft elastic material, and vary in size. Choose a size based on your height.
- Start doing six reps at a time, and repeat the exercise for three sets. Increase the number of reps per set as you are able to do so.
- If you can easily do sit-ups on a Swiss ball, hold a weight plate across your chest while doing so to increase the level of challenge.
- Use a Swiss ball to perform knee tucks. Begin in a push-up position with the Swiss ball just beside your lower legs. Carefully lift one leg at a time onto the ball, supporting the weight of your body with your hands on the floor and the ball beneath your shins. Pull the ball forward along your shins by contracting your abdomen, and pulling your knees towards your chest, then allow the ball to roll backwards by slowing pushing your legs back out.[8]
- Keep your hands directly beneath your shoulders.
- Shoot for three sets of six reps each to start, increasing the number of reps as you're able.
- Increase the challenge of the knee tuck. If you can easily complete multiple reps with the ball beneath your shins, do the same thing with the ball beneath your toes instead. This will make it much harder to pull the ball forward and push it back, as well as increase the distance you are able to roll the ball. When the ball is beneath your toes, take care not to roll off of the ball.[9]
- To add to the challenge even further, trying rolling the ball forward and backward while balancing on one foot. Don't forget to do so with each leg.
EditVarying Your Core Workout - Do back extensions. The flip side of the sit-up is the back extension, which uses a hyperextension bench. This is a piece of equipment that holds your body at an angle (about 45°) and securely holds your feet and ankles. Begin by lying face-down on the bench with your ankles under the footpads. Your upper thighs should hit the large, upper pad (if they don't, adjust the bench until the pad is at your thighs).[10]
- Keeping your body straight, cross your arms over your chest.
- Slowly bend forward at the waist, lowering your upper body as far as you can without rounding your back. It is essential for your safety that you keep your back straight during this exercise. If your back begins to round, then you have gone too far forward and should stop.
- Raise your torso back to the beginning position. Repeat.
- If you've been doing a lot of crunches and sit-ups, make sure to start including back extensions in your routine as well.
- Don't extend your upper body backwards too far past a straight spine.
- Shoot for three sets of as many back extensions as you can handle.
- Back extensions can also be performed without equipment. Lying flat on your stomach, simultaneously lift your arms, chest, and legs off the floor. You should use your back muscles to lift yourself off the floor. Hold for two to five seconds if you are a beginner, hold for up to a minute if you are more advanced. Then release and lower back to the floor. This is similar to the Superman or cobra pose.
- Vary your core workouts as you build strength. Every few months, change up your core workouts extensively. Otherwise, your body will acclimate to the specific routine you're doing and it will be harder to gain further strength from the same workout.[11]
- There are many core-specific workout routines available online. Many sites even offer printable core workouts, some of which are designed to strengthen your core according to the physical activities you most enjoy.
- One of the best ways to vary or expand a workout routine is by including or focusing on a new muscle group. In particular, incorporate new exercises that focus on your back, as people tend to favor exercises that focus mostly on their abs.
EditSources and Citations
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| How to Deal with Borderline Personality Disorder Posted: 27 Dec 2016 08:00 AM PST Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a type of personality disorder defined by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) as a pattern of instability in personal relationships and self-image. People with BPD have trouble identifying and regulating their emotions. As with other disorders, this pattern of behavior must cause significant distress or social impairment, and must present certain symptoms to be diagnosed. A trained mental health professional must diagnose BPD; you cannot do it for yourself or others.[1] It can be hard to deal with this disorder for both the person with the disorder and his/her loved ones. If you or someone you love has Borderline Personality Disorder, there are some ways you can learn to deal with it. EditGetting Help for Your BPD - Seek help from a therapist. Therapy is commonly the first treatment option for people suffering from BPD. Although there are several types of therapy that may be used in treating BPD, the one with the strongest track record is Dialectical Behavior Therapy, or DBT. It is partially based on Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) principles and was developed by Marsha Linehan.[2]
- Dialectical Behavior Therapy is a treatment method specifically developed to help people with BPD. Studies show that it has a consistent success record. DBT focuses on teaching people with BPD to regulate their emotions, develop frustration tolerance, learn mindfulness skills, identify and label their emotions, and strengthen psychosocial skills to help them interact with other people. [3][4]
- Another common treatment is schema-focused therapy. This type of treatment combines CBT techniques with techniques from other therapy approaches. It focuses on helping people with BPD reorder or restructure their perceptions and experiences to help build a stable self-image.[5]
- Therapy is commonly conducted in both one-on-one and group settings. This combination allows for the best effectiveness.
- Pay attention to how you feel. One common problem faced by people suffering from BPD is being unable to recognize, identify, and label their emotions. Taking some time to slow down during an emotional experience and think about what you are experiencing can help you learn to regulate your emotions.[6]
 - Try "checking in" with yourself several times throughout the day. For example, you might take a brief break from work to close your eyes and "check in" with your body and your emotions. Note whether you feel tense or achy physically. Think about whether you have been dwelling on a particular thought or feeling for some time. Taking note of how you feel can help you learn to recognize your emotions, and that will help you better regulate them.
- Try to be as specific as possible. For example, rather than thinking "I'm so angry I just can't stand it!" try to note where you think the emotion is coming from: "I'm feeling angry because I was late to work because I got stuck in traffic."
- Try not to judge your emotions as you think about them. For example, avoid saying something to yourself like "I'm feeling angry right now. I'm such a bad person for feeling that way." Instead, focus just on identifying the feeling without judgment, such as "I am feeling angry because I am hurt that my friend was late."[7]
- Distinguish between primary and secondary emotions. Learning to uncover all of the feelings you may experience in a given situation is an important step toward learning emotional regulation. It is common for people with BPD to feel overwhelmed by a whirl of emotions. Take a moment to separate out what you feel first, and what else you may be feeling.[8][9]
- For example, if your friend forgot that you were having lunch together today, your immediate reaction might be anger. This would be the primary emotion.
- That anger could also be accompanied by other feelings. For example, you might feel hurt that your friend forgot you. You might feel fear that this is a sign your friend actually doesn't care about you. You might feel shame, as though you don't deserve to have friends remember you. These are all secondary emotions.
- Considering the source of your emotions can help you learn to regulate them.
- Use positive self-talk. One way to learn to handle your reactions to situations in a more healthy way is to challenge negative reactions and habits with positive self-talk. It can take awhile to feel comfortable or natural doing this, but it's helpful.[10] Research has shown that using positive self-talk can help you feel more focused, improve your concentration, and relieve anxiety.[11]
 - Remind yourself that you are worthy of love and respect.[12] Make it a game to find things about yourself that you admire, such as competence, caring, imagination, etc.[13] Remind yourself of these positive things when you find that you are feeling negatively about yourself.
- Try reminding yourself that unpleasant situations are temporary, limited, and happen to everyone at some point. For example, if your coach criticized your performance at tennis practice, remind yourself that this instance does not characterize every practice in the past or future. Instead of allowing yourself to ruminate on what happened in the past, focus on what you can do to improve next time. This gives you a sense of control over your actions, rather than feeling as though you are being victimized by someone else.[14]
- Reframe negative thoughts in positive terms. For example, if you did not do well on an exam, your first thought might be "I'm such a loser. I'm worthless and I'm going to fail this course." This is not helpful, and it isn't fair to you, either. Instead, think about what you can learn from the experience: "I didn't do as well as I hoped on this exam. I can speak with my professor to see where my weak areas are and study more effectively for the next exam."[15]
- Stop and check in with yourself before reacting to others. A natural reaction for a person with BPD is often anger or despair. For example, if a friend did something to upset you, your first instinct might be to react with a screaming fit and make threats to the other person. Instead, take some time to check in with yourself and identify your feelings. Then, try to communicate them to the other person in a nonthreatening way.[16]
 - For example, if your friend was late to meet you for lunch, your immediate reaction might be anger. You might want to yell at her and ask her why she was so disrespectful to you.
- Check in with your emotions. What are you feeling? What is the primary emotion, and are there secondary emotions? For example, you might feel angry, but you might also feel fear because you believe the person was late because she doesn't care about you.
- In a calm voice, ask the person why she was late without judging or threatening her. Use "I"-focused statements. For example: "I am feeling hurt that you were late to our lunch. Why were you late?" You will probably find that the reason why your friend was late was something innocuous, such as traffic or not being able to find her keys. The "I"-statements keep you from sound like you are blaming the other person. This will help them feel less defensive and more open.
- Reminding yourself to process your emotions and not to jump to conclusions can help you learn to regulate your responses to other people.
- Describe your emotions in detail. Try to associate physical symptoms with the emotional states in which you usually experience them. Learning to identify your physical feelings as well as your emotional feelings can help you describe and better understand your emotions.
- For example, you might feel a sinking in the pit of your stomach in certain situations, but you might not know what the feeling is related to. The next time you feel that sinking, think about what feelings you are experiencing. It could be that this sinking feeling is related to nervousness or anxiety.
- Once you know that the sinking feeling in your stomach is anxiety, you will eventually feel more in control of that feeling, rather than feeling as though it controls you.
- Learn self-soothing behaviors. Learning self-soothing behaviors can help keep you calm when you feel in turmoil. These are behaviors that you can do to comfort and show kindness to yourself.[17]
- Take a hot bath or shower. Research has shown that physical warmth has a soothing effect on many people.[18]
- Listen to soothing music. Research has shown that listening to certain types of music can help you relax. The British Academy of Sound Therapy has put together a playlist of songs that have been scientifically shown to promote feelings of relaxation and soothing.[19]
- Try comforting self-touch. Touching yourself in a compassionate, calming way can help soothe you and relieve stress by releasing oxytocin. Try crossing your arms over your chest and giving yourself a gentle squeeze. Or put your hand over your heart and notice the warmth of your skin, the beat of your heart, and the rise and fall of your chest as you breathe. Take a moment to remind yourself that you are beautiful and worthy.[20]
- Practice increasing your tolerance of uncertainty or distress. Emotional tolerance is the ability to endure an uncomfortable emotion without reacting to it inappropriately. You can practice this skill by becoming familiar with your emotions, and gradually exposing yourself to unfamiliar or uncertain situations in a safe environment.[21]
 - Keep a journal throughout the day that notes whenever you feel uncertain, anxious, or afraid. Be sure to note what situation you were in when you felt this way, and how you responded to it in the moment.
- Rank your uncertainties. Try to place things that make you anxious or uncomfortable on a scale from 0-10. For example, "going to a restaurant alone" might be a 4, but "letting a friend plan a vacation" might be a 10.
- Practice tolerating uncertainty. Start with small, safe situations. For example, you could try ordering a dish you've never had at a new restaurant. You might or might not enjoy the meal, but that's not the important thing. You will have shown yourself that you are strong enough to handle uncertainty on your own. You can gradually work up to bigger situations as you feel safe doing so.
- Record your responses. When you try something uncertain, record what happened. What did you do? How did you feel during the experience? How did you feel afterward? What did you do if it did not turn out as you expected? Do you think you will be able to handle more in the future?
- Practice unpleasant experiences in a safe way. Your therapist can help you learn to endure uncomfortable emotions by giving you exercises to do. Some things you can do on your own include the following:
- Hold an ice cube until you feel the negative emotion pass. Focus on the physical sensation of the ice cube in your hand. Notice how it first becomes more intense and then lessens. The same is true of emotions.[22]
- Visualize an ocean wave. Imagine it building up until it finally crests and then falls. Remind yourself that just like waves, emotions swell and then recede.
- Get regular exercise. Exercise can help reduce feelings of stress, anxiety, and depression.[23] This is because physical exercise releases endorphins, which are natural "feel-good" chemicals produced by your body.[24] The National Institute of Mental Health recommends that you get regular physical activity to help reduce these negative feelings.[25]
- Research shows that even moderate exercise, such as walking or gardening, can have these effects.[26]
- Keep a set schedule. Because instability is one of the hallmarks of BPD, setting a regular schedule for things such as meal times and sleep can be helpful. Fluctuations in your blood sugar or sleep deprivation can make the symptoms of BPD worse.[27]
- If you have trouble remember to take care of yourself, such as forgetting to eat meals or not going to bed at a healthy time, ask someone to help remind you.
- Keep your goals realistic. Dealing with any disorder takes time and practice. You won't experience a complete revolution in a few days. Don't allow yourself to get discouraged. Remember, you can only do your best, and your best is good enough.[28]
- Remember that your symptoms will improve gradually, not overnight.
EditDealing with a Loved One Who has BPD - Understand that your feelings are normal. Friends and family members of those who suffer from BPD often feel overwhelmed, divided, exhausted, or traumatized due to their loved one's behavior. Depression, feelings of grief or isolation, and feelings of guilt are also common among people who have a loved one with BPD.[29] It can be helpful to know that these feelings are common, and aren't because you are a bad or uncaring person.
- Learn about BPD. Although BPD is as real and debilitating as a physical illness. The disorder is not your loved one's "fault." Your love one may feel intense shame and guilt about his or her behavior, but feel unable to change. Knowing more about BPD will enable you to give your loved one the best support possible. Conduct research to learn more about what BPD is and how you can help.[30]
- The National Institute of Mental Health has a wealth of information on BPD.[31]
- There are also many online programs, blogs, and other resources that can help you understand what it is like to suffer from BPD.[32][33] For example, the National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder has a list of family guidelines.[34] The Borderline Personality Disorder Resource Center offers videos, book recommendations, and other advice for loved ones.[35]
- Encourage your loved one to seek therapy. Understand, however, that therapy may take some time to work, and some people with BPD do not respond well to therapy.[36]
- Try not to approach your loved one from an attitude of judgment. For example, it is unhelpful to say something like "You're worrying me" or "You're making me weird." Instead, use "I"-statements of care and concern: "I am concerned about some things I've seen in your behavior" or "I love you and want to help you get help."
- A person with BPD is more likely to find help from therapy if s/he trusts and gets along with the therapist. However, the unstable way that people with BPD relate to others can make finding and maintaining a healthy therapeutic relationship difficult.[37]
- Consider seeking family therapy. Some treatments for BPD can include family treatments with the person and his/her loved ones.
- Validate your loved one's feelings. Even if you don't understand why your loved one feels the way s/he does, try to offer support and compassion.[38] For example, you can say things such as "It sounds like that is very hard for you" or "I can see why that would be upsetting."[39]
- Remember: you don't have to agree with your loved one to show him/her that you are listening and compassionate. Try making eye contact as you listen, and using phrases such as "mm-hmm" or "yes" as the other person is speaking.[40]
- Be consistent. Because people who suffer from BPD are often wildly inconsistent, it's important for you to be consistent and reliable as an "anchor." If you have told your loved one that you will be home at 5, try to do so.[41] However, you should not respond to threats, demands, or manipulations. Make sure your actions are consistent with your own needs and values.[42][43]
- This also means that you maintain healthy boundaries. For example, you may tell your loved one that if s/he screams at you, you will leave the room. This is fair. If your loved one does start screaming, make sure to follow through on what you have promised to do.[44]
- It's important to decide on a plan of action for what to do if your loved one begins to behave destructively or threatens to self-harm. You may find it helpful to work on this plan with your loved one, possibly in conjunction with his/her therapist.[45] Whatever you decide in this plan, follow through.
- Set personal boundaries and assert them. People with BPD can be difficult to live with because they often cannot regulate their emotions effectively. They may try to manipulate their loved ones to meet their own needs. They may not even be aware of others' personal boundaries, and are often unskilled at setting them or understanding them.[46] Setting your own personal boundaries, based on your own needs and level of comfort, can help keep you safe and calm as you interact with your loved one.
 - For example, you may tell your loved one that you will not answer phone calls after 10 PM because you need adequate sleep. If your loved one calls you after that time, it's important to enforce your boundary and not answer. If you do answer, remind your loved one of the boundary while validating his/her emotions: "I care about you and I know you're having a hard time, but it is 11:30 and I've requested that you not call me after 10PM. This is important to me. You can call me tomorrow at 4:30. I'm going to get off the phone now. Goodbye."
- If your loved one accuses you of not caring because you do not answer these calls, remind him/her that you set this boundary. Offer an appropriate time when s/he could call you instead.
- You will often have to assert your boundaries many times before your loved one understands that these boundaries are genuine. You should expect your loved one to respond to these assertions of your own needs with anger, bitterness, or other intense reactions. Do not respond to these reactions, or get angry yourself. Continue to reinforce and assert your boundaries.[47]
- Remember that saying "no" is not a sign of being a bad or uncaring person. You must take care of your own physical and emotional health to properly care for your loved one.[48]
- Respond positively to appropriate behaviors. It's very important to reinforce appropriate behaviors with positive reactions and praise. This can encourage your loved one to believe s/he can handle her emotions. It can also encourage him/her to keep going.[49]
- For example, if your loved one begins to yell at you and then stops to think, say thank you. Acknowledge that you know it took effort for her/him to stop the harmful action, and that you appreciate it.
- Get support for yourself. Caring for and supporting a loved one with BPD can be emotionally draining. It's important to provide yourself with sources of self-care and support as you navigate the balance between being emotionally supportive and setting personal boundaries.
 - The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) and the National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder (NEA-BPD) offer resources to help you find support near you.[50][51]
- You may also find it helpful to see your own therapist or counselor. S/he can help you process your emotions and learn healthy coping skills.
- NAMI offers family education programs called "Family-to-Family," where families can receive support from other families who are dealing with similar issues. This program is free.[52]
- Family therapy may also be helpful. DBT-FST (family skills training) can help teach family members how to understand and deal with their loved one's experience. A therapist offers support and training in specific skills to help you support your loved one.[53] Family Connections therapy focuses on the needs of family members separately. It focuses on helping family members strengthen their skills, develop coping strategies, and learn resources that help promote a healthy balance between their own needs and the needs of their loved one with BPD.[54]
- Take care of yourself. It can be easy to get so involved in caring for your loved one that you forget to care for yourself. It's important to stay healthy and well-rested. If you are sleep-deprived, anxious, or not caring for yourself, you may be more likely to respond to your loved one with irritation or anger.[55]
- Get exercise. Exercise relieves feelings of stress and anxiety. It also promotes feelings of well-being and is a healthy coping technique.[56]
- Eat well. Eat at regular mealtimes. Eat a well-balanced diet that incorporates protein, complex carbohydrates, and fruits and vegetables. Avoid junk food, and limit caffeine and alcohol.[57]
- Get enough sleep. Try to go to bed and get up at the same time each day, even on weekends. Don't do other activities in bed, such as computer work or watching TV. Avoid caffeine before bedtime.[58]
- Relax. Try meditation, yoga, or other relaxing activities such as bubble baths or nature walks. Having a loved one with BPD can be stressful, so it's important to take time to care for yourself.
- Take threats of self-harm seriously. Even if you have heard your loved one threaten suicide or self-harm before, it is important to always take these threats seriously. 60-70% of people with BPD will attempt suicide at least once in their lives, and 8-10% of them will be successful. If your loved one threatens suicide, call 911 or take him/her to the nearest emergency room.
- You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. Make sure your loved one has this number as well, so s/he can use it if necessary.
EditRecognizing Characteristics of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) - Understand how BPD is diagnosed. A trained mental health professional will use the criteria in the DSM-5 to diagnose Borderline Personality Disorder. The DSM-5 stipulates that to receive a diagnosis of BPD, a person must have 5 or more of the following:[59]
- "Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment"
- "A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation"
- "Identity disturbance"
- "Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging"
- Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior"
- "Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood"
- "Chronic feelings of emptiness"
- "Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger"
- "Transient, stress related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms"
- Remember that you cannot diagnose yourself or others with BPD. The information provided in this section is only to help you determine whether you or a loved one may have BPD.
- Look for an intense fear of abandonment. A person with BPD will experience intense fear and/or anger if faced with the prospect of being separated from a loved one. S/he may display impulsive behavior, such as self-mutilation or threatening suicide.[60]
- This reactivity may happen even if the separation is unavoidable, already planned for, or time-limited (e.g., the other person is going to work).[61]
- People with BPD generally have very strong fears about being alone, and they have a chronic need for help from others. They may panic or fly into a rage if the other person leaves even briefly or is late.[62]
- Think about the stability of interpersonal relationships. A person with BPD usually does not have stable relationships with anyone for a significant period of time. People with BPD do not tend to be able to accept "gray" areas in others (or often, themselves). Their views of their relationships are characterized by all-or-nothing thinking, where the other person is either perfect or evil. People with BPD often go through friendships and romantic partnerships very quickly.[63]
- People with BPD often idealize the people in their relationships, or "put them on a pedestal." However, if the other person displays any fault or makes a mistake (or even seems to), the person with BPD will often immediately devalue that person.[64]
- A person with BPD will usually not accept responsibility for problems in his/her relationships. S/he may say that the other person "did not care enough" or did not contribute enough to the relationship. Other people may perceive the person with BPD as having "shallow" emotions or interactions with others.[65]
- Consider the person's self-image. People with BPD usually do not have a stable self-concept. For people without such personality disorders, their sense of personal identity is fairly consistent: they have a general sense of who they are, what they value, and how others think of them that does not wildly fluctuate. People with BPD do not experience themselves this way. A person with BPD usually experiences a disturbed or unstable self-image that fluctuates depending on their situation and who they are interacting with.[66]
 - People with BPD may base their opinion of themselves on what they believe others think of them. For example, if a loved one is late to a date, the person with BPD may take this as a sign that s/he is a "bad" person and not worthy of being loved.
- People with BPD may have very fluid goals or values that shift dramatically.[67] This extends to their treatment of others. A person with BPD may be very kind one moment and vicious the next, even to the same person.[68]
- People with BPD may experience intense feelings of self-loathing or worthlessness, even if others assure them of the contrary.[69]
- People with BPD may experience fluctuating sexual attraction. People with BPD are significantly more likely to report changing the gender of their preferred partners more than once.[70]
- People with BPD usually define their self-concepts in a way that deviates from their own culture's norms. It's important to remember to take cultural norms into consideration when considering what counts as "normal" or "stable" self-concept.[71]
- Look for signs of self-damaging impulsivity. Many people are impulsive sometimes, but a person with BPD will engage in risky and impulsive behavior regularly. This behavior usually presents serious threats to his/her overall well-being, safety, or health.[72] This behavior may be on its own, or may be in reaction to an event or experience in the person's life. Common examples of risky behavior include:[73]
- Risky sexual behavior
- Reckless or intoxicated driving
- Substance abuse
- Binge eating and other eating disorders
- Reckless spending
- Uncontrolled gambling
- Consider whether thoughts or actions of self-harm or suicide frequently occur. Self-mutilation and threats of self-harm, including suicide, are common among people with BPD.[74] These actions may occur on their own, or may occur as a reaction to real or perceived abandonment.[75]
- Examples of self-mutilation include cutting, burning, scratching, or picking of the skin.
- Suicidal gestures or threats might include actions such as grabbing a bottle of pills and threatening to take them all.
- Suicidal threats or attempts are sometimes used as a technique to manipulate others into doing what the person with BPD wants.
- People with BPD may feel aware that their actions are risky or damaging, but may feel completely unable to change their behavior.[76]
- 60-70% of people diagnosed with BPD will attempt suicide at some point in their lives.[77]
- Observe the person's moods. People with BPD suffer from "affective instability," or wildly unstable moods or "mood swings."[78] These moods may frequently shift and are often far more intense than what would be considered a stable reaction.
- For example, a person with BPD might be happy at one moment and burst into tears or a fit of rage the next.[79] These mood swings may last only a matter of minutes or hours.[80]
- Despair, anxiety, and irritability are very common amongst people with BPD, and may be triggered by events or actions that people without such a disorder would consider insignificant. For example, if the person's therapist tells him/her that their hour of therapy is almost over, the person with BPD might react with a feeling of intense despair and abandonment.[81]
- Consider whether the person often seems bored. People with BPD often express feeling as though they are "empty" or extremely bored. Much of their risky and impulsive behavior may be a reaction to these feelings. According to the DSM-5, a person with BPD may constantly seek new sources of stimulation and excitement.
- In some cases, this can extend to feelings about others as well. A person with BPD may become bored with his/her friendships or romantic relationships very quickly and seek the excitement of a new person.[82]
- A person with BPD may even experience feeling as though s/he does not exist, or worry that s/he is not in the same world as others.[83]
- Look for frequent displays of anger. A person with BPD will display anger more often and more intensely than is considered appropriate in his/her culture. S/he usually will have difficulty controlling this anger. This behavior is often a reaction to the perception that a friend or family member is being uncaring or neglectful.[84]
- Anger may present itself in the form of sarcasm, severe bitterness, verbal outbursts or temper tantrums.
- Anger may be the person's default reaction, even in situations where other emotions might seem more appropriate or logical to others. For example, a person who wins a sporting event might focus angrily on his/her competitor's behavior rather than enjoying the win.[85]
- This anger may escalate into physical violence or fights.[86]
- Look for paranoia. A person with BPD may have transient paranoid thoughts. These are induced by stress and do not generally last very long, but they may recur frequently.[87] This paranoia is often related to other people's intentions or behaviors.
- For example, a person who is told s/he has a medical condition may become paranoid that the doctor is colluding with someone to trick her/him.
- Dissociation is another common tendency amongst people with BPD. A person with BPD experiencing dissociative thoughts may say s/he feels as though her/his environment is not real.
- Take time for self-care, whether you are the person with BPD or have a loved one with BPD.
- Continue to be as supportive and emotionally available for your loved one as possible.
- The FDA has not approved any medication for the treatment of BPD. Medications cannot "cure" BPD, but a medical or mental health professional may determine that supplementary medications can be helpful to reduce symptoms such as depression, anxiety, or aggression.[88]
- Remember that BPD is not your "fault" and does not make you a "bad" person. It is a treatable disorder.[89]
- Always take threats of self-harm and suicide seriously. If your loved one expresses suicidal thoughts or plans to self-harm, call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
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| How to Be a Successful College Student Posted: 27 Dec 2016 12:00 AM PST College can be an overwhelming experience, with so much to do and seemingly little time to do it all. In order to make the most of your time in college, you will need to do well in class, take advantage of extracurricular opportunities, and prepare yourself for life after graduation. Going to college can be a fun and exciting time, especially if you are committed to being successful. EditDoing Well in Class - Go to class. Don't rely on a "magic number" of classes you can miss and still do well. Each missed class represents missed content and missed discussion. Some professors weigh participation into your final grade calculation. Even if attendance isn't required, however, you will make a good impression on your professor and TA if you show up to class.[1]
- Only miss class if you are genuinely sick—too sick to get anything worthwhile out of the lecture.
- If you need some incentive, consider the cost of each class hour. The average yearly cost of tuition at a public university is $9,139.[2] Given a 15-week semester with 4 classes each semester, you pay over $25 per class hour for the privilege of being taught. Not going to class is basically the same as setting twenty-five bucks on fire. Would you do that?
- Take notes. Your memory is never as good as you think it is. There will probably be plenty of things taking up space in your mind while at school. Taking good notes will keep you engaged in classroom activities (lectures and discussion) and give you a good basis when studying for exams.
- For classes that are organized around clear, logically ordered topics, such as history or biology, the Cornell method can help you prioritize the most important information.
- Participate in class. Ask questions of your instructors, give answers if they ask questions, and contribute to discussion sections. Taking an active part in the class will keep you involved with the material, and help you better understand what the instructor needs you to know.[3]
- Sitting in front, or at least not in the back, will make it easier to pay attention and put you front and center for the professor to see.
- Take time to study. Success in college relies on you preparing outside of class, so spend time reviewing your notes and reading the textbook for each session. When you study, find a quiet space and cut off outside distractions. A good rule of thumb is to spend two hours studying for each hour you spend in class.[4]
 - Study groups—working with other students in your class—can be helpful, but also go off-track easily. Make sure you find a study group that reviews the material, and spends most of its time actually studying, rather than chatting.
- Don't cram! Part of being a successful college student is doing more than passing tests; it's retaining the useful information for the real world. When you cram, you might remember enough to pass your exam, but chances are high that you'll forget most of it in a day or two. When you're spending tens of thousands of dollars to learn this stuff, actually remembering it for later is a smart investment.[5][6]
- Spacing out your study sessions over a few days is the best way to make sure you remember the material later.[7] Rather than spending a 9-hour marathon studying for a test, for example, start a few days early and study for 1-2 hours each day for 3 or 4 days in a row. If you can plan well ahead of time, it's even better to space your studying out over a period of weeks.[8]
- Avoid procrastinating. No professor ever complained about her students finishing an assignment early. Setting aside time to complete one task will give ease your stress level, and make it more likely to complete others on time.
- On occasion, you may need to stay up all night to finish an assignment. Procrastinating will only make doing so more likely, and doing work early can help you get more regular sleep.
- Set yourself regular performance goals, such as writing 200 words a day on your essay or studying six math problems. These small goals seem easy to do so you're less likely to procrastinate on them. However, the accomplishments will pile up fast.[9]
- Try to avoid guilting yourself into your work. Extrinsic motivation, such as "I ought to do this so my parents don't get mad at me," isn't as strong as intrinsic motivation, such as "I want to do well on that exam so that my good grades will help me get into medical school." Setting positive goals for yourself and reminding yourself that your work will help you achieve them can help crush procrastination.[10]
- Communicate with your instructor. Your professors want you to do well in class, so feel free to ask questions about the material. Every professor has open office hours, so stop by to introduce yourself, ask about the class, or discuss your grades. This can allow them to learn more about you, your strengths and weaknesses, and provide better feedback for improving your work.[11]
- Don't forget about your TAs. Many of them are quite knowledgeable about the subject as well. In a large class it will likely be them, not the professor, doing most of the grading.
- It's best if you can set the foundation for communication early. If the first time your professor hears from you is the night before your midterm exam halfway through the semester, she may not take you as seriously as she would have if you'd come early and often to ask questions.
- Be confident. Most students' attitude towards a class dictates their success. Believe you can learn the material and be successful, and you will increase your chances of succeeding. Don't think about how difficult things are, but how you are going to overcome those difficulties.[12]
- If you're naturally shy or worried about sharing your opinions in class, remind yourself that your professor wants you to learn. In general, classrooms are a "safe space" for people to share their opinions, ask questions, and have discussions. Try not to worry about sounding silly if you ask a question—chances are, many of your classmates have the same question but are too afraid to ask. You can be the trailblazer!
EditEnjoying the Social Scene - Get involved in a team or club. You won't always be able to follow your passions in the classroom. Find groups and activities that you enjoy, or maybe involve practical applications for your academic work. These events are also a great way to meet new people and make friends.
- Attend on-campus events. Colleges have access to a nearly unmatched variety of cultural, intellectual, and athletic events that are available to students. Take advantage of these, and take part in the cultural life of the school, some of which you may never have the opportunity to do again.
- Organize your time. Unlike in high school, no one will be tracking you and your activities in college, so you will have to do that yourself. Give each event and assignment a priority based on timing, and its importance to achieving your ultimate goals. Your schedule should not just be about academic work, so include time for personal activities and interests.
- One thing you may discover is that your schedule is too overloaded between class, work, social events, and other activities. Organizing your schedule can sometimes mean knowing when to cut things out.
- Make friends. Studies suggest that being a freshman is incredibly stressful. It can do a number on your mental health.[13] One of the best ways to make sure you're successful in college is to make friends with a variety of diverse people—and to commit to hanging out with them.
- Making a strong social network in college is also linked to better work performance later in life.
- This doesn't mean you should spend every night partying and ditching class and homework. Instead, strive for a healthy balance. You can even get your friends involved in class and other school activities, such as a sport or debate team.
- Decide whether (and when) to participate in Greek Life. At many colleges and universities, Greek life—a system of fraternities and sororities students can join—is a major part of student experience. While being part of Greek life can have many benefits, such as socialization and support networks, it can also involve a significant time commitment. This can be particularly stressful your freshman year, when you are already adjusting to many new experiences. Some experts recommend that you wait until your sophomore year to "rush" or join a fraternity or sorority. That way, you'll already have a firm academic foundation.[14]
EditPreparing for Graduation - Choose the right classes. Pick courses that interest you, and make you excited to learn. This will lead you to interesting and rewarding work, rather than simply chasing easy classes.[15]
- Avoid picking a major right away. Unless you are completely sure that you want to go into a particular field, there is no benefit to declaring right away. Sample classes in a variety of fields, and learn what kind of work each major requires.[16]
- Keep track of your progress. You want to graduate on time, so make sure you have fulfilled all requirements for the school and your major. You will need to have enough credit hours, and high enough grades. Keep an eye out for non-academic items like physical fitness requirements.
- Most colleges and universities have a "degree progress" calculator you can find online, but if not, talk with your adviser.
- Don't go for the "easy A." College should be difficult, and you should be prepared to deal with failure, or at least not succeeding as much as you did in high school. Your life after college will not be about the grades you got in school, but the ways you learned to deal with disappointment.[17]
- Use your school's career services office. Every school has one. Find out what kinds of work graduates from your school and your major go into. These places can also provide help with creating a resume, filling out job applications, and other helpful hints for what comes next.[18]
- Find internships and other professional work. If possible, find something that will let you apply what you are learning in a work environment. You can gain valuable professional experience for afterwards.
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