| How to Date After a Divorce at 40 Posted: 21 Jul 2018 05:00 PM PDT Years may have gone by since you last dated, so how do you jump back in? It's important that you are fully ready to move on from your divorce before dating, both logistically and emotionally. Put yourself out there by being open to date invitations and don't shy away from using technology to find potential partners. Once you're out on a date, show the person that you're interested by flirting and having fun. If the date goes well and you click with the person, ask them on a second date to further explore their potential. EditConversation and Online Profile Help EditMoving Past Your Divorce - Heal from your marriage and divorce first. Don't jump into dating if you're not fully ready to move on from your previous marriage. You should feel ready to date again after having time to think, grieve, grow, and move on. If you are in the middle of an ugly divorce settlement, it may be best to wait until the logistics of your divorce are finalized.[1]
- If you're thinking about your ex and what they are up to, you're probably not ready to date yet.[2]
- Follow your feelings, not a calendar. There's no hard and fast rule for when you should be ready to date after a divorce. You might need 2 months or more than a year to feel comfortable and ready to find someone new. Don't feel like you have to follow any "rules" around when it's acceptable to date.[3]
- For example, don't feel like you have to wait a year after your divorce finalizes to start looking for dates. Use your best judgement about when you're ready to date again.
- Surround yourself with supportive people to help you move on. Spend time with people who support your desire to move past your divorce and find love again. If your divorce created a divide in your friendships, get out and meet some new friends. Being around new people can help you stay focused on the future rather than fixating on the past.[4]
- Get involved in activities that interest you as a way to do something fun and make new friends. Join a hiking club, meet with people with pets, or join a vegetarian group.
- Make sure your children are ready before you start dating again. If you have children, your divorce was probably difficult for them. The idea of you dating may have never even crossed their minds! It's important to make sure your children understand what you're doing and how it impacts them. Talk to them openly. If they seem extremely upset or resistant to the idea, you may want to slow down a bit.
- When you do start dating, don't introduce your children to every single date. This may be confusing for them. Only introduce them to people who you're considering a serious relationship with.[5]
- Try to plan your dates for when your kids are staying overnight at a friend's house or visiting a family member.
- Up your confidence and energy by caring for your body. When you're trying to move on from a painful divorce, self-care is very important. Taking care of yourself helps you maintain a positive outlook and feel good about yourself. Preparing yourself to start dating again is also a great motivation to get back on track with your health, take care of your body, and feel good while doing it!
- Start a regular exercise routine and make healthy choices when you eat.
- Don't forget to get plenty of sleep (7-9 hours) each night so that you feel refreshed and alert.[6]
EditFinding Potential Dates - Look for partners who share similar interests. Being 40 puts you in a very different mindset for dating than when you were dating at 20. While opposites attract, you at least want to share some major things in common. For example, if you are religious, look for other singles who are also religious. If you have a hobby that's important to you, you may wish to find someone who shares that hobby.[7]
- For example, if your religious faith is an important part of your life, consider looking for potential partners through your church or temple.
- If you love going to the gym, keep your eyes open for interesting singles while you're working out, or take an aerobics or yoga class to meet new people.
- Seek out partners who can relate to your current lifestyle. Look for people who are in a similar life phase as you. For example, if you have children, you may prefer a partner who has children themselves, since they can relate to you on that level. If you are well established in your career, you may want to seek out a partner who also places a lot of importance on their work life.
- For example, if you're a lawyer or doctor with a very hectic schedule, you may mesh best with someone who also has a demanding career.
- Use technology to find dates. Online dating websites, phone apps, and dating services are all viable options. Some dating apps are even tailored to certain demographics such as people who are divorced, those who share religious faith, or people who enjoy similar hobbies. For the best results, be open and honest about who you are online and post images of yourself that are accurate and up-to-date.[8]
- Explore dating websites like Match.com, eHarmony, and ChristianMingle.com. Try out dating apps like PlentyofFish, Bumble, Happn, and OKCupid.
- Stay safe when dating new people. Spend several weeks emailing with them, talking on the phone, or video chatting before you meet them in person.[9]
- Meet in public for the first several dates until you get to know them. Bring your own mode of transportation so you can leave if you want to.
- Look for dates in realistic places. While it's possible to meet a quality prospect at a bar, it's probably unlikely. Try looking for potential partners in places where they typically congregate. For example, skip the nightclub and consider a wine tasting event instead. Pass on the pizza joint and have dinner at an upscale restaurant. Avoid the Starbucks drive-thru and grab a table at a sit-down coffee shop.
- Look for local meet-up groups that get together for activities that you're interested in.
- Take a class or pursue a passion. Check out classes available locally for something you're interested in, like painting or scuba diving. Not only will you spend time doing something new that interests you, but you may meet other single people there. Plus, it's much easier to chat with a prospect when you already have something to talk about it!
- Use a furry friend to meet people. Take your dog for a walk at the local park and chat up anyone who seems interesting. At the very least, you'll get in some quality time with your furry friend. If you don't have a pet, consider getting one! If getting a pet isn't an option, consider volunteering at a local animal shelter. You may meet a fellow animal lover who also happens to be single.
- Be open to invitations you receive for dates. Getting back into dating doesn't mean you have to constantly look for potential partners everywhere you go. You may catch someone else's eye, for example, and they could ask you out. Even if you've never thought about dating that person before, or if you're caught off guard, don't close yourself off to the idea!
- For instance, maybe a single coworker asks you out for a drink after work. You've never considered them as a potential partner before, but that doesn't mean you can't explore the idea.
EditGoing Out on Dates - Dress to impress. You might be a little out of the game and not remember how to look or present yourself. Wear clothes that fit well and that look good on your body. Maintain proper hygiene (such as showering regularly, grooming your hair, and not having a strong body odor). These are easy ways to present yourself and give a good first impression.[10]
- Consider making some changes to your wardrobe if your clothes are old, worn, or do not properly fit you. If you can't afford new clothes, go through your wardrobe and evaluate what you have. Try mixing and matching different pieces or tailoring garments to fit you better.
- Ask a friend for some advice if you have difficulty evaluating yourself.
- If you're on a budget, try looking for clothes at thrift stores.
- Commit to having fun. While dating can be nerve-wracking, aim to have fun. You have the opportunity to share new experiences with someone and possibly create a new connection. Choose date activities that you look forward to or want to try. For example, try a dance class, go on a hike, or try a new restaurant in town.
- Even if things don't work out, appreciate your ability to try new things and push yourself outside of your comfort zone.[11]
- Flirt with your date. If you're a little rusty on flirting, it's time to start practicing! Show the person you're dating that you're interested by subtlety flirting with them. This might include gently touching their arm or shoulder, making eye contact and smiling at them, and mimicking their body language. These are easy ways to show that you want to connect.[12]
- When making eye contact, lock your gaze for 2-3 seconds, then look away. You want to make eye contact, but not stare at them.
- Avoid talking excessively about your divorce. While you may want to tell the person that you are divorced, don't spend your date talking about your ex, your marriage, or the divorce. This might signal to the person that you are not ready to move on or that you are caught in dilemmas regarding your divorce.[13]
- For example, you might say something simple, such as, "I am divorced. Everything is finalized and I'm ready to move on with my life."
- Don't feel like you have to mention your divorce. It's OK to not say anything until the other person asks.
- Tell your date if you have children. Be upfront with your date and let them know you have children early on in dating. Tell your date about your children and your role in their lives. Bring up the fact that you have kids early, such as before the first date or on the first date.
- If you have children from your previous marriage, be cautious in how you involve them in your dating life. Many people don't include their children in their dating life until they become somewhat serious with a partner. [14]
- Don't include your kids in your dating life just for the sake of convenience. Try to keep them separate until you're confident you've found someone you're serious about being with.
- Offer a second date if you want to see them again. If you enjoyed your date and would like to see the person again, set up a second date soon after the first date (or at the end of the date). This communicates your interest and shows the person you'd like to continue the connection. Now that you know them better, tailor the date around an activity or interest that you both share.[15]
- For example, if you both enjoy the outdoors, invite them on a hike. If you both enjoy cooking, take a cooking class together.
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| How to Grow an Herbal Tea Garden Posted: 21 Jul 2018 09:00 AM PDT A tea garden is a delightful hobby that can complement the rest of an herb garden. A tea garden will provide you with the joy of fresh herbal teas, more properly known as herbal infusions or tisanes. You can drink a single herbal tea on its own, or you can try mixing together 2 or 3 different complementary herbal flavors. For a more flavorful caffeinated tea, try mixing 1 or 2 herbs from your garden in with your favorite loose-leaf black or green tea. EditCreating the Tea Garden - Select part of an existing herb garden to cultivate tea in. If you already have a small herb garden, or even a large planter in which you're growing herbs, set aside part of this as a tea garden. Pick any weeds out of the garden, and use a small shovel or spade to turn over the top several inches of soil.
- You can grow herbs for tea in relatively little space. If you choose to only include 1 or 2 tea herbs in your garden, you will need as little as of space.
- Build a herb garden box if you don't already have an herb garden. If you prefer to build your own garden box, you can make a rudimentary one by nailing 4 planks into a square shape. Most herbs grow best in full sun to partial shade, so position your garden box in an area that is mostly exposed and will receive sun throughout the growing season.[1]
- Keep in mind that some herbs—like lemon verbena and peppermint—do better in a garden box or a pot than an open garden. If you have the time and inclination, you could grow tea herbs in an existing herb garden, and build a garden box on the side.
- If this style of garden box doesn't appeal to you, there are several other ways to build a small garden box.
- Prepare the soil in the garden or planter. Prepare the soil or pot as you would do normally for planting herbs or flowers. Most types of tea herb will thrive in fertile, well-drained soil. You can purchase fertilized soil at a garden supply center, or add your own compost to enrich the soil in your garden.[2]
- As your tea herbs grow, fertilize them
- As your herbs grow and eventually mature or flower, you'll need to keep the garden free of weeds. If you notice any plants growing that are not your selected types of herb, pull them out and discard the weeds.
EditChoosing Your Herbs - Select a variety of complementary herbs for tea. Quite a few herbs and flowers are suitable for making herbal teas. Your choice is dependent on what flavors you like the most and what will grow best for you. If space in your garden is limited, try planting complementary flavors in the same garden patch. Complementary herb flavors include:[3]
- Different varieties of mint paired with one another.
- Bee balm and lemon balm.
- English lavender and lemon verbena.
- Plant peppermint leaves. Peppermint tea is a perennial favorite for many people. Peppermint is generally easy to grow and enjoys semi-shaded spots. Keep mint out of full sun, though, or it may begin to wilt. The herb can quickly spread from one part of a garden to another, so unless you want it escaping across the herb garden, keep it pot-bound.[4]
- Peppermint tea is made from the leaves of the peppermint plant. The taste of peppermint is uplifting and cleansing, and can help settle an upset stomach.
- Consider planting lavender. Lavender leaves are a delightful, softly fragrant tisane that are perfect for making a soothing cup of tea. Lavender grows well when placed in in full sun. Plant your lavender in well-drained soil. It prefers not to be over-watered, so only water the lavender when its soil is completely dry.[5]
- Lavender buds and flowers are both used for tea.
- Similarly to peppermint tea, lavender tea is recommended for reducing tension in your body and soothing headaches.
- Grow lemon verbena. As the name indicates, lemon verbena packs a refreshing and tangy lemony taste in its easy-to-grow leaves. It needs full sun and will not tolerate harsh winters, so keep it pot-bound and indoors if the region you live in has cold winters. The leaves are used for tea.[6]
- Lemon verbena grows quickly during warm summer months, so you'll be able to collect multiple harvests.
- Cultivate rose hips. Rose hips are the seed cases that the rose flower grows out of. They are extremely high in vitamin C and consequently offer the health benefits that the vitamin provides. Rose hips will form once the rose bush goes to seed. The rose hips should be deep orange-red before harvesting.[7]
- Rinse the rose hips to remove clinging soil before steeping them in hot water.
- Plant bergamot. Bergamot is a popular choice for herbal teas because it carries a touch of orange flavor. The plant produces gorgeous bright red, violet, or pink flowers and grows best in full sun or semi-shade. The herb thrives in full sun to partial shade, and does best when left relatively dry. Bergamot also has mild health benefits: it acts as a digestive and diuretic, and can reduce a mild headache.[8]
- Both the leaves and flowers of bergamot are suitable for steeping.
- Grow chamomile. Chamomile is one of the more common herbs used in teas. It is a delightful apple-scented herb, which is traditionally used to induce calm and sleep. Chamomile tolerates full sun to semi-shade. Chamomile flowers are easily grown from seeds. The flowers are the preferred part for making the tea.[9]
- Chamomile is visually appealing as well. It makes a gorgeous but delicate lawn feature with small daisy-like flowers.
EditSelecting Less Common Herbs for Tea - Plant cilantro. Cilantro, also known as coriander, is used more frequently in cooking food than in making teas. However, coriander is suitable for herbal tea and makes a tea which tastes similarly to Lady Grey tea. This tea carries a spicy and acidic flavor with strong citrus undertones. The leaves are used for tea.[10]
- Cilantro thrives in full sun to semi-shade and grows best in a contained pot or small, enclosed garden. Cilantro will even grow well in a small pot placed on your windowsill.
- Grow thyme. Thyme is considered to be a good tea for soothing stomach troubles and sore throats. It is tolerant of full sun and semi-shade and is an ideal container herb. Use the leaves for tea, but if flowers are present, you can add these to the tea as well. If you'd like to pair the herb with another in your tea, try combining it with mint.[11]
- The flavor of thyme in tea is spicy and may be an acquired taste. Try a little bit first before cutting too much herb for your tea!
- Unlike other herbs, thyme is best grown from cuttings or by dividing mature thyme plants in 2. It also prefers poor soil with little water, so may be best grown in its own small planter.
- Raise violets. If you love the smell of violets, violet tea will probably be a new favorite. Violet is also an excellent source of vitamins A and C. Violets are considered to be soothing and refreshing and are a good tonic after winter. The dried leaves and flowers are suitable for steeping.[12]
- Violets prefer shady growing areas and are easy planted in pots if desired. Since most other tea herbs prefer full sun, plan to grow violets in a separate planting container.
- Plant rosemary. Although it's typically used in savory dishes, rosemary also makes an excellent herbal tea. If the taste of rosemary by itself is too strong in a tea, add a few drops of honey and a squeeze of lemon juice.[13] The plant prefers strong full sun but will tolerate light shade, and requires well-drained soil.
- The flavor of rosemary also pairs well in tea with lemon verbena.
- Cultivate stevia. Although best known as an artificial sweetener, stevia is a safe and pleasant-tasting herb to make tea with. Stevia handles colder weather well, and can be grown in outdoor gardens and planters.[14]
- Stevia leaves are naturally sweet and their sweetness can be concentrated by drying or dehydrating them.
EditMaking Fresh Herbal Tea - Pick the leaves or flowers of the herb. The number of leaves, buds, or flowers that you pick will depend on how potent you want your herbal tea to be, and on how much tea you plan to make. 2 or 3 teaspoons of leaves will make a single cup, but you may need to pick 6-8 teaspoons for a full pot of tea.[15]
- Bruise the picked leaves by rubbing them together. Take each leaf between your thumb and index finger and lightly crush and roll the leaf around. These will provide flavor to the tea; non-bruised leaves will produce a much weaker herbal tea, even when steeped or several minutes.[16]
- "Bruising" the herbal tea leaves will release their essential oils.
- Dry your herbs to preserve the leaves. If desired, you can dry your herbs. Cut leaves off the bottom of the herb (from the first three or four inches). Then, hang them upside down until they dry. It can take a few days to a week.
- When making tea from dried herbs, reduce the quantity of herbs by half to three-quarters of the amount of fresh herb you would use.
- Add the herbs to a teapot or place them directly into a mug. For each of tea, add approximately 2 teaspoons of fresh leaves and/or flowers.[17]
- Slice rose hips in half before adding.
- Steep the herbal tea in boiling water for 10-15 minutes. Herbal tea typically needs to steep for longer than black, green, or white tea. This will ensure that the flavors are released and the full benefits of the herb's or flower's qualities are available. Pour the boiling water over the herb leaves in a teapot, cover, and let it steep.[18]
- You can keep herbal tea in the fridge for about 2 days. However, the tea may lose some of its flavor if stored.
- Unless the beverage made uses the tea plant, Camellia sinensis, it is technically not a tea but an "herbal infusion."
- Lemon balm, (not to be confused with lemon verbena), and peppermint will take over the garden if given the opportunity. Keep them pot-bound if this is a concern for you.
- If you are allergic to ragwort, it may be a good idea to avoid chamomile tea, as a similar allergic reaction can occur.
- Do not use herbs or flowers that have pesticide residues. When growing, use natural pest reduction methods. If you obtain your leaves and flowers from elsewhere, ask the gardeners if pesticides were used before ingesting.
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| How to Stop a TV Addiction (for Kids) Posted: 21 Jul 2018 01:00 AM PDT Television for kids can quickly go from a fun way to spend time to an addiction. Finding other activities to do instead of watching TV helps engage your child with other things and practice useful skills, like reading, exercising, being creative, or playing a sport. Limiting television time and encouraging healthy TV habits when you do watch are also ways to help stop your child's addiction to television. EditDoing Other Activities - Encourage your child to read a book instead of watching cartoons. Instead of immediately turning on the TV after school, sit down with your child to read a book. Reading will promote your child's imagination and help learn new vocabulary words.
- Find books on things your child is interested in, like dinosaurs, dogs, or airplanes.
- If your child does not want to read, reward them with one episode of a cartoon for reading for a half hour. [1]
- Write a story with your child instead of pressing the "on" button. Your child can create characters similar to the ones on TV and create adventures to go on. Encouraging imagination through writing short stories will stimulate your child's mind. Give your child ideas to get started with, a sentence prompt, or a theme.
- For example, you can use the writing prompt "Write a story about your favorite superhero," or "Write about vacation."
- If your child refuses, suggest to read a book instead.
- Stock up on art supplies and encourage your child to get creative. Buy crayons, markers, colored pencils, or paint and set up art time for your child. Use a variety of art supplies to foster creative inspiration for your child. This can result in hours of entertainment away from the screen.
- Have your child pick out the art supplies with you to get their imagination going.
- If your child refuses, try other art supplies until something clicks and seems fun.
- Take your child on a day trip instead of the movies. Take a trip to a museum, amusement park, or playground. Go somewhere your child will enjoy and learn something from.
- Show your child some options of places to go and have them pick out the place that interests them most.
- If they refuse, take your child to run errands with you, like to the mall, grocery store, or gas station. Getting out of the house and doing something else will help cut back on TV time. [2]
- Go on a walk with your child instead of zoning out in front of the TV. Take your pet or a bicycle and go to a favorite park with your child. Try to get at least a half hour of exercise a day.
- Have a reward destination in mind, like an ice cream shop or arcade. This will help motivate the child to do the activity and reward them for choosing something other than watching TV. [3]
- Play board games with your family in substitution of the television. Find an age-appropriate and engaging game to play with just your child or as a whole family. This will vary by your child's age group, but some classic examples include Monopoly, Chutes and Ladders, Yahtzee, Go Fish, War, and Life.
- Let your child pick out the game to make sure they enjoy it.
- If you child refuses, make it necessary to play one game before they can watch an hour of TV.[4]
- Sign your child up for a club or sports team. Separating your child from the TV by spending time with other children will help them forget about the TV over time. Sign up for girl or cub scouts, a local soccer team, or gymnastic lessons.
- Have your child pick the activity that seems the most fun.
- Take them to meetings once a week even if they don't seem interested. [5]
- Teach your child how to play an instrument or arrange lessons. Learn and practice an instrument. Music is a great way to engage your child, and they can choose from variety of different instruments. You can teach them at home or get them private lessons. Good instruments to start with include guitar, violin, and piano.
- Give your child a few suggestions of instruments to play, and let them pick.
- If they refuse, try another hobby they may like better, like karate or tap dancing.
EditLimiting TV Time - Set a schedule and stick with it. Create guidelines of how long to watch television each day. Do you want your children to watch TV right after school? After they do their homework? Or after dinner?
- Your schedule could start with only two hours of television a day.
- You can also make your TV time at a specific time every day, like after dinner at 6:00 pm. [6]
- Limit TV time while doing other activities. It is easy to fall into a TV addiction if the screen is always on. Turning off the television while doing things like cooking, cleaning, eating dinner, or doing homework can cut down on excessive TV time. [7]
- Hide the remote aside from designated times to watch. After you make your TV schedule, stick with it by taking away the remote and unplugging your TV. This will enforce your rules and limit overall TV time. [8]
- Stop watching all together. If your child is still displaying TV addiction symptoms, stop watching television as a whole. Remove the TV from its location or disconnect the power cord. This will ensure there will be no watching TV. The less television your child is used to having in their day-to-day lives, the less they will miss it.
- Also try doing this for just a week or over the weekends to limit television time but not cut it out cold turkey. This will give your family a break from depending on technology, especially if your child has a serious addiction. After your TV break, your child may not want to watch TV quite as much.[9]
EditEncouraging Healthy TV Habits - Watch television together as a family. Focus on the program with your child rather than multitasking with something else. This will not only help you become aware of what your child is exposed to, but also connect as a family. [10]
- Be a role model with your television habits. If you want your child to cut back with watching TV, you need to monitor your use as well. Turn it off when you aren't watching, and be intentional with when you do watch TV. Children are influenced by their parents' examples, so set a good one by not watching too much television. [11]
- Choose what to watch ahead of time and only watch TV during that program. Select a show or movie to watch with your child. Watching TV consciously will show your child that you should be engaged when watching television. This will reinforce proper TV viewing times rather than watching only when bored.[12]
- Help your child make smart choices while watching TV. Teach your child the difference between an advertisement and a TV show, and talk about what aspects of a given show happen in real life. This will help them understand that not everything on TV is real and true. Encourage your child to choose to stop watching TV after so many episodes and do something else.
- You can say something like, "Hey Nicholas, see that? That is a commercial, something that shows you something to buy. This is not part of the show, okay?"
- After the show, say something like: "When that guy hit the guy in the blue hat, that is not something you want to do in real life. Hitting strangers is not okay."
- Remove TV from their bedroom and limit time watched before bed. It is easy for a child to become dependent on television if they can turn it on at all times of day. Keep your screen location contained to the family room. Not having a screen in their bedroom will eliminate time spent watching.
- Be mindful to not have them watch TV during the hour before their bedtime, to give your child a break from the screen and help them sleep better. [13]
- Try to prevent your child's TV usage from even becoming an addition by taking these steps early on, as preventative measures.
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