| How to Let Go of Shame and Build Self Esteem Posted: 08 Jan 2017 04:00 PM PST Shame is one of the most destructive and debilitating emotions humans can feel and occurs when people feel bad about themselves in comparison to their standards for themselves as well as those of society.[1] Feelings of shame can lead people to engage in self-destructive and risky behaviors, such as alcohol and drug abuse, and can also cause long-term physical and emotional problems, including bodily pain, depression, low self-esteem, and anxiety.[2] However, you can avoid this path entirely by making a concerted effort to let go of shame and instead value yourself and your contributions to the world. It's important to remember that you are so much more than just the one thing you may have done, said, or felt. EditLetting Go of Shame - Give up the pursuit of perfection. Trying to be perfect in any one part of our lives is an unrealistic expectation and it sets us up to feel low self-worth and even shame when we don't measure up.[3] The idea of perfection is a social construction produced by the media and society that suggests we can be perfect if we look, act, and think a certain way, but this is not a reflection of reality.[4]
- We all have ideas, thanks to society and the media, about what we "should" do and who we "should" be. You need to let go of these beliefs and, indeed, try to avoid putting stock in the word "should". [5] "Should" statements imply that there is something you ought to be doing or thinking and that if you're not, something is wrong with you.[6]
- Holding yourself up to impossibly high standards that you can never meet will only create a vicious cycle of shame and low self-esteem.[7]
- Avoid rumination. Rumination of negative feelings can lead to inappropriate levels of shame and self-loathing. Research has suggested in fact that ruminating on your feelings of shame can lead to depression, social anxiety, and even increased blood pressure.[8]
- In general, people tend to ruminate more over something that happened to them in a social context, such as a public presentation or performance, rather than a private experience, like a fight with a spouse. In part this is because we care deeply about the opinions of others and worry especially that we have embarrassed or shamed ourselves in view of others. This causes us to dwell and get stuck in self-shaming and negative thinking.[9]
- But remember that rumination, while easy to fall into, doesn't actually solve anything or make the situation better. In fact, it makes everything worse.[10]
- Show yourself compassion. If you feel yourself in danger of ruminating, nurture self-compassion and kindness. Be your own friend. Instead of berating yourself and engaging in negative self-talk (i.e., "I'm stupid and worthless"), treat yourself as you would a friend or other loved one. This requires careful observance of your behavior and the ability to step back and realize that you would not let a friend engage in this kind of self-destructive thinking.[11] Research has suggested that self-compassion has numerous benefits, including mental well-being, increase life satisfaction, and decreased self-criticism, among others.[12]
- Try journaling. When you feel the urge to ruminate, instead write a compassionate paragraph to yourself that expresses awareness of your feelings but also recognizes that you are simply human and that you are deserving of love and support. Even just 10 minutes of this expression of self-compassion can make a positive difference.[13]
- Develop a mantra or habit that you can draw on when you feel a dwelling spiral about to happen. Try putting your hand on your heart and saying, "May I be safe and kind to myself. May I have ease of both mind and heart." In this way, you are expressing true care and concern for yourself.[14]
- Avoid focusing purely on the past. For many people, shame paralyzes them in the present; it makes them anxious, fearful, depressed, and cause feelings of low self-worth. However, it's important that you let the past be the past; you can not change or undo the past, but you can choose how your past affects your present outlook and future. Leave your shame behind as you forge ahead to a better life.[15]
- Change and transformation is always possible. This is one of the beautiful things about the human condition. You're aren't beholden to your past for all eternity.
- Remember that life is about the long haul, and that you can always bounce back from a tough period.
- Show flexibility. Try to avoid responding to your experiences with "all or nothing" thinking or judgment. This kind of thinking only creates tensions between the expectations we hold for ourselves and what's actually possible. So much of life isn't black or white but gray. Be aware that there are no true "rules" for life and that people behave and think differently and live their own variation of the "rules". [16]
- Be more open, generous, and flexible about the world and try to refrain from passing judgement on others. Cultivating a more open attitude about how we view society and the people within it often reverberates back into how we think of ourselves. Over time, you may be willing to let go of some of those rigid judgments that result in feelings of low self-esteem and shame.[17]
- Let go of the influences of others. If you have negative thoughts in your head, it's possible you have people around you who giving fodder to those same types of negative messages about you, even close friends and family. In order to let go of shame and move forward, you'll need to minimize "toxic" individuals who bring you down rather than lift you up.
- Consider the negative statements of others to be 10 pound weights. These weigh you down and it becomes more difficult to bring yourself back up. Free yourself from that burden and remember that people cannot define who you are as person. Only you can define who you are.
- Cultivate mindfulness. Research has shown that mindfulness-based therapy can facilitate self-acceptance and help reduce shame. Mindfulness is a technique that invites you to learn to observe your emotions without heightened emotions. In other words, you open yourself up to the experience in a non-reactive manner, rather than trying to avoid it.[18]
 - The principle of mindfulness is that you need to acknowledge and experience the shame before you can let it go. Mindfulness is not easy because it means becoming aware of the negative self-talk that often accompanies shame, like self-condemnations, comparisons with others, etc. However, the task is to acknowledge and recognize shame without getting caught up in or giving power to those emotions that arise.[19]
- Try to find a quiet space to practice mindfulness. Sit in a relaxed position and focus on your breathing. Count the inhales and exhales. Inevitably, your mind will wander. When this happens, don't chastise yourself but take note of what you are feeling. Don't judge it; just be aware of it. Try to bring attention back to your breath, as this is the real work of mindfulness.[20]
- By acknowledging but de-centering your thoughts and not letting them take over, you are learning how to cope with negative feelings without actually trying to change them. In other words, you are changing your relationship to your thoughts and feelings. Some people have found that in doing this, eventually the content of your thoughts and emotions changes (for the better) too.[21]
- Embrace acceptance. Accept the things you cannot change about yourself. You are who you are and that's fine. Some studies have shown that acceptance can help individuals step out of a cycle of shame and move forward onto more functional ways of living.[22][23]
- You will have to accept that you cannot change the past or go back in time. You have to accept yourself as you are today, right now.
- Acceptance also involves acknowledging difficulty and showing awareness that you are able to withstand painful feelings in the present moment. For example, say, "I know I feel bad now, but I can accept it because I know emotions come and go, and I can work to resolve my feelings."[24]
EditBuilding Self-Esteem - Focus on the positive. Instead of spending your time feeling shame for not measuring up to your or anyone else's standards, focus on all of your accomplishments and achievements. You'll see that you have lots to be proud of and that you offer real value to the world and to yourself.[25]
- Consider writing down your achievements, positive attributes or things you like about yourself, and the ways in which you have helped others.[26] You can write in a freestyle manner or create a list of different categories. See this exercise as never-ending; always add to the list as you do new things, such as graduate from school, rescue a puppy, or win an award. Also drawn attention to things that make you happy with yourself; maybe you like your smile or like that you are goal-directed.[27]
- Return to your list whenever you have doubts or feel that you are not measuring up. Recalling all of the things that you have done and continue to do will help you build a more positive self-image.
- Extend a helping hand to others. There is significant research indicating that people who help others or volunteer have higher self-esteem than those who do not. It may seem counter-intuitive that aiding others helps you feel better about yourself, but the science suggests that connecting with others increases our own positive feelings about ourselves.[28]
- As a bonus, helping others makes us happier! In addition, you will also be making a real difference in someone's world. Not only will you be happier, but someone else might also be as well.
- There are so many opportunities out there to get involved with others and make a difference. Consider volunteering at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter. Offer to coach a children's sports team during the summer. Step in when a friend needs a hand and make them a bunch of meals to freeze. Volunteer at your local animal shelter.[29]
- Offer daily affirmations. An affirmation is a positive statement that is intended to build your confidence and encourage you. Offering yourself positive affirmations each and every day works to restore your sense of self-worth as well as increase the compassion you show for yourself. After all, you probably wouldn't treat a friend the way you treat yourself; instead you'd show them compassion if they expressed feelings of guilt or shame. Do the same for yourself. Be kind to yourself. Set aside time each day to say aloud, write, or think affirmations. Some examples include:[30]
- "I am a good person. I deserve the best even if I have done some questionable things in my past."
- "I make mistakes and I learn from them."
- "I have lots to offer the world. I have value to myself and to others."
- Know the difference between opinions and facts. For a lot of us, it can be hard to separate out opinions from facts. A fact is a true state that is irrefutable, while an opinion is something you think that may be based on some facts but is not itself a fact.[31]
- For example, "I am 17 years old" is a fact. You were born 17 years ago and have the birth certificate to prove it. There is no challenging that fact. However, "I'm stupid for my age" is an opinion, even if you might seem to offer evidence confirming this, like not being able to drive or not having a job. However, if you think more carefully about this opinion, you can evaluate it more critically. Maybe you can't drive because your parents work too much and haven't had time to teach you or you can't afford driving lessons. Maybe you don't have a job because you spend your after-school time looking after your siblings.
- Thinking more carefully about the opinions you hold will help you realize that negative opinions can often be reevaluated with a closer look at the details.
- Appreciate your own uniqueness. When you compare yourself with others, you are cheating yourself out of valuing your own individuality. Remember, you are a unique individual and you have a lot to offer the world. Put your shame behind you, and shine like you were meant to shine.
 - Focus on highlighting your individuality and those neat things that make you you, rather than hiding behind veil of social conformity. Maybe you like mixing quirky clothes and patterns together in your self-presentation. Maybe you have a passion for Europop. Maybe you're really skilled at building things with your hands. Embrace these aspects of yourself, rather than try to hide them; you might be surprised (and impressed!) at what kind of innovations can come from honing in on your particular skills and thoughts. After all, Alan Turing, Steve Jobs, and Thomas Edison, were all individuals whose uniqueness helped foster their exceptional discoveries and contributions.
- Nowhere is it written that you HAVE to look like everyone else, be interested in the same hobbies, or follow the same life trajectory. Not everyone, for example, actually has to follow current fashion or music trends, or settle down by the time they're 30 and get married and have kids. These are just things that the media and society promote, but are not in fact real-existing truisms. Do what you feel is best for you and what makes you feel good. Remember that the only person who has to feel good about you is you. You have to live with yourself, so follow the beat of your own drum and not anyone else's.
- Surround yourself with positive social support. Almost all humans benefit from social and emotional support, whether it be from families, friends, co-workers and others in our social networks. It's helpful for us to talk to and strategize with others about our problems and issues. Oddly enough, social support actually makes us better able to cope on our own with our problems because it increases our self-esteem.[32]
 - Research has consistently shown a correlation between perceived social support and self-esteem, such that when people believe they have social support, their self-esteem and feelings of self-worth increase. Thus, if you feel supported by the people around you, you should feel better about yourself and better able to cope with negative feelings and stress.[33]
- Know that when it comes to social support, there is no one-size-fits-all mentality. Some people prefer to have just a few close friends whom they can turn to, while others cast a wider net and find support among their neighbors or church or religious community.[34]
- Look for people you trust and who maintain a personal code of confidentiality. Remember, you don't want to rely on someone who may actually make you feel worse about yourself, even if this person doesn't really intend to do so.[35]
- Social support can also take new forms in our modern age. If you feel anxiety about having to talk to someone face-to-face, you can also stay connected with family and friends or meet new people via social media, video chats, and email.[36]
- Consult a mental health professional. If you are struggling to improve your self-esteem and/or feel that your feelings of shame are adversely affecting your daily mental and physical functioning, you should make an appointment with a counselor, psychologist, or other mental health professional.
- In many cases, a therapist can help you develop useful strategies to improve your self-image. Remember sometimes people just can't fix everything on their own. Moreover, therapy has been shown to have a significant effect on raising self-esteem and quality of life.[37][38]
- In addition, a therapist can help you cope with any other mental health issues that you may be facing as a cause or consequence of your shame and low self-esteem, including depression and anxiety.
- Know that asking for help is a sign of strength, not a sign of personal failure or weakness.[39]
EditSources and Citations
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| How to Write a Business Plan for a Small Business Posted: 08 Jan 2017 08:00 AM PST A business plan refers to a written document that comprehensively outlines what your business is, where it is going, and how it will get there. The business plan outlines in specific terms the financial objectives of your business, and how it will position itself to achieve those goals in the context of the current market environment. In addition, the business plan is an indispensable tool to attract business capital. This article will outline how to create one step-by-step. EditPreparing To Write Your Business Plan - Determine the type of business plan you will use. While all business plans share the common objective of describing a businesses purpose and structure, analyzing the marketplace, and creating cash flow projections, the types of plans differ. There are three major kinds.
- The mini plan. This is a shorter plan (likely 10 pages or less), and is useful for determining potential interest in your business, further exploring a concept, or starting point to a full plan. This is a great starting point. [1]
- The working plan. This can be considered the full version of the miniplan, and its main purpose is to outline, without emphasis on appearance, precisely how to build and operate the business. This is the plan that the business owner would refer to regularly as the business moves towards its objectives.[2]
- The presentation plan. The presentation plan is meant for individuals other than those owning and operating the business. This could include potential investors or bankers. It is essentially the working plan, but with an emphasis on sleek, marketable presentation, and proper business language and terminology. Whereas the working plan is made for reference by the owner, the presentation needs to be written with investors, bankers, and the public in mind. [3]
- Understand the basic structure of the business plan. Whether you opt for a miniplan, or a comprehensive working plan to start, it is essential to understand the basic elements of a business plan.
- The business concept is the first broad element of a business plan. The focus here is on the description of your business, its market, its products, and its organizational structure and management.
- The market analysis is the second major element of a business plan. Your business will operate within a particular marketplace, and it is important to understand customer demographics, preferences, needs, buying behavior, as well as the competition.
- The financial analysis is the third component of the business plan. If your business is new, this will include projected cash flows, capital expenditures, and the balance sheet. It will also include forecasts as to when the business will break-even.
- Obtain appropriate help. If you lack business or financial education, it is never a bad idea to enlist the help of an accountant to assist with the financial analysis portion of the plan.
- The above sections are the broad components of the business plan. These sections in turn break down into the following seven sections, which we will, in order, focus on writing next: Company description, market analysis, organization structure and management, products and services, marketing and sales, and request for funding. [4]
EditWriting Your Business Plan - Format your document correctly. Format section titles in Roman Numeral order. For example, I, II, III, and so forth. [5]
- While the first section is technically known as the "Executive Summary" (which gives an official overview of your business), it is typically written last since all the information from the business plan is required to create it.
- Write your company description as the first section. To do this, describe your business and identify the marketplace needs for your product or service. Briefly describe your key customers and how you intend to succeed. [6]
- For example, if your business is a small coffee shop, your description may read something like, "Joe's coffee shop is a small, downtown-based establishment focused on serving premium brewed coffee and fresh baking in a relaxed, contemporary environment. Joe's coffee is located one block from the local University, and aims to provide a comfortable environment for students, professors, and downtown employees to study, socialize, or simply relax between classes or meetings. By focusing on excellent ambiance, close location, premium products, and superb customer service, Joe's coffee will differentiate itself from its peers."
- Write your market analysis. The purpose of this section is explore and demonstrate knowledge of the market your business is operating within.[7]
- Include information about your target market. You should be able to answer questions like, who is your target market? What are their needs and preferences? How old are they, and where are they located?
- Make sure to include a competitive analysis that provides research and information on immediate competitors. List your main competitors strengths and weaknesses and the potential impact on your business. This section is extremely important, as it outlines how your business will gain market share by capitalizing on competitor's weaknesses.
- Describe your company's organizational structure and management. This section of the business plan focuses on key personnel. Include details about the business owners and its management team. [8]
- Talk about your team's expertise and how decisions will be made. If the owners and managers and have extensive backgrounds in the industry or a track record of success, highlight it.
- If you have an organizational chart, include it.
- Describe your product or service. What are you selling? What's so great about your product or service? How will customers benefit? How is it better than your competitors products or services? [9]
- Address any questions about your product's life cycle. Do you currently have or anticipate developing a prototype, or filing for a patent or copyright? Note all planned activities.
- For example, if you are writing a plan for a coffee shop, you would include a detailed menu that would outline all your products. Before writing the menu, you would include a short summary indicating why your particular menu sets your business apart from others. You may state, for example, "Our coffee shop will provide five different types of beverages, including coffee, teas, smoothies, soda's, and hot chocolates. Our wide variety will be a key competitive advantage as we can provide a diversity of product offerings that our main competitors are currently not offering".
- Write your marketing and sales strategy. In this section, explain how you intend to penetrate the market, manage growth, communicate with customers, and distribute your products or services.[10]
- Be clear in defining your sales strategy. Will you use sales representatives, billboard advertising, pamphlet distribution, social media marketing, or all of the above?
- Make a funding request. If you will use your business plan to secure funding, include a funding request. Explain how much money you need to start and maintain your small business. Provide an itemized summary of how start-up capital will be used. Give a timeline for your funding request. [11]
- Gather financial statements to support your funding request. To accurately complete this step, in some cases it might be necessary to hire an accountant, lawyer, or other professional. [12]
- Financial statements should include all historical (if you are an existing business) or projected financial data, including forecast statements, balance sheets, cash-flow statements, profit and loss statements, and expenditure budgets. For one full year, provide monthly and quarterly statements. Each year after that, yearly statements. These documents will be placed in the Appendix Section of your business plan.
- Include projected cash flows for at least 6 years or until stable growth rates are achieved and if possible, a valuation calculation based on discounted cash flows.
- Write the executive summary. Your executive summary will serve as an introduction to your business plan. It will include your company's mission statement and provide readers with an overview of your products or services, target market, and goals and objectives. Remember to place this section at the beginning of your document.[13]
- Existing businesses should include historical information about the company. When was the business first conceptualized? What are some notable growth benchmarks?
- Start-ups will focus more on industry analysis and their funding goal. Mention the company's corporate structure, its funding requirement, and if you will provide equity to investors.
- Existing businesses and start-ups should highlight any major achievements, contracts, current or potential clients and summarize future plans.
EditFinalizing Your Business Plan - Include an Appendix. This is the very last section and it's meant to provide additional information. Potential investors might want to see this information before making a decision. The documents you include here should support claims made in other sections of the business plan. [14]
- This should include financial statements, credit reports, business licenses or permits, legal documents and contracts (to demonstrate to investors that revenue forecasts are secured by concrete business relationships), and bios/resumes for key personnel.
- Elaborate risk factors. There should a section clearly outlining the risk factors affecting your venture and your mitigation plans. This also indicates to the reader how well prepared you are for contingencies.
- Revise and edit. Review your business plan for spelling and grammatical errors. Do this several times before deciding on the final version.
- Rework or completely rewrite content to ensure it works from the perspective of the reader. This is especially true if you are creating a "presentation plan".
- Read your document aloud. This allows you to detect if any sentences do not flow together well, and it also makes any grammatical mistakes more obvious.
- Make a copy and give it to a trusted friend or colleague to proofread and provide feedback. You can go online and print a Non-Disclosure Agreement (NDA) for them to sign to help protect your business idea.
- Create a cover page. The cover page identifies your document and gives it aesthetic appeal and professionalism. It also helps your document to stand out.
- Your cover page should include: The words "Business Plan" centered in large bold font, along with your company name, company logo, and contact information. Simplicity is key.
- In addition to this guide, you can follow along with the SBA's Create A Business Plan [15] for more in-depth step-by-step instructions.
- Useful Small Business resources are available through city and state government agencies. Check with your local Chamber of Commerce, or visit the Small Business Administration (SBA) website at: www.sba.gov.
EditSources and Citations
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| How to Make Moss Graffiti Posted: 08 Jan 2017 12:00 AM PST As people become more eco-friendly and environmentally aware, the idea of making living, breathing graffiti has become an exciting outlet for graffiti artists. Also called eco-graffiti or green graffiti, moss graffiti replaces spray paint, paint-markers or other such toxic chemicals and paints with a paintbrush and a moss "paint" that can grow on its own. It can also be considered another form of guerrilla gardening. Learn more about this simple technique after the jump. EditIngredients - One or two clumps (about a small handful) of moss
- 2 cups of buttermilk
- You can also substitute with yogurt (vegan yogurt can be used) NOTE: not flavored yogurt
- 2 cups of water
- 1/2 tsp. sugar
- Corn syrup (optional)
EditFinding the moss - Gather up as much moss as you can find or buy. Where you gather the moss is important. The kind that grows on trees won't necessarily do well on walls.
- Gather moss from pavement, damp bricks, cement walkway, etc. Moss from the woods doesn't work as well and should be left in the wild. If there is no moss on the walks and walls where you live, the moss milk probably won't work in that climate.
EditPreparing the moss - Wash the moss to get as much soil out of the roots as possible.
- Break the moss apart. Break into manageable pieces. Then place the pieces in the blender.
EditMaking moss milk - Add the buttermilk/yogurt, water/beer and sugar. Blend the mixture until completely smooth. You'll want it to have a paint-like texture.
- If the mixture is at a consistency where you feel it will drip, add corn syrup until the consistency you desire is reached.
- Alternatively, use one cup of ordinary milk to 1 to 2 tablespoons of moss.
- Pour mixture from the blender to a bucket. Whizz around but do not liquefy it because the moss cells must stay intact.
EditApplying the moss graffiti - Use a paintbrush to apply the moss-paint to the surface on which you wish your design to grow.
- If possible, check back weekly to either spray the design with water (to encourage moss growth, especially if you live in a dry environment) or apply more moss-paint.
- Check your moss graffiti regularly. Depending on your climate, sometimes it takes a while to grow your moss.
- Moss grows best on porous surfaces such as bricks or other stones.
- The best times to plant your graffiti are in the spring or fall, and keeping the moss moist will encourage its growth.
- If for any reason you wish to get rid of the design or parts of the design, spray it with lime juice as this will kill the moss.
- Condensed milk can be used in place of buttermilk or milk.
- This paint is very tasty to slugs. Start your graffiti well above ground level or it will just get eaten.
- Apply your paint in a moist area that receives a moderate amount of sunlight.
- Moss can also be used as a decorative element indoors.
- Graffiti art, unless done with a public art permit, is probably not legal in your area. This article does not endorse illegal art, but does suggest that the graffiti can be done in or around your home or with a permit.
- If you're doing this because it's the green thing to do, be careful of how you obtain your moss. Please do NOT gather it from public areas. You can buy it from nurseries or online sources who grow it commercially. It's not exactly anti-establishment but the right thing to do.
EditThings You'll Need - A paint brush
- A blender
- Moss
EditRelated wikiHows EditSources and Citations
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