| How to Stop Hydroplaning Posted: 05 Oct 2016 05:00 PM PDT Hydroplaning happens when your tires encounter more water than they can scatter, so they lose contact with the road and skid along the water's surface. The water pressure in front of the tire forces a layer of water underneath the tire, reducing friction and causing the driver to lose control of the car. Learning how to avoid hydroplaning and regain control when it does happen will help you stay out of danger the next time driving conditions are wet and slippery. Although it can be a scary experience, the most important thing is to remember to stay calm. EditDriving Practices to Avoid Hydroplaning - Be careful during the first few minutes of rainfall. Those first ten or so minutes after it starts to rain can be the most dangerous. This is because when rain first begins to fall, it stirs up oil and other substances that have dried on the road. The mixture or oil and water forms a film on the road that makes it extra slippery.
- During those first few minutes, drive more slowly and be on high alert for other drivers skidding.
- Heavy downpour over an extended period of time will eventually wash the roads clean, so conditions might be a little less dangerous at that point.
- Slow down in wet conditions. The faster you're going, the harder it is for your car to maintain traction in wet conditions. If your tires connect with a puddle of standing water, instead of maintaining contact with the road, they'll be more likely to skid. That's why it's important to slow down in wet conditions, even if visibility is fine.
- It's fine to go under the speed limit if the roads are wet. Don't go slower than the flow of traffic, but don't feel you have to go on the highway during a downpour.
- It's especially important to go slowly if you see standing water.
- Avoid driving through puddles and standing water. These are the spots where you'll be most likely to hydroplane, since your tires will have difficulty maintaining traction. They aren't always easy to see, so be extra cautious (and drive a little slower) when enough rain has fallen to start collecting in puddles.
- Puddles are most likely to form along the sides of the road, so try to stay in the center of the lane.[1]
- Try to drive in the tire tracks left by the cars in front of you. This decreases the chance that water will build up in front of your tires and cause you to lose control of your car.
- Make sure your windshield wipers are working properly. Poor visibility during rainfall leads to more accidents in part because it's difficult to see puddles through a wet windshield.
- Turn off cruise control. If you're driving on the highway and using cruise control, turn it off when it starts to rain. You'll be more in tune with the conditions around you when it's off. You may need to reduce your speed quickly, and that's easier to do when your foot is already on the brake and you're paying careful attention to the road conditions and your speed.
- Consider driving in a lower gear. This enables you to maintain traction more easily and will prevent you from going too fast.[2] While it's not necessarily possible to do if you're on a highway, if you're on a road with a lower speed limit driving in a lower gear can help you safely take treacherous turns or drive down hills without hydroplaning.
- Drive slowly and carefully to avoid skids, and maintain a mild pressure on your brake and gas. If you have to brake, do so in gentle pumps; if your car has anti-lock brakes, then you can brake normally. Make sure that you don't lock the wheels, which will throw your car into a skid.
- Avoid sudden acceleration and braking. Don't make sudden turns, as these could throw your car off-course.
- Be extra cautious on curvy roads, taking care to steer smoothly and to drive slowly.
EditRegaining Control When You Hydroplane - Understand what's happening when you skid. When you hydroplane, so much water has built up in your tires that they lose contact with the road. Your car will behave differently depending on how you've been driving and which tires are hydroplaning.
- If your vehicle has been driving straight, it will most likely feel loose and begin veering in either direction.
- If the drive wheels hydroplane, there might be an increase in your speedometer and engine RPM (revolutions per minute) as your tires begin to spin.
- If the front wheels hydroplane, the car will start to slip towards the outside of the bend.
- If the back wheels hydroplane, the car's rear end will begin to veer sideways into a skid.
- If all four wheels hydroplane, the car will slide forward in a straight line, as though it were a large sled.
- Stay calm and wait for the skid to stop. When you first start to skid, it can be panic-inducing. The car feels out of control and your impulse might be to do something rash. Try not to panic or lose your concentration. You just have to wait for the skid to stop, and stay alert so you can regain control of the car. No matter how your car reacts to hydroplaning, you can take the same steps to regain control.
- Bear in mind that most hydroplane-related skids last for just a split second before your car regains traction. Waiting it out is the best way to handle the situation.
- Don't slam on the brakes or yank the steering wheel, since these actions will cause you to further lose control of the vehicle.
- Ease your foot off the gas. Accelerating into a skid can cause you to lose control of the car and make matters worse. Don't try to accelerate out of the skid; instead, slowly ease up, and wait a moment or to until you regain control before you accelerate again.
- If you were braking when you entered the skid, ease up on the brake until it's over.
- If you're driving a manual transmission car, disengage the clutch as well.[3]
- Steer in the direction you want the car to go. Maintain a firm grip and carefully point the car in the right direction. This technique is known as "steering into the skid," and it's the best way to get your car back on track after skidding. You may need to correct the car's course a few times with light counter-steering as you're regaining traction.
- Don't turn too sharply or you'll overcorrect. Jerking the wheel back and forth could cause the car to spin out of control. Keep a steady hand on the wheel and steer with small movements to correct your course.
- Brake carefully. Never slam on your brakes when you're hydroplaning, since it will make your car do unpredictable things. If you can wait until the skid is over to brake, that's ideal. If you need to break during the skid, pump your brakes gently until you regain contact with the road.
- If you have anti-lock brakes, brake normally, since your car's automated brakes will do the pumping for you.
EditKeeping Your Tires in Tip-Top Condition - Make sure your tires have good tread. Tires that are bald or have inadequate tread are unable to maintain good traction with the road, especially in slippery conditions.[4] Having balding tires makes you much more prone to hydroplaning (as well as other tire-related problems like skidding on ice and getting flats). No matter where you live, you're sure to experience wet conditions every once in a while, so be prepared by making sure your tires are in good condition.
- Worn tires are more prone to hydroplaning because they have shallow tread depth. A tire with treads that are worn halfway will hydroplane slower than fresh tires.[5]
- A new tire has a tread depth of around 10/32", and over time this gets worn down. When it reaches 2/32", the tires are considered unsafe to drive on.
- You can determine whether your tires have enough tread by checking the wear bars. Federal Motor Vehicle Safety Standards require tire manufacturers to make tires with wear bars to indicate how much tread is left. When the tread of the tire is even with the wear bars, it's time for new tires.
- Try the penny trick to see if you have enough tread.[6] If you can't find the wear bars, stick a penny into the tire's tread with Lincoln's head pointing down. If you can see the top of his head, it's time for new tires. If part of his head is buried in the tread, you can wait to get new tires.
- Rotate tires when necessary. Tire rotation is an important way to save the treads on your tires. The type of car you have as well as your driving style can cause some tires to get worn out faster than others. Switching the tires to different wheels periodically prevents tires from wearing down too much on one side. Take your car to a mechanic or tire center and have the tires checked to see if they need to be rotated.
- It's customary to rotate tires every or so. If you're not sure if your tires have ever been rotated, there's no harm in getting it done just in case.
- Front wheel drive vehicles need more frequent tire rotation, since this causes the front tires to wear out differently from the back tires.[7]
- Make sure your tires are inflated properly. Underinflated tires can make you more likely to hydroplane, since they have more difficulty maintaining good traction with the road. They can also deflect inwards, which makes the tire center higher and traps water easier. [5] Changes in temperature can cause the pressure in your tires to rise and fall, so it's important to check your tires regularly. Every few months, check the air pressure in your tires to make sure they're properly inflated.
- Each car is a little different, so consult the owner's manual to find out exactly how your tires should be inflated.
- If necessary, inflate your tires according to the manufacturer's instructions.
- It's far better to avoid getting your vehicle in a hydroplaning situation in the first place by making sure your tires are in good condition, and by driving slowly throughout wet conditions. As a general rule of thumb, you should slow your speed by at least one-third during extremely rainy days.
- Aircraft tires can also hydroplane. Handling that situation is distinct from the steps outlined in this article, which assumes you are driving a motor vehicle on the ground.
- The grooves in a tire are supposed to expel water from the tire, but sometimes the buildup of water is so high that the tire cannot disperse it.[5] Releasing the gas pedal slows the car enough that the tire should be able to regain contact with the ground.
- Do not use cruise control in heavy rain. Your vehicle will recognize the build up of water as a slow down and ask for more power, which may lead to problems.
- Do not brake harshly when your car hydroplanes, even though that is likely to be your first impulse. Hard braking can cause your wheels to lock, which risks skidding and further loss of control over your vehicle.
- Electronic stability control, or ESC systems, and anti-lock brakes are not substitutes for cautious driving and taking good care of tires. ESC systems use advanced wheel braking techniques, but that still relies on there being contact with the road -- at best, it aids in recovery when the car slows enough to regain traction, but it cannot prevent hydroplaning.[5]
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| How to Relax Before a Final Exam in College Posted: 05 Oct 2016 09:00 AM PDT Your final exams will have a huge impact on your life. You know it and you want to keep your stress level under control. Relaxing before the exams is the best way to perform well. This tutorial will give you a few tips to face this difficult time of your life. But don't forget to study! EditStaying Calm The Day Before - Use a schedule. In order to stay calm, you will need to have a firm grasp on your time. You will probably want to review but you should also take a few hours for yourself. The best way to find a good balance is to use a daily sheet to monitor your activities.[1]
- Leave time for breaks. It's important to stop once in a while to allow your brain to rest. Get up, walk around, give yourself a good stretch.[2]
- Be realistic. Instead of trying to review everything, set priorities. If you target your weaknesses, you will cover far more ground.
- Eat and drink well. Stress has an effect on the body and on our ability to study. Try to maintain a healthy diet and remember that moderation is the key. There is no need to drink ten cups of coffee or energy drinks to work more efficiently. If anything, it will make you more nervous and might prevent you from sleeping.[3]
- Drink plenty of water. It's good for your body and research has demonstrated that it boosts your brain's reaction time.[4]
- Don't eat spicy, greasy, or heavy food. It takes longer to digest and could keep you up late.[5]
- Try a relaxing herbal tea. Chamomile, peppermint, and passionflower are all good choices to help you unwind.[6]
- Avoid illegal substances. Many students use cognitive-enhancing drugs to get higher grades.[7] It is both illegal and dangerous.
- Don't drink alcohol. You might think it helps you sleep, but alcohol actually disrupts your REM sleep, the type of deep sleep that helps you feel awake and alert the next morning. Plus, you don't want a hangover the morning of the big exam! Skip the booze -- you'll be glad you did.[8]
- Do some exercise. Sport is a great way to release the pressure after a hard day of work. You will probably have spent a lot of time in your room studying. Going outside and doing physical activities will relax your muscles and occupy your mind with something fun.[9]
- Sport is great but avoid dangerous games. You don't want to break your leg the day before your final exams.
- Go with your friends. Combining social and physical activities is rewarding.
- Try some aromatherapy. If you're feeling very jittery, try using an essential herbal oil to help you unwind and relax. Add a few drops to an eye mask or your pillow, or soak in a calming bath. You could use an oil diffuser, too. Lavender has been shown to help people relax, de-stress, and fall asleep.[10] You can also try one of the following to help battle anxiety and stress:[11][12]
- Chamomile
- Sage
- Neroli
- Rose
- Lemon balm
- Bergamot
- Jasmine
EditGetting Good Sleep - Take a warm bath. The warm water will help you relax and get ready for bed. Add a few drops of lavender or another essential oil to help soothe your nerves.[13]
- Stop working at least 30 minutes before going to bed. You need a cooling-down period. Listen to some music or read a book. Don't call a friend to talk about the exams. It will only stress you.
- Avoid blue light from screens, such as from phones, TVs, laptops, or tablets, for at least 2-3 hours before you want to sleep. Blue light emitted from screens can interfere with your body's melatonin production and keep you from sleeping well.[14]
- Try some deep breathing exercises. Deep breathing can help you relax your body and get ready to sleep. Focus on breathing from your diaphragm and take about 6-8 deep breaths per minute.[15]
- Place one hand on your belly, below your ribcage, and one hand on your chest.
- Inhale through your nose. You should feel the hand on your belly lift as you breathe in. If you don't, adjust your breathing until you feel your stomach expand as you inhale.
- Hold the breath for 1-2 seconds. Then, slowly exhale for a count of 4.
- Repeat this 6-8 times per minute for a few minutes.
- Try relaxing your muscles in groups. Called progressive muscle relaxation, this technique can help you de-stress and get ready for sleep.[16] Begin with your toes and squeeze them as tightly as you can for 5 seconds. Release the tension and relax for 5 seconds. Then, move up to your feet. Curl them towards your knees as hard as you can for 5 seconds. Release the tension and relax for 5 seconds.
- Continue tensing and relaxing muscle groups all up your body, including your legs, buttocks, stomach, back, shoulders, neck, and face.
- Sleep a good night. Having a good night is important [17] but there is no need to go to bed earlier than usual if you aren't tired. You don't want to get nervous in your bed because you can't sleep. Once in bed, try to keep your mind off your exams. Think about something relaxing, such as your next holiday, or about a happy memory.
- If you can't sleep, get up and go to another room, but don't turn on the TV or play with your phone. Listen to some quiet music or read a book. You'll probably feel sleepy in a few minutes, and then you can go back to bed.[18]
- If you don't manage to sleep much or at all, don't panic. Research shows that it might not be as important as you think. Your body can usually handle one night of less sleep because adrenaline will kick in.[19]
- Don't forget to set up an alarm. You don't want to be late.
EditStaying In Control The Day of The Exam - Go through your morning routine. You will probably wake up feeling stressed. This is normal and there are ways to keep the anxiety at bay. Take a relaxing shower or a bath and dress for your exam. Wear comfortable clothes to feel at ease. Eat a healthy breakfast and make sure to drink plenty of water. Dehydration can make you feel foggy or tired.[20]
- Don't work while eating your breakfast. It is important to dedicate your attention to one activity at a time. Enjoy your food and make sure to start the day with a positive attitude.
- Eat smart. Breakfast really is the most important meal of the day. Studies show that people who eat breakfast tend to perform better on exams.[21] Eat some whole-grain complex carbohydrates, such as oatmeal or low-sugar muesli, that will digest slowly, helping your blood sugar stay steady.[22]
- A few eggs would also be a good idea, as they contain protein and choline, which may help improve your memory.[23]
- A portion of fish rich in omega-3 fatty acids, such as mackerel or salmon, may help boost your brainpower.[24]
- If you're in a rush, consider some protein-packed yogurt, a banana, and some seeds and nuts. The mixture of carbohydrates and proteins will help power you through the morning.
- If you usually enjoy a cup of tea or coffee with breakfast, go ahead! Caffeine may have a positive effect on your memory, according to researchers.[25] Just don't drink so much that you feel jittery.
- Go through your notes. If you have studied seriously, you shouldn't need more than fifteen minutes to go through your notes or a difficult point. Now is not the time to accumulate more information.
- You will probably have the feeling that you forgot everything. It's a common sensation among students and there is no reason to panic. When asked specific questions during the exam, you will remember what you studied.
- Use relaxation techniques. If you feel like panicking, try a relaxation technique. The following techniques should progressively relax your entire body:
- Breathe deeply. It might seem unnatural at first but it will slow your heartbeat and lower your blood pressure.
- Focus. Sit comfortably, breathe deeply and slowly. Once your body gets used to this, close your eyes and focus on something relaxing. Do this for at least ten minutes.
- Prepare yourself for the day. Pack your food and a big bottle of water and think about what you need for the exams. Do you need a ruler? A pen? Paper? Make a list and cross every item off once it's put in the bag. Don't forget to silence your phone. You don't want it to ring in the middle of the exam!
- Take more than little. It's better to come prepared and ready than having to borrow what you need for the exam.
- Go to your exam early enough and stay focused. You don't want to be late for your exam but there is no reason to arrive too early either. Being stuck with other students and comparing your knowledge is not the best way to stay relaxed.
- At this point, don't talk with your friends about the test you're about to take. Stress is contagious.[26] Don't let the others make you feel bad. If you have studied, there is no reason to think you will perform worse.
- Stay positive even after the exams. It's sometimes difficult to tell if you did well. Once again, don't let the others affect your morale. If you've done your possible, there's no reason to panic.
- If you have time, do some deep breathing.
- Imagine that your stress is a tangible thing, and "put it away" in a closet or shoe box, telling it that it can't follow you to your classroom.
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| How to Avoid an Abusive Relationship Posted: 05 Oct 2016 01:00 AM PDT A relationship can be abusive in many ways, but ultimately, abuse boils down to power and control. A relationship is abusive when one partner uses any type of violence, whether it is physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological, to influence or control the other partner.[1][2] While it is more common for women to be the victims of relationship abuse, men can also experience abuse. Abuse occurs just as commonly in LGBTQ relationships as in heterosexual relationships.[3] If you believe you are in an abusive relationship, seek immediate help, such as by calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. You can also learn how to identify the warning signs of an abusive relationship. EditRecognizing an Abusive Personality - Look for unhealthy perfectionism. Abusive people often operate with extremely unrealistic expectations. They believe that things should always go in a certain way or conform to their particular standards. They have a strong sense of what is "fair" and "unfair," and they are generally very inflexible.[4] When things do not meet tunrealistic expectations, abusive people may become explosive, resentful, angry and even violent.[5]
- An abusive person usually holds other people to unrealistic and unfair standards as well, particularly romantic partners. The abuser may say things such as "You're the only person I need in my life" and expect you to fulfill every single need.[6]
- Abusive people often become unreasonably angry over even minor difficulties, such as a traffic jam or a child's low grade on an exam.
- A person simply with perfectionistic tendencies do not necessarily mean he or she is a possible abuser. But the above behaviors can indicate someone with "red flags".
- Consider whether the person displays "mood swings" or other signs of emotional disturbance. Everyone has mood swings sometimes, but abusive people often fluctuate between emotional extremes. It may feel like you are "walking on eggshells" around this person, or like s/he has a "hair trigger" that anything could set off.[7]
- Abusive people may bottle up their emotions until they explode. Or, they may become passive-aggressive and try to make you feel guilty in some way. Explosiveness and hypersensitivity are both warning signs of an emotionally unhealthy person.
- In some cases, emotional instability may be caused by mental or behavioral disorders. If this is the case, your partner needs treatment and counseling. You should not stay with an abusive person simply because s/he needs help.[8]
- Think about whether the person accepts responsibility. Abusive people generally refuse responsibility for their actions whenever possible. They blame others for their feelings and actions.[9]
- For example, an abusive person might say something like, "You just make me so angry when you contradict me that I can't control myself." This type of statement shifts the blame for personal actions to another person.
- An abusive person might also blame others for the failure of past relationships. This can be difficult to see as a warning sign, especially if you seem to look good by comparison. For example, an abusive person might shift the blame for a past failed relationship by saying something like, "You're so nice, not like the psycho I used to date."
- Think about whether you feel acknowledged. An abusive person will often feel entitled, as though his/her needs and ideas are more important than anyone else's.[10] Even in a relationship where one partner "takes charge," a healthy relationship will consider the ideas and needs of both partners. Abusive relationships are usually very one-sided.[11]
- If you don't feel like your partner listens to you or is interested in your ideas and needs, this is a warning sign that the relationship is not healthy.
- You should feel comfortable talking with your partner about difficult topics, even disagreeing with him/her. While compromise can be tough to achieve even in healthy relationships, both partners should feel like they are heard and respected.
- A person who is constantly invested in being "right" at all costs is unlikely to pay appropriate attention to your needs and desires
- Look for signs of jealousy. Jealousy can seem flattering at first, like the other person cares so much about you that s/he can't bear for anyone else to be interested in you. However, even minor jealousy is a warning sign that future controlling behavior may develop.[12]
- Jealousy is different from the other person caring about you. It is not a sign of love. Jealousy is a sign that your partner does not trust you.[13]
- Watch how the other person interacts with others. Abusive people are often very self-absorbed.[14] How they treat others can be a good indication of how they will eventually treat you.
- Abusive people may be unkind or disrespectful of others, especially those they perceive as "beneath" them. If your partner mistreats or belittles people in positions of less power, this is a warning sign that they will probably be comfortable mistreating you as well.
EditIdentifying Abuse - Consider whether you feel free. Even in the most committed healthy relationships, each partner should feel the freedom to express themselves and make their own decisions. Abusive people intentionally strip their victims of power and freedom. They are generally jealous and controlling and may even attempt to make you feel guilty for trying to express your own needs. Consider whether you see any of the following:[15][16]
- Your partner demands that you "check in" with him/her all the time
- Your partner tries to control what you wear, where you go, and who you spend time with
- Your internet, cellphone, or social media use is monitored, or your partner demands your account passwords
- You don't have easy access to money or transportation
- Your partner isolates you from your friends and family
- Your partner forbids you to see other people unless s/he is with you, or expresses anger that you want to spend time with friends on your own
- Think about how you feel around your partner. Everyone has moments when they become irritated or even angry with their partner, or feel hurt by their partner's words or actions. However, these experiences should be occasional and short-lived. If you feel consistently sad, hurt, humiliated, or frustrated with your partner, this is a sign that you are not in a healthy relationship. Consider the following:[17]
- Do you feel like your partner "sucks the life" out of you? Is spending time with him/her emotionally or even physically exhausting?
- Do you feel bad about yourself when you're around your partner?
- Does the other person try to make you feel responsible or guilty for his/her feelings and actions?
- Do you feel uncomfortable, embarrassed, or belittled around your partner?
- Do you feel like there are different standards for your behavior vs. your partner's?
- Listen to how your partner speaks to you. Healthy relationships do not involve belittling, humiliation, disrespect, or intimidation.[18] It's natural for partners to occasionally hurt the other person's feelings, but this should never be intentional, and the person causing the hurt should acknowledge and apologize for it. Ask yourself the following to determine whether you may be in an abusive relationship:[19]
- Does your partner constantly criticize or nitpick you?
- Does your partner call you names or use abusive language towards you?
- Are you told that you "deserve" abusive language or actions?
- Does your partner continue to do things after you have expressed that they hurt you?
- Do you feel ignored, dismissed, or disrespected?
- Does your partner scream or yell at you?
- Do you feel bad about yourself when your partner speaks to you?
- Consider whether you feel safe. Even the threat of violence is abuse. Threatening to hurt you or your loved ones if you do not do what they want is a common tactic by abusive people.[20] You should feel safe and stable in your relationship. If it you do not, it's a sign that you are not in a healthy relationship and need immediate help.[21]
- Abuse can be more than hitting, kicking, or slapping. Physical abuse also extends to destroying your property, hurting pets, denying your basic needs, keeping you confined, or abandoning you in strange or dangerous places.[22][23]
- Consider whether your sex life feels mutually fulfilling. Abusive people may use coercion, manipulation, or force to get what they want, and this extends to sexual activity. Healthy sexual relationships are consensual and mutual. If you don't feel like your partner respects your wishes, or if you feel pressured or coerced into doing things you don't want to do, this is a sign of sexual abuse.[24][25]
- You can consent to certain sexual acts and refuse others. There is no relationship "contract" that means you must perform any sexual activity that you don't want to do. Even if you have had and enjoyed sex with your partner many times before, you always have the right to say "no" and have that wish respected.
- Pressure or coercion is abuse, too. If your partner tries to manipulate you into sexual activities by saying things like, "If you really loved me, you'd do this" it is a sign that you are in an unhealthy relationship.
- You should also feel in control of your birth control and/or STI protection choices. Your partner should respect these choices and should not attempt to pressure or force you to perform sexual activity without your preferred protection.
EditLeaving an Abusive Relationship - Know that abuse is never your fault. Unfortunately, it's a common misconception that some people "deserve" abuse or were "asking for trouble." This is completely untrue. No matter what you did or didn't do, you deserve to be treated with dignity and kindness. Abuse is never the victim's fault.[26]
- This is true for all types of abuse. Each person is responsible for her/his own actions.
- Confide in someone you trust. It can be difficult and even dangerous to leave an abusive relationship. Don't go through it alone. Find someone you trust to talk about your concerns with. This could be a friend, relative, counselor, authority figure, or someone from your religious tradition. Tell them what you're going through and ask for their support.[27]
- The more support you have, the more likely you are to be able to leave an abusive relationship and move on to a healthy, happy life.
- Contact a domestic violence hotline. These hotlines can help you even if you don't have an emergency. They provide trained advocates to listen to you and help you brainstorm about your situation. They can help you figure out how to safely deal with your situation, provide referrals to local resources, and provide a compassionate person for you to talk to.[28]
- In the US, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline 24/7 at 1-800-799-SAFE for free, confidential help.
- Check out the HotPeachPages for an international directory of domestic violence agencies.[29]
- Cut off your abuser. Abusive people will very often try to get back into your good graces by promising to change. This is part of the cycle of abuse and you should not trust it. Do not interact with the abusive person in any way.[30]
- You may also feel pressured by your community, family, or traditions to "forgive" your abuser. Remember that true forgiveness is done for your sake, not the other person's. You can choose to give up the burden of anger without allowing the abuse to continue.
- It is very hard to obtain closure unless you remove the abuser from your life.
- Seek professional help. Overcoming the effects of abuse can be incredibly difficult. Between 31-84% of survivors of domestic abuse develop symptoms of PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder).[31] Abuse can also trigger depression and anxiety. A mental health professional can help you work through the wounds left by abuse and live a healthy, happy life.[32]
- Many domestic violence agencies, hospitals, doctors, and women's shelters can refer you to trained counselors and therapists.
- Look for a therapist who uses "evidence-based" treatments, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), cognitive processing therapy (CPT), prolonged exposure therapy (PE), or eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR). EMDR is a common treatment used with PTSD.[33]
- Strengthen your support network. Victims of abuse may become conditioned to expect abuse from their relationships as "normal" or something they "deserve." This conditioning increases the likelihood that future relationships will also be abusive. Surrounding yourself with people who treat you well, with care, love, and dignity, can help you recognize that you deserve to be treated this way.[34][35]
- Make friends. It's common for people in abusive relationships to feel isolated from their friends and family. Making new friends can help you feel stronger and more confident.[36]
- Join a club or group. Associating with like-minded people or people with similar interests to yours can help you feel like you're part of a larger community.[37]
- Be open with people you trust. Some people may judge you, and this is wrong and unfair. However, many people are happy to simply be there for you. Talking about your experiences with people you trust can help you process and move on from them.
- Remember that it is much better to be on your own than with the wrong partner and in the wrong relationship.
- You are always worth respect and dignity. Don't put up with anyone who does not treat you this way.
- Abuse does not "get better." In fact, it becomes steadily worse over time. Don't stay because you hope you can "love" your partner into changing. The only person who can change your partner is him or her.
- If you are in an emergency, call 911 or your emergency services immediately.
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